Cute guy

[greendots]

Thanks guys for your replies!

1 hour ago, Andrina said:

One can only guess that maybe he's like this with everyone

Out of the people we know, I'm the only one he keeps in contact with and reaches out to. I met him through his buddy who is friends with my friend.

I have met other men recently, but I'm not interested in them like they are in me.

A lot of this has to do with how my brain functions. My brain is tranquil when someone behaves in a way that it is familiar with. But when someone acts differently than what it knows, it can go haywire. Plus, there's this whole anxious-prone thinking that wants to make my brain believe that reality is worse than it really is. Thus, the whole over-thinking. No need to concoct a story. Suppositions aren't helpful. My bet is, reality is okay. My brain just needs to kick that anxious-prone thinking to the curb and tell it to chill out.

 

1 hour ago, ShySoul said:

What counts is doing what will make you feel best and happiest.

The ball is in Peter's court. 🙂 So I'm just going to keep focusing on other stuff. Let time take it's course. There are always more fish in the sea. I just wanted some clarity. Lo and behold, it's always good to receive some fresh unbiased perspective.

[AuthenticSelf]

Basically, you found him cute. 

I had a conversation with a friend the other day. 

It is somewhat similar. Beside cute, what else do you see in him. 

If something is important to you, are you 100% confident it would be important to him too? 

 

Most of us texting or talking without structure. We text and talk without any idea of where the conversation is going or whatsoever. 

I imagine that is what your conversation with him is like to. It is around random thing with the idea of never run out of things to talk about. We all thought endless talking with someone build trust. Somehow, it is just not meaningful or memorable. 

 

In your mind, you thought he gets a clue. In his mind, he may just think you are a friend pal. 

 

It happens like that when I was younger. Guys are clueless in these situation. 

[ShySoul]

4 minutes ago, AuthenticSelf said:

Guys are clueless in these situation. 

I'd say most guys are clueless in most situations. 😉

And in the interest of fairness, some girls are as well. Though my experience is it's usually the guys.

And I agree, structure is a good idea. Like to actually have an idea where things are going or what the goal is, even if it's just to have fun with a person and see what happens.

[greendots]

22 hours ago, AuthenticSelf said:

Most of us texting or talking without structure. We text and talk without any idea of where the conversation is going or whatsoever. 

I imagine that is what your conversation with him is like to. It is around random thing with the idea of never run out of things to talk about. We all thought endless talking with someone build trust. Somehow, it is just not meaningful or memorable. 

We haven't texted in a while. The ball is in his court anyhow.

Usually our conversations were more about building rapport (at least on my end), building an emotional connection (especially when his grandfather was ill and then passed away). Plus, I actually asked him to meet. He eagerly agreed, but didn't follow through. I tried. 🙂

I find him more than cute, he's quite a gentleman (was with me anyhow) and we have similar interests.

His buddy invited me (asked my friend to send me the flyer) and a bunch of others (even some that Peter never met) to Peter's grandad's month's mind. He shouldn't have taken the liberty to do so. Obviously I would go if Peter had told me directly about it.

22 hours ago, ShySoul said:

I'd say most guys are clueless in most situations. 😉

And in the interest of fairness, some girls are as well. Though my experience is it's usually the guys.

I'm usually the clueless one, lol. Why I am here seeking guidance hehe.

 

Thank you so much for all the advice!!

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, greendots said:

I'm usually the clueless one, lol. Why I am here seeking guidance hehe.

Think we're all a little clueless. Blind leading the blind sometimes. At least, I know I've been clueless my fair share as well. 

You're doing alright. Keep it up and watch that anxious prone thinking. It'll drive you nuts. (that's personally experience talking 😁)

[AuthenticSelf]

3 hours ago, greendots said:

His buddy invited me (asked my friend to send me the flyer) and a bunch of others (even some that Peter never met) to Peter's grandad's month's mind. He shouldn't have taken the liberty to do so. Obviously I would go if Peter had told me directly about it.

Do you think his buddy actually like you, not him? 

 

3 hours ago, greendots said:

Usually our conversations were more about building rapport (at least on my end), building an emotional connection (especially when his grandfather was ill and then passed away). Plus, I actually asked him to meet. He eagerly agreed, but didn't follow through. I tried. 🙂

I find him more than cute, he's quite a gentleman (was with me anyhow) and we have similar interests.

Why is this important to you? 

[greendots]

6 hours ago, ShySoul said:

You're doing alright. Keep it up and watch that anxious prone thinking. It'll drive you nuts. (that's personally experience talking 😁)

Totally get you! 😁 Personal experience talking here too. Alas I'm trying my best to control my anxious thinking. There are some strategies to do that, seeking therapy as well and focusing on God which helps me heaps. I'm better each day. It used to be worse years ago. And I am usually a very calm person. But in certain situations there are triggers.

