Friends pulled a prank on me and I don't know how to feel about it

[Anon5392845]

Hi everyone, thank you in advance for reading. And sorry this is kind of long, I'm still processing things and I'm rambling a bit. A few nights ago my friends and I were all hanging out at one of their apartments. I drove one of my friends to the hangout and we got there last. Pretty quickly after I got there one of them handed me an edible and said they had all already taken one. We get high pretty frequently together so this wasn't out of the ordinary. I ate the edible and got a drink.

Then we all sat on the couch and started talking about life etc. I drank my drink pretty fast and I've become a lightweight since college so I had a nice buzz going and felt that warm fuzzy feeling in my head and my chest. I also get anxiety and I'm pretty tense usually so after the drink I had loosened up and was feeling more giggly/comfortable. After a while they asked me if I was feeling the edible and I said yes because I assumed the start of it had kicked in with my drink. We were all giggly so I assumed everyone else was feeling the weed/alcohol too. They started laughing at me and told me it wasn't actually an edible just a regular peach ring, and that they thought if they gave it to me and lied about it, then I would lie and pretend I was high. I was trying to defend myself and the friend that I drove also defended me and said it was probably the alcohol. But nobody else believed me.

For some outside perspective, my brother recently got diagnosed with autism and ADHD and I suspect I might be neurodivergent as well. I was definitely always the weird kid and struggled socially. As I got older I diminished my personality and began mirroring other people, and people began to like me more. However, when I opened up, sometimes they would still get weirded out and pull away. Because of this I tend to be a people pleaser and agree a lot. I also have a lot of ADHD symptoms like being clumsy, struggling with directions /spatial skills and struggling to talk coherently. My friends have always made fun of me for this stuff but it seemed to be in good fun and I'd rib on them back so I never felt too put down by it.

I guess I just want an objective opinion on what to do from here because I don't really know what to think. Part of me feels like I'm overreacting because the prank hit something that's a big insecurity to me. Nobody has reached out to apologize and they don't seem to think they've done anything but a silly prank. I also played it off at the hangout so I never told them how much it hurt me.

But the other part of myself is so embarrassed because I can't see why they would do that except to put me down and embarrass me. Like I said I'm a people pleaser and tend to mirror other a lot so I can see why they'd think that of me. But the fact that they think I'm so pathetic really hurts. It also makes me worry that they talk badly about me when I'm not around and I'm the butt of their jokes. 

 

[ShySoul]

I was the weird kid as well who wasn't adapt socially. In 7th grade the three people I was closest too decided to play a prank on me. It was silly and ultimately didn't mean anything. But it hurt my feelings. It felt like a betrayal of the trust I put in them. They picked something they knew would cause me stress and worked together to do it to me. 

If it hurt you, then it hurt you. You aren't overreacting. Freinds should not be doing things that hurt each other. And you should care enough about yourself to mention it. Burying your feelings in order to please others is not healthy. It's not a constructive way to handle things. You will just continue to feel bad and doubt yourself. And you will not be able to trust them as you'll be wondering what they might be thinking of you or if they are planning something else. That would harm you and any chance of these friendships working out in the long run.

In my case I told them they hurt me and why. I made a simple request - give a sincere apology to recognize how I felt and we'd move past it. Two of them did and we were fine. The third refused and tried to say I was in the wrong. That ended the friendship.

Same with you. If these are real friends, they will listen to you and see they made a mistake that hurt you.If you bring it to their attention, they should understand and apologize so you can move on. If they don't, they aren't real friends to you.

28 minutes ago, Anon5392845 said:

As I got older I diminished my personality and began mirroring other people, and people began to like me more. However, when I opened up, sometimes they would still get weirded out and pull away. Because of this I tend to be a people pleaser and agree a lot.

I understand the urge to want to fit in and be "normal." But you should never have to diminish yourself to do so. You should be proud to be the unique person that you are. Every person is valuable just as they naturally are and should be happy to be their own authentic self. True friends would not push you away for opening up and leting the real you out. If anything, opening up more of your innerself should draw friends closer. Being liked isn't worth denying yourself. and who you are at heart.

