Would you agree with this?

[rainbowsandroses]

6 hours ago, mylolita said:

But I think this thread highlights that yes, you can know if the person in front of you is your potential spouse,

^^I wholeheartedly agree, the operative word being "potential" thank you for acknowledging that!

This is precisely what I've been saying all along.  I feel the same as you about initially feeling a certain "knowing" and going with that feeling to wherever it both takes us!  Taking that risk, I am a HUGE risk taker. 

Re being a good judge of character, I think truly knowing someone's character takes time and it involves keeping eyes wide open, paying attention to actions versus only going with that feeling of knowing unless one is clairvoyant or something (not a snark because I do believe some people are.)

I'm perceptive but not clairvoyant so I have to pay attention while at the same time remaining open, flexible and optimistic!

It's actually both imo and both work together simultaneously.  A combination of both emotion and logic.  

@mylolita I am truly happy you found your 'person' so young in life!   That is ideal and yes I agree you were very lucky indeed! 

BUT I also credit both you and your wonderful husband for living up to the commitment you both made, that's key imo.  And what real true long lasting love is about, my opinion. 

Sadly from my observations, many couples do not, and I include myself in that as I have chosen to walk alway from relationships where the potential for long lasting forever love was there at the beginning and I felt a certain knowing and an intense attraction!

I definitely felt that "love at first sight" with a long term ex, we were together six years since that first night we met!  

But in the end it didn't work out.  Either he changed or wasn't the man he initially portrayed himself to be.  Perhaps I had changed too.

TBH I am not even sure I am emotionally capable of long lasting forever love or if I even want that for myself, but I'm working through it!

Forgiving my mom was the first step which I've done thankfully. 😀

I'm currently dating a man for whom I have that feeling now and we're taking our first trip together later this month to Yellowstone, with a group.

It will be 6 days and 5 nights together which I figure will either bring us closer or break us up. I hope it's the former! 

I have a really good feeling about him though and our relationship thus far and looking forward to it!!  It began casually and slowly. 

I haven't talked about him here because for me it's private and somewhat different from the others (as well as me being different) including my ex husband which turned out to be the wrong situation for me.

Although I have no regrets because I learned from it and it brought me to closer to where I'm at now as a woman and as a partner to the right man (for me), whether it's now or someday in the future.  

It's all a journey.

Hope that makes sense.

Peace and love 💛

 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

It will be 6 days and 5 nights together which I figure will either bring us closer or break us up. I hope it's the former! 

Since these are early days and its a group trip and intense as far as camping/national park I wouldn't use it as a test. Meaning if  you get along -fine- with only a few bumps -that's a huge win.  And if you clash over specific group or camping aspects I'd cut that tons of slack -camping is hard, group travel is hard too especially when you're newly dating!  Different if you or he lived this lifestyle year round so you had to see or he had to see if that lifestyle worked.  This is just a trip.  I hope you have a blast!!

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Different if you or he lived this lifestyle year round so you had to see or he had to see if that lifestyle worked.  This is just a trip.  

^^He's an avid and experienced hiker, camper, nature, wilderness and animal lover, he also rock climbs and hunts!  

It's been his lifestyle since a young kid.

He's also a successful financial advisor, his dad owns the business and my guy recently joined the business. 

It's a great combo for me - adventurer and nature/animal lover combined with education and a strong business sense.   But it's still early days, taking it one day at a time. 

I am also somewhat of an adventure lover having traveled though Europe and the US and spending summers on Lake Winnipesaukee hiking, camping, water skiing etc.

So we have that in common but you're right, we don't live the lifestyle year round, it's just a trip. We do however plan on venturing out on our own for a few days.

But what you said is great advice! 😀

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I hope you have a blast!!

Thank you!!

[Batya33]

29 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

^He's an avid and experienced hiker, camper, nature, wilderness and animal lover, he also rock climbs and hunts!  

It's been his lifestyle since a young kid.

Yes then hopefully you don't feel like it's a test for you.  If it's not your thing or not your thing in the way it's his thing hopefully he will be more than ok with that. I've become more of a Trekkie and baseball fan since we got married lol.  

[yogacat]

21 hours ago, catfeeder said:

I think there's a difference between people who can look back in retrospect after years of a great partnership and say, "I knew that this was the right person for me as soon as we met..." followed by more dating that confirmed this, and so forth, versus people who love bomb and start imposing assumptions on the other right away.