 

4 hours ago, AuthenticSelf said:

Do you think his buddy actually like you, not him?

Fat chance. 😂 When we first met he was also trying to play matchmaker. He's also introduced Peter to other ladies as he's trying to find Peter a girlfriend.

 

4 hours ago, AuthenticSelf said:

Why is this important to you? 

Peter possesses qualities that I really dig in a man.

[yogacat]

On 8/3/2024 at 1:04 PM, greendots said:

The ball is in Peter's court. 🙂 So I'm just going to keep focusing on other stuff. Let time take it's course. There are always more fish in the sea. I just wanted some clarity. Lo and behold, it's always good to receive some fresh unbiased perspective.

He may like you, he may not, but this has been going on for a while now and he hasn't seemed very proactive in taking things forward. Just go about your business. Things will either take shape or fizzle out.

Nothing is very certain or compelling about this situation right now. Sounds like you both enjoy each other anyway which is a good thing whether romantic or not.

[ShySoul]

You said triggers. That triggers me. 🤪 

Get you. Calm as well, but certain things can set me off. Bad experience with therapy and not high on religion (though I'd say more spiritual), so not sure how I get by. Guess its been a lot of self examination and self control. And one amazing friend.

I wouldn't put much stock in Peter at this point. If something happens down the road, great. But I'm sure there are plenty of other options that would be more responsive. So yeah, just keep pushing forward and something will come your way in time.

Hey, maybe his friends matchmaking paid off which is why he didn't respond. Or maybe we now know why he needs someone to be matchmaker in the first place.😉

[lostandhurt]

If you like like the guy why not come right out and ask him out on a date?  Us guys have to do it all the time and although it can be hard to put yourself out there it will definitely resolve all this one way or another.

"Hey __________,  I really enjoy spending time with with you so I wanted to ask you out on a date so we can get to know each other even better"

  When there is a group of friends and someone is interested in someone else in the group you would think it would make it easier but most of the time it doesn't. Ask a stranger out on a date and they say no thank you and that is the last time you have to see them, ask someone from the group out on a date and they turn you down and it becomes awkward from then on out.

Sounds like he is interested but is afraid to go for it.

Be brave and ask him.  Remember regrets suck giant monkey balls!

Lost

[yogacat]

1 minute ago, lostandhurt said:

If you like like the guy why not come right out and ask him out on a date?  Us guys have to do it all the time and although it can be hard to put yourself out there it will definitely resolve all this one way or another.

"Hey __________,  I really enjoy spending time with with you so I wanted to ask you out on a date so we can get to know each other even better"

  When there is a group of friends and someone is interested in someone else in the group you would think it would make it easier but most of the time it doesn't. Ask a stranger out on a date and they say no thank you and that is the last time you have to see them, ask someone from the group out on a date and they turn you down and it becomes awkward from then on out.

Sounds like he is interested but is afraid to go for it.

Be brave and ask him.  Remember regrets suck giant monkey balls!

Lost

I respect this post 100%. Albeit @greendots asked him to meet and said he didn't follow through. Not sure what that entails. @greendotswhat happened there?

[chess103]

I mean he may be a shy guy and all but this seems like a lot of work on your behalf. Is this the type of guy you want to pursue?

Of course if you think it might be worth it, I say just go for it. But man as a man, even if I was a little shy, I'd just ask you out plain and simple.

Some way not to be too aggressive but if this is taking too long, simply ask him out directly on a date. Any shy guy who's interested will jump at the chance and say yes. If he still says no, then move on.

[lostandhurt]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

I respect this post 100%. Albeit @greendots asked him to meet and said he didn't follow through. Not sure what that entails. @greendotswhat happened there?

The "Lets hang out" can be confusing. 

I have been guilty several times of totally missing the signs that a woman was flirting with me or interested.  I would usually realize it to late...

  Why do we make it so hard?

Lost

[greendots]

I'm on my phone so can't reply individually.

I asked him to meet me that week. He agreed enthusiastically. I asked him when he was available and that I had to go (at the time) as I was at an event with a friend. He briefly but affectionately said goodbye, me the same. After that haven't heard from him again. Except when I do post a story (which I do every now and then) he's suddenly become my number one fan lol.

So the ball is in his court.

 

[yogacat]

I know some guys are hesitant about making the first move, but you've already gone out as friends once, so that should alleviate some of that fear.

If he's shy and or has low confidence, going out on a cliff for a second time is hard.

Put it this way, you're either going to be the one to do all the work or this isn't going to take off.

Then again, maybe he'll surprise you.

As you have already shown interest and set a date to meet that he didn't follow through on, it would not be right to pursue any further at this point. 

As of now, let it go.