Would you agree with this?

[rainbowsandroses]

On 7/8/2024 at 4:52 PM, Capricorn3 said:

My story could fill a book, but a short summary would be:  He knew from the moment he met me. I was not interested at all, far from it.  He chased me for 20 months before I finally agreed to a lunch in the hope that will get him off my back - it didn't, it made it even worse, lol.  Said he wants to marry me after our second date (totally freaked me out).  Anyhoo, in the end he won, lol.  Married a lifetime now.  I once asked him what exactly was it that made him "just know".  All he said was that he "sensed something unique and I just knew".  🤷‍♀️

What a great story!!!  And just goes to show that in some cases, a man's persistence DOES pay off!!

Anyway re bolded, this is what resonates with me.  I just knew.  It's not or wasn't even anything specific, it was just a "feeling."  More than a particular action or series of actions.  That somethin somethin that I often talk about that cannot even be described or explained, it's intangible, but you just "know."

When it's there, then yes you can talk for hours and hours, feel like you've known them forever, there is a certain comfort along with a certain tension, all those things are the result of it all just "fitting" together like two puzzle pieces.

That said, whether that "just knowing" feeling can pass the test of time is another story.  I don't think anyone can say with any degree of certainty that they can "just know" that something is going to go the distance.  What they know is that this person is special, what I am feeling for them is special and I'd like to explore it.

@Capricorn3just out of curiosity, after 20 months of basically feeling repulsed (for lack of a better word) by him do you recall the moment when that changed for you?  Where you were?   What you were doing?

I liken this feeling to being suddenly hit by "Cupid's arrow."  It's not anything specific they said or did (or maybe sometimes it is) but rather just a feeling and it can come on suddenly even after months of not feeling anything at all.

 

 

[mylolita]

11 hours ago, yogacat said:

Is it though?

According to Dr. Fisher 'love at first sight' is a result of our brain's primal response to potential partners and the different brain systems responsible for different aspects of love and attachment.

Further, the evolutionary aspect of love.

So what's depicted as rare and magical love at first sight is actually a normal and common occurrence that results from our brain's hardwired response to potential mates.  

It's not something out of the ordinary or special, but rather a natural biological response.

If it happened everyday to everyone, I think we’d all be absolutely intoxicated and unable to function! 
 

If you have experienced romantic love, you will know as Dr Fisher says, it encompasses obsession, loss of appetite; inability to sleep, restlessness, huge surges in emotion and energy. This response doesn’t happen for just about anyone, and would be unbearable to experience relentlessly year after year, as a common place thing. 
 

I think maybe what you might be misconstrued is the feeling of love we get if we say, see a dress we instantly “love”. We say, without having to think deeply or analyse it, “I love that dress!” Or maybe you’ve visited a place, and it’s immediately stolen your heart and you say, “The moment I set foot in Rome, I loved it.” 
 

That type of instant love and affection, drive towards something happens quite often for people sometimes, but isn’t the same as deep, “soul mate” like connection love. 

 

If you think you are experiencing this surge of intense feelings regularly, for many people, often - I would argue you actually may be misinterpreting the “true love” feeling for lust, attraction or curiosity instead of the real McCoy.

 

Many couples like myself here who have been married for over a decade have said they knew instantly. 
 

If you don’t believe in love at first sight. it may be that for whatever reason this beautiful and pure feeling has not happen to you yet. You may be yet to experience it, or like Dr Fisher says, you are just not ready yet (she explains you have to be “ready to fall in love”).

Love is an evolutionary development of the human brain, as we are of course an evolutionary progression as an entire being and species - and everything alive from plant to microbe to animal on this whole planet follows the same system. Evolution is the only way we know any living thing has come into being (and how it evolves and changes, or adapts). Because it is a biological construct doesn’t make it any less of a powerful, or special - meaningful - experience. 
 

It’s one of the best moments of my life when I met my husband, and most magical. 
 

If other people have other feelings of different experiences, they may just be processing things differently, or their perspective is different. 
 

I think you have to be open to love to feel it - and Dr Fisher explains her perspective on this in her video. The person you fall in love with also has to meet your own, individual, very personal criteria - this sparks the initial wonderment - I think in her video she calls it “they fit your love map”. 
 