[Cherylyn]

Let it go.  It's not worth ruminating over this aggravation. 

In the future,  if you're wary,  don't take edibles or whatever.  Exercise better discretion.  As for alcohol,  watch your beverage.  Trust no  one.  There's no telling if it's spiked or if and when your so-called friends will pull yet another prank on you.  Better safe than sorry. 

If you don't want to get tipsy,  maintain better self control and you don't have to drink just to feel socially accepted. 

Or, consider eventually building better friendships other than your current friends because they don't sound like high quality people. 

Like you,  I never fit in either.  You have to be brave by telling yourself you deserve to be in the company of very moral people.  Anyone else is a waste of your time,  energy and life.  I became very picky,  choosy and happier as should you!

[Andrina]

9 hours ago, Anon5392845 said:

I drove one of my friends to the hangout and we got there last. Pretty quickly after I got there one of them handed me an edible and said they had all already taken one. We get high pretty frequently together so this wasn't out of the ordinary. I ate the edible and got a drink.

You're already out of college so I'm assuming you're in your mid to late twenties. Yeah, that's pretty immature at that age. Sounds more like the meanness of junior high kids. Perhaps the effects of THC/Cannabis use on developing brains? You never know.

My concerns are: If you drove and were getting high and drunk, what were your plans to safely get home and not kill other drivers on road? If you plan on doing that activity in the future, take a cab or Uber etc. or have a designated, sober driver.

People pleasing is not something you'll want to continue doing. Read up on that subject and how to stop that behavior. Read up on how THC and alcohol affects a developing brain and see if you still want to imbibe, or lessen that activity. Start having a spine and telling people if they do something that upsets you. They can't read your mind. The reason they don't respect you and talk behind your back is that you're acting like a people pleasing spineless limp noodle. Mirroring and people pleasing has backfired on you, having the opposite effect you intended. Not that they're in their rights to be mean. Bullies often seek out weak prey, so think about whether this was a one-time incident and the good outweighs the bad, or if this is a regularity that's been building to this major point.

It's not too late to let them know that what they did pissed you off. If they are not apologetic, you can take a break from the group and see if they miss your company and apologize. You can also begin making new friends who enjoy activities other than getting high. Start a new hobby. Look at Meetup.com groups for activities going on in your area. It's normal to outgrow friendships, so if what once worked no longer does, move on.

[Batya33]

Also so dumb of them to accuse you of lying -you had alcohol and for all they know you had had THC earlier in the day.

I could not agree more with all everyone wrote about how dangerous your behavior is especially if you are operating a car. And to your health long term.  I quit smoking cigarettes in 1982 after about a year of smoking in high school.  I've never tried an illegal drug (pot was illegal when I was younger and no desire to try legal pot, etc).  It's 2024 and I still have to list my past tobacco use on every single health record, it's still a factor in how I am examined, treated, etc.  I'm fine from it so far - it's so long ago - but you know in an MRI for something unrelated they found a tiny spot on a lung.  I was told it was totally fine BUT if I'd been a heavy smoker it would require more focus and perhaps follow up. 

No one needs that sort of needless health scare. It is needless -stop now so  that any of the harmful effects of drugs and excessive drinking can disspiate.  Says an almost 58 year old who is reasonably healthy. My son is 15 and says he doesn't want to try vaping or smoking. My husband is 57 and never has.  And this is a very good thing.  Please think long range.

[Kwothe28]

11 hours ago, Anon5392845 said:

Because of this I tend to be a people pleaser and agree a lot.

That is a "you" issue, not theirs. Meaning that its something you should fix. And be more assertive and less of a people pleaser. That has nothing to do with your friends. Who btw pulled out a very mild prank. If somebody wants to pull a prank on you doesnt mean they think of less of you. Just that they wanted to make some fun at your expanse. That is not inherently a bad thing. 

I am also worried about you drinking and having drugs and driving. That is just irresponsible.

[Anon5392845]

13 hours ago, ShySoul said:

 

In my case I told them they hurt me and why. I made a simple request - give a sincere apology to recognize how I felt and we'd move past it. Two of them did and we were fine. The third refused and tried to say I was in the wrong. That ended the friendship.

