Tram2435 Posted July 8 Share Posted July 8 I recently met a guy who ticks all my boxes, he has moved abroad for a couple of months for a work trip but I completely trust him because I’ve been seeing him for around two months now. It was his idea to try and do long distance and he is always supportive and there for me without me having to ask, he also is really honest with me. There’s not one thing about him that I’ve not liked yet. However, he unfortunately has a past and has given me an std which kind of put me off so I stopped speaking to him for a couple of days but realised that I still missed him. Whilst I wasn’t speaking to him because of what happened he said that he’ll give me the space but he’s always here for me if I need it and that he’s sorry this happened and that he didn’t even know he had anything because the symptoms don’t show up in a lot of people. He’s not made the situation awkward but I’m scared it would be and I’m not sure wether this is something to stop speaking to him over as I’ve become very wary of initial red flags recently in the start of relationships Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 8 Share Posted July 8 How often can you see him while he is away? Are you two exclusive? Were you using protection? What I would do is tell him to contact you when he is back in town and see where you both are then. You're all over the place -he's great, honest and ---- there are red flags and this STD. So take this few months to clear your head and when he's back resume communicating and potentially dating. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted July 8 Share Posted July 8 1 hour ago, Tram2435 said: However, he unfortunately has a past and has given me an std That is a big "However" and you should be mad as hell. But unfortunately, you are too "infatuated" with your "player" to even think about something like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeDee Posted July 8 Share Posted July 8 This is why condoms are important & you should discuss medical parts of your history before hand. Assuming what you got can be cleared up with antibiotics, if you are over being mad, there is no reason you can't keep talking to him while he's abroad. I would not sleep with him when you next see him until you get a copy of a medical STD test & he has a clean bill of health & you do too. Trust but verify. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaunty Posted July 8 Share Posted July 8 I'm concerned that you've not been using protection with a man you've only been seeing for a few weeks AND who you know "has a past." Not smart. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted July 8 Share Posted July 8 Oh dear. He's honest but gave you an STD? Let me tell you first off, if you sleep with anyone, get your own test done. Do not trust a person with your health. Second, are you using protection or no? Lastly, it's not a good sign of anything for him to give you an STD, disappointing to say the least. I would not be too keen on someone that gave me an STD. He may have told you he was checked but things can happen. Regardless, trust but verify. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted July 8 Share Posted July 8 I'm sorry this happened, but you need to own your part here, as well. Not only are you both responsible for the use of birth control, you're also responsible for being tested before taking that step. Of course even with it being a matter of choice, the bottom line is you can't place the blame on one, and not the other. At any rate, as to whether to stay or go, you're better off making a pros and cons list or something similar. Your call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LootieTootie Posted July 8 Share Posted July 8 I have to agree with others. If you're gonna do the deed with a stranger (and yes he still a stranger!) at least use protection. I also wouldn't be calling this man "trustworthy" after 2 months of knowing him and knowing that he transmitted an std to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tram2435 Posted July 8 Author Share Posted July 8 22 minutes ago, HeartGoesOn said: I'm sorry this happened, but you need to own your part here, as well. Not only are you both responsible for the use of birth control, you're also responsible for being tested before taking that step. Of course even with it being a matter of choice, the bottom line is you can't place the blame on one, and not the other. At any rate, as to whether to stay or go, you're better off making a pros and cons list or something similar. Your call. Of course I take the blame for myself as well however I got tested two months ago and haven’t slept with anyone since he also got tested about three months ago but failed to tell me he slept with anyone else Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 8 Share Posted July 8 8 minutes ago, Tram2435 said: Of course I take the blame for myself as well however I got tested two months ago and haven’t slept with anyone since he also got tested about three months ago but failed to tell me he slept with anyone else This is a man who "ticks all your boxes?" And you "completely trust him?" Really?? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted July 10 Share Posted July 10 STD? and all you did was stop talking to him for a couple of days??? punt this guy to the curb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 On 7/9/2024 at 12:47 AM, Tram2435 said: Of course I take the blame for myself as well however I got tested two months ago and haven’t slept with anyone since he also got tested about three months ago but failed to tell me he slept with anyone else Sorry, but this is no excuse not to use a condom with a new partner. You haven't known each other long enough to know if you can or should trust him, and surely you know some STIs have an incubation period and would take time to show up on a test. It was foolish on your part to not use protection so early on. So no, it doesn't make much sense to have stopped speaking to him when you are equally to blame for being reckless with your sexual health. That doesn't mean you need to continue seeing him, of course, but you need to make smarter choices for yourself in the future. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tram2435 Posted July 13 Author Share Posted July 13 On 7/11/2024 at 7:44 AM, MissCanuck said: Sorry, but this is no excuse not to use a condom with a new partner. You haven't known each other long enough to know if you can or should trust him, and surely you know some STIs have an incubation period and would take time to show up on a test. It was foolish on your part to not use protection so early on. So no, it doesn't make much sense to have stopped speaking to him when you are equally to blame for being reckless with your sexual health. That doesn't mean you need to continue seeing him, of course, but you need to make smarter choices for yourself in the future. I don’t need to be pointed out what I did wrong when I know what mistakes I made, this was not the whole point of the post and I don’t need to hear blame put on me when I came for advice about a different part of the topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted July 13 Share Posted July 13 To answer your question in the topic title, the answer is, NO. (imo). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted July 13 Share Posted July 13 4 hours ago, Tram2435 said: I don’t need to hear blame put on me when I came for advice about a different part of the topic Did you somehow miss this? On 7/11/2024 at 8:44 AM, MissCanuck said: So no, it doesn't make much sense to have stopped speaking to him when you are equally to blame for being reckless with your sexual health. That doesn't mean you need to continue seeing him Stop seeing him. Take ownership for your part and be wiser from here on out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted July 13 Share Posted July 13 A quick google search shows that STDs can remain dormant for months or even years and not show symptoms. So it is entirely possible that he was not aware himself and unknowingly transmitted it to you. That in itself doesn't mean you should stop seeing him if you don't want to stop seeing him. We all have pasts. We have all made mistakes and had things we would like to take back. Unless it was something really extreme, that shouldn't automatically disqualify us from having things in the future.The question is, has he learned from his past? Is he a better person now then he was before? Has he shown himself, day after day, to be honest and trustworthy? Does he treat you with respect and kindness? Is he sorry if he does make a mistake? Does being together make your lives better then if you were apart? Those are the questions you should be focused on when deciding if you want to be with him. If you can honestly look at the relationship and see these things, then there is no reason not to be together. But if you don't feel you can trust him or if being with him ends up hurting you more then uplifting you, that's when you should stop. That said, always use protection and be cautious when engaging in sexual behavior. That is not to place blame on you or him. It's just a reminder so that you don't find yourself going through this again, be it with him or anyone else. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tram2435 Posted July 15 Author Share Posted July 15 Thank you I really appreciate this answer 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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