It's okay to get a sense of something wonderful and then handle that like a rational person to avoid frightening the one you're dating with weird premonitions. It's not okay to impose such premonitions on a new date and expect him or her to fall in instant alignment with that.

Indeed. I recall a (friend of a friend) that felt very much that her now husband was love at first sight. He did some pretty awful things in their marriage. But I recall when they first started dating, he honed in on her like she was prey. 

It's one thing to start dating and have this happen soon after, but still generally keeping things to yourself for a little bit.  It's quite another to confidently tell a date that they are definitely going to marry you because X (yada yada) happened and it's written in the stars.

I don't think that just because you haven't had a deep conversation with someone yet and they make your heart beat faster it needs to be seen as the end all. It might very well be the first step (or more of a blind first start). There's just too much you don't know yet.

I think for people that are marriage minded and baby minded that they need to gravitate towards those that also show similar wants. I was never marriage or baby minded.

Have I felt that gravitational pull, that there was something special? Of course, but I think that should be an obvious emotion you would likely feel with a potential partner/good friend (not just someone you date). 

I would feel a little frightened about a proposal from a man that didn't know me very well. Because wouldn't that also usually imply he also really doesn't know if he will be a good match for you?  But, some people are willing to take the risk.

They ignore things and chalk it up to "love." That can work out in some cases, yes, but it can also certainly ruin you and waste your life.

[rainbowsandroses]

54 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes then hopefully you don't feel like it's a test for you.  If it's not your thing or not your thing in the way it's his thing hopefully he will be more than ok with that. I've become more of a Trekkie and baseball fan since we got married lol.  

It's not really a test @Batya33. 

I'm not into testing, my comment about make or break wasn't about anything being a test, I just hope the trip goes great, we get along well and ideally it will bring us closer. 

That's all I intended by my brief mention of him and our trip..

My post was in response to @mylolitapost about knowing immediately someone is the right person for you and that love at first sight feeling. 

Thank you for your comments though, they are always appreciated. 😀

[Batya33]

52 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

It's not really a test @Batya33. 

I'm not into testing, my comment about make or break wasn't about anything being a test, I just hope the trip goes great, we get along well and ideally it will bring us closer. 

That's all I intended by my brief mention of him and our trip..

My post was in response to @mylolitapost about knowing immediately someone is the right person for you and that love at first sight feeling. 

Thank you for your comments though, they are always appreciated. 😀

To me it didn’t seem brief and you’ve written a lot about the trip and bears lately. I’m glad you have the attitude and perspective you do. 
love at first sight is fun. Sometimes it’s relevant to future sights sometimes not. 

[Batya33]

56 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Indeed. I recall a (friend of a friend) that felt very much that her now husband was love at first sight. He did some pretty awful things in their marriage. But I recall when they first started dating, he honed in on her like she was prey. 

It's one thing to start dating and have this happen soon after, but still generally keeping things to yourself for a little bit.  It's quite another to confidently tell a date that they are definitely going to marry you because X (yada yada) happened and it's written in the stars.

I don't think that just because you haven't had a deep conversation with someone yet and they make your heart beat faster it needs to be seen as the end all. It might very well be the first step (or more of a blind first start). There's just too much you don't know yet.

I think for people that are marriage minded and baby minded that they need to gravitate towards those that also show similar wants. I was never marriage or baby minded.

Have I felt that gravitational pull, that there was something special? Of course, but I think that should be an obvious emotion you would likely feel with a potential partner/good friend (not just someone you date). 

I would feel a little frightened about a proposal from a man that didn't know me very well. Because wouldn't that also usually imply he also really doesn't know if he will be a good match for you?  But, some people are willing to take the risk.

They ignore things and chalk it up to "love." That can work out in some cases, yes, but it can also certainly ruin you and waste your life.

I didn’t feel a pull towards a man just because he like me was marriage and baby minded. However I only dated men who were.  Often I found out even before we met. Like if it was a set up. Sometimes it was a little later on but not much later.  I knew many many men who wanted marriage and family and if I wasn’t attracted to or didn’t click with them those preferences were irrelevant.  I also knew I never wanted to convince someone to want marriage or a family. I respected those who didn’t. I simply didn’t date them. 