By the way, you don’t have to agree with “instantly knowing” or “love at first sight”. I’ve experienced it myself, but it doesn’t mean everyone does or will. 

 

 

[yogacat]

6 hours ago, mylolita said:

If it happened everyday to everyone, I think we’d all be absolutely intoxicated and unable to function! 
 

If you have experienced romantic love, you will know as Dr Fisher says, it encompasses obsession, loss of appetite; inability to sleep, restlessness, huge surges in emotion and energy. This response doesn’t happen for just about anyone, and would be unbearable to experience relentlessly year after year, as a common place thing. 
 

I think maybe what you might be misconstrued is the feeling of love we get if we say, see a dress we instantly “love”. We say, without having to think deeply or analyse it, “I love that dress!” Or maybe you’ve visited a place, and it’s immediately stolen your heart and you say, “The moment I set foot in Rome, I loved it.” 
 

That type of instant love and affection, drive towards something happens quite often for people sometimes, but isn’t the same as deep, “soul mate” like connection love. 

 

If you think you are experiencing this surge of intense feelings regularly, for many people, often - I would argue you actually may be misinterpreting the “true love” feeling for lust, attraction or curiosity instead of the real McCoy.

 

Many couples like myself here who have been married for over a decade have said they knew instantly. 
 

If you don’t believe in love at first sight. it may be that for whatever reason this beautiful and pure feeling has not happen to you yet. You may be yet to experience it, or like Dr Fisher says, you are just not ready yet (she explains you have to be “ready to fall in love”).

Love is an evolutionary development of the human brain, as we are of course an evolutionary progression as an entire being and species - and everything alive from plant to microbe to animal on this whole planet follows the same system. Evolution is the only way we know any living thing has come into being (and how it evolves and changes, or adapts). Because it is a biological construct doesn’t make it any less of a powerful, or special - meaningful - experience. 
 

It’s one of the best moments of my life when I met my husband, and most magical. 
 

If other people have other feelings of different experiences, they may just be processing things differently, or their perspective is different. 
 

I think you have to be open to love to feel it - and Dr Fisher explains her perspective on this in her video. The person you fall in love with also has to meet your own, individual, very personal criteria - this sparks the initial wonderment - I think in her video she calls it “they fit your love map”. 
 

By the way, you don’t have to agree with “instantly knowing” or “love at first sight”. I’ve experienced it myself, but it doesn’t mean everyone does or will. 

 

 

I've experienced it, it's just that for myself and many others, it wasn't an all consuming or "unable to function" type of feeling.

It was a strong attraction and connection, but not to the level described by Dr. Fisher and others who believe in the concept of love at first sight.

Additionally, the idea that it only happens once in a lifetime or with a specific person goes against the countless stories of people falling in love multiple times in their lives and having strong connections with multiple individuals.

So, I would argue that while some people may have experienced this intense, all-consuming feeling of love at first sight, it is not a universal experience for everyone and should not be seen as the only way to experience love.

Love is a complex and individualized emotion, and it can manifest in many different ways for different people.

Some of the greatest love stories are those that fell in love, and for whatever reasons, though magnetic connection and compatibility, or even - fireworks push and pull… chose to lovingly let one another go anyway.

Or, there were deeper reasons that meant the initial magnetic bond was not able to be sustained long-term. Call it obstacles, or “flames breathing fire and sparks”, or a non-compatible energy force field, or the wrong time in our life…

[rainbowsandroses]

19 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I've experienced it, it's just that for myself and many others, it wasn't an all consuming or "unable to function" type of feeling.

It was a strong attraction and connection, but not to the level described by Dr. Fisher and others who believe in the concept of love at first sight.

Additionally, the idea that it only happens once in a lifetime or with a specific person goes against the countless stories of people falling in love multiple times in their lives and having strong connections with multiple individuals.

So, I would argue that while some people may have experienced this intense, all-consuming feeling of love at first sight, it is not a universal experience for everyone and should not be seen as the only way to experience love.

Love is a complex and individualized emotion, and it can manifest in many different ways for different people.

Some of the greatest love stories are those that fell in love, and for whatever reasons, though magnetic connection and compatibility, or even - fireworks push and pull… chose to lovingly let one another go anyway.

Or, there were deeper reasons that meant the initial magnetic bond was not able to be sustained long-term. Call it obstacles, or “flames breathing fire and sparks”, or a non-compatible energy force field, or the wrong time in our life…

Wow, this^ was really well said and totally agree.

