Me, The Cheater

[Capricorn3]

OP, please please just leave the poor woman alone now and back off.  She was brutally honest with you and all the hurt you caused her and made it clear she's not coming back.  When reading her words I can totally understand why she wants nothing to do with you.  You were a total jerk. What part of that don't you understand?  Seriously, leave her alone.

[Batya33]

I'm sorry you are feeling sad and I hope you feel better.  

[AlexWindhall]

12 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

OP, please please just leave the poor woman alone now and back off.  She was brutally honest with you and all the hurt you caused her and made it clear she's not coming back.  When reading her words I can totally understand why she wants nothing to do with you.  You were a total jerk. What part of that don't you understand?  Seriously, leave her alone.

Oh I heard her loud and clear. I pained me what she said.
 

She was crying yet focused on making sure she said it all. 

I can’t let this be done and over with. No without her at least seeing me for the new man I am and how deeply sorry I am. I have cried to her and said I am so so sorry for the pain I caused. 
 

Our call ended with her stating. I can’t do this. You’re too late, you broke us. 
She also said. You really have to stop this now, or I will have to get a restraining order or get the cops involved. 
 

We went from love to this. 
 

Also I have found out she is dating a police officer. Hand on heart he’s a good looking dude, I don’t know know him, but know of him and he’s a good guy. 
 

Damn I really messed this one up. My mom would turn in her grave. 

[AlexWindhall]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

I'm sorry you are feeling sad and I hope you feel better.  

Thank you. So nice kind words. I know I messed up but I’m not a bad guy. 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, AlexWindhall said:

Thank you. So nice kind words. I know I messed up but I’m not a bad guy. 

I understand you brought this on yourself and separately I think if you feel better you'll do better.

[ShySoul]

2 hours ago, AlexWindhall said:

I can’t let this be done and over with. No without her at least seeing me for the new man I am and how deeply sorry I am. I have cried to her and said I am so so sorry for the pain I caused. 

I won't say it's the end forever. I won't say you screwed it up so bad you can never recover. People have come back from this. Things that seem impossible can one day work out. And if in your heart you aren't ready to let go of your feelings, you are entitled to still have them.

But please, don't try to make her see you are a new man. Don't keep contacting her, telling her you changed and are sorry. Don't keep asking for her to take you back. That will push her further away. The best way to show you have changed is to listen to her and give her what she wants. Let her have space and be able to heal and grow on her own. Take the time to heal and grow on your own. What is needed is time to let all the feelings and emotions settle, become less raw. 

Build your own life. Become that man you want to be. One day, when everything has settled, you may be able to reach out and talk as a friend, with no mention of or pressure to get together. You have to start from scratch, earning every bit of trust and having no expectations of what was once there. 

I'm sorry all of this happened. I don't think you are a bad guy. A bad guy wouldn't be feeling the remorse you are. But you need to accept the consequences of your actions. Sometimes, no matter how much we change, it still won't fix what we broke. 

Keep the faith, things will get better.

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, AlexWindhall said:

She also said. You really have to stop this now, or I will have to get a restraining order or get the cops involved. 

What are you not getting about this?

You need to leave her alone. 

[AlexWindhall]

UPDATE. I need to back off. My girl is defo done. 

Today I had the cops coming to my house stating. You need to stop contacting her and if you don’t you’ll be arrested for harassment 

Feel gutted 😞

[MissCanuck]

Just now, AlexWindhall said:

My girl is defo done

She is not your girl and hasn't been your girl for quite a while. 

Please stop all of this. The police have warned you. 

[AlexWindhall]

23 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

She is not your girl and hasn't been your girl for quite a while. 

Please stop all of this. The police have warned you. 

I will wait for her 

[MissCanuck]

Good luck with that plan, bud. 

[Seraphim]

She definitely ISNT seeing the “ better guy that you now are.” with that stalking . Being stalked is the most violating feeling. STOP IT. She has right to say get lost . 

[AlexWindhall]

3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

She definitely ISNT seeing the “ better guy that you now are.” with that stalking . Being stalked is the most violating feeling. STOP IT. She has right to say get lost . 

I will respect her feelings. I will just have to wait for her. Her new relationship may not last. I was her first biggest love 

[Seraphim]

7 minutes ago, AlexWindhall said:

I will respect her feelings. I will just have to wait for her. Her new relationship may not last. I was her first biggest love 

That doesn’t guarantee anything . 