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

I would feel a little frightened about a proposal from a man that didn't know me very well. Because wouldn't that also usually imply he also really doesn't know if he will be a good match for you?  But, some people are willing to take the risk.

I hear. Two crucial qualities for me are intelligence and reasonably sound decision making skills. I don't view premature commitments as either of those things. If someone doesn't even know me well enough to recognize that going there would seriously creep me out, then we can't possibly be the great match he envisions.

I'm not throwing shade on anyone who's rolled a quick dice and hit a great payoff, but if I want to gamble, there are casinos for that. If someone is not patient and self secure enough for a slow build, then he's welcome to pursue insta-love with another 'soul mate'. I'm not her.

[yogacat]

10 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

I hear. Two crucial qualities for me are intelligence and reasonably sound decision making skills. I don't view premature commitments as either of those things. If someone doesn't even know me well enough to recognize that going there would seriously creep me out, then we can't possibly be the great match he envisions.

I'm not throwing shade on anyone who's rolled a quick dice and hit a great payoff, but if I want to gamble, there are casinos for that. If someone is not patient and self secure enough for a slow build, then he's welcome to pursue insta-love with another 'soul mate'. I'm not her.

Agree.

With the exception of some, I look at more akin to meeting one person, then meeting another, and saying "it was love at first sight" well, I don't believe that it was so much love at first sight in that case, more that, well, odds are that eventually one will stick to the wall.

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

I would feel a little frightened about a proposal from a man that didn't know me very well.

^^Me too!  And have the one time it happened during a first meet and in response I excused myself from the table and walked home. 

Such people are "fantasy-driven" versus "reality-driven," how could they not be?  I could be an alien from another planet for all they know. Lol

I think I mentioned earlier, I have the look and style they like and that's all.  Especially when in turn, I'm feeling nothing at all, not even an attraction! 

And while I am certainly capable of feeling intense emotion very early in, I am simply not attracted to fantasy-driven people. 

Let's keep it real, that's my philosophy, which means slow and steady even when experiencing intense emotions.

 

[Batya33]

9 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Agree.

With the exception of some, I look at more akin to meeting one person, then meeting another, and saying "it was love at first sight" well, I don't believe that it was so much love at first sight in that case, more that, well, odds are that eventually one will stick to the wall.

Not in my life. For me I always knew and accepted no guarantees to find my two goals. The right person for me and opportunity to have or adopt a child. I’ve seen love at first sight and with one guy I got engaged to at age 23 I wrote in my journal by the second date that he was The One. basically love at first sight. Turns out he was right on paper only. I broke our engagement after 5 days 

[catfeeder]

14 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Agree.

With the exception of some, I look at more akin to meeting one person, then meeting another, and saying "it was love at first sight" well, I don't believe that it was so much love at first sight in that case, more that, well, odds are that eventually one will stick to the wall.

Oh, okay, I see what you mean. Hah! Yeah, that's 'serial' love-at-first-sight. Kinda strikes me like that Dr. Seuss book where a little hatchling runs around going up to things and asks, "Are you my mother?" Only in this case, it's "Are you my lover?"

I'm really not as cynical as I may sound about 'love-at-first-sight' happening for people. I just think it's unwise to voice such a thing so early, and it's insecure to put pressure behind it. If there really IS actually this great life-long match one might envision, then what would be the rush to come off as a kook in order to FORCE it to fruition right away? Why not credit this great love with the longevity to outlast some reasonable dating and getting-to-know-you time?

So I think it's not the love part that bothers me, it's the indiscretion and the rush. Why rush if you have nothing to hide, right?

 

[yogacat]

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

Agree.

With the exception of some, I look at more akin to meeting one person, then meeting another, and saying "it was love at first sight" well, I don't believe that it was so much love at first sight in that case, more that, well, odds are that eventually one will stick to the wall.

Oh, okay, I see what you mean. Hah! Yeah, that's 'serial' love-at-first-sight. Kinda strikes me like that Dr. Seuss book where a little hatchling runs around going up to things and asks, "Are you my mother?" Only in this case, it's "Are you my lover?"

I'm really not as cynical as I may sound about 'love-at-first-sight' happening for people. I just think it's unwise to voice such a thing so early, and it's insecure to put pressure behind it. If there really IS actually this great life-long match one might envision, then what would be the rush to come off as a kook in order to FORCE it to fruition right away? Why not credit this great love with the longevity to outlast some reasonable dating and getting-to-know-you time?

