Batya33 Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 12 minutes ago, Dandelionspring said: Interesting. Appreciate the responses. Some are a bit harsh but made me think. You’re right. I should decline the invitations. People do prefer charming people- even when they’re psychopaths. I can accept myself knowing I’m never gonna be popular. I just can’t win with people. Even when I try to talk to them I’m still not someone they find interesting. That’s ok. I’m not boring to me. But I am boring to others. That’s ok. But I feel it. And it hurts and bothers me. But that’s something I will accept. I can be me. No you don’t have to be charming at all. I wrote nothing of the kind. I wrote that I’m uncomfortable being let’s say at a small gathering or table where a person sits there quietly AND with a negative demeanor or never looking at anyone else at the table. I don’t think anyone I know prefers people who are fake. How ridiculous. Or psychopaths. Even more ridiculous. I’m older than you I know tons of people over the last 50 plus years and have lived and worked in two major cities. My husband used to be extremely shy and then less so as he got older. He’s an amazing person for all the right reasons and many adore him and don’t care if he’s quiet or not. He exudes integrity and character and kindness when appropriate. I mean kindness when appropriate. He’s not “kind” if someone is mean to him of course I am not shy I am also genuine and the real deal shy people like being around me you don’t like being judged but you sure are slinging some really negative opinions and cliches that aren’t true about “people “. You do you as long as it’s not hurting anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 49 minutes ago, Dandelionspring said: Interesting. Appreciate the responses. Some are a bit harsh but made me think. You’re right. I should decline the invitations. People do prefer charming people- even when they’re psychopaths. I can accept myself knowing I’m never gonna be popular. I just can’t win with people. Even when I try to talk to them I’m still not someone they find interesting. That’s ok. I’m not boring to me. But I am boring to others. That’s ok. But I feel it. And it hurts and bothers me. But that’s something I will accept. I can be me. Yes, beware of charming people, @Dandelionspring. Some are sociopaths; very deceitful and could betray you one day. Not always but know they're out there if you're naive and hadn't developed street smarts yet. They're not at every gathering though; just in society in general. It is random. If you're not approachable, some people don't know what to say so they take the convenient route, are polite and respectful yet maintain their distance. You will feel offended because no one enjoys feeling rejected and snubbed which is exactly what it is and feels like. I hear you, it is indeed a frosty vibe. It's most likely not their intention to be cold but many times they don't know what to do with you. This is human nature. Then there are those who are more comfortable being with people who are similar to them by engaging in a conversation such as idle chit chat. It's not everyone's scene. I'm like you and don't enjoy it. I find it quite suffocating to be quite honest. 🙁 Yes, decline invitations if you know you'll be uncomfortable when you could otherwise enjoy doing something else or be somewhere else. You don't have to be lumped in with others when you have better things to do instead. Yes, accept yourself and appreciate who you are. We all have our own strengths whatever it may be. Boring is good. It's better to be boring than being with some people who are full of hot air, pretentious, incessant talkers and charm their way through a party. How droll. 😒 Superficial chit chat and small talk is agonizingly painful for many. I myself don't like it. I prefer my deep in person friendships with local female friends whom I see regularly several times a month throughout the year. It's so much better than making the rounds in a larger social gathering which you'll get drowned out anyway with everyone competing for air time. 😒 I'm sorry it hurts and it bothers you. I hope you will find peace and happiness from within. Be careful what you wish for. People who need their social swirl or need approval from others tend to be insecure so don't be envious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 On 7/8/2024 at 9:53 PM, Dandelionspring said: I’m shy and quiet and boring. Is there something wrong with that? Can I just exist? This is just how I am. Why do I have to change and why do people hate it so much? Who said you need to change, and what were their reasons, and what do you think about this? I don't think you need to change anything you're happy with or don't want to change. The boring part is only a problem if you bore yourself. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 1 hour ago, Dandelionspring said: People do prefer charming people- even when they’re psychopaths. I wouldn't say it's being charming that people prefer. I think people are more comfortable with what they know and are used to. They fear or are uneasy with the unknown. So people who act in the way we've been trained that we should act or say the things people are expected to say get welcomed more easily. People know what to expect and how the interaction is going to go. They get put at ease because it's what they know. But someone who doesn't follow the standard script is viewed with caution. People don't know what to make of them or how to interact because it's like a foreign language they've never learned. There's also an element of flattery. "Charming" people tend to say the things people want to hear. So people are more receptive to them. But a person's real personality always shines through in time. If they aren't good people, it doesn't matter how charming they are. They will eventually be found out and it will hurt them. 1 hour ago, Dandelionspring said: That’s ok. I’m not boring to me. But I am boring to others. That’s ok. But I feel it. And it hurts and bothers me. But that’s something I will accept. Hurts and bothers me too. And that's okay. It's not easy to feel like the outsider, like you were born in a world that you don't quite fit into. Sometimes it gets me down. But I try to use that as motivation to not give up. There's a reason some of us are different like that. We are just as important and valuable to this world. You just need to find that things that fulfills you, that pushes aside the hurt makes you feel good about yourself instead. What are you into? I'm willing to bet it's anything but boring, you just haven't been lucky enough to find the right people to see how not boring it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vesna Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 I think there is a difference between a shy person and a Debbie Downer. Some are confusing the two. They are two different personality types. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 Some people are socially awkward because it's not their comfort zone. They're not necessarily 'Debbie Downers' either. They simply don't have a whole lot to say. Hence, they're not interesting to those at a social gathering. They're more introspective types. I'm attracted to quiet thinkers. Sometimes you can simply tell the truth and tell the talkers that you prefer to listen to them and no one likes a person more than a great listener! I can't speak for OP @Dandelionspring but as an introvert, I'm more comfortable with 1:1 in person friends where we have deep, very lengthy conversations for hours as opposed to superficial chit chat which I despise. My friends and I don't over do it with electronic communication and only use it to set up dates in each other's homes or meet somewhere in public for hours which includes dining and shopping. It is quite enjoyable. Perhaps you can try having 1:1 friendships as opposed to being in group settings. Yes, I agree with @ShySoul. Charming people tell you what you want to hear and after a while you know it's shallow and deliberately not anymore than that which grows tiresome. And, yes, eventually a person's true character will be revealed which is a rude awakening. ☹️ Find your niche. You are gifted and talented and perhaps you haven't discovered it yet. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 There are a lot of misconceptions around quite, introverted people. Because people think differently, they perceive the behavior of others through the filter of their own individual personality and experiences. So while the introvert may simply be taking the time to process and adjust to their surrounds or work up the nerve to speak, others may already be judging them or making assumptions about them such as that they are Debbi downers or stuck up. We just have our own way of seeing the world and are trying to square that with the expectations of others who don't understand why we do the things we do. I know that introvert, shy, and quiet aren't all the same thing, but there is a high correlation between the groups. Found this interesting about misconceptions and assumptions that get made about introverts. https://introvertdear.com/news/5-things-extroverts-misunderstand-the-most-about-introverts/ 1. Introverts are not as quiet as you might think. When we are passionate about a topic, we might talk and talk! 2. Introverts are not boring. Rather, our minds are filled with creative ideas. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaunty Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 I just can't wrap my mind around a person who actually would describe themselves as "boring," and if they really perceived themselves as such, not wanting to make some changes in their life to make it and them less "boring." The OP came later to say that they don't think that they are boring - so why describe yourself as "boring," if that's the case? Some of the most fascinating people on Earth are introverted and not everybody they encounter knows about their interesting features. But they wouldn't call themselves "boring." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 10 hours ago, Vesna said: I think there is a difference between a shy person and a Debbie Downer. Some are confusing the two. They are two different personality types. That's what I mean - she is saying she is also boring - so I wanted to check how she interacts in person. Shy and quiet and simply sitting with a group and listening is totally fine and often a great balance that complements others who might be more extroverted - Debbie Downer or responding to any inquiry negatively or in a depressed way is uncomfortable. No one should have to get used to that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 8 hours ago, ShySoul said: There are a lot of misconceptions around quite, introverted people. Because people think differently, they perceive the behavior of others through the filter of their own individual personality and experiences. So while the introvert may simply be taking the time to process and adjust to their surrounds or work up the nerve to speak, others may already be judging them or making assumptions about them such as that they are Debbi downers or stuck up. We just have our own way of seeing the world and are trying to square that with the expectations of