kim42 Posted July 15 Author Share Posted July 15 13 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said: Do you perhaps expect more than he could give to you? Meaning do you perhaps expect more serious commitment when he gives you no signs of that? I ask because, distance or no distance, think he would be inclined to say anything about the commitment in the meantime as well. Instead of waiting almost a year. If he didnt said anything more than "I am looking forward to see you", dont think he would do in person as well. I have no doubt he will be excited to see you in person when it comes to maybe hooking up again. Just dont think you maybe should expect anything more serious there. He has always presented himself as looking for a serious relationship. He doesn't look like the hookup type to me, he's been a gentleman so far. Also, we didn't have sex yet, we only kissed for now. But maybe you're right and he's changed his mind and only wants to hook up now. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoyfulCompany Posted July 15 Share Posted July 15 Any chance LD guys is German? 😄 Joking but... I'm from Eastern Europe as well and I'm used to people expressing emotions or at least intentions a lot... faster. Twice I was trying to date someone from Germany and by the time they were warming up to me, I had already burnt out through the whole spectrum of emotions and was basically done. Personal anecdotes aside, at some point you were almost sure LD guy wasn't interested at all and that DIDN'T turn out to be true. So, can you say he's more reserved when expressing emotions? In any case - wait and see in person. But if he's slow to open up and 3 hours away, gosh, that's a hard combination to endure for anyone lacking patience and self confidence (as I were in my anecdotes). Chin up and have fun. Don't overthink it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kim42 Posted July 15 Author Share Posted July 15 17 minutes ago, JoyfulCompany said: Any chance LD guys is German? 😄 Joking but... I'm from Eastern Europe as well and I'm used to people expressing emotions or at least intentions a lot... faster. Twice I was trying to date someone from Germany and by the time they were warming up to me, I had already burnt out through the whole spectrum of emotions and was basically done. Personal anecdotes aside, at some point you were almost sure LD guy wasn't interested at all and that DIDN'T turn out to be true. So, can you say he's more reserved when expressing emotions? In any case - wait and see in person. But if he's slow to open up and 3 hours away, gosh, that's a hard combination to endure for anyone lacking patience and self confidence (as I were in my anecdotes). Chin up and have fun. Don't overthink it. He's from Eastern Europe, just like me, but we both live in Western Europe now. You're totally right that he is reserved when expressing emotions - just like a typical person from Eastern Europe 😁 I think I'm so used to dating men from Western Europe that it's unsual for me to deal with his. So yes, I'd say he's slow to open. Thank you, I'll try not to overthink and just see how it goes when he finally gets here! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 15 Share Posted July 15 Kim, first of all trust your intuition and your own judgment. You've been interacting with this man for the better part of a year, you can certainly know or sense when he's pulling back, less enthusiastic, less attentive. And right before he's scheduled to visit you? This is not uncommon when two people have been interacting on line for a long time and one is scheduled to close that distance gap and spend time in person. It's possible he's one of those men who is able to feel enthusiastic and excited about a woman when she's at a safe distance. Possibly. When the time comes to close that distance, suddenly he's feeling not so excited or enthusiastic anymore. This is why I stay away from men who reach out who live a long distance away and/or why I never take too seriously my interactions with them. I can't say what's happenings with your LD guy but it IS possible he likes you better from a distance. So all you can do is hope for the best but prepare yourself for the worst, including that he may cancel the visit altogether. I hope it all works out though, that he shows up and you have a great time. Keep us posted. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kim42 Posted July 15 Author Share Posted July 15 24 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: Kim, first of all trust your intuition and your own judgment. You've been interacting with this man for the better part of a year, you can certainly know or sense when he's pulling back, less enthusiastic, less attentive. And right before he's scheduled to visit you? This is not uncommon when two people have been interacting on line for a long time and one is scheduled to close that distance gap and spend time in person. It's possible he's one of those men who is able to feel enthusiastic and excited about a woman when she's at a safe distance. Possibly. When the time comes to close that distance, suddenly he's feeling not so excited or enthusiastic anymore. This is why I stay away from men who reach out who live a long distance away and/or why I never take too seriously my interactions with them. I can't say what's happenings with your LD guy but it IS possible he likes you better from a distance. So all you can do is hope for the best but prepare yourself for the worst, including that he may cancel the visit altogether. I hope it all works out though, that he shows up and you have a great time. Keep us posted. I don't think he would cancel, he keeps messaging me so I don't think he would do that. I do believe it's just who he is when it comes to expressing emotions, so it's something I need to take into comsideration. Thank you again guys, I'll keep you posted! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 15 Share Posted July 15 1 hour ago, kim42 said: I don't think he would cancel, he keeps messaging me so I don't think he would do that. I do believe it's just who he is when it comes to expressing emotions, so it's something I need to take into comsideration. Thank you again guys, I'll keep you posted! I just re-read your initial post, and from what I gather, it was one message he didn't respond as enthusiastically as you hoped and expected? If so, then let it go, it was one message. It all sounds good and positive and nevermind my last post. 😀 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted July 16 Share Posted July 16 On 7/15/2024 at 7:41 AM, kim42 said: ...he's told me several times that he really looks forward to seeing me or this visit. Last time he told me this was last Wednesday, and he keeps texting me other things too but it just makes me question if he's into me since he ignored that message. Maybe he just doesn't thrive on redundancy? I've just completed two rounds of long distance travel, and while I expressed excitement as our plans were made, I turned a lot more practical in my messages as the time closed in. I'm sure there were instances of double messaging where one of us expressed excitement plus a practical thing at the same time, and the other chose to respond to the practical thing. Don't psyche yourself downward. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kim42 Posted July 17 Author Share Posted July 17 18 hours ago, catfeeder said: Maybe he just doesn't thrive on redundancy? I've just completed two rounds of long distance travel, and while I expressed excitement as our plans were made, I turned a lot more practical in my messages as the time closed in. I'm sure there were instances of double messaging where one of us expressed excitement plus a practical thing at the same time, and the other chose to respond to the practical thing. Don't psyche yourself downward. Thank you, this is helpful! He's indeed very practical and has a matter-of-fact personality so I think you might be right here. I've been very busy at work this week so that helps me not to overthink my personal life! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 17 Share Posted July 17 On 7/15/2024 at 5:55 AM, kim42 said: He has always presented himself as looking for a serious relationship. He doesn't look like the hookup type to me, he's been a gentleman so far. Kim, you won't know what his true motives or feelings are until you meet again and spend time in person. How two people interact on line and how they interact in person are often two entirely different things. Not always, but often enough that it's worth a mention. Also, to say "he doesn't look like the type," is very dangerous thinking. No doubt, the women who met Ted Bundy (famous serial killer) said the same thing and thus got into his car, and we all know the rest. I'm NOT saying or even suggesting LD guy is a serial killer! Lol My point is that you don't really know him. You'll know more after the visit which I hope goes well!!! I'll be thinking of you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted July 17 Share Posted July 17 5 hours ago, kim42 said: Thank you, this is helpful! He's indeed very practical and has a matter-of-fact personality so I think you might be right here. I've been very busy at work this week so that helps me not to overthink my personal life! Good! Some people are effusive and express excitement constantly, others are reserved and saying it once is enough, and most of us are somewhere in between. Stay busy, and don't sink yourself over nits. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaunty Posted July 18 Share Posted July 18 13 hours ago, kim42 said: He's indeed very practical and has a matter-of-fact personality so I think you might be right here. I recall in your other threads that I was getting the impression that, for this man, a long distance relationship was not something he was open to or interested in exploring. You've kept in contact and enjoyed it, but now that a visit is imminent it might be occurring to him that, if he participates in any way romantically, he might be edging on to territory that he knows he won't want to venture. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCh0c0 Posted July 23 Share Posted July 23 @kim42 was the meet up during the past weekend? How did it go? 🤞 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kim42 Posted July 24 Author Share Posted July 24 13 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said: @kim42 was the meet up during the past weekend? How did it go? 🤞 It didn't go well. I don't feel ready to share the details over here for now, maybe later. Thanks for asking though. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCh0c0 Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 2 hours ago, kim42 said: It didn't go well. I don't feel ready to share the details over here for now, maybe later. Thanks for asking though. I understand 🩷 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 3 hours ago, kim42 said: It didn't go well. I don't feel ready to share the details over here for now, maybe later. Thanks for asking though. Please reach out if you need to vent ,etc. I am sorry you were disappointed. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 6 hours ago, kim42 said: It didn't go well. I don't feel ready to share the details over here for now, maybe later. Thanks for asking though. Wow, I'm surprised and extremely saddened and sorry to hear this Kim. I had my fingers crossed for you. Are you okay? We're here if you ever feel the need to talk. 💛 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kim42 Posted July 24 Author Share Posted July 24 Thanks guys, I appreciate your suppport. I wish I could tell you something else. Sadly he disappointed me and I told him on the third day of our visit that I don't want to spend time with him anymore. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 3 minutes ago, kim42 said: Thanks guys, I appreciate your suppport. I wish I could tell you something else. Sadly he disappointed me and I told him on the third day of our visit that I don't want to spend time with him anymore. Not how I was hoping it would go down for you especially with all the time spent interacting with him. It sucks when there can be such a seemingly good connection and one thing, usually a big thing, stalls it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kim42 Posted July 24 Author Share Posted July 24 1 hour ago, yogacat said: Not how I was hoping it would go down for you especially with all the time spent interacting with him. It sucks when there can be such a seemingly good connection and one thing, usually a big thing, stalls it. So what happened was that he told me that he's sleeping with a married woman with three kids (her husband knows about it and it's him who wants his wife to sleep with someone else). And I don't want to have anything with someone who decides to be a part of this mess (sorry if it sounds judgemental but that's just too much for me). 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 10 minutes ago, kim42 said: So what happened was that he told me that he's sleeping with a married woman with three kids (her husband knows about it and it's him who wants his wife to sleep with someone else). And I don't want to have anything with someone who decides to be a part of this mess (sorry if it sounds judgemental but that's just too much for me). Oh, I don't blame you at all for not wanting to get involved with someone that is involved with a married person. Someone else might be okay with it and fine to deal with but we are all different and have to find our own way of choices on what we get involved with. I would say, good for you on sticking to your guns for what you want and not wanting to get involved with someone already complicated with enough problems for a small army lol. It's one thing if he was seeing someone else, but a married woman with kids that just involved an entire family affair is something a lot of us step back from. I could never see myself dating someone that was involved with a married person. Kim, you always seem to have such a good head on your shoulders with common sense. It's really something special. I'm glad you didn't waver on this one. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 5 minutes ago, kim42 said: So what happened was that he told me that he's sleeping with a married woman with three kids (her husband knows about it and it's him who wants his wife to sleep with someone else). And I don't want to have anything with someone who decides to be a part of this mess (sorry if it sounds judgemental but that's just too much for me). What? And he just dumped that on you? Have you talked about you two being together at all? Meaning why did he bother coming to see you at all? Just for possible FWB? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCh0c0 Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 41 minutes ago, kim42 said: So what happened was that he told me that he's sleeping with a married woman with three kids (her husband knows about it and it's him who wants his wife to sleep with someone else). And I don't want to have anything with someone who decides to be a part of this mess (sorry if it sounds judgemental but that's just too much for me). Oh my god!! What lack of morale. That is repulsive and disgusting behaviour from his end. And he claims the husband wants his wife to sleep around? Yeah, right. There's no way to tell if it's true or not. Gosh. I'm 100% with you. It's very disappointing. Very. I wish I could give you a hug 🫂 27 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said: Have you talked about you two being together at all? Meaning why did he bother coming to see you at all? Just for possible FWB? She already has a cute local fwb. Why bother? Edit: I see what you meant @Kwothe28 . Yeah, I don't know what he was expecting by flying over. @kim42 what were his intentions? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 Hmm so apparently being unemployed didn't stop him from having time for an affair. Ugh. Also why share that - he simply could have not come - did he think you'd want to date him given that situation? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 Yes. I wonder if the whole "I am unemployed" was just a cover for his involvement with this married woman. Tisk, tisk! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 @kim42 if/when you're ever ready to share more, how did he react when you told him you wanted him to leave? Had you been clicking and getting on well before he told you about the married woman? I agree with others, why fly to visit you and then share that info? Make zero sense. Anyway again hope you're okay. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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