So I think it's not the love part that bothers me, it's the indiscretion and the rush. Why rush if you have nothing to hide, right?

Yes!

As I delved deeper into the topic, it dawned on me that the commonly held belief of "love at first sight" may not always be entirely accurate. It seems that some individuals may experience a selective memory bias when recounting how they met their significant other. Rather than acknowledging the natural progression of their relationship, they may be rewriting their story to align with the concept of instantaneous love. This could stem from a preconceived notion of how love should start, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy in their memory.

That's the science nerd in me (haha) and like with any self-fulfilling prophecy, if you believe that’s how you’re supposed to fall in love and you take actions to validate that belief, in hindsight, it becomes a perpetual cycle that indeed fits that theatrical romantic narrative you’ve been longing for. When in reality, that ‘love-at-first-sight’ might be just plain old attraction and can happen with anyone you’re attracted too. I mean, aren’t we ALL attracted to tons of people?

Well, I'm not. It takes a lot for me to feel that instant attraction.

Attraction doesn’t validate love. That would be like putting a square peg in a round hole.

But, you need the other components intimacy, passion and commitment and if you're 1) believing in love at first sight 2) ready to be in a relationship or looking for love 3) run into a person who potentially possesses all those three components, you might not be able to tell it apart.

It’s like trying to separate the sugar from salt when it's all mixed. Social and dating cue reinterpretation is an interesting psychological phenomenon so in reality, 'love' takes time. I don't believe 'love' can happen that quickly through perception alone without any acquisition of knowledge and experience about the other person to warrant it.

Romance and love stories (love at first sight) made it appear like something magical, effortless, and effortless from both parties, but the reality of healthy relationship is quite different. A healthy ALL-consuming love is a process of willingness to put forth time, effort and understanding. Any relationship needs effort and time to grow and stabilize. So in reality, a healthy and lasting bond has no shortcuts. It requires emotional maturity, understanding, open-mindedness, time, energy, effort, commitment, balance, and mutual compatibility.

That’s why I never take 'love at first sight' too seriously because love that sticks takes time and effort. 'Love at first sight' is only possible when the idea is reinforced into your mind through romance and stories but when you take the time to dissect that statement, it just doesn’t make sense.

Sure there might be physical attraction at first sight but let's not confuse love with chemistry/infatuation…and yes, infatuation can turn to love so the latter can certainly grow out of it but the former is far more likely to fizzle out if reasons other than common interests, values, goals and personalities beginning to seep through.

But then again, what do I know. I've seen couples that married upon love at first sight and they have open marriages or have dabbled in it and to me that's something I can't quite grasp since it doesn't fit my inner core but what's more important is the relationship works for them (or that's what they tell me) and 40 years later, they're just as infatuated and still in love with each other so could this case be an outlier?

Will I deny that is how they fell in love at first sight? No, this is their truth - who am I to contest that 🙂

[ShySoul]

14 hours ago, mylolita said:

“The heart expands. You’ll see.”

Its like the Grinch. Our heart grows three sizes and we get the strength of ten grinches, plus two. 😁

Love is a short four letter words that is impossible to truly define. It means so many things just within one individual or relationship. It's different for each relationship. And it varies from person to person. The way one person experiences it will be different then how anyone else experiences. And the wonderful thing is that everyone is right. 

How one person defines it or experiences it doesn't affect or diminsh how another does. If anything, that it can vary so greatly demonstrates the power it has to take so many forms and reach so many. It's a shapeshifter that molds itself to fit what the individual needs it to be.

I agree, it's a garden that is ever changing, growing, and needs maintenance. It needs tending to, feeding it the right mix of nutrients to flourish (communication, trust, compassion, forgiveness, understanding, etc.). Just hope I have a better green thumb in this garden then with most plants I've tried caring for. 

14 hours ago, mylolita said:

Intense pure love, romantic or otherwise, to me and some others, is crippling. It hurts the heart and lifts it all at the same time. Because you know you now love something more than yourself, and that if anything happens to the person you love, a part of your heart will go too. Heart ache, the term, feels literal. Your heart literally aches.

