Are they losing interest?

[floatingbrain]

Hi! Newbie here. Created this account just to seek advice.

So anyways, me and my LDR partner have been in a relationship for one month. During the earlier weeks of our relationship, they expressed how much they loved me and that they would never leave me or lose interest in me. They used to reply to my message immediately as well. But lately, I've seen them active on social media without responding to my message asap like they used to. It takes hours for them to reply to me now. Are they losing interest in me? If you need more details, feel free to ask. I'll gladly answer the questions.

[yogacat]

14 minutes ago, floatingbrain said:

Hi! Newbie here. Created this account just to seek advice.

So anyways, me and my LDR partner have been in a relationship for one month. During the earlier weeks of our relationship, they expressed how much they loved me and that they would never leave me or lose interest in me. They used to reply to my message immediately as well. But lately, I've seen them active on social media without responding to my message asap like they used to. It takes hours for them to reply to me now. Are they losing interest in me? If you need more details, feel free to ask. I'll gladly answer the questions.

Not necessarily.

People have busy lives and might not always be able to respond immediately. Why are you long distance? Is there a way you can visit them in person?

When people interact via messages, they generally leave spaces in time in between messages, and it may be hard to convey tone or emotion in writing. Also, even close partners need to give each other space as needed.

Are there any other signs that they might be losing interest? What does your intuition say? Is there something else that may be going on with them that could explain the change in communication? 

[Andrina]

47 minutes ago, floatingbrain said:

they expressed how much they loved me and that they would never leave me or lose interest in me.

No sensical person would utter any of that nonsense. Love after 1 month and you've probably never met him/her? The other two things sounds like a con artist trying to convince you of something they can't know at this point. They wouldn't leave you even if you ended up not meeting their needs or possessed a dealbreaker? Wouldn't lose interest in you? How can anyone know this after 30 days of contact? Are you naive in the dating world? Do you possess emotional baggage, and so you've sought and accepted what you think is a safer way of dating? LDRs have a high risk of failure when they start that way instead of a couple establishing a strong foundation, meeting locally, then having to be temporarily separate because of education or a career.

I'm not surprised this isn't working out for you. When's the last time you've dated anyone locally? What's your normal daily life like? Is it fulfilling?

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, floatingbrain said:

During the earlier weeks of our relationship, they expressed how much they loved me and that they would never leave me or lose interest in me.

In a first week? While I dont contest there are individuals who are like that and dont lie about it(I have a friend who tells us about every woman he has a relationship with how he loves her and will marry her even before they hook up), chances are that they are either:

a) "love bombing" you to get you hooked up

b) delusional like my friend is because aside of infatuation feelings, you cant "love" somebody with just a week you spent together, let alone that you are LDR and possibly never met in person

Case in point, they are doing "slow fading". They got you "hooked up"(or maybe even talk to somebody else) and now they dont feel the need to respond immediately or even try to limit interactions with you. You are "dating" a stranger. Keep your expectations to a bare minimum there because there is a good chance all that "love" would just block you tomorrow and you will never hear from them again. Dont indulge this fantasy and have your legs on the ground. So you will not crash if that happens.

[ShySoul]

How did you get together? How long have you known each other? Why is this long distance?

In a new relationship it's common to be more excited and eager at the start. Everything is fresh and new. You gush over each other and can't stand to be apart. Gradually things slow down and you develop a routine. You don't feel the need to drop everything to respond to a person if you are in the middle of something else. Life keeps all of us busy and we have to juggle a lot on our plates. Sometimes that means we don't get to certain thnigs as soon as we would like.

What is more important is the quality of the time you do spend together - be it in person or virtually. Do you both enjoy that time? Are you telling each other how you feel? Are you making regular time for each other? Do you really communicate and feel comfortable together? Do you sense each others love? Quality means more then frequency.

A lot really depends on the other details around your relationship. If you've known each other awhile but only recently started a relationship, then its not that you are seeing a stranger and probably not them fading away once they've got your attention. It's probably just life getting in the way. And if you have known each other for some time, then saying love yous and romantic things doesn't have to be a sign of going to fast. It would be feelings built up over time. Every relationship is different. Things are said when it is right for the people involved. 

[TeeDee]

20 hours ago, floatingbrain said:

So anyways, me and my LDR partner have been in a relationship for one month. During the earlier weeks of our relationship, they expressed how much they loved me and that they would never leave me or lose interest in me. They used to reply to my message immediately as well. But lately, I've seen them active on social media without responding to my message asap like they used to. It takes hours for them to reply to me now. Are they losing interest in me? If you need more details, feel free to ask. I'll gladly answer the questions.

Especially if this is an on line relationship only you have to know the bolded was a lie.  You can't love people you just met or have never met in person.  

It sounds like they love bombed you because they like falling in love but they bore easily & don't have a meaningful understand of the hard work it takes to sustain any relationship let alone a long distance one

[ShySoul]

12 hours ago, TeeDee said:

You can't love people you just met or have never met in person. 

I did love someone I hadn't met in person. It wasn't love to the point of declaring I would spend the rest of my life with them, but it was a deep love and affinity for the person they were and the bond we had developed. Interestingly, we still love each other to this day, even if it's not the end up together kind of love.

[Batya33]

20 hours ago, TeeDee said:

Especially if this is an on line relationship only you have to know the bolded was a lie.  You can't love people you just met or have never met in person.  

It sounds like they love bombed you because they like falling in love but they bore easily & don't have a meaningful understand of the hard work it takes to sustain any relationship let alone a long distance one

Yes those loving feelings have nothing to do with the love in a real romantic in person relationship where loving is mostly giving -giving that occurs in person.

[rainbowsandroses]

On 7/7/2024 at 12:04 PM, floatingbrain said:

During the earlier weeks of our relationship, they expressed how much they loved me and that they would never leave me or lose interest in me.

Please don't ever take such a comment seriously.  Ever!  At any point in a relationship.

No one can predict with any certainty what will will transpire down the road or how they will feel.

For me, if/when a man makes such a comment, I typically let it go in one ear and out the other.  There have been occasions when I was utterly turned off as it suggested to me the guy was more fantasy-driven than reality-driven.

On 7/7/2024 at 12:04 PM, floatingbrain said:

But lately, I've seen them active on social media without responding to my message asap like they used to. It takes hours for them to reply to me now. Are they losing interest in me?

Sorry to say but yes if me I would interpret their actions as them losing interest and back off myself which is precisely why you NEVER take such a comment seriously, ever!

 

[ShySoul]

On 7/7/2024 at 12:04 PM, floatingbrain said:

they expressed how much they loved me and that they would never leave me or lose interest in me.

My experience may be atypical, but one person has told me this. She said she loved me and would not leave me. She said she would always be there for me. This was before we ever met in person and within a few months of us beginning to interact. Nineteen years later she still loves me, is there for me, and has not left me. She'll still say that to me and I'll say it to her. And I really have a hard time believing that will ever change.

So while it's good to be cautious and take your time to make sure something is real, don't believe that those kinds of words can't be real. If you believe it's impossible, you'll make it impossible. But if you believe it, you can achieve. 

On 7/7/2024 at 12:04 PM, floatingbrain said:

If you need more details, feel free to ask. I'll gladly answer the questions.

floatingbrain, can you answer how long you've known this person and how you got together? Without knowledge of what actually happened we are left to speculate and make assumptions. There is a big difference between you just meeting and forming a relationship immediately versus if it's someone you've known for a year and only now have decided to start a relationship. There is a difference between this being someone you've never met versus someone you have spent time with in person. 

At this point, we don't really know any details. Our advice is likely to vary greatly based on those details and will prove to be more useful the more information we have.