Same with you. If these are real friends, they will listen to you and see they made a mistake that hurt you.If you bring it to their attention, they should understand and apologize so you can move on. If they don't, they aren't real friends to you.

 

Thank you so much for your response! I know that if I told them what they did hurt me they would feel really bad and apologize. I guess I'm more worried that if they think so poorly of me it's not worth maintaining the friendship. 

For context these are people I've known since highschool, but we all went to different colleges so this is the first time we're all back in the state together and we're working to reconnect. I did open up to them, and was my full self with them so this caught me off guard because they never seemed to look down on me before a few days ago.

I have much better friends from college and post college who I know respect me. So I guess I just need to do some soul searching and figure out of this is worth bringing up to them, or if it's a deal breaker for me and I should just not bother reconnecting. 

 

[Anon5392845]

13 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

 

Or, consider eventually building better friendships other than your current friends because they don't sound like high quality people. 

Like you,  I never fit in either.  You have to be brave by telling yourself you deserve to be in the company of very moral people.  Anyone else is a waste of your time,  energy and life.  I became very picky,  choosy and happier as should you!

Thank you for your response! I do have really close friends from college and post college who love and respect me, so I luckily won't be friendless if I cut these people off. 

I like what you said about being picky with my friends. I was worried I was potentially cutting people off over something stupid. But I think I've honestly just outgrown them and it's better to only keep people who add value to my life then to keep people for the sake of not cutting them off. 

[Anon5392845]

5 hours ago, Andrina said:

My concerns are: If you drove and were getting high and drunk, what were your plans to safely get home and not kill other drivers on road? If you plan on doing that activity in the future, take a cab or Uber etc. or have a designated, sober driver.

People pleasing is not something you'll want to continue doing. Read up on that subject and how to stop that behavior. Read up on how THC and alcohol affects a developing brain and see if you still want to imbibe, or lessen that activity. Start having a spine and telling people if they do something that upsets you. They can't read your mind. The reason they don't respect you and talk behind your back is that you're acting like a people pleasing spineless limp noodle. Mirroring and people pleasing has backfired on you, having the opposite effect you intended. Not that they're in their rights to be mean. Bullies often seek out weak prey, so think about whether this was a one-time incident and the good outweighs the bad, or if this is a regularity that's been building to this major point.

It's not too late to let them know that what they did pissed you off. If they are not apologetic, you can take a break from the group and see if they miss your company and apologize. You can also begin making new friends who enjoy activities other than getting high. Start a new hobby. Look at Meetup.com groups for activities going on in your area. It's normal to outgrow friendships, so if what once worked no longer does, move on.

We spent the night at my friends apartment so nobody drove drunk. We sobered up and went home the next morning. 

I definitely agree I need to stop people pleasing. I've done a lot of soul searching in college and I've gotten better at it but I still have a lot of work to do. 

I have friends from college who I'm really close to who I know love and respect me, so I won't be friendless if I cut these people off. I also definitely feel that I have outgrown these friends. There's been other incidents where they were immature, not at my expense but just in general. And I've definitely had thoughts about putting less effort into the friendships or leaving entirely because I don't want to bother with them anymore.

I think I'll probably just focus on my friends I do feel are worth putting effort into a relationship for. 

[Anon5392845]

5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Also so dumb of them to accuse you of lying -you had alcohol and for all they know you had had THC earlier in the day.

I could not agree more with all everyone wrote about how dangerous your behavior is especially if you are operating a car. And to your health long term.  I quit smoking cigarettes in 1982 after about a year of smoking in high school.  I've never tried an illegal drug (pot was illegal when I was younger and no desire to try legal pot, etc).  It's 2024 and I still have to list my past tobacco use on every single health record, it's still a factor in how I am examined, treated, etc.  I'm fine from it so far - it's so long ago - but you know in an MRI for something unrelated they found a tiny spot on a lung.  I was told it was totally fine BUT if I'd been a heavy smoker it would require more focus and perhaps follow up. 