One person's truth is not everyone's truth. 

[yogacat]

17 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

35 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I've experienced it, it's just that for myself and many others, it wasn't an all consuming or "unable to function" type of feeling.

It was a strong attraction and connection, but not to the level described by Dr. Fisher and others who believe in the concept of love at first sight.

Additionally, the idea that it only happens once in a lifetime or with a specific person goes against the countless stories of people falling in love multiple times in their lives and having strong connections with multiple individuals.

So, I would argue that while some people may have experienced this intense, all-consuming feeling of love at first sight, it is not a universal experience for everyone and should not be seen as the only way to experience love.

Love is a complex and individualized emotion, and it can manifest in many different ways for different people.

Some of the greatest love stories are those that fell in love, and for whatever reasons, though magnetic connection and compatibility, or even - fireworks push and pull… chose to lovingly let one another go anyway.

Or, there were deeper reasons that meant the initial magnetic bond was not able to be sustained long-term. Call it obstacles, or “flames breathing fire and sparks”, or a non-compatible energy force field, or the wrong time in our life…

Wow, this^ was really well said and totally agree.

One person's truth is not everyone's truth. 

That's really the crux of it, isn't it?  Even with respect to deep friendship. Humans are so different one to another.

I am so happy to hear that my words resonated with you!

And yes, that is the beauty of being human - our differences and the unique ways in which we experience life and emotions like love. It's what makes our relationships and connections so special and valuable.

So, just because Sammy (I am making that name up) believes in love at first sight, and Suzy (again, a made-up name) does not, does not make either of their experiences any less valid. It's all about honoring and respecting our own individual truths and experiences, without imposing them onto others.

[Batya33]

7 minutes ago, yogacat said:

That's really the crux of it, isn't it?  Even with respect to deep friendship. Humans are so different one to another.

I am so happy to hear that my words resonated with you!

And yes, that is the beauty of being human - our differences and the unique ways in which we experience life and emotions like love. It's what makes our relationships and connections so special and valuable.

So, just because Sammy (I am making that name up) believes in love at first sight, and Suzy (again, a made-up name) does not, does not make either of their experiences any less valid. It's all about honoring and respecting our own individual truths and experiences, without imposing them onto others.

Yes and what I liked a lot about traditional dating is it let individuals be able to have some form of common ground/common way to discuss things to lessen the everyone is unique so who the heck knows what she means/he means etc.  I had zero concern what someone's truth was when he asked me out on a date he planned in advance.  I assumed this mean he was interested in taking me on a date as opposed to hanging out as friends, etc.  If he'd not shown up and said later "well my truth when I asked you out was it meant I was interested in showing up if at that moment I felt like showing up --- and I didn't so -- um -sorry"

Also for people who are serious minded it shouldn't matter whether a person believes in, or has ever experienced "love at first sight" or "when you know you know" however it is that the person arrives at being reasonably sure and excited that they want to commit to this person who cares as long as the person's actions are consistent with being in a committed relationship -and given how individual people are of course the individuals discuss what commitment means to them.  We really didn't have to have any discussion - we've been on the same wavelength in all the important ways overall from the beginning.  And I've known him almost 30 years and been in a relationship with him for about 20 of those years.  

[rainbowsandroses]

3 minutes ago, yogacat said:

It's all about honoring and respecting our own individual truths and experiences, without imposing them onto others.

Amen sista!  

[Cherylyn]

I think some couples know who is husband / wife material fairly early on.  My friend dated a tall,  handsome airline pilot of a major carrier and she wasted no time snatching him up.  They're both very nice people, too.  They have 3 sons all a year apart,  live nearby in a beautiful house and they have a happy life.  It's a busy life but everyone's healthy and happy.  So yes,  some people know rather quickly.  😉

[rainbowsandroses]

Believing someone to be "wife or husband material" is different from knowing with certainty that person will in fact be a good wife or husband.

They have the right look, the qualities you seek, and they stirred the right emotions in you that lean in that direction but they still must pass the test of time.

I mean what if that tall handsome airline pilot started abusing her three months in? 

Would she still consider him good husband material?

Thank goodness that did not happen, and he did turn out to be a great husband!

