Is it bad to be a shy, quiet, boring person?

[Dandelionspring]

Hello,

I’m shy and quiet and boring. Is there something wrong with that?  Can I just exist?  This is just how I am. Why do I have to change and why do people hate it so much?

[ShySoul]

Hey.

I'm shy. I'm quiet. To a lot of people I'm sure I'm considered boring. I prefer staying in reading a book or doing a puzzle. I don't like crowds or socializing. You know what's wrong with me? Nothing. And nothing is wrong with you either.

I used to ask the same questions. Why can't people just accept me for me? Then I realized that what other people think isn't important. What counts is being okay with the person I am. I fully embraced who I was and decided I was going to be that person regardless of what anyone said or thought. Those who got me and accepted me that way, they were real friends that I knew I could count on. Those who didn't weren't the kind of people I wanted to associate with anyway. I still remained nice to them, but I didn't bother to let them get to me.

You shouldn't have to change. Each person is valuable just as they are, for their natural personality. It takes all kinds of kinds to make this world work and the shy, quiet ones contribute just as much. Einstein, Bill Gates, JK Rowling, Obama, Michael Jordan... the list of famous introverts goes on and on. If they were okay as they were, then you are just fine being who you are.

May I recommend the book Quiet by Susan Cain? It goes into the history of how in western cultures people who appear more outgoing and extroverted came to be valued more. It actually wasn't always like that. It also stresses just how much power us quiet ones have and how we have a lot of hidden strengths that are just as important and useful. Her book kicked off a bit of a revloution in helping people understand that there really is nothing wrong with a quiet nature. There are a lot of similar books out there as well, though I've only read this one.

https://susancain.net/book/quiet/

And I'll always recommend this site: https://introvertdear.com/. I can't count the number of comments I've seen on articles where people talk about how they always thought something was wrong with them until they found one of their articles and realized nothing was wrong, it's just how the naturally process and view the world. It's also been useful to me to read things from people going through the same kind of feelings and concerns.

[Dandelionspring]

39 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

Hey.

I'm shy. I'm quiet. To a lot of people I'm sure I'm considered boring. I prefer staying in reading a book or doing a puzzle. I don't like crowds or socializing. You know what's wrong with me? Nothing. And nothing is wrong with you either.

I used to ask the same questions. Why can't people just accept me for me? Then I realized that what other people think isn't important. What counts is being okay with the person I am. I fully embraced who I was and decided I was going to be that person regardless of what anyone said or thought. Those who got me and accepted me that way, they were real friends that I knew I could count on. Those who didn't weren't the kind of people I wanted to associate with anyway. I still remained nice to them, but I didn't bother to let them get to me.

You shouldn't have to change. Each person is valuable just as they are, for their natural personality. It takes all kinds of kinds to make this world work and the shy, quiet ones contribute just as much. Einstein, Bill Gates, JK Rowling, Obama, Michael Jordan... the list of famous introverts goes on and on. If they were okay as they were, then you are just fine being who you are.

May I recommend the book Quiet by Susan Cain? It goes into the history of how in western cultures people who appear more outgoing and extroverted came to be valued more. It actually wasn't always like that. It also stresses just how much power us quiet ones have and how we have a lot of hidden strengths that are just as important and useful. Her book kicked off a bit of a revloution in helping people understand that there really is nothing wrong with a quiet nature. There are a lot of similar books out there as well, though I've only read this one.

https://susancain.net/book/quiet/

And I'll always recommend this site: https://introvertdear.com/. I can't count the number of comments I've seen on articles where people talk about how they always thought something was wrong with them until they found one of their articles and realized nothing was wrong, it's just how the naturally process and view the world. It's also been useful to me to read things from people going through the same kind of feelings and concerns.

Thanks so much. I will read this book!

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

Hello,

I’m shy and quiet and boring. Is there something wrong with that?  Can I just exist?  This is just how I am. Why do I have to change and why do people hate it so much?

