How to handle this - two guys

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, kim42 said:

Yes, it's true I'm not someone who usually has casual sex, I think I've made an exception with the work guy because I'm very attracted to him - physically - and we have strong chemistry.

As I said, I'm not naive to think that LD guy has been sitting at home all this time. I think what matters now is how we feel about things when we see each other again and if we want to take things further or not.

Yes you are comfortable with casual sex when you are single and feel chemistry. Totally normal. Also normal if he finds out and feels uncomfortable getting serious with someone who would make this choice. Also since you said you’d been lonely and needed the ego boost then waiting till after you see LD guy is fine right? You probably won’t feel lonely when you see him. Are you worried your coworker will find someone else this week he is more attracted to and removd you from his rotation ?

[kim42]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Yes you are comfortable with casual sex when you are single and feel chemistry. Totally normal. Also normal if he finds out and feels uncomfortable getting serious with someone who would make this choice. Also since you said you’d been lonely and needed the ego boost then waiting till after you see LD guy is fine right? You probably won’t feel lonely when you see him. Are you worried your coworker will find someone else this week he is more attracted to and removd you from his rotation ?

Yes, he might feel uncomfortable about it, if he finds about it. 

I don't know why you think that I'd be worried that the work guy would 'remove me from his rotation', that honestly didn't even cross my mind.

I don't think I'll postpone the hang out with him, but for other reasons that I don't want to share here.

[rainbowsandroses]

47 minutes ago, kim42 said:

I don't think I'll postpone our hang out with him, but for other reasons that I don't want to share here.

^^I am completely confused now.  When @catfeeder suggested you postpone your meet with work guy until after LD guy visits, you responded:

20 hours ago, kim42 said:

Thank you, this was the type of advice I was hoping to get!

Apparently there is more going on with work guy than you're willing to disclose so at this point, it's almost impossible to even even provide an opinion.

All I will say now is enjoy your time with both and good luck. 🙂

 

 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, kim42 said:

Yes, he might feel uncomfortable about it, if he finds about it. 

I don't know why you think that I'd be worried that the work guy would 'remove me from his rotation', that honestly didn't even cross my mind.

I don't think I'll postpone the hang out with him, but for other reasons that I don't want to share here.

Why -because the man told you he wants to keep this to casual hookups and you said he was quite forward/flirtatious at work so if you really prioritize having sex with him and cancel -perhaps you'd be worried he might not reschedule.  If you choose not to postpone -and therefore increase the risk of your LD guy having issues -a guy you've now been in contact with, and romantically interested in -for months -then it sounds like work guy is not just a gap filler and not just for hot sex.

[yogacat]

I could be wrong but I don't think co-worker hookup guy is going to go anywhere as long as he is free to continue having uncomplicated sex with you.

And he will assume you're willing to also see him as and when he feels you're in the mood. Why -because the man wanted to see you casually and that seems to me like a request that most men would be ok with and you already know you are ok with it too.

You said your priority is your LD guy as you have maintained contact for months after not seeing each other.

The only reason you are considering the ongoing sex with the co-worker is because you aren't confident about how you will feel or what you have with LD guy. 

But I don't think you're being 100% honest with yourself either.  

You pretend to not care how LD guy will react, but you're posting at an advice and in responses trying to establish narratives.  It doesn't matter what stories we create, what matters are your feelings and decisions.  

You know if you really do care or not and what you're doing it for. 

[rainbowsandroses]

16 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I could be wrong but I don't think co-worker hookup guy is going to go anywhere as long as he is free to continue having uncomplicated sex with you.

I don't either, and given what you surmised in your previous thread @kim42 that he may be somewhat of a player, it's even possible that your unavailability might increase his interest (whatever that interest is, sexual or otherwise).

I have no idea what your reasons are for wanting to see him right before LD guy visits, but IF it's because you fear your unavailability may put him off and you may not get another chance, I would rethink that.

I have never known a man to be so put off by a woman's unavailability for one night that he doesn't want to see her again, especially here when it's only casual FB anyway.

What you also may want to consider is that by having sex with work guy right before LD guy visits, your emotions may feel a bit jumbled and as such the time you spend with LD may be compromised by any feelings you have for work guy, even if they are only sexual.