But it takes time spent together, learning about each other, how well they're able to resolve conflicts together, etc to know. 

My opinion.

 

[yogacat]

6 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Believing someone to be "wife or husband material" is different from knowing with certainty that person will in fact be a good wife or husband.

They have the right look, the qualities you seek, and they stirred the right emotions in you that lean in that direction but they still must pass the test of time.

I mean what if that tall handsome airline pilot started abusing her three months in? 

Would she still consider him good husband material?

Thank goodness that did not happen, and he did turn out to be a great husband!

But it takes time spent together, learning about each other, how well they're able to resolve conflicts together, etc to know. 

My opinion.

I think this an excellent observation.

I just had someone profess his devotion to me and he hadn't even met me yet! We humans are funny!

I perceive it as getting caught up in the moment, the infatuation, the excitement.

It's very easy to idealize a person and create fantasies about them when we only have limited information about them. But as you said, it takes time to truly get to know someone and see how they handle challenges and conflicts before we can accurately judge their potential as a partner.

We can be swayed by initial looks and behavior, but true qualities and compatibility can only be observed and tested over time.

I think a lot of the couples that had love at first sight that went the distance worked hard at it and allowed their love to grow over time. And I think of those unions that end in divorce, how many started off as "love at first sight" yet ended disastrously.

So, it really can go either way. 

[Cherylyn]

35 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Believing someone to be "wife or husband material" is different from knowing with certainty that person will in fact be a good wife or husband.

They have the right look, the qualities you seek, and they stirred the right emotions in you that lean in that direction but they still must pass the test of time.

I mean what if that tall handsome airline pilot started abusing her three months in? 

Would she still consider him good husband material?

Thank goodness that did not happen, and he did turn out to be a great husband!

But it takes time spent together, learning about each other, how well they're able to resolve conflicts together, etc to know. 

My opinion.

 

They're very good friends of ours and we know them well.  Granted,  it may be an unusual story but does happen if one is at the right place at the right time and high quality people seeking the same integrity.  Yeah,  he's a good guy.  I can vouch for that and she's very nice, too.  Their 3 adorable little boys come over to my house often and they're great people.  There are some fortunate marriages and families out there.  It may be rare in this day and age but it does happen.  It wasn't in the cards for my parents but when it does happen,  it's a blessing and luck. 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

It's very easy to idealize a person and create fantasies about them when we only have limited information about them.

Agree, I have had it happen to me as well, many times.  For them, I have the right look, the right style, the right voice, the right family and suddenly they know!  I am the one!

But they couldn't possibly know until they get to know me, learn what I am about, my values etc.  And vice versa.  This is real life after all, not a Disney movie, lol 😅

I am not discounting a situation like @Cherylynjust described with her friend who married the airline pilot or others who believed they just knew and it lasted the test of time, I don't rule anything out!!  

But (and just my opinion) I don't think it's "love" at first sight necessary but intense infatuation and limerence at first sight.

M. Scott Peck (renowned American psychologist) in his book "The Road Less Traveled" likened romantic love as a sort of temporary insanity (so to speak).  He wrote it's only when we fall out of "romantic love" when we can truly love. 

That true love is a feeling but also a decision, we choose to love this person through all the ups and downs, highs and lows and other obstacles couples face in a serious relationship or marriage.  That is what true love and commitment is about.  

THAT is love imo.  That's not to say one cannot still be intensely attracted to their partner, physically, emotionally, spiritually (they can and should!) but the love is more realistic and not based on as you referred to it @yoga, idealization of the person.

Sadly, from my observations, many couples, once they fall out of "romantic love," mistakenly believe the love has died so they break up.

No it hasn't, it's just moved into a deeper, more lasting type of love.  The type of love that endures and grows.

 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Believing someone to be "wife or husband material" is different from knowing with certainty that person will in fact be a good wife or husband.

They have the right look, the qualities you seek, and they stirred the right emotions in you that lean in that direction but they still must pass the test of time.

I mean what if that tall handsome airline pilot started abusing her three months in? 

Would she still consider him good husband material?

Thank goodness that did not happen, and he did turn out to be a great husband!

But it takes time spent together, learning about each other, how well they're able to resolve conflicts together, etc to know. 

My opinion.