You don't have to.  Just accept the downsides that many people won't want to interact with you or be around you.  I have a relative like this and I avoid being around her.  But I don't express any judgment to her about her choices I simply avoid and keep my distance as I feel uncomfortable being around her. Absolutely if you're not deliberately hurting anyone you can just exist.  

[TeeDee]

You don't have to change unless you want to.  

But let's talk about who you are. 

Shy is one thing.  That can be overcome.  You simply need practice interacting & socializing.  It's a skill.  You can be shy but still develop a firm handshake, make appropriate eye contact and hold an intelligent conversation. 

Quiet is also good.  Not everyone is talker.  It's ok to only speak if you have something to say but there is no harm in pleasantries:  good morning, nice day, wish it would stop raining, etc.  

Now if you are an introvert that is something else all together.  The term is often misused.  It is not a synonym for quiet or shy.  It means somebody who re-charges their own batteries through solitude whereas an extrovert charges up around people.   You don't have to change but you need to know yourself.  

I don't know why you would strive to be boring.  You don't have to be the life of the party to be interesting.  Whatever it is that you are passionate about makes you interesting, not boring.  Your interest may not be everyone's cup of tea but there are probably people out there who love what you love & that shared interest makes you fascinating to them.  

[Cherylyn]

No, it's not bad, @Dandelionspring

I'm shy,  quiet and boring.  I don't like crowds and I find small talk to be agonizing.  🙄  ☹️

You can exist in your own world as do I.  This is how you and I are.  You don't have to change.  Why do people hate it so much?  Because they are attracted to charming,  charismatic,  exciting people.  There's nothing wrong with that but I find charming folks to be quite boring.  They're full of hot air,  deceptive and pretentious. 🙄 👎  I do not like chatterboxes nor people who monopolize conversations.  Ewww. ☹️

If some people avoid you,  it's their problem,  NOT yours.  You don't have to be a magnet.  Self confidence and security are precious to behold.  Other people don't need to validate your self worth.

I know people who are masters at engaging in superficial chit chat and after several seconds of that,  I'm already eyeing the nearest exit and cannot wait to leave for my home sweet home.  🏡

I'm perfectly content doing my own thing whatever endeavors it may be. 

However,  I do have a few select local friends whom I see regularly several times a month throughout the year.  They're very similar to me so we mesh well.  We're very individualistic and when we socialize,  it's wonderful and we share our lives then. 

I know some online people who are great online and when you get to know them better in person,  they're disdainful.  It works the other way, too where online,  they're ugly yet in person,  they exercise self control and rather pleasant.  Funny how that works. 

I was in social butterfly 🦋mode back in the day and it's way overrated.  Been there,  done that.  It's time consuming,  requires energy and can get expensive.  There's favor swapping.  I'm not into it anymore.  Nowadays,  I look out for #1 first and foremost.  I've since burned out tending to others.  I've already given them everything I had.  It's time for me for a change.  Concentrate and focus on self care. 

[Dandelionspring]

38 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

No, it's not bad, @Dandelionspring

I'm shy,  quiet and boring.  I don't like crowds and I find small talk to be agonizing.  🙄  ☹️

You can exist in your own world as do I.  This is how you and I are.  You don't have to change.  Why do people hate it so much?  Because they are attracted to charming,  charismatic,  exciting people.  There's nothing wrong with that but I find charming folks to be quite boring.  They're full of hot air,  deceptive and pretentious. 🙄 👎  I do not like chatterboxes nor people who monopolize conversations.  Ewww. ☹️

If some people avoid you,  it's their problem,  NOT yours.  You don't have to be a magnet.  Self confidence and security are precious to behold.  Other people don't need to validate your self worth.

I know people who are masters at engaging in superficial chit chat and after several seconds of that,  I'm already eyeing the nearest exit and cannot wait to leave for my home sweet home.  🏡

I'm perfectly content doing my own thing whatever endeavors it may be. 