 

[yogacat]

4 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I don't either, and given what you surmised in your previous thread @kim42 that he may be somewhat of a player, it's even possible that your unavailability might increase his interest (whatever that interest is, sexual or otherwise).

I have no idea what your reasons are for wanting to see him right before LD guy visits, but IF it's because you fear your unavailability may put him off and you may not get another chance, I would rethink that.

I have never known a man to be so put off by a woman's unavailability for one night that he doesn't want to see her again, especially here when it's only casual FB anyway.

What you also may want to consider is that by having sex with work guy right before LD guy visits, your emotions may feel a bit jumbled and as such the time you spend with LD may be compromised by any feelings you have for work guy, even if they are only sexual.

 

Spot on. 👏

[kim42]

Thanks guys for your comments, all interesting thoughts.

So to clarify why I don't want to postpone hanging out with work guy - because we both have been travelling for work a lot, and also because of the summer holidays season, this is the only day for now that works for both of us to hang out. So I simply want to have sex with him again. I know I'll get judgemental comments about this so that's why I was hesitant to share it.

 

I don't think me seeing him before LD guy should change how I feel about LD guy. They are are separate in my mind, and work guy is just sex.

 

@yogacat - you said that I pretend that I don't care how LD guy will react - can you please clarify what you mean by this? I do care about him and I hope our long weekend will go well, and hopefully it won't be our last visit.

 

[kim42]

7 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I don't either, and given what you surmised in your previous thread @kim42 that he may be somewhat of a player, it's even possible that your unavailability might increase his interest (whatever that interest is, sexual or otherwise).

I have no idea what your reasons are for wanting to see him right before LD guy visits, but IF it's because you fear your unavailability may put him off and you may not get another chance, I would rethink that.

I have never known a man to be so put off by a woman's unavailability for one night that he doesn't want to see her again, especially here when it's only casual FB anyway.

What you also may want to consider is that by having sex with work guy right before LD guy visits, your emotions may feel a bit jumbled and as such the time you spend with LD may be compromised by any feelings you have for work guy, even if they are only sexual.

 

I think you might be right about the unavailability thing - I was working from a different office/city for some time, after we hooked up, and he texted me that it's been a while since we didn't see each other and that we should meet again.

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, kim42 said:

Thanks guys for your comments, all interesting thoughts.

So to clarify why I don't want to postpone hanging out with work guy - because we both have been travelling for work a lot, and also because of the summer holidays season, this is the only day for now that works for both of us to hang out. So I simply want to have sex with him again. I know I'll get judgemental comments about this so that's why I was hesitant to share it.

 

I don't think me seeing him before LD guy should change how I feel about LD guy. They are are separate in my mind, and work guy is just sex.

 

@yogacat - you said that I pretend that I don't care how LD guy will react - can you please clarify what you mean by this? I do care about him and I hope our long weekend will go well, and hopefully it won't be our last visit.

 

So own that it's more important to you to have sex with work guy given logistics and  timing than it is to first explore a potential dating relationship with LD guy.  Because that timing is risky.  For a number of reasons.  You're an adult and you're entitled to prioritize the fun and  thrills and ego boost of sex with your sex partner and you're entitled to believe that it won't have anything to do with whether it works out with LD guy. 

I ended things with a really good person with strong potential for forever in 1990 in favor of a really hot guy- bad boy type - who told me on the first date -he was 22! - that he likely wouldn't want to marry till he was 30 (I mean that's fine but the other guy was a little older and marriage minded).  They knew each other.  Hot guy -was OMG so hot and out of my league in looks.  We didn't have sex because I was waiting but we were sexual and it was hot.  Honestly when I fooled around with the other guy it was hot too but he was so..... there and available and I'd ended an engagement recently and was ready to party! 

So let's see- fast forward -good guy married a good woman.  Hot guy and I became very serious and he was my first.  Hoy guy proposed but by  then I realized  that he was emotionally unavailable -for some reason -even though I didn't use that phrase in my head back then.  Turns out he was -he'd been in denial for years that he was gay.  Which he told me 10 years after the breakup .  We each married men in the same year.  I actually had the opportunity through a work situation to be back in touch with good guy and we almost met up but he thought better of it as he was dating his future wife. 