No one needs that sort of needless health scare. It is needless -stop now so  that any of the harmful effects of drugs and excessive drinking can disspiate.  Says an almost 58 year old who is reasonably healthy. My son is 15 and says he doesn't want to try vaping or smoking. My husband is 57 and never has.  And this is a very good thing.  Please think long range.

I appreciate your concern. We spent the night so no body drove drunk, we all left the next morning after we had sobered up. 

I also drink/take an edible about every other weekend so I'm not smoking heavily or drinking every day. I understand we may have different perspectives but I'm far from an addict and I'm honestly content with my level of usage. 

But I do agree this is something that will stay in my early twenties and I will definitely cut down as I get older. 

[Anon5392845]

2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

That is a "you" issue, not theirs. Meaning that its something you should fix. And be more assertive and less of a people pleaser. That has nothing to do with your friends. Who btw pulled out a very mild prank. If somebody wants to pull a prank on you doesnt mean they think of less of you. Just that they wanted to make some fun at your expanse. That is not inherently a bad thing. 

I am also worried about you drinking and having drugs and driving. That is just irresponsible.

Thanks for your response! I definitely agree that people pleasing is a me issue and I've been working on it a lot through college. 

I appreciate your input that this is a mild prank. Despite what it seems in my post there's a lot of jokes/pranking that I do with other friends and I'm usually more thick skinned than this. The more I look at it though, there's been other signs that these specific friends don't think very highly of me and I think this may have been my final straw. 

Nobody drank and drove. We all spent the night and drove home sober the next morning. 

 

[Cherylyn]

41 minutes ago, Anon5392845 said:

Thank you for your response! I do have really close friends from college and post college who love and respect me, so I luckily won't be friendless if I cut these people off. 

I like what you said about being picky with my friends. I was worried I was potentially cutting people off over something stupid. But I think I've honestly just outgrown them and it's better to only keep people who add value to my life then to keep people for the sake of not cutting them off. 

Thank you for your kind words @Anon5392845.  It's great that you have really close friends from college and post college who respect you. 

Cut people off when they don't qualify as high quality individuals.  There are a lot of shady people in this world so beware.  Friends can be a deceptive lot.  You think they're your friends when they really couldn't care less about you.  ☹️

Yes,  be very picky and choosy when it comes to friends.  Never worry about cutting people off.  It's their loss because they don't deserve you.  Even if it's something you think is stupid,  it's not stupid.  They were stupid enough to be stupid.  How about that?  Think of it that way. 

Your outgrowing them is a sign of your maturity.  You're not a child anymore and naivete is no more.  Keep people who've earned your respect.  Everyone else should be cut off permanently and considered garbage in your eyes.  Let that be clear.

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, Anon5392845 said:

I guess I'm more worried that if they think so poorly of me it's not worth maintaining the friendship. 

I have much better friends from college and post college who I know respect me.

Just my opinion, but it sounds like these friends still have a lot of growing up to do. If they are still playing mean spirted pranks, reflects on the kind of people they are. For someone who has dealt with the issues you have, probably not good for you to be surrounding yourself with them. Focus on the other friends who do respect you and can be a postitve outlet for you. If you bring it up, I'd do it as a way of standing up for yourself and letting yourself know that you don't have to just take and accept what other people do to you. It would do you good to help break out of the people pleasing. Then separate yourself from them.

As someone who has watched loved ones deal with alcoholism and drug addictions and seen it wreck their lives, I'll also throw in a warning. It's something that can creep up on you. You think you have it under control, then it isn't. Be careful and responsible. I won't say you should stop, but there are a lot better ways to spend your time or let off steam.

[reinventmyself]

I don't know if I'd call it an innocent prank.  They set you up to sh*t test you.  Then tried to embarrass you by trying to call you out.  I wouldn't blame you if you felt singled out and hurt by this.

If you want to stay friends with this group just laugh it off along with them.  If they were trying to embarrass you don't reward them.   Just laugh, head high and let it go.  

Or . .set your bar a little higher and surround yourself with people that you trust and they respect you.

 

 

[TeeDee]

I think you would do well to laugh it off.  If it was the other way -- your sober & they lied to get you to do drugs without your knowledge I'd be outraged & calling the police.  

Going forward I would never trust anything they gave you that you did not open or see prepared.