However,  I do have a few select local friends whom I see regularly several times a month throughout the year.  They're very similar to me so we mesh well.  We're very individualistic and when we socialize,  it's wonderful and we share our lives then. 

I know some online people who are great online and when you get to know them better in person,  they're disdainful.  It works the other way, too where online,  they're ugly yet in person,  they exercise self control and rather pleasant.  Funny how that works. 

I was in social butterfly 🦋mode back in the day and it's way overrated.  Been there,  done that.  It's time consuming,  requires energy and can get expensive.  There's favor swapping.  I'm not into it anymore.  Nowadays,  I look out for #1 first and foremost.  I've since burned out tending to others.  I've already given them everything I had.  It's time for me for a change.  Concentrate and focus on self care. 

Thank you!!!

[Batya33]

I feel uncomfortable being in a social group with someone who is quiet and has like a resting negative face and has no reaction at all to what is going on. Even a quiet one. To me that person likely should have not come to the gathering.  By contrast I respect someone who declines an invitation because they know it’s not their thing. 

[Cherylyn]

I've been at gatherings where I'm shy,  quiet and boring.  I've always appreciated being approached by some kind guests who went out of their way to make me feel loved,  included and cared for.  They didn't keep their distance,  didn't ignore nor avoid me.   There are a few kindhearted people in this world who actually notice a person who feels out of place yet makes them feel welcome and not left out.  ❤️ There are a few good people still left in this world and they're met with relief and gratitude. 

[Jaunty]

Shy is good, quiet is lovely, boring?  Not so much.  

I doubt that people "hate" it, but if one is going to be with other folks I think it's appropriate for them to bring something to the table.  

[Cherylyn]

43 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

Shy is good, quiet is lovely, boring?  Not so much.  

I doubt that people "hate" it, but if one is going to be with other folks I think it's appropriate for them to bring something to the table.  

Some people don't have anything exciting to bring to the table so it's appreciated if it's drawn out of them with a bit of coaxing or just an inclusion to be with a person,  persons or a group as opposed to deliberately avoiding a person because they're perceived as a boring misfit.  Just sayin' from the other end. 

[Jaunty]

26 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Some people don't have anything exciting to bring to the table

It doesn't need to be exciting, per se.

26 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

so it's appreciated if it's drawn out of them with a bit of coaxing or just an inclusion to be with a person,  persons or a group as opposed to deliberately avoiding a person because they're perceived as a boring misfit.

From my perspective, even a shy and quiet person can take an interest in other people and ask them some things about themselves.  Some of my closest friends are very quiet and shy introverts but they do function as "friends" which carries the responsibility of showing some level of care and engagement with what their compadres are doing.   

Being quiet is not bad at all, but being like "dead weight" is something that IMO would be worth working on, for the enrichment of that person's own life.

 

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, Jaunty said:

From my perspective, even a shy and quiet person can take an interest in other people and ask them some things about themselves.

They generally do. If anything they have to do it more often because society tends to expect it of them. In my experience though, that usually becomes an opportunity for the other person to carry on the conversation as if you weren't even there.

2 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Some people don't have anything exciting to bring to the table so it's appreciated if it's drawn out of them with a bit of coaxing or just an inclusion to be with a person,  persons or a group as opposed to deliberately avoiding a person because they're perceived as a boring misfit.

I don't think it's that we don't have anything exciting to bring to the table. We are bursting with ideas and thoughts, passions and interests. We just take more time to be comfortable expressing them. We also like to think before we speak. So while we are still processing and figuring out exactly what we want to say, conversations are flyng about. Finding an opening on a topic that we feel comfortable talking about with people we feel comfortable around .... that can be a challenge. So when someone takes the time to include us and give us an opening, it relaxes us and helps put us at ease. It's much appreciated.

Really, it's a matter of finding your people, those who are the right fit for you. When the shy/quiet/introverted (where ever you fall on the spectrum of those categories) are around those who get them or are taking on a topic they are passionate about, they aren't all that shy or quiet. It just takes the right combination to get them in their zone. Around most people I'm barely talking. Around my closest friend I can talk for hours and make the silliest jokes. 