I regretted my decision.  Obviously it all worked out (I don't regret it at all now!!) but I get how you are feeling - and back then I chalked it up to chemistry -with hot guy it was through the roof (no I never ever saw any inkling that he wasn't into me or women) - and I wasn't ready for stable, good, compassionate Good Guy.  We all have regrets. 

I think you're playing with fire a bit despite the  technicalities -I was also technically single, I did nothing wrong by multi dating etc and I was 23 and newly unengaged to Mr. Right on Paper.  I was in a bit of a whirlwind.  If you are making this choice I suspect there's more going on than "Oh I just want sex and logistically it has to be now."

[kim42]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

So own that it's more important to you to have sex with work guy given logistics and  timing than it is to first explore a potential dating relationship with LD guy.  Because that timing is risky.  For a number of reasons.  You're an adult and you're entitled to prioritize the fun and  thrills and ego boost of sex with your sex partner and you're entitled to believe that it won't have anything to do with whether it works out with LD guy. 

I ended things with a really good person with strong potential for forever in 1990 in favor of a really hot guy- bad boy type - who told me on the first date -he was 22! - that he likely wouldn't want to marry till he was 30 (I mean that's fine but the other guy was a little older and marriage minded).  They knew each other.  Hot guy -was OMG so hot and out of my league in looks.  We didn't have sex because I was waiting but we were sexual and it was hot.  Honestly when I fooled around with the other guy it was hot too but he was so..... there and available and I'd ended an engagement recently and was ready to party! 

So let's see- fast forward -good guy married a good woman.  Hot guy and I became very serious and he was my first.  Hoy guy proposed but by  then I realized  that he was emotionally unavailable -for some reason -even though I didn't use that phrase in my head back then.  Turns out he was -he'd been in denial for years that he was gay.  Which he told me 10 years after the breakup .  We each married men in the same year.  I actually had the opportunity through a work situation to be back in touch with good guy and we almost met up but he thought better of it as he was dating his future wife. 

I regretted my decision.  Obviously it all worked out (I don't regret it at all now!!) but I get how you are feeling - and back then I chalked it up to chemistry -with hot guy it was through the roof (no I never ever saw any inkling that he wasn't into me or women) - and I wasn't ready for stable, good, compassionate Good Guy.  We all have regrets. 

I think you're playing with fire a bit despite the  technicalities -I was also technically single, I did nothing wrong by multi dating etc and I was 23 and newly unengaged to Mr. Right on Paper.  I was in a bit of a whirlwind.  If you are making this choice I suspect there's more going on than "Oh I just want sex and logistically it has to be now."

Thank you, Batya, for sharing your story.

Honestly it's not that deep with work guy, I just want to have a good time with him, that's all, I don't know why you believe there has to be more to it.

I also never said he's more important than LD guy - I don't know why you'd assume this. As I said, they are both very separate in my mind and I don't think that having sex with work guy could influence my long weekend with LD guy, because it's just sex,  I don't expect anything else from work guy.

[yogacat]

6 hours ago, kim42 said:

Thanks guys for your comments, all interesting thoughts.

So to clarify why I don't want to postpone hanging out with work guy - because we both have been travelling for work a lot, and also because of the summer holidays season, this is the only day for now that works for both of us to hang out. So I simply want to have sex with him again. I know I'll get judgemental comments about this so that's why I was hesitant to share it.

 

I don't think me seeing him before LD guy should change how I feel about LD guy. They are are separate in my mind, and work guy is just sex.

 

@yogacat - you said that I pretend that I don't care how LD guy will react - can you please clarify what you mean by this? I do care about him and I hope our long weekend will go well, and hopefully it won't be our last visit.

 

I just meant that in your post and in your responses you've asked how to navigate sleeping with your co-worker and also seeing LD guy so I think it's clear you care how LD guy reacts and want to manage perceptions.

But understandably, you may not have figured out your feelings and expectations yet and that's ok.

Again, you're single, free to come and go as you please, but right here you mention that you care about him so it seems clear you are looking for someone you have real feelings around.

Either way good luck with the visit!

[rainbowsandroses]

Hey Kim, I think it's totally okay if you want to see two men simultaneously, each for different reasons.

BUT despite your assertions to the contrary, the vibe I get from reading your posts discussing work guy is that you DO have a romantic interest in him and here's why I think that.

In your previous thread about him which went 9 pages, you really liked him, you were meeting for coffee chats and were hoping he'd take it further and ask you out.