For me too. Like an empath, I can feel what they are feeling. Their hurt becomes my hurt. Their joy is my joy. It's such a deep emotional connection that is manifests itself physically as well. It's literally the highest of highs and lowest of lows.

Also don't think infatuation goes away. It may take different forms as we age, but it's still there. Call me crazy (I heard that), but I want everyday to feel like I'm falling in love all over again. I want every time to feel like the first time. And with the right person, I know it will.

I hope everyone finds the person who is right for them and has the kind of love that is right for them. As long as it's something that uplifts you and makes your life better, then it's all good.

14 hours ago, mylolita said:

I admire your spirit, always have! 

Admire you as well.

[ShySoul]

14 hours ago, mylolita said:

The magic, exuberance and intensity of love at first sight, or a meeting of life changing proportion, is summed up for me personally in a song by Sade called ‘Kiss Of Life’:

"It Was" - Chely Wright. It really was just like this:

 

I guess we guess are way through life
How many times do we really know for sure?
I was just hoping for the best
Then I woke up in these lovin' arms of yours
What I felt was unmistakable
When I fell for you

 

Who thought that I could laugh so loud
Then turn around and cry so many tears
I used to have so many doubts
But one by one you made them disappear
What I found was unbelievable
But I believe it's true

 

You asked what I felt when you walked through the door
Was it fear?
Was it clear?
It was all that and more

 

It was real, it was magic
It was calm, it was savage
It was cool as a breeze
It was warm to the touch
It was never enough
It was always too much
It did all the things love does
That's how I knew
It was

[LootieTootie]

17 hours ago, mylolita said:

The magic, exuberance and intensity of love at first sight, or a meeting of life changing proportion, is summed up for me personally in a song by Sade called ‘Kiss Of Life’:

 

——

There must have been an angel by my side 
Something heavenly led me to you 
Look at the sky 
It's the colour of love

He led me to you

He built a bridge to your heart, all the way 
How many tons of love inside? I can't say

When I was led to you 
I knew you were the one for me 
I swear whole world could feel my heartbeat 
When I lay eyes on you 
I-I-I-I-I 
You wrapped me up in the colour of love

You gave me the kiss of life 
Kiss of life 
You gave me the kiss that's like 
The kiss of life

Wasn't it clear from the start? 
Look the sky is full of love 
Yeah, the sky is full of love

You gave me the kiss of life 
Kiss of life 
You gave me the kiss that's like 
Kiss of life

You wrapped me up in the colour of love 
In the moonlight baby 
It must have been an angel came down from above 
Giving me love, yeah 
Giving me love, yeah 
You gave me the kiss of life 
Kiss of life

 

——-

 

♥️

I love Sade. Saw her in concert back in the days. Her band and Sade was phenomenal!

[mylolita]

8 hours ago, catfeeder said:

I hear. Two crucial qualities for me are intelligence and reasonably sound decision making skills. I don't view premature commitments as either of those things. If someone doesn't even know me well enough to recognize that going there would seriously creep me out, then we can't possibly be the great match he envisions.

I'm not throwing shade on anyone who's rolled a quick dice and hit a great payoff, but if I want to gamble, there are casinos for that. If someone is not patient and self secure enough for a slow build, then he's welcome to pursue insta-love with another 'soul mate'. I'm not her.

This is interesting!

 

Because although me and my husband knew instantly, love intensely and straight away, and couldn’t be parted from the off, we actually had quite a spaced out time line for everything.

 

I moved in with him when I was 18 and we didn’t buy our first place until I was 25, so thats 7 years living together before buying a house. I got married when I was 24, so I’d been living with him for 6 years before we married. We were engaged after 3 years - I was 21.

 

And then I didn’t have my first baby until I was 27/28 - which meant I had known him for nearly 10 years at this point. 
 

These are, in my opinion, very testing and stretched out time periods. We rushed to live together because the need to be with each other was intense, but there was also nothing to lose. Worst case scenario, I would have had to move my few things out of his rented cottage. 
 

Looking back over 16 years now, I realise we could have moved much faster, comfortably, and with the same confidence. But he never rushed if pressured me. Everything has been a joint decision and we’ve gone at it our own pace.

 

What I have found is, there is no “official “ logical or reasonable time for relationships and love. What seems like rushing and illogical to one is perfectly sane and natural to the other. Each couple are going to do things differently.