[ShySoul]

13 hours ago, TeeDee said:

Shy is one thing.  That can be overcome. 

People always say to overcome being shy. I disagree. I've been shy my whole life. I'm always going to be shy because it is who I naturally am. Its not something that needs to be overcome. Instead it's something to embrace and be comfortable with. When I tried to overcome it, I just felt worse about myself. I felt like I was trying to be someone I wasn't just to fit what others were or wanted. It never came naturally. But when I went the opposite way and leaned into my shyness, I gained confidence. 

I created a whole identify out of being shy, of encouraging people to embrace their shyness and be happy just as they are. That helped a lot of people become happier with themselves and allowed them to open up themselves to new people and get past the fears that were holding them back. Rather then seeing shy as a problem to solve, shyness became a strength to celebrate.

Shy means: being reserved or having or showing nervousness or timidity. That doesn't have to be a bad thing. It doesn't mean you don't know how to socialize, or that you don't enjoy it. It just means you are slower and prefer things on a smaller scale. That could actually be beneficial in a lot of circumstances. It means looking before you leap, being cautious and thinking things through. There are a lot of strengths in being shy, you just need to believe in it.

[Cherylyn]

2 hours ago, Jaunty said:

It doesn't need to be exciting, per se.

From my perspective, even a shy and quiet person can take an interest in other people and ask them some things about themselves.  Some of my closest friends are very quiet and shy introverts but they do function as "friends" which carries the responsibility of showing some level of care and engagement with what their compadres are doing.   

Being quiet is not bad at all, but being like "dead weight" is something that IMO would be worth working on, for the enrichment of that person's own life.

 

A lot of people can't help being boring and all it takes is a kindhearted nudge to help a person initially crawl out of their shell.  Unfortunately,  a lot of people won't even do that.  For example,  at a social gathering and instead,  they prefer to keep their distance.  Hence,  the shy,  quiet and boring person is neglected and abandoned.  Some people need a little help to get the conversation rolling along and a boost for a lonely person's self esteem so it can flourish.  A little compassion goes a long way.  It takes a village .  .  .

Or, other guests simply don't care and prefer to engage in a person who is charming.  🙄

[Cherylyn]

23 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

They generally do. If anything they have to do it more often because society tends to expect it of them. In my experience though, that usually becomes an opportunity for the other person to carry on the conversation as if you weren't even there.

I don't think it's that we don't have anything exciting to bring to the table. We are bursting with ideas and thoughts, passions and interests. We just take more time to be comfortable expressing them. We also like to think before we speak. So while we are still processing and figuring out exactly what we want to say, conversations are flyng about. Finding an opening on a topic that we feel comfortable talking about with people we feel comfortable around .... that can be a challenge. So when someone takes the time to include us and give us an opening, it relaxes us and helps put us at ease. It's much appreciated.

Really, it's a matter of finding your people, those who are the right fit for you. When the shy/quiet/introverted (where ever you fall on the spectrum of those categories) are around those who get them or are taking on a topic they are passionate about, they aren't all that shy or quiet. It just takes the right combination to get them in their zone. Around most people I'm barely talking. Around my closest friend I can talk for hours and make the silliest jokes. 

I don't even bother.  I prefer staying home,  go on outings with my husband and immediate family,  work on hobbies,  exercise,  cook with my husband,  enjoy delicious home cooked meals,  spend time with close,  local friends,  go shopping together and do what I enjoy.  The swirl of social gatherings bore me and there's a million other things I'd rather do.  Being around people whom I don't have a lot in common with is a waste of my time,  energy,  drive time,  gas and wear 'n tear on my car.  They can have at it as they please while I take a nap 😴 💤 or have fun as having free bird status.  😊

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

Being around people whom I don't have a lot in common with is a waste of my time,  energy,  drive time,  gas and wear 'n tear on my car.  They can have at it as they please while I take a nap

I'm 100% with you. Why waste my limited time and energy or something that's just going to annoy and tire me? I'll just cuddle up with a blanket and a good book. Unfortunately I still have to make a living at my job, which means I'm stuck eight hours a day around people I have little in common.  All the more reason why I tend not to go out much otherwise.