He invited you out after work with a group, you were disappointed he never followed through but as you were walking home after work, he saw you and invited you to join which you did and had a good time.

After that you hooked up at a party and had hot sex claiming the chemistry between you was super strong, but when asked by members here about "dating" him, you claimed paraphrasing it was just about sex, casual, I have no interest in actually dating him.

Huh?

So my question is what happened to the feelings you had for him?  Did they just disappear after you had sex?  And suddenly after having hot sex and the great chemistry between you which STILL exists, it's "just sex" and even now you're claiming "it's not that deep."

You have to know that this  is highly unusual - for a woman to have a romantic interest in a man, they have hot sex and admittedly great chemistry but then suddenly after sex, the romantic interest she had prior to sex is now gone?

After the sex?

You don't have to answer any of these questions to us, however again understand how confusing this is for the reader.  

It simply makes no sense that prior to sex you had a romantic interest in him wanting to possibly date him to after hot sex and great chemistry you have no interest in dating him and it's "just sex."

I invite you to ask yourself this question and be honest with yourself.

IF work guy came to you and told you he really liked you and wanted more than just sex and proposed exploring a dating relationship, would you seriously respond "no, for me it's just sex, I have no interest in dating you, I only want casual sex"?

Something to consider?  Within yourself, no need to answer this question to us as it's highly personal but I think emotional honesty within yourself is important and would be fair to LD guy as well. 

JMO

 

 

 

[yogacat]

13 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

You have to know that this  is highly unusual - for a woman to have a romantic interest in a man, they have hot sex and admittedly great chemistry but then suddenly after sex, the romantic interest she had prior to sex is now gone?

Not too unusual...

I had a crush on someone after a LTR ended. I had been single for about a year.

After talking back and forth for about a year, we eventually went on to have a purely casual relationship and any romantic feelings I had for him quickly faded.

There was just something that made me realize the romantic feelings I thought I had were really just lust and infatuation.

Physical connection and chemistry can be deceptive.

Not saying that is the case here with @kim42but it certainly was for me.

[rainbowsandroses]

32 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Not too unusual...

I had a crush on someone after a LTR ended. I had been single for about a year.

After talking back and forth for about a year, we eventually went on to have a purely casual relationship and any romantic feelings I had for him quickly faded.

There was just something that made me realize the romantic feelings I thought I had were really just lust and infatuation.

Physical connection and chemistry can be deceptive.

Not saying that is the case here with @kim42but it certainly was for me.

Fair enough but I dunno the way Kim talks about him and defends what she claims is their strictly casual sexual situation and great chemistry, she seems very protective of it and then right before another man (LD guy) visits, she's adamant that she wants to see and have sex with him, to me it sounds like it's more than "just sex" for her.

Either way is totally fine, again just a vibe I get from reading her posts discussing him.

I think emotional honesty within oneself is important.

Good luck Kim.

[Jaunty]

I don't think it's that unusual for a woman to have a sexual arrangement with a man. It depends on her personality and attitude towards sex.   I do feel some surprise that @kim42 is a woman who would be likely to do this though, just because of what we know about you, Kim, from your posting history.   You haven't come off (to me) as a person who compartmentalizes emotional things very handily.  

That said, it means little to nothing.  We get to know bits and pieces of each other on boards like this.   As long as things are going the way you wish them to go, and that they won't be leading you into places you don't want to be.  

[rainbowsandroses]

3 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

I don't think it's that unusual for a woman to have a sexual arrangement with a man.

^^I don't either however there is a certain context here that should be considered IMO.

In any event, it appears as of now I'm the only person who is getting that "this may be more than just sex" vibe so I'll leave it alone.

Again good luck Kim, keep us posted. 😀

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, kim42 said:

Thank you, Batya, for sharing your story.

Honestly it's not that deep with work guy, I just want to have a good time with him, that's all, I don't know why you believe there has to be more to it.

I also never said he's more important than LD guy - I don't know why you'd assume this. As I said, they are both very separate in my mind and I don't think that having sex with work guy could influence my long weekend with LD guy, because it's just sex,  I don't expect anything else from work guy.