 

Yes. Big difference between right on paper and “right for you “. I for one despise when height in a man is seen as a positive. When he did nothing to be that height. Certainly if an individual woman or man is particularly attracted to a certain height and or prioritizes being seen with a taller than average man that person should look for that. But it doesn’t make the person a better “catch” so to speak. I absolutely screened out men who wouldn’t be good husband material for me personally. I know for a fact that certain of those men were good husband material for other women. 

[Cherylyn]

For my husband and I,  it wasn't love at first sight per se but I'd say darn close after the first date!  There were so many enjoyable outings,  dine out meals,  potlucks with friends at their backyard barbecues,  theater,  museums,  classical symphony concerts and the ballet.  We discussed marriage after only 3 months of dating and married soon thereafter.  A jeweler friend's father gave us a great deal on a gorgeous diamond ring.  It was a whirlwind romance and to this day,  no regrets.  We had a wedding with less than 150 guests.  We've moved up several times to arrive here.  We're established and very settled in a desirable suburb.  House paid off early with zero debts.  It's a peaceful and stable life.  I was fortunate and he'd say the same.  

There are so many couples who didn't survive.  There were so many divorces amongst relatives,  in-laws,  friends,  acquaintances,  colleagues whether after several years of marriage,  while raising families or after they became empty nesters.  I'm sure there were so many reasons.  It is sad.  ☹️

I wasn't exactly requiring height in a man but since my relatives are tall,  I sort of gravitated towards tall men and being handsome certainly didn't hurt either.  It just so happened to turn out that way and I'm not tall.  My height is only 5'  5-1/2".  My sons are tall and good looking but not necessarily on purpose.  We're not giants though.  There is nothing wrong with a package deal of being attractive and being a very decent human being.  I can't speak for everyone but all worked out in the end.  No complaints.  😊

@yogacat Perhaps love at first sight exists for some couples but for me,  it wasn't love at first sight but it was definitely love after the first date! 😊

[Batya33]

31 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

wasn't exactly requiring height in a man but since my relatives are tall,  I sort of gravitated towards tall men and being handsome certainly didn't hurt either.  It just so happened to turn out that way and I'm not tall.  My height is only 5'  5-1/2".

Yes and I found myself gravitating towards shorter men but not because I am petite - 5"2 and a half - just what I found attractive.  I cannot stand  the silly bias that tall=attractive in a man.  I personally found very tall combined with very skinny as unattractive.

[Cherylyn]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Yes and I found myself gravitating towards shorter men but not because I am petite - 5"2 and a half - just what I found attractive.  I cannot stand  the silly bias that tall=attractive in a man.  

That's your opinion which is fine @Batya33.  I don't mind tall and handsome.  To each his own.  😉

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Cherylyn said:

That's your opinion which is fine @Batya33.  I don't mind tall and handsome.  To each his own.  😉

I never said it was anything but an opinion and I made that clear.  You've extolled a number of times how tall your sons are as a positive trait but it's not a trait they accomplished. Does it look good to you and certain people -for sure -but it's not a positive in the sense of positive traits they've accomplished or even if they are also fit - which also can be a big accomplishment for many.  They were simply born that way.  In my opinion extolling height in a man -which he had no control over - is overdone and overblown.  On the huge positive side it meant a larger dating pool for me because I had very petite friends who insisted a man be over 6 feet.  Which as taller than average means by definition it's harder to find. There is height discrimination in the workplace against men who are shorter than average just like in many sectors a woman who is considered unattractive looking - overweight, or physical/facial features not objectively attractive -often has a harder time getting employed, promoted, etc (where a man by analogy can be less attractive looking and it won't harm his chances/success in the same way).  

[Cherylyn]

18 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I never said it was anything but an opinion and I made that clear.  You've extolled a number of times how tall your sons are as a positive trait but it's not a trait they accomplished. Does it look good to you and certain people -for sure -but it's not a positive in the sense of positive traits they've accomplished or even if they are also fit - which also can be a big accomplishment for many.  They were simply born that way.  In my opinion extolling height in a man -which he had no control over - is overdone and overblown.  On the huge positive side it meant a larger dating pool for me because I had very petite friends who insisted a man be over 6 feet.  Which as taller than average means by definition it's harder to find. There is height discrimination in the workplace against men who are shorter than average just like in many sectors a woman who is considered unattractive looking - overweight, or physical/facial features not objectively attractive -often has a harder time getting employed, promoted, etc (where a man by analogy can be less attractive looking and it won't harm his chances/success in the same way).  