[redswim30]

33 minutes ago, AlexWindhall said:

I will respect her feelings. I will just have to wait for her. Her new relationship may not last. I was her first biggest love 

OP,   I am sorry you are this hurt. Truly.  But WHY are you doing this to yourself and to her?

Please understand I am saying this for your own good- I have been in your ex's shoes.  When we women have to threaten someone (a man) with a restraining order we do NOT want them in our lives.  Not now or EVER.  She doesn't WANT you to wait for her.  Accept that she is totally DONE with you.  If you do not do this, she will not only hate you but you may end up in jail. 

It doesn't matter what you WERE.   You will never be that again.  You sadly have assured that with your obsessive actions.  You cannot control what someone thinks of you, even if you believe you have changed for the better.  You cannot force someone to view you as you want. 

You keep saying there's nothing you can do but wait- except there IS.  Please please please please get yourself to counseling.  You need to move forward from this for everyone's sake. 

You have the chance at happiness with someone else in the future.  What if there's someone out there who is an even BETTER match for you? Why don't you think you deserve a new and happy (and frankly healthier) future?  And you are missing out on that for what?  A memory of something that doesn't exist anymore.  Why sacrifice a potentially happy future to wallow in misery? She may stay with this current man, she may not.  But it's not YOUR business anymore.  She is not your wife, she is not your girlfriend, she is not your property.  She is not even your FRIEND at this point.   She has moved on from you. She is asking you to accept that.  If you don't, she's made it clear she will press charges and you will be arrested and charged with stalking. That's not gonna be a good look for you or any future woman you may meet. 

Stop obsessing over your ex-wife.  That's what she is- your EX WIFE - not "your girl".  Remember she is your EX wife because that is what YOU CHOSE.  This situation is of your own making.  First with cheating, the with choosing to move in with someone else and then continuing with the divorce, and finally by your actions of holding on to her.  It's all good and well to regret these choices, but it doesn't change the damage it did to her.  It's not her responsibility to make you feel better about your bad choices or to remain in your life after your other option didn't work out how you thought it would. 

I say this not to make you feel bad, but to let it really sink in.  You have to face reality.  This relationship has run its course.  It's over.  Get to counseling and move forward.  You can't change what happened, you just have to move on. 

 

 

[Batya33]

Please get outside help to move on or you risk ruining your future given the cops warning. 

[TeeDee]

5 hours ago, AlexWindhall said:

UPDATE. I need to back off. My girl is defo done. 

Today I had the cops coming to my house stating. You need to stop contacting her and if you don’t you’ll be arrested for harassment 

Yes she is.  

When the cops get involved, there is no going back ever. 

 

5 hours ago, AlexWindhall said:

I will wait for her 

Don't bother.  

 

I understand you are gutted but maybe this is the rock bottom you needed to finally accept the reality that this is OVER.   You need to move on. 

If you can't you will be arrested for stalking & harassment.  Her new man is a cop.  Him & the entire rest of the big blue brotherhood are not going to put up with you contacting her. 

Don't make your life worse by ending up with criminal charges & a record.  

[AlexWindhall]

9 minutes ago, TeeDee said:

Yes she is.  

When the cops get involved, there is no going back ever. 

 

Don't bother.  

 

I understand you are gutted but maybe this is the rock bottom you needed to finally accept the reality that this is OVER.   You need to move on. 

If you can't you will be arrested for stalking & harassment.  Her new man is a cop.  Him & the entire rest of the big blue brotherhood are not going to put up with you contacting her. 

Don't make your life worse by ending up with criminal charges & a record.  

I will continue to wait. 
Not to concerned her new BF and his work mates. They are only cops. Are they really going to make my life that miserable because of her. Nah

[TeeDee]

Waiting is fine (a waste of time but not problematic to her).  If you call her or contact her the cops will file Criminal charges against you for stalking, harassment & anything else they can think of.  Anything you do to her will trigger them to circle the wagons with her inside to "protect their own." 

 

The more you insist you are going to get her back the more you demonstrate that you have not changed.  It's all about you.  You wanted your EX so you cheated on your wife.  You wanted company in the hospital when you were sick.  You didn't want to get back together & you broke her heart a 2nd time.  Now because you want her back you think she should drop the good life she made for herself out of the ashes when you burned down her world.  You haven't changed one bit.  She knows that & is not coming back.  