Honestly, I find it more relaxing, stress free, and fun to just sit with my local squirrel friends instead of having to navigate constant social demands. They understand what it's like to be shy and cautious and once they trust you, will just just peacefully without the constant pressure to talk or be anything else.

1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

Some people need a little help to get the conversation rolling along and a boost for a lonely person's self esteem so it can flourish.  A little compassion goes a long way. 

Yep. The few people I've known who take the time to help out the shy ones have been really rare and special people. Wish more would show that compassion instead of judging them.

 

[Batya33]

11 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

I've been at gatherings where I'm shy,  quiet and boring.  I've always appreciated being approached by some kind guests who went out of their way to make me feel loved,  included and cared for.  They didn't keep their distance,  didn't ignore nor avoid me.   There are a few kindhearted people in this world who actually notice a person who feels out of place yet makes them feel welcome and not left out.  ❤️ There are a few good people still left in this world and they're met with relief and gratitude. 

I am always that person and I am good at making people like yourself comfortable in their own skin -drawing them out on their terms.  I've been told this numerous times in the past 30 years or so like  "how did you get him to talk???"

 

So yes there will be people like me who enjoy this sort of "challenge" for genuine reasons -I like learning about people - but it is work and people are human - I had thrown in the towel on certain people who are let's say dating family members long  term given their debbie downer looks at gatherings. 

If OP you truly don't have any interests to share -nothing fun you like to do, no activities, no hobbies, no wanting to learn about different hobbies - then it's going to be pulling teeth/uphill battle to be around you - but if you can give a little -meet even a third of the way -just consider it so that people like me will respect your default "i just want to exist" but also you might experience a positive attitude instead of feeling like you're "hated" (you're not it just makes me and others uncomfortable to be around someone who is that quiet and that uninterested in even making eye contact/a teensy upturn that looks like a smile if someone says something you might find -amusing?

[Cherylyn]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I am always that person and I am good at making people like yourself comfortable in their own skin -drawing them out on their terms.  I've been told this numerous times in the past 30 years or so like  "how did you get him to talk???"

 

So yes there will be people like me who enjoy this sort of "challenge" for genuine reasons -I like learning about people - but it is work and people are human - I had thrown in the towel on certain people who are let's say dating family members long  term given their debbie downer looks at gatherings. 

If OP you truly don't have any interests to share -nothing fun you like to do, no activities, no hobbies, no wanting to learn about different hobbies - then it's going to be pulling teeth/uphill battle to be around you - but if you can give a little -meet even a third of the way -just consider it so that people like me will respect your default "i just want to exist" but also you might experience a positive attitude instead of feeling like you're "hated" (you're not it just makes me and others uncomfortable to be around someone who is that quiet and that uninterested in even making eye contact/a teensy upturn that looks like a smile if someone says something you might find -amusing?

Yes,  I agree,  it is work to draw people out of their shell and because it's work,  either not many people are willing to put forth the effort or they simply do not care.  They're only concerned about their socializing at the moment and there are 'Debbie Downers' with whatever ails them which isn't always easy to hide publicly. 

@Dandelionspring You're not hated.  People simply do not care and even though it's easy to take it personally,  don't.  People are generally very consumed with their own lives and whatever suits their needs at any given moment.  If you're not the one to fulfill that need,  they simply move onto the next person who is more charming,  interesting,  entertaining or if it benefits them somehow.  This is how it is.  It is fine to keep to yourself while maintaining respect and politeness.  Or, don't place yourself in social settings if it makes you uncomfortable in the first place.  There are a million other things to do on your own time and it's unnecessary to be lumped with everyone else.  They can scatter to the four winds for all I care.  🙄

[Cherylyn]

9 hours ago, ShySoul said:

I'm 100% with you. Why waste my limited time and energy or something that's just going to annoy and tire me? I'll just cuddle up with a blanket and a good book. Unfortunately I still have to make a living at my job, which means I'm stuck eight hours a day around people I have little in common.  All the more reason why I tend not to go out much otherwise.