Tallness, handsomeness or physical attractiveness are genetic and if it happens to turn out this way,  then great.  If not, then that is fine as well.  As for short people whether men or women,  I know plenty of them and they are all wonderful friends.  I'm not tall and females in my family are all fairly average height as well.  My brother,  uncles and father are all tall men.  It's genetic and I know we don't have control over our height other than what is inherited and good nutrition.  I agree there is discrimination regarding appearance.  It is unfair.   Hopefully,  everyone is content within their own skin with how they are or their loved ones whether short,  tall,  athletic,  non-athletic, overall appearance or whatever.  Everyone is their own person.  It's the inside that counts so I agree there!   Moral character trumps all else!  🙂

[yogacat]

2 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

For my husband and I,  it wasn't love at first sight per se but I'd say darn close after the first date!  There were so many enjoyable outings,  dine out meals,  potlucks with friends at their backyard barbecues,  theater,  museums,  classical symphony concerts and the ballet.  We discussed marriage after only 3 months of dating and married soon thereafter.  A jeweler friend's father gave us a great deal on a gorgeous diamond ring.  It was a whirlwind romance and to this day,  no regrets.  We had a wedding with less than 150 guests.  We've moved up several times to arrive here.  We're established and very settled in a desirable suburb.  House paid off early with zero debts.  It's a peaceful and stable life.  I was fortunate and he'd say the same.  

There are so many couples who didn't survive.  There were so many divorces amongst relatives,  in-laws,  friends,  acquaintances,  colleagues whether after several years of marriage,  while raising families or after they became empty nesters.  I'm sure there were so many reasons.  It is sad.  ☹️

I wasn't exactly requiring height in a man but since my relatives are tall,  I sort of gravitated towards tall men and being handsome certainly didn't hurt either.  It just so happened to turn out that way and I'm not tall.  My height is only 5'  5-1/2".  My sons are tall and good looking but not necessarily on purpose.  We're not giants though.  There is nothing wrong with a package deal of being attractive and being a very decent human being.  I can't speak for everyone but all worked out in the end.  No complaints.  😊

@yogacat Perhaps love at first sight exists for some couples but for me,  it wasn't love at first sight but it was definitely love after the first date! 😊

Was it because after the meal he had a piece of broccoli sticking in between his teeth and he couldn't tell you sooner? Just kidding! 😂

I do believe that initial physical attraction can be a starting point (but much more goes into it which I know we all agree...)!

A man in line at Panda Express (it was my diet cheat day, lol) struck up a conversation with me. He wasn't tall, he was actually kind of short, but he had red hair which I never was drawn too on men, but the last couple of men that I have interacted with have had red hair and they all have had a 'certain charm'.

I'll be honest: It's not a habit of mine to initiate a conversation with any guy at a restaurant, even, of all places, Panda Express, but you know how that goes. You see it enough times, you know you're doing something about it. Maybe I need to do that a bit more but with men in the cigars section at the convenience store, lol.

I think your story is great.

Curiously if it was love after first date for you, how much of it is/was purely physical, now that you mentioned it. How much of an emotional connect can two people really have right after a first date? I have known a few couples that got intimate on their first date and have been married for 25+ years. Interesting.

[Cherylyn]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

I think your story is great.

Curiously if it was love after first date for you, how much of it is/was purely physical, now that you mentioned it. How much of an emotional connect can two people really have right after a first date? I have known a few couples that got intimate on their first date and have been married for 25+ years. Interesting.

Thank you for your kind words @yogacat.  It wasn't physical at all.  I was attracted to his quick wit,  his intelligence,  he wasn't goofy and even though he didn't talk a lot,  he oozed quiet self confidence without being cocky.  I immediately observed how humble he was and when we went out more,  I noticed he wasn't stingy with tipping.  He felt for low income wage earners.  Emotional connection was from non-verbal communication.  I sensed he was different from other men in the most positive sense.   He stood out from the crowd.  I knew he was a very special real man right away.  ❤️  I wasn't about to let him go!  😉  My mother said all the good ones are usually taken or spoken for early.  I don't know if it's true but that's what some women say.