[lostandhurt]

Alex,

 Read your own words.  They are typical selfish cheater dogma.  You are making this all about you just like you did when you betrayed her all those years ago.  You didn't bang your ex gf, you wrote her a love letter.  The thought of your ex wife dating others makes you sick?  Seriously?  Did any of that cross your mind when you were cheating?

You cheated and got caught, got a second chance and blew that and I would guess now your love life has been crap and now you want to use your ex wife to make yourself feel better.  If you truly loved her like your profess your wouldn't have cheated, if you truly loved her you would have jumped at the chance she offered.

 She is better off without you in her life and IF you do love her you will stay far away from her and allow her to find and build a life with a man she can truly trust and give her heart to.

Funny how consequences never seem to register with cheaters before or after...

 Lost

PS

I wonder what ever happened with your ex gf?  I guess she was an ex for a good reason.

[AlexWindhall]

1 hour ago, lostandhurt said:

Alex,

 Read your own words.  They are typical selfish cheater dogma.  You are making this all about you just like you did when you betrayed her all those years ago.  You didn't bang your ex gf, you wrote her a love letter.  The thought of your ex wife dating others makes you sick?  Seriously?  Did any of that cross your mind when you were cheating?

You cheated and got caught, got a second chance and blew that and I would guess now your love life has been crap and now you want to use your ex wife to make yourself feel better.  If you truly loved her like your profess your wouldn't have cheated, if you truly loved her you would have jumped at the chance she offered.

 She is better off without you in her life and IF you do love her you will stay far away from her and allow her to find and build a life with a man she can truly trust and give her heart to.

Funny how consequences never seem to register with cheaters before or after...

 Lost

PS

I wonder what ever happened with your ex gf?  I guess she was an ex for a good reason.

Funny enough your post is the one that rings through. My ex gf was just a fling. Currently she involved with another married man. My ex wife is dating a cop. Me, well I lost it all 

[ShySoul]

5 hours ago, AlexWindhall said:

Me, well I lost it all

When all is lost, pick up and start over. You can still have everthing you ever dreamed of, you just need to slowly rebuild. You need to work on youself and being a better person this time out. Change for you and be the person you want to be. Don't worry about anyone else. Don't do it for anyone else. Just focus on you. Do you want to be the one that gets the cops called on them? No? Then stop doing the things that caused that. Do you want to be someone who would drive a lover away? No? Then don't be. Focus on your life and being happy on your own. 

[lostandhurt]

5 hours ago, AlexWindhall said:

Me, well I lost it all 

Most meaningful change comes from really bad things in our lives whether we bring it on ourselves like you did or you are the innocent victim.  You have two choices.

1. Do all those things you were going to do to win her back but instead do them for yourself, your character and integrity and grow as a person learning from the many mistakes you have made.

Or

2. Keep the same mindset and all this was for nothing and absolutely no good came from your betrayal.

This is your chance to truly make a real change in your life, a change that isn't known or seen by anyone but you.

Lost

[AlexWindhall]

I’ve tried to reach out last night to say goodbye to her and let her know I am sorry and I love her.
Her response was, well I suspect it’s her boyfriend.

A whole buns of cops came knocking to my door to the point almost ruining my door. 3 cops cars with blue lights and 6 officers shouting I have to stop and next time I’ll be arrested. WTH. I love now illegal.

I don’t think it was on her but her new BF who called in a favour.

[Batya33]

10 minutes ago, AlexWindhall said:

I’ve tried to reach out last night to say goodbye to her and let her know I am sorry and I love her.
Her response was, well I suspect it’s her boyfriend.

A whole buns of cops came knocking to my door to the point almost ruining my door. 3 cops cars with blue lights and 6 officers shouting I have to stop and next time I’ll be arrested. WTH. I love now illegal.

I don’t think it was on her but her new BF who called in a favour.

I don't blame her -how awful for her and her bf to experience so soon after you were warned.  I'm so glad they called the cops - hopefully this time it will be a deterrent.  You were warned and you made contact anyway.  This time maybe you'll think before you make such a dangerous choice. I'd assume that the reaction was completely what is procedure -you were warned, you did it anyway so now they have to decide whether to give you another chance -you're lucky they did.