Honestly, I find it more relaxing, stress free, and fun to just sit with my local squirrel friends instead of having to navigate constant social demands. They understand what it's like to be shy and cautious and once they trust you, will just just peacefully without the constant pressure to talk or be anything else.

Yep. The few people I've known who take the time to help out the shy ones have been really rare and special people. Wish more would show that compassion instead of judging them.

 

Yes,  I agree with you @ShySoul.  There are so many more enjoyable activities or savored downtime than get stuck in the middle of time consuming,  energy sapping social settings.  Also,  I'm surrounded by people all the time just like you and the last thing I want to do is to be surrounded by yet more people whenever I'm off the clock.  That is my chill time.  🤗

Yes,  I feed my backyard squirrels, 🐿️ too and in fact,  one of them is so friendly,  I can hand feed him. 🥜 🌰The other day he stepped on my foot 🦶, entered my house and stood on the indoor doormat.   Just like humans,  it took a long time for him to build trust.  ❤️

I agree,  I too recall a few people who put forth the energy,  time and effort to make a person feel wanted.  Adults are like children.  Even back in school,  children discriminate if another child is unpopular,  shy,  quiet,  boring,  could by physical such as too short,  could be race related,  accents,  not good looking enough,  not dressed well enough or any gamut of reasons.  Just like childhood,  many adults are judged without anyone getting to know them better and appreciate for what they have to offer even if it's not immediately and initially visible. 

Then there are some people who've blossomed from ugly duckling 🐤 to a swan 🦢 and moved on.  As a late bloomer,  people actually take notice and begin to turn heads.   By that time,  it's too little,  too late and their loss.   😋

[Cherylyn]

13 hours ago, Jaunty said:

It doesn't need to be exciting, per se.

From my perspective, even a shy and quiet person can take an interest in other people and ask them some things about themselves.  Some of my closest friends are very quiet and shy introverts but they do function as "friends" which carries the responsibility of showing some level of care and engagement with what their compadres are doing.   

Being quiet is not bad at all, but being like "dead weight" is something that IMO would be worth working on, for the enrichment of that person's own life.

 

Being a shy dead weight doesn't have to be in certain locales in the first place.  Why bother?  It's just a hassle.  It's better to be with people whom we can relate to no matter what the personality and characteristic traits.  If a person knows it will be uncomfortable,  it's better to decline and not create awkward situations to begin with.  It requires less work,  energy,  effort,  money and time for everyone.  

[Cherylyn]

14 hours ago, Jaunty said:

It doesn't need to be exciting, per se.

From my perspective, even a shy and quiet person can take an interest in other people and ask them some things about themselves.  Some of my closest friends are very quiet and shy introverts but they do function as "friends" which carries the responsibility of showing some level of care and engagement with what their compadres are doing.   

Being quiet is not bad at all, but being like "dead weight" is something that IMO would be worth working on, for the enrichment of that person's own life.

 

Being a shy dead weight doesn't have to be in certain locales in the first place.  Why bother?  It's just a hassle.  It's better to be with people whom we can relate to no matter what the personality and characteristic traits.  If a person knows it will be uncomfortable,  it's better to decline and not create awkward situations to begin with.  It requires less work,  energy,  effort,  money and time for everyone.  It's a waste of time and energy to try to fit in.  It's easier,  more enjoyable and much more convenient doing your own thing whatever it may be;  a win win for all.  @Dandelionspring Consider being content by your own choosing.  Being in groups is way overrated.  Socializing when you'd rather not be there becomes a huge time trap. 🙄

[ShySoul]

10 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

It's easier,  more enjoyable and much more convenient doing your own thing whatever it may be;  a win win for all.  @Dandelionspring Consider being content by your own choosing.  Being in groups is way overrated.  Socializing when you'd rather not be there becomes a huge time trap.