[ShySoul]

On 7/10/2024 at 12:45 AM, mylolita said:

That’s why when and if it happens to you - I think people should grab it with both hands and embrace it as a lucky gift! 

When people use the well known phase in songs and poems and books “the stars aligned”, it kind of hints, for me, not only how special it is, but how unique the conditions have to be to meet that special person and experience that type of instant connection. A rare and special thing to be cherished and celebrated for sure!

Thank you lolita. If ever I need to be reminded of just how rare and magical true love is, I can count on your posts to help me believe again.

For me, I think there are different kinds of loves. You can fall in love several times. You can also be in love with the idea of being in love and convince yourself that this person is the only one for you. You can have loves that are only supposed to last a short while. 

But when you find that one special person that you are supposed to be with, nothing else matters. I do believe there is a soul mate that we are destined to be with. It goes beyond any level of biology, chemistry or evolution. It's not something that can adequately be put into words. People will debate the topic and come to their own conclusions for the rest of time. Poets and philosophers will try to capture it. But it's really just something you have to feel and experience for yourself. 

When you experience it for real, you'll understand the all encompassing power of it. You just have to be open to it and believe it Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing. 

 

[catfeeder]

I think there's a difference between people who can look back in retrospect after years of a great partnership and say, "I knew that this was the right person for me as soon as we met..." followed by more dating that confirmed this, and so forth, versus people who love bomb and start imposing assumptions on the other right away.

It's okay to get a sense of something wonderful and then handle that like a rational person to avoid frightening the one you're dating with weird premonitions. It's not okay to impose such premonitions on a new date and expect him or her to fall in instant alignment with that.

[mylolita]

On 7/12/2024 at 4:14 AM, ShySoul said:

Thank you lolita. If ever I need to be reminded of just how rare and magical true love is, I can count on your posts to help me believe again.

For me, I think there are different kinds of loves. You can fall in love several times. You can also be in love with the idea of being in love and convince yourself that this person is the only one for you. You can have loves that are only supposed to last a short while. 

But when you find that one special person that you are supposed to be with, nothing else matters. I do believe there is a soul mate that we are destined to be with. It goes beyond any level of biology, chemistry or evolution. It's not something that can adequately be put into words. People will debate the topic and come to their own conclusions for the rest of time. Poets and philosophers will try to capture it. But it's really just something you have to feel and experience for yourself. 

When you experience it for real, you'll understand the all encompassing power of it. You just have to be open to it and believe it Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing. 

 

Morning Shy!

 

I feel a fellow romantic here?! There aren’t many of us left! Like dreamers! We’re in short supply! 

I don’t believe there is just one that is perfect for you; although I get it when people feel that way! And I can see why.

 

What I do think is that as humans, we only have so much time, resource and energy inside of us, and to experience and create a lifelong bond, can be argued for some is instant, but also as the years go by, needs constant attention, like a beautiful but changing garden. And we can only realistically do this one at a time. 
 

If you find someone you have a beautiful, intense and deep connection to - you fall in love with, truly - I think it needs a life longs obsession and attention to continue to flourish. 
 

I know this is a different love, but falls under the same kind of “would die for/intense/pure/true love” category: when I had my first baby, I thought I could never love another baby like him, ever again. I asked many women who had more than one, how do you find room or have the ability to love this intensely, for many other children?

I got some advice I will never forget. She said: “The heart expands. You’ll see.”

 

And, it did! Three times over! What I will testify too is, although I love all three of my children with the same passion, fierce protection and intensity, they are all different people, so my love for them comes in different forms. I love them equally, but differently.

 

So the bond you get with one person is always special, it is always unique - as people are always unique. There is only ever one of that person. You can love again, but it will never be exactly the same, or the same connection.

 

That’s my experience and I will say, I have been fortunate to be bombard with true love my whole life - an abundance of love, and count myself very lucky.

 

There is a Bryan Ferry lyric that always resonates with me. It goes: “In my life, so much love, made me sad, for so long.”

 

Intense pure love, romantic or otherwise, to me and some others, is crippling. It hurts the heart and lifts it all at the same time. Because you know you now love something more than yourself, and that if anything happens to the person you love, a part of your heart will go too. Heart ache, the term, feels literal. Your heart literally aches. The term “love sick” also technically can ring true. When first falling in love, you can feel sick, butterflies, giddy and unstable in your balance. There are physical and mental affects. 
 