 

My parents bought a house and married after 4 years and my Grandparents knew each other as people for half of that, were younger, and had/have happy lifelong marriages.

 

When you know, you know. And if you know yourself well enough, you can be even surer. 
 

I think it’s a bonus that I got to grow up with my husband, as we have created such a tight and vast history together - we’ve been there for each others everything and, he is truly my best friend! (As well as my kids!) 

 

I could have married him after two years and nothing would have been different. Not everyone is like that but each couple will do things differently - have a different time line.

 

Can I ask if you are married @catfeeder? Or have you been in a long term relationship before? What was your experience? 
 

x

[mylolita]

2 hours ago, LootieTootie said:

I love Sade. Saw her in concert back in the days. Her band and Sade was phenomenal!

I am SO JEALOUS LOOTIE!!!!

 

Oh wow!!!! 
 

I think her voice, the band - phenomenal! I’ve always loved her! I remember me and my sister used to be put into my Mums gold Toyota on a Saturday to go to Grandma’s as a kid! Sade all the way! We used to all dance and sing along! 
 

I play her songs pretty obsessively and a friend once said, “Oh not this song again” when she came for coffee - LMAO 🤣🕺🎵

 

I’d love to see her! Wonder if she’s still touring?! 
 

x

[mylolita]

7 hours ago, yogacat said:

Yes!

As I delved deeper into the topic, it dawned on me that the commonly held belief of "love at first sight" may not always be entirely accurate. It seems that some individuals may experience a selective memory bias when recounting how they met their significant other. Rather than acknowledging the natural progression of their relationship, they may be rewriting their story to align with the concept of instantaneous love. This could stem from a preconceived notion of how love should start, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy in their memory.

That's the science nerd in me (haha) and like with any self-fulfilling prophecy, if you believe that’s how you’re supposed to fall in love and you take actions to validate that belief, in hindsight, it becomes a perpetual cycle that indeed fits that theatrical romantic narrative you’ve been longing for. When in reality, that ‘love-at-first-sight’ might be just plain old attraction and can happen with anyone you’re attracted too. I mean, aren’t we ALL attracted to tons of people?

Well, I'm not. It takes a lot for me to feel that instant attraction.

Attraction doesn’t validate love. That would be like putting a square peg in a round hole.

But, you need the other components intimacy, passion and commitment and if you're 1) believing in love at first sight 2) ready to be in a relationship or looking for love 3) run into a person who potentially possesses all those three components, you might not be able to tell it apart.

It’s like trying to separate the sugar from salt when it's all mixed. Social and dating cue reinterpretation is an interesting psychological phenomenon so in reality, 'love' takes time. I don't believe 'love' can happen that quickly through perception alone without any acquisition of knowledge and experience about the other person to warrant it.

Romance and love stories (love at first sight) made it appear like something magical, effortless, and effortless from both parties, but the reality of healthy relationship is quite different. A healthy ALL-consuming love is a process of willingness to put forth time, effort and understanding. Any relationship needs effort and time to grow and stabilize. So in reality, a healthy and lasting bond has no shortcuts. It requires emotional maturity, understanding, open-mindedness, time, energy, effort, commitment, balance, and mutual compatibility.

That’s why I never take 'love at first sight' too seriously because love that sticks takes time and effort. 'Love at first sight' is only possible when the idea is reinforced into your mind through romance and stories but when you take the time to dissect that statement, it just doesn’t make sense.

Sure there might be physical attraction at first sight but let's not confuse love with chemistry/infatuation…and yes, infatuation can turn to love so the latter can certainly grow out of it but the former is far more likely to fizzle out if reasons other than common interests, values, goals and personalities beginning to seep through.

But then again, what do I know. I've seen couples that married upon love at first sight and they have open marriages or have dabbled in it and to me that's something I can't quite grasp since it doesn't fit my inner core but what's more important is the relationship works for them (or that's what they tell me) and 40 years later, they're just as infatuated and still in love with each other so could this case be an outlier?

Will I deny that is how they fell in love at first sight? No, this is their truth - who am I to contest that 🙂

You seem jaded and quite cynical about love Yoga! 
 

Obviously there are people in the scientific community who believe love at first sight to be true - but this is one scientist I have forwarded on.

 

Not trying to convince anyone or turn anyone into an old school, Renaissance poetry reading romantic here! 
 