others who don't understand why we do the things we do. That's funny -I'm extroverted and tend to the chatty (which I quell) and I hav been subject to being judged, assumptions, misunderstood etc. I think it's normal for all humans to evaluate their surroundings, other people, animals around them based on past experience and some humans are more set on biases/stereotypes than others. I'm not or at least I strive not to be -I love getting to know people as individuals. And I can get to know an introverted shy quiet person even if they don't say a word. It's a vibe/energy. I think there's no we- I think indivduals have individual ways of seeing the world and processing and introverted/extroverted is a broad range and so often contextual. My introverted son sang and played piano for the first time ever this past year in front of an audience of his classmates/parents, etc. And after he was polite and conversational with those who praised his performance -those he knew like friends, teacher, us, etc. 2 years ago in Portugal he chatted with a teenage immigrant from African -my son was 13 -who was working at a bodega where we stopped for bottled water. The employee talked of wanting to visit the US etc. But my son has declined to go to loud crowded parties. Which is fine - it's not a one size fits all IMO and I treat him as an individual and understand that it's not always predictable how a person wants to socialize if at all. But my son is well-mannered for the most part in social situations even if he is quiet. He's not a David Downer lol and I wouldn't be ok if he was unless he wasn't feeling well. I know many introverted shy people because I'm a person who is very approachable and shy people gravitate towards me. Some are that classic "deep" -still waters run deep -and some behave that way based mostly on self-absorption like a relative of mine -they're not particularly deep and I've known them for decades. My husband likely can't understand why I want to interact with/chat with strangers so much but -I enjoy it. He doesn't. It's all good. It's not him against the world being judged for being shy - but that's also because he exudes kindness, integrity, has good manners etc -none of it fake. It doesn't take time to "process" being basically kind when the situation warrants, it doesn't take time to process saying please or thank you or nodding back hello. Obviously I'm not referring to people with disabilities. Just typical people who are or tend to be more introverted. The OP says she gets hated on which is concerning and which is why I like others on this thread asked more. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 8 hours ago, Jaunty said: I just can't wrap my mind around a person who actually would describe themselves as "boring," and if they really perceived themselves as such, not wanting to make some changes in their life to make it and them less "boring." The OP came later to say that they don't think that they are boring - so why describe yourself as "boring," if that's the case? Some of the most fascinating people on Earth are introverted and not everybody they encounter knows about their interesting features. But they wouldn't call themselves "boring." Sounds like someone put a criticism in OP's ear. There's a difference between others finding a person to be boring versus being boring to one's self. I'm not exactly chocked full of hobbies and interests that engage others, but I'm never bored with myself. When I spend time with others I'm perfectly content to allow them to express their stuff. I make eye contact, ask questions and have no trouble responding with what I think about things if asked, so I don't get the impression that others find me boring just because I don't offer my own stuff to match theirs. In OP's case, someone may have criticized them for not engaging with others, which does tend to make people uncomfortable. This is often because quiet, unengaged observers tend to translate as unfriendly and judging. So calling this boring sounds like someone got critical with OP as a defense against this feeling. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 The definition of a "Debbie Downer" is a person who talks about depressing news. Hence, it makes the listener feel down and depressed. A Debbie Downer is not an impression or perception about a person's outward personality. Just because a person appears to be alone, quiet or doesn't have much to say in a conversation, doesn't make them a Debbie Downer. It's a misnomer to paint a person as a Debbie Downer just because they're quiet, don't have much to say and not a Chatty Kathy. Just sayin' to get the correct definition right. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vesna Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 4 hours ago, Batya33 said: That's what I mean - she is saying she is also boring - so I wanted to check how she interacts in person. Shy and quiet and simply sitting with a group and listening is totally fine and often a great balance that complements others who might be more extroverted - Debbie Downer or responding to any inquiry negatively or in a depressed way is uncomfortable. No one should have to get used to that. Yes, I agree with what you said here. Two different things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 43 minutes ago, Cherylyn said: The definition of a "Debbie Downer" is a person who talks about depressing news. Hence, it makes the listener feel down and depressed. A Debbie Downer is not an impression or perception about a person's outward personality. Just because a person appears to be alone, quiet or doesn't have much to say in a conversation, doesn't make them a Debbie Downer. It's a misnomer to paint a person as a Debbie Downer just because they're quiet, don't have much to say and not a Chatty Kathy. Just sayin' to get the correct definition right. To me a Debbie Downer also is a person who sits at a gathering of people at dinner with a sulky look/scowl/not making eye contact with anyone who is speaking. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeDee Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 I am an extrovert & my husband is an introvert. People stress him out especially in large groups if he's not comfortable with them. He's a veteran so he's good around other veteran's & the people he served with. Over the course of several years he's grown more comfortable around our friends (people who were my friends 1st). But before he gets to know someone & develops comfort & trust he's quiet & reserved. Many people are kind of intimidated by him because he gives off this military / law enforcement thousand yard stare that screams "keep away." Very few people talk to him 1st because he's just not approachable. If you can get through those defenses he's an interesting, thoughtful person. @Dandelionspring you are very hard on yourself. I suspect you have some self-esteem issues. They may have developed because you misguidedly think that someone has to be the life of the party & teen movie stereotypically popular to have value. That is not true at all. The unique individuals are often more interesting. I'd rather a quality conversation with a great person then to be in some superficial group. I suspect you simply haven't found your "tribe" yet. Everyone fits in somewhere. When you are with people who can accept you for who you are you will be happier. To get there you have to accept yourself. You need to be your own best friend & celebrate what makes you unique without worrying about what the masses thing. Self confidence is attractive. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted July 13 Share Posted July 13 23 hours ago, Jaunty said: I just can't wrap my mind around a person who actually would describe themselves as "boring," and if they really perceived themselves as such, not wanting to make some changes in their life to make it and them less "boring. When you hear something enough you can begin to internalize it. You start to think you are the problem because everyone around you seemingly feels that way about you. If everyone else appears to be upbeat and happy, casually chatting away about anything and everything, and you are sitting there alone with nothing to say or unable to join in on the conversation, it's easy to assume you must be the different one. You must be boring because no one is talking to you and you aren't interested in what they are saying. You are the outsider who doesn't fit with the group, so its easy to believe everyone else is doing something right and you are the one doing something wrong. The problem is that you can't simply change yourself to be less "boring." You are who you are and like what you like. If those things don't match to the group you are around, it's not going to work. If all my co-workers are talking about talking trips to other countries or cruises and I have no interest in travel, there is only so much I can contribute. If they talk about dining at fancy or trendy places and I just want the mom and pop down the street, it's a good chance I will seem boring in comparison. Changing oneself won't work because it wouldn't be true to you. And one shouldn't have to change themselves in the first place. I'll proudly call myself boring. By that I mean I am boring by the standards of those who think they need to constantly be out and about, going places and trying new things. But I'm not boring to me because the things that I like and do are enough for me. They are just as exciting in their own way, even if few or anyone else thinks so. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 13 Share Posted July 13 5 hours ago, ShySoul said: " You are who you are and like what you like. If those things don't match to the group you are around, it's not going to work. If all my co-workers are talking about talking trips to other countries or cruises and I have no interest in travel, there is only so much I can contribute. If they talk about dining at fancy or trendy places and I just want the mom and pop down the street, it's a good chance I will seem boring in comparison. Changing oneself won't work because it wouldn't be true to you. And one shouldn't have to change themselves in the first place. But then if the person does want connections to others that person has to find their people. I listened and listened -and listened -to my long time friend -since the late 70s tell me the blow by blow of her kitchen and bathroom renovations - the chaos/complications/nightmares, picking out tiles/vanities, etc. Boring. Not my interests at all. But I adore her. She's like family -and I wanted to be there for her so I actively listened meaning I asked follow up questions, shared what little I know on the subject if it would help. The topic was boring. She was not. I seek out people who like to read fiction like me- and if possible, similar types fiction/genres. I seek out people who don't only want to talk about their kids (or fur babies) because I was never one to focus on Mom Friends (boring to me, mostly irrelevant). My husband and I like talking about old tv shows, commercials, old movies - likely boring to others, who cares. I had lunch with an old friend some years ago -who was in town for her daughter's dance competition - she was a full fledged Dance Mom -she invited this other mom there in my