The main lesson I have learn that surprised me the most is - people always told me it would fade and pass. They call it “infatuation”. What I didn’t realise is that, the infatuation phase would never leave for me, and I’d be riding on a cloud 16 years later! 
 

As for the question - can you know if someone is wife or husband material first off? For me, sure thing. Obviously for most - not. They need more time.

 

Also, to @yogacat and @rainbowsandroses who maybe think I am imposing my views of instant love or instant connection on anyone - of course not. This is how it happened for me, and has been for my 16 year marriage. This is my experience, no one else’s. If people need more time, more dates; that is their prerogative and map for doing things. It doesn’t make it wrong. 
 

I’ve answered and said yes, I believe it, and I know it. I am a little confused as to how a very happy and joyous story and long content marriage story and experience can be twisted cynically and then said to be “imposing”. Strange! 
 

I hear happy news and say to other people congratulations! You both seem to agree with others who’s love story fits your more acceptable standard of progression!

 

I am not asking to make believers out of love at first sight. It might be that some people cannot experience it because, they’re just not made up that way.

 

Some people feel more intensely as well. Some people are more logical. Some people follow their heads over their hearts. 
 

Different strokes for different folks. I’m sorry to read you seem jaded and cynical, but I’m not here to change anyone’s mind.

 

Anyway Shy! I hope you find what you’re looking for if you haven’t! Life is an adventure! Best to live it passionately! I admire your spirit, always have! 
 

Keep on and, thank you! 
 

x
 

 

[mylolita]

10 hours ago, catfeeder said:

I think there's a difference between people who can look back in retrospect after years of a great partnership and say, "I knew that this was the right person for me as soon as we met..." followed by more dating that confirmed this, and so forth, versus people who love bomb and start imposing assumptions on the other right away.

It's okay to get a sense of something wonderful and then handle that like a rational person to avoid frightening the one you're dating with weird premonitions. It's not okay to impose such premonitions on a new date and expect him or her to fall in instant alignment with that.

This is a fair observation Cat.

 

I think some people feel this intense “knowing” but of course, wouldn’t say that to the person they’ve first met. I never mentioned my thoughts about this to my husband and neither did he till we were into a proper relationship. 
 

Looking back 16 years later - I struck lucky in knowing and being correct. It doesn’t always work out like that so as to why I use the word “luck”. Some people may say “blessing”. 
 

I champion love and think it‘s what makes the world go round. I think pure love is our greatest source of strength, inspiration, happiness and truth. Love can prompt amazing feats of human spirit. It can also come in many forms, and not just romantic, or in a traditional marriage. 
 

Some people also are very good judges of character straight away, and are in tune with their instincts and gut feelings, goals and desires. Judging and sifting partners that are right for them is an easier process. 
 

Others need more time, are less likely to take risks (as running in head first with someone without much time spent is in fact a risk or “leap of faith”). Some are more logical or simply steady and like life at a slower pace. Everyone’s love story will be different. 
 

But I think this thread highlights that yes, you can know if the person in front of you is your potential spouse, if not instantly, very soon after (few days or weeks). And some people take longer.

 

There is no wrong or right but it is possible both ways.

 

x

[mylolita]

The magic, exuberance and intensity of love at first sight, or a meeting of life changing proportion, is summed up for me personally in a song by Sade called ‘Kiss Of Life’:

 

——

There must have been an angel by my side 
Something heavenly led me to you 
Look at the sky 
It's the colour of love

He led me to you

He built a bridge to your heart, all the way 
How many tons of love inside? I can't say

When I was led to you 
I knew you were the one for me 
I swear whole world could feel my heartbeat 
When I lay eyes on you 
I-I-I-I-I 
You wrapped me up in the colour of love

You gave me the kiss of life 
Kiss of life 
You gave me the kiss that's like 
The kiss of life

Wasn't it clear from the start? 
Look the sky is full of love 
Yeah, the sky is full of love

You gave me the kiss of life 
Kiss of life 
You gave me the kiss that's like 
Kiss of life

You wrapped me up in the colour of love 
In the moonlight baby 
It must have been an angel came down from above 
Giving me love, yeah 
Giving me love, yeah 
You gave me the kiss of life 
Kiss of life

 

——-

 

♥️