Seconded. Do whay you love, what makes you happy. Life is to short to try to fit in with people you who aren't going to fit in with anyway. Find the thing that makes you feel the best and you will naturally be at your best. And there's even the chance you'll meet someone who likes it as well and who you connect with without all the awkward, uncomfortable things you would rather avoid.

11 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Adults are like children.

True, just a little taller. 😉

If anything I think children are generally more open and welcoming. Adults get to stuck in their ways and unwilling to see things from different perspectives. If a child judges someone it might be because of what they were taught or that they haven't had some kind of experience to touch them otherwise. But they can be more open to learning and adapt their behavior. It's harder for adults to do that. One reason I adore children. And of course, that doesn't apply to everyone. Every person is going to be different, some more open then others.

11 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Yes,  I feed my backyard squirrels, 🐿️ too and in fact,  one of them is so friendly,  I can hand feed him. 🥜 🌰The other day he stepped on my foot 🦶, entered my house and stood on the indoor doormat.   Just like humans,  it took a long time for him to build trust. 

I have several who will approach me and take food from my hand. Usually I place the nuts on my lap and they place their paws on my leg as they grab one. Just this evening my favorite sat on my leg, staring at me as she ate. She really knows how to milk that cuteness. 🐿️ 

[Cherylyn]

13 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Seconded. Do whay you love, what makes you happy. Life is to short to try to fit in with people you who aren't going to fit in with anyway. Find the thing that makes you feel the best and you will naturally be at your best. And there's even the chance you'll meet someone who likes it as well and who you connect with without all the awkward, uncomfortable things you would rather avoid.

True, just a little taller. 😉

If anything I think children are generally more open and welcoming. Adults get to stuck in their ways and unwilling to see things from different perspectives. If a child judges someone it might be because of what they were taught or that they haven't had some kind of experience to touch them otherwise. But they can be more open to learning and adapt their behavior. It's harder for adults to do that. One reason I adore children. And of course, that doesn't apply to everyone. Every person is going to be different, some more open then others.

I have several who will approach me and take food from my hand. Usually I place the nuts on my lap and they place their paws on my leg as they grab one. Just this evening my favorite sat on my leg, staring at me as she ate. She really knows how to milk that cuteness. 🐿️ 

I agree.  It's better to be individualistic instead of feeling eager to be well liked.  Who cares?  Be your own person and very independent is what I say.  No sense placing oneself in social settings if it's not your scene.  Might as well either stay home and enjoy the tranquility,  go on an outing,  be with those whom you have in common with or can relate to or do whatever strikes your fancy.  It's a free country.  Do you! ☺️

I like children, too but as I recall, they can be discriminatory at school and not that much different than adults.  I remember it very well.  😒  No matter now though.  As adults,  we learn to navigate life more shrewdly. There are more choices. 
😉

Squirrels 🐿️ are very cute indeed. 

[Dandelionspring]

On 7/9/2024 at 2:00 PM, Batya33 said:

I feel uncomfortable being in a social group with someone who is quiet and has like a resting negative face and has no reaction at all to what is going on. Even a quiet one. To me that person likely should have not come to the gathering.  By contrast I respect someone who declines an invitation because they know it’s not their thing. 

Interesting. 
 

Appreciate the responses. 
 

Some are a bit harsh but made me think. 
 

You’re right. I should decline the invitations. People do prefer charming people- even when they’re psychopaths. 
 

I can accept myself knowing I’m never gonna be popular. I just can’t win with people. Even when I try to talk to them I’m still not someone they find interesting. 
 

That’s ok. I’m not boring to me. But I am boring to others. That’s ok. 
 

But I feel it. And it hurts and bothers me. But that’s something I will accept. 
 

I can be me.