I think there is given all you’ve written about LD guy and how you’re willing to risk the downsides because “I want sex with this person and if I don’t now our schedules might delay the opportunity to have sex for awhile and I don’t want to wait “. Doesn’t really add up IMHO. I think plenty of women have sex because it’s enjoyable. In this particular scenario I question your judgment in not delaying seeing your sex partner. 

[yogacat]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Fair enough but I dunno the way Kim talks about him and defends what she claims is their strictly casual sexual situation and great chemistry, she seems very protective of it and then right before another man (LD guy) visits, she's adamant that she wants to see and have sex with him, to me it sounds like it's more than "just sex" for her.

Either way is totally fine, again just a vibe I get from reading her posts discussing him.

I think emotional honesty within oneself is important.

Good luck Kim.

Oh. Totally agree with you that there might be more feelings involved on Kim's (your) end.

If that is the case @kim42, for whatever reason, maybe you're not comfortable with sharing at this point?

Given you said that is not the case, we will of course take your word for it.

[kim42]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Hey Kim, I think it's totally okay if you want to see two men simultaneously, each for different reasons.

BUT despite your assertions to the contrary, the vibe I get from reading your posts discussing work guy is that you DO have a romantic interest in him and here's why I think that.

In your previous thread about him which went 9 pages, you really liked him, you were meeting for coffee chats and were hoping he'd take it further and ask you out.

He invited you out after work with a group, you were disappointed he never followed through but as you were walking home after work, he saw you and invited you to join which you did and had a good time.

After that you hooked up at a party and had hot sex claiming the chemistry between you was super strong, but when asked by members here about "dating" him, you claimed paraphrasing it was just about sex, casual, I have no interest in actually dating him.

Huh?

So my question is what happened to the feelings you had for him?  Did they just disappear after you had sex?  And suddenly after having hot sex and the great chemistry between you which STILL exists, it's "just sex" and even now you're claiming "it's not that deep."

You have to know that this  is highly unusual - for a woman to have a romantic interest in a man, they have hot sex and admittedly great chemistry but then suddenly after sex, the romantic interest she had prior to sex is now gone?

After the sex?

You don't have to answer any of these questions to us, however again understand how confusing this is for the reader.  

It simply makes no sense that prior to sex you had a romantic interest in him wanting to possibly date him to after hot sex and great chemistry you have no interest in dating him and it's "just sex."

I invite you to ask yourself this question and be honest with yourself.

IF work guy came to you and told you he really liked you and wanted more than just sex and proposed exploring a dating relationship, would you seriously respond "no, for me it's just sex, I have no interest in dating you, I only want casual sex"?

Something to consider?  Within yourself, no need to answer this question to us as it's highly personal but I think emotional honesty within yourself is important and would be fair to LD guy as well. 

JMO

 

 

 

Hey rainbow, thanks for this, it was interesting to read it. I understand why you would think I expect more from him but the thing is that I could kind of feel he was only interested in me sexually even before he told me so. So when he told me at that party that he was only looking for a casual hookup, I wasn't that surprised. I put him in the 'sex only' box in my mind and simply adapted to the situation, I guess.

 

Yes, it's not my usual style, as @Jaunty pointed out, byt maybe I'm trying new things and learning along the way?

 

He made it very clear he's not looking for anything else than sex so I don't expect anything to change from his end.

 

I also understand why you'd think that I'm 'protective' of this, I think it's because I haven't felt this strong sexual chemistry in a while, so I simply want to enjoy it before it ends.

 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, kim42 said:

Hey rainbow, thanks for this, it was interesting to read it. I understand why you would think I expect more from him but the thing is that I could kind of feel he was only interested in me sexually even before he told me so. So when he told me at that party that he was only looking for a casual hookup, I wasn't that surprised. I put him in the 'sex only' box in my mind and simply adapted to the situation, I guess.

 

Yes, it's not my usual style, as @Jaunty pointed out, byt maybe I'm trying new things and learning along the way?

 

He made it very clear he's not looking for anything else than sex so I don't expect anything to change from his end.

 

I also understand why you'd think that I'm 'protective' of this, I think it's because I haven't felt this strong sexual chemistry in a while, so I simply want to enjoy it before it ends.

 

OK but to clarify I know you don't expect more from him.  I was questioning if you were being honest with yourself about having romantic feelings for him, more than just sex - two different things.  

Yes HE told you he only wants casual so if you want to continue having sex with him, you conformed (adapted as you just posted) to HIS mindset in order to continue doing so (having sex).

