I dont know..

[Steezi]

I just want to let it out... I dated my boyfriend for 2 years. We were deeply in love, trusting, respecting each other the right way, but no relationship is perfect. Initially, we weren't in the best financial situation, and he had numerous family issues. We worked through these challenges together, and I believe I helped him a lot in recontacting with his family. His parents loved me, and I loved them too.

Then, one day, he proposed—it was the best day of my life. I shared the news with my family and friends, and we set a date for our wedding, planning a small party. I felt like I was living a dream.

But good things don't last forever. About a month and half before our wedding, he started acting strangely—really weird. He wouldn't answer my calls or messages, constantly canceled plans, was emotionally distant, and even forgot my birthday. I didn't nag him; I thought maybe he needed some alone time to get used? to our upcoming life changes.

*Same time.I noticed a foreign girl started following him on Instagram and liking his pictures. I knew all his friends, but who was this girl? I didn't pay much attention, thinking why should I, especially with our wedding just days away.

Days turned into weeks, and he was still distant with only four weeks left until the wedding. Then one day, I woke up to find myself blocked on all ways. I went to his house, knocked, but he had disappeared. I called his friends and his mom, but no one had answers for me. I was in total shock. I waited for days, unable to believe he might have left me. (It's still hard for me to express my feelings about that time.)

He never returned. So, I did the same—I changed my number, deleted my social networks, and asked my boss to let me work remotely, which he understood. I stayed home, crying all the time, unable to leave my room on for weeks, afraid to meet people. 

But time heals. I began to accept that it was over and tried to accept my life without him. I started going out, meeting friends, and went back to work, but he was still on my mind every day.

Seven months later, I was having dinner with a friend and ran into a mutual friend with my ex. He told me that he had married a foreign girl just two months after leaving me, had moved away, and now happily married. I was shocked—it felt worse than before. That night was a nightmare; I cried all over again because I had still been waiting for him to come back.

I know it sounds crazy after seven months, but I can't control my feelings. I don't understand how he could move on so quickly while I struggle to accept going on dates.

I don't know what to say or do!

[yogacat]

Holy cow, that sounds like an incredibly painful situation.

I can't imagine how you must have felt when he first disappeared without a trace. That must have been devastating. But to find out later that he had gotten married only two months after leaving you? That had to have felt like a slap in the face.

Argh. I wish I had some comforting words for you, but there's not much that can be said to lessen the pain of what you've gone through. It sounds like you've already taken a lot of positive steps to heal and move on, like changing your number and deleting your social networks. You did the right thing by focusing on yourself and trying to heal.

As for your ex, I know you want answers. Sometimes, people use relationships as a crutch to avoid dealing with their own issues. By getting married so soon after leaving you, your ex essentially found a new crutch to lean on. But I can guarantee you that he didn't fully deal with his issues and baggage.

Those things tend to follow us around until we face them head-on...

[Cherylyn]

I'm sorry you were rejected but look at the silver lining.  It was a blessing in disguise.  Change the way you think and be grateful to be relieved.  Better her than you.  It's only a matter of time before he pulls a stunt on his wife whatever it may be.  ☹️  Consider yourself lucky.  You've dodged a bullet.

Don't say anything and do nothing.  Distract yourself by taking care of your health and surrounding yourself with very upstanding,  moral people. 

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

As for your ex, I know you want answers. Sometimes, people use relationships as a crutch to avoid dealing with their own issues. By getting married so soon after leaving you, your ex essentially found a new crutch to lean on. But I can guarantee you that he didn't fully deal with his issues and baggage.

Precisely. People believe that if they rush into another relationship it will magically fix everything in their life. It somehow absolves them of their mistakes and means they were in the right. Afterall, if they were wrong or had really done something bad and hurtful, why did they have someone and the other person doesn't?

My parents split up. Before they even got started on the divorce papers, my father was being reintroduced to someone he used to know. Almost immediately they were in a relationship and within a couple months were engaged. Didn't matter that he never addressed what happened in the marriage and all the bad things he did. Didn't mattered that they lived in different states. Didn't matter he wasn't divorced yet. And didn't matter that he slept with my mother again and then lied to his finance about it. He got to be the victim and get sympathy from his new love.

Someone I was involved with went from saying she loved me and talking about having found "the one" to engaged to someone else a month later and married a month after that. And sure enough, the marriage was a disaster.

Steezi, it may seem like he found happiness. But it's almost certain he has not. He never dealt with his baggage and will have to live with what he did the rest of his life. He'll continue to be miserable inside, even if he doesn't want to face it. You though, will cry and feel sad for awhile. That's fine and understandable. Take as much time as you need. But you will heal. You will see that you didn't do anything wrong, that it was his mistake. And when you are ready to open your heart again, you'll find a better man then he could have ever been for you.

[Steezi]

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement; they give me strength and courage. It means a lot, thank you. I've survived the past seven months, and I believe I can endure even more until it no longer hurts. I appreciate you making it clear to me that rushing into a new relationship while I'm still healing from my past is wrong. Deep down, I don't want to hurt anyone just because someone else hurted me.

[smackie9]

Avoid fixer uppers: best to find a man who has been consistently stable throughout his life, hard working, in good standing financially, emotionally available, and close with his family. A man or woman should be able to stand on his/her own two feet with confidence, but also accept their partner's support.

It's unfortunate, but those who tend to need help off the get go, often use whomever who is willing to get themselves back on their feet. I totally can see how devastating you feel...so deceived. You have a kind heart that was taken for granted. I assure you, Karma is alive and well. This foreign lady is going to find herself in the same or similar situation with him, to no fault of her own, and that things are not going to stay so peachy after the infatuation wears off. If things get complicated in anyway...he will probably/most likely bail on her too.