I hope you find what you’re looking for, the way that’s unique to you.

[DarkCh0c0]

On 7/10/2024 at 6:44 PM, yogacat said:

However, after 4 years together I got cold feet about committing more long-term, and we went our separate ways but occasionally checked in throughout the years. He's married now with children but prior occasionally reminisce how I was the love of his life and the one that got away. I think if we had met when we were a bit older it might have turned out differently.

So you broke up with him just because of cold feet? Was he surprised? 😞

[DarkCh0c0]

On 7/13/2024 at 6:19 PM, rainbowsandroses said:

I'm currently dating a man for whom I have that feeling now and we're taking our first trip together later this month to Yellowstone, with a group.

It will be 6 days and 5 nights together which I figure will either bring us closer or break us up. I hope it's the former! 

I have a really good feeling about him though and our relationship thus far and looking forward to it!!  It began casually and slowly. 

I haven't talked about him here because for me it's private and somewhat different from the others (as well as me being different) including my ex husband which turned out to be the wrong situation for me.

Eeeek 🥰 keep us posted. Wishing you a great time!

[yogacat]

9 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

So you broke up with him just because of cold feet? Was he surprised? 😞

Yes, he was surprised. He begged and pleaded and cried which made me feel even more guilty.  But in the end, I knew I wasn't ready for such a long-term commitment at that time in my life.  He also became very complacent during our relationship and I started to lose attraction for him, which I know wasn't fair to him either.

I went from being in a long term relationship prior to him, to being in one with him and felt I needed some time to focus on myself and figure out what I wanted in life. He understood, but it still hurt him deeply.

We remained friends after the breakup, but I could tell he was always holding on to the hope that we would get back together. However, seeing him happy and settled with his family now, I know I made the right decision for both of us.

Sometimes, love isn't enough to make a relationship work. Timing, readiness, and personal growth are all important factors. Even though things didn't work out for us, I will always cherish the time we had together and the memories we made. I'm happy to see him happy and fulfilled, and I know that's all I ever wanted for him.

[yogacat]

11 hours ago, mylolita said:

You seem jaded and quite cynical about love Yoga! 
 

Obviously there are people in the scientific community who believe love at first sight to be true - but this is one scientist I have forwarded on.

 

Not trying to convince anyone or turn anyone into an old school, Renaissance poetry reading romantic here! 
 

I hope you find what you’re looking for, the way that’s unique to you.

Not at all, lol.

Haven't you noticed I listen to an artist that sings about love all the time?😂

I 100% believe that people can feel an instant connection or spark with someone, which may later turn into a deep and lasting love. What I am doubtful about is the idea that someone can truly be in love with someone after just a few seconds of meeting them.

I also think that the idea of "love at first sight" can create unrealistic expectations for people in their own relationships. If they don't feel that immediate spark or connection, they may think something is wrong or not give the person a chance. When in reality, love takes time to develop and grow.

But again, this is just my humble opinion and I am by no means an expert on love and relationships. Everyone's experiences and perspectives are valid and the most important thing is finding what works for you and makes you happy in your own relationships.

So, I'm definitely not trying to convince anyone or discount anyone's feelings. I just think it's an interesting topic to discuss and consider from a scientific standpoint. And who knows, maybe there is more to "love at first sight" than we realize. But for me personally, I like to take my time and get to know someone before I can truly say I love them.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, yogacat said:

also think that the idea of "love at first sight" can create unrealistic expectations for people in their own relationships. If they don't feel that immediate spark or connection, they may think something is wrong or not give the person a chance. When in reality, love takes time to develop and grow.

Yes it can particularly for children and young teenagers. I think to be in a serious romantic relationship you have to be mature enough to put those "expectations" from songs or movies in their proper -minimal -place and proceed from a position of being an individual person interacting with another individual person and from a place of reasonable confidence.  

I think love at first sight is possible of course -because love is a feeling -you can feel love at first sight for a person, a flower, an animal, etc.  You feel what you feel.  I don't think -with rare exception -it's advisable to act on that feeling of love by marrying or committing to someone or buying property with them or making a baby - without getting to know each other over a longer period of time.  I also am not a fan of smug married types who espouse "you know what you know" and "it was love at first sight -we snatched each other up" as if - that is the only way to a happy stable committed romantic relationship . It's not, IMO.