But I also asked earlier, what if he told you he wanted more than sex?  What if he told you he'd like to date you?

Being honest with yourself, would you respond "no, I don't have those feelings, for me this is strictly casual sex."

Somehow I don't think you would, that's my only point. 

JMO, but I think most women (and men if roles were reversed) would not be so adamant and frankly desperate-sounding about having sex with a FB sex only person right before the man they claim to really like comes to visit. 

Again jmo and just some things to consider.   I also agree with what Batya recently posted. 

 

[kim42]

17 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Oh. Totally agree with you that there might be more feelings involved on Kim's (your) end.

If that is the case @kim42, for whatever reason, maybe you're not comfortable with sharing at this point?

Given you said that is not the case, we will of course take your word for it.

I don't think I have more feelings involved. The timing feels a little weird since LD guy is supposed to come soon but me and work guy don't text about anything too personal, it's either about work or flirty message to plan to 'hang out'.  So it's just physical.

[kim42]

29 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

OK but to clarify I know you don't expect more from him.  I was questioning if you were being honest with yourself about having romantic feelings for him, more than just sex - two different things.  

Yes HE told you he only wants casual so if you want to continue having sex with him, you conformed to HIS mindset in order to continue doing so (having sex).

But I also asked earlier, what if he told you he wanted more than sex?  What if he told you he'd like to date you?

Being honest with yourself, would you respond "no, I don't have those feelings, for me this is strictly casual sex."

Somehow I don't think you would, that's my only point. 

JMO, but I think most women (and men if roles were reversed) would not be so adamant and frankly desperate-sounding about having sex with a FB sex only person right before the man they claim to really like comes to visit. 

Again jmo and just some things to consider.   I also agree with what Batya recently posted. 

 

I honestly don't think he'd ask me to date him but if it ever happens, my answer would depend on how things evolve with LD guy.

I don't think I'm desperate to have sex with him - I don't text him every day to come over to my place. Yes, I enjoyed it and would like to do it again but I think it's offensive to label me as desperate just because I want to hook up with someone again.

I explained why this is the only day that works for me and him at this point, and why I'm attracted to him but that doesn't mean I'm desperate. There's also a high chance that I'll have sex with LD guy so it's not like it's my only option to have sex.

Also, I remember that many members told me several times to meet other men and go on dates while 'waiting' for LD guy, so I don't understand why it's suddenly so bad to have sex with someone else while I'm still single.

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, kim42 said:

so I don't understand why it's suddenly so bad to have sex with someone else while I'm still single.

It's not -it's poor judgment IMO to have sex now with him given LD's visit and anyway you are not dating this person you are meeting up to have sex.  I personally would never ever encourage any person to have sex with someone casually to "learn" about themselves or "try new things" - I totally get others do make that suggestion.

If  you would date this man then it's imbalanced here -he's made it clear he wants to have sex with you as the beginning and end of your interactions.  Protect your heart then IMO.

I thought it was really good on your part to go on dates while LD guy wasn't available to meet up with you.

[rainbowsandroses]

53 minutes ago, kim42 said:

Yes, I enjoyed it and would like to do it again but I think it's offensive to label me as desperate.

I didn't actually write "desperate" I wrote "desperate-sounding" and to me that's how it sounds.  If that's not how you feel, then fair enough!  You know yourself best!

As I said earlier, you DO sound like you have your feet on the ground about this and I truly hope everything works out the way you hope.

Often times in situations like this, a woman (or man if roles reversed) risks losing both guys.  I have seen it happen.

I hope that doesn't happen but as Bat said it does seem like you're playing with fire, just my take.   Having what is expected to be hot sex with a man you feel strong chemistry with right before the man you claim to really like visits.

That is a big risk IMO.   I can only speak for myself, but when I really like a man and hope (not expect) to develop a LTR with him, I would be 100% focused on him and spending time ONLY with him.  It's nothing I even have to think about, it's instinctual when I really like/am attracted to a man (beyond sex). 

FB (work guy) would be a nothingburger, and would hold off on seeing him depending on what transpired with the guy I really liked (LD guy).

But you do you, as you said, you're trying something new on (for you), I did that a few years back too!   It's didn't work for me but maybe it WILL work for you!!