city for the same thing. It was -stultifyingly boring -like sitcom level boring. I wasn't boring - I did my best to listen, nod along, etc but I would never -ever - go to a lunch or gathering like that again if it was all dance moms and that was going to be the topic. I am a mom, felt like a fish out of water and the other mom's blandness didn't help much (bland other than when talking about -dance). You don't have to find your people OP -friends are optional. It's not ok to go out socially and sit with a sour expression or respond in a mumbling or negative vibe way if someone tries to include you in a kind and polite way. You don't have to chat, be chatty -but if you choose to be among those people or if they are your coworkers -yes you have to at least behave in a polite, interested, approachable way - no one said a thing about charisma or turning on the charm. You're not a kid. Even with a kid it's bad manners but we sometimes give kids a pass if they have to sit with the Boring Adults. My sense is your motive to just exist is because of some of your negative stereotypes you have about people especially people who act in a social way -I've seen you write that on this thread. And that to me is a shame. My suggestion is if you like animals volunteer at a shelter- be among the animals who need you -and the people who are there most likely won't find you boring and will let you just exist since they are there mostly to help animals too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted July 13 Share Posted July 13 On 7/12/2024 at 10:19 AM, Batya33 said: To me a Debbie Downer also is a person who sits at a gathering of people at dinner with a sulky look/scowl/not making eye contact with anyone who is speaking. Yes that's what it means to you and that's ok as long as the real definition of a "Debbie Downer" is someone who is the bearer of sad, depressing news especially when it causes the conversation to suddenly deflate. Being a "Debbie Downer" has nothing to do with appearance, sulking, pouting, scowling or the like even though a face like that is something you don't know what to do with. 😒 Just like the real definition of "emotional intelligence" is placing yourself in other people's shoes, feeling what they're feeling and knowing emotional intelligence is all about empathy and respectful behavior towards each other. Or, treating each other the way you would want to be treated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 13 Share Posted July 13 14 minutes ago, Cherylyn said: Yes that's what it means to you and that's ok as long as the real definition of a "Debbie Downer" is someone who is the bearer of sad, depressing news especially when it causes the conversation to suddenly deflate. Being a "Debbie Downer" has nothing to do with appearance, sulking, pouting, scowling or the like even though a face like that is something you don't know what to do with. 😒 Just like the real definition of "emotional intelligence" is placing yourself in other people's shoes, feeling what they're feeling and knowing emotional intelligence is all about empathy and respectful behavior towards each other. Or, treating each other the way you would want to be treated. Thanks for sharing your opinion! I put a lot of stock in someone's vibes and energy and body language whether they are speaking or otherwise. To me what I described can quickly deflate a lovely gathering. To me emotional intelligence means - leave the table if you're going to have that Debbie Downer expression so you don't ruin other peoples' time/interactions. To me it's not respectful to remain in that way. Obviously with exceptions -if you're feeling unwell, if you can't leave because you're caring for a small child or elderly parent, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted July 13 Share Posted July 13 1 hour ago, Batya33 said: Thanks for sharing your opinion! I put a lot of stock in someone's vibes and energy and body language whether they are speaking or otherwise. To me what I described can quickly deflate a lovely gathering. To me emotional intelligence means - leave the table if you're going to have that Debbie Downer expression so you don't ruin other peoples' time/interactions. To me it's not respectful to remain in that way. Obviously with exceptions -if you're feeling unwell, if you can't leave because you're caring for a small child or elderly parent, etc. You're welcome @Batya33! Yes, non-verbal communication is very telling whether it's facial expressions, body language, posture and the whole lot. People observe outward appearances and draw their own conclusions based upon what they see even though they don't know what the other person's thoughts are. They can very much be perceived as a buzz kill and many times people don't know what to do or say to a person who is either socially awkward, lacks self confidence, possesses low self esteem, perhaps they're enduring something personally sad or hadn't adapted skills to fit in. Many times, those are private painful thoughts or they don't have much to say. I agree that's what you think about "Debbie Downers" even though it's not the accurate meaning. "Debbie Downers" have bad, sad or depressing news to tell you which deflates an otherwise cheerful conversation and makes listeners feel down, down, down to the point of sad on a downward note. Your translation of "emotional intelligence" is your perception even though the real accurate definition of "emotional intelligence" is placing yourself in other people's shoes, feeling for them which is exactly what empathy is and means. "Emotional intelligence" is not an action such as getting up and leaving the table if a person has a sad look on their face in order to avoid being a party pooper for everyone else; party pooper meaning a person who refuses to have fun at a party or social gathering. A quiet, shy person is respectful because they're not harming you nor others. If they give you an uncomfortable vibe, remain polite yet keep your distance as you've been doing because it works for you. They have the right to remain where they are or go anywhere. Most people at social gatherings have their workarounds and will adjust themselves. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted July 13 Share Posted July 13 @Batya33 Likewise. 🤨🤨😋 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted July 14 Share Posted July 14 On 7/8/2024 at 6:53 PM, Dandelionspring said: Hello, I’m shy and quiet and boring. Is there something wrong with that? Can I just exist? This is just how I am. Why do I have to change and why do people hate it so much? I guess my question to you is, do YOU want to be more outgoing? Why do you feel there is something wrong with being shy and quiet? It's okay to be shy and quiet and it's not a bad thing at all. But would you prefer to come out of your shell a bit more because you personally want to, not because others want you to? You are allowed to just exist and be who you are without feeling pressure to conform or change. What do you really want? What do you want people to understand about you? In a world of constant noise and pressure to fit in, the quiet and shy often go unnoticed and dismissed. But as the chaos grows louder and more chaotic, the voice of the introverted will rise, offering wisdom and insight that will shape the future. For it is in the stillness and observance that true understanding is found, and the world will come to recognize the power and necessity of the shy and quiet ones. Embrace your unique presence, for it holds the key to a brighter tomorrow.😉 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 14 Share Posted July 14 1 minute ago, yogacat said: the quiet and shy often go unnoticed and dismissed. But as the chaos grows louder and more chaotic, the voice of the introverted will rise, offering wisdom and insight that will shape the future. For it is in the stillness and observance that true understanding is found, and the world will come to recognize the power and necessity of the shy and quiet ones. Embrace your unique presence, for it holds the key to a brighter tomorrow.😉 I've never ever treated quiet and shy people in this way. I've met quiet and shy people who have depth and those who do not. I don't assume just like I don't assume extroverted chatty people are shallow. I became much more introverted and needing space at age 42 after I had my son. I was very extroverted and social prior. I am not more or less deep or more or less insightful from being more introverted. I enjoy being around people who are intrroverted -for many reasons. I don't enjoy being around negativity or veiled hostility whether the person is quiet, loud, introvered or extroverted. As long as the OP is polite in public or at social gatherings she should be whoever she wants to be. She also might choose to avoid being in public or at soclal gatherings. Totally fine. If she is not happy with who she is or how she is then obviously she can choose to make small or large changes. I lilke making people feel comfortable in their own skin whether that means they are comfortable sitting quietly, comfortable chatting -whatever. I know how to give someone space, I know how to listen when they do choose to talk, I know how to ask questions that are not prying but show the person that I mean well. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted July 14 Share Posted July 14 Some people contradict themselves. If they're at a gathering and observe a sulking, pouting person, they're polite and keep a safe distance yet will make a lone person feel comfortable if they're quiet. 🤨 Whether a person sulks or if they sulk and they're quiet, it's all the same; they're quiet, period. Or, a combination of shyness, too. Generally quiet people are not in their comfort zone and it's nothing personal against you. They don't care to get to know you since most people know it's merely temporary, superficial chit chat which can feel like wasted time and energy not to mention the gas, wear 'n tear on one's car to arrive at a social destination. Hence, it's better to decline, stay home, enjoy doing what you prefer whether by yourself or with a select few or do whatever your heart desires. Social gatherings are way overrated. It's draining and exhausting. It's more trouble and hassle than it's worth. 🙄 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelionspring Posted July 14 Author Share Posted July 14 On 7/12/2024 at 1:52 AM, Jaunty said: I just can't wrap my mind around a person who actually would describe themselves as "boring," and if they really perceived themselves as such, not wanting to make some changes in their life to make it and them less "boring." The OP came later to say that they don't think that they are boring - so why describe yourself as "boring," if that's the case? Some of the most fascinating people on Earth are introverted and not everybody they encounter knows about their interesting features. But they wouldn't call themselves "boring." I am boring to other people. I like being alone. I’m not bored when I’m alone. But others find me boring. I do try to avoid social situations but sometimes I’m forced in them. I really do try to be pleasant but I feel like I usually am found to be boring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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