I want my ex back but she’s in a relationship.

[Adam123]

Full Story- I dated this girl on and off for several years during high school/early college days. College got wild and we went on our ways but it was a rocky breakup. It’s been around 7 years now and we recently started talking again on Snapchat. Mostly just pictures of our pets, casual talk, things like that. I went to a wedding and she snapped asking if I’d be there. I told her I was going and she mentioned wondering if she’d run into me since it was a mutual friend of ours from the past. I went along saying yeah maybe we’ll see each other, stop and talk if you see me, whatever. I saw her but felt kind of like I shouldn’t speak, so we passed by and I think she saw me too but also didn’t say anything. Later on in the night, I was walking when I felt someone grab my arm. Turned to find her there with her friends, and we chatted for a bit then went on our ways. After that, we talked pretty much the rest of the night online. It was mentioned that it’s good we can get past all the *** that went down between us. We’re both in agreement there. I don’t know that I ever truly was over the relationship because it ended during a really weird time in my life. Neither really wanted the relationship to end but it made the most sense at the time. I’ve wondered how she’s been from time to time but never really felt like we were to that point of talking again until she reached out again a couple months ago. Anyways, she is in a relationship and has been for what looks like around two years now. I know that not everyone publishes their life story on social platforms but their most recent post or tag was from like a year and a half ago so pretty newly in their relationship. Nothing since. Not even a tagged picture of them. I might just be thinking too much on that but for me I like to post my girl. I like to share our outings or tag her in stupid *** I see. So seems weird. I’m realizing after seeing her again after so long that this is something I’d like to explore again to see if, now that we’re in our professional career phase, it works out. Obviously I don’t feel right about sabotaging a relationship or anything, but I can’t help this feeling and not sure what to do. Maybe nothing. Maybe I just needed to vent this out to strangers. Who knows. Any advice is welcomed. 

Tldr- Dated a girl for several years, we broke up around 7 years ago, she has a new boyfriend of 2 or so years but we’ve been talking again and I want her back. What do I do? 

[DarkCh0c0]

10 minutes ago, Adam123 said:

their most recent post or tag was from like a year and a half ago so pretty newly in their relationship. Nothing since. Not even a tagged picture of them

Honestly, you know nothing about their relationship, so better not make speculations based on what you see in social media.

11 minutes ago, Adam123 said:

Obviously I don’t feel right about sabotaging a relationship or anything,

And so you shouldn't.

Better stay out of it if you respect her and keep moving on.

Have you been dating/asking out other women? How's that been going on for you?

[Adam123]

1 minute ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Honestly, you know nothing about their relationship, so better not make speculations based on what you see in social media.

And so you shouldn't.

Better stay out of it if you respect her and keep moving on.

Have you been dating/asking out other women? How's that been going on for you?

I’ve been in a few relationships over the years but none have felt right or marriage material. I don’t know, 4am thoughts just keeping me up I reckon. 

[Kwothe28]

28 minutes ago, Adam123 said:

Anyways, she is in a relationship and has been for what looks like around two years now. I know that not everyone publishes their life story on social platforms but their most recent post or tag was from like a year and a half ago so pretty newly in their relationship. Nothing since. Not even a tagged picture of them. I might just be thinking too much on that but for me I like to post my girl.

Not everybody advertise their relationship on social media. I once made a pass to the woman as I didnt know if she is in relationship and her social media has literally nothing about her man. Turns out she lives with somebody for 8 years. You never know that stuff until they tell you. And she told you she is in one.

That being said, I believe you are playing with fire here. And that this is very close to emotional affair regarding to her. Dont engage in something like that. Somebody who is willing to leave another person for you will have no problems of doing the same thing to you after. Dont engage with her again and move on from the whole situation.

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Adam123 said:

I might just be thinking too much on that but for me I like to post my girl. I like to share our outings or tag her in stupid *** I see. So seems weird.

Yes, you like to do this. Not everyone does - myself included. My relationship is not on my social media, and we have been together nearly a decade. It means nothing about our relationship status, so try not to apply your own set  of expectations to others on this one. 

2 hours ago, Adam123 said:

I can’t help this feeling and not sure what to do. Maybe nothing

This. Unless and until she is single, keep your distance. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Yes, you like to do this. Not everyone does - myself included. My relationship is not on my social media, and we have been together nearly a decade. It means nothing about our relationship status, so try not to apply your own set  of expectations to others on this one. 

This. Unless and until she is single, keep your distance. 

Excellent advice. I list that I am married on my social media.  I never make posts about my marriage or post photos of my husband and I or our family.  The photos are all old, my profile photo is my wedding photo (which you can't really  tell since we had a small wedding and I wore a blue dress). I am happily married.  I know of many married/committed couples who post oodles of photos and drivelly posts and they are unhappy.  

I got back together with my ex fiancee and we've been married 15 years.  We got back together after he broke up with his then girlfriend.  Not before.  It wouldn't have worked otherwise IMO.  If you two get back together have it be when you are both unattached.

[Adam123]

5 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

You never know that stuff until they tell you. And she told you she is in one.

Well in that case, I was purely speculating that she had a boyfriend. She has not told me this nor was he at the wedding. 

[Adam123]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I got back together with my ex fiancee and we've been married 15 years.

It sounds like your story is similar, what I’m getting at is that I’d like to let her know that I’m interested in trying again should be become available again. I guess? I’m not trying to “steal someone’s girl” really, just kinda let her know I’ve been thinking about it. 

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, Adam123 said:

It sounds like your story is similar, what I’m getting at is that I’d like to let her know that I’m interested in trying again should be become available again. I guess? I’m not trying to “steal someone’s girl” really, just kinda let her know I’ve been thinking about it. 

No it's very different as we were both single. I would let her know nothing.  She will let you know if and when she is unattached.  Would you like it if someone let your SO know this?

I am also confused as to your recent post about whether she is in a relationship.  it is fine to ask her without back story if she is in a relationship.  

[Adam123]

13 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I am also confused as to your recent post about whether she is in a relationship.  it is fine to ask her without back story if she is in a relationship.  

I was just assuming based on social media pictures. Neither of their accounts have the relationship status thing set to public I guess so my assumption was based on pictures that obviously signified a relationship, but those were a year and a half ago. 

[Cherylyn]

She has a boyfriend.  She is off limits.  Back off.  Even better to stop online correspondence.  She needs to focus her attention onto her boyfriend and you need to go your own way. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Adam123 said:

I was just assuming based on social media pictures. Neither of their accounts have the relationship status thing set to public I guess so my assumption was based on pictures that obviously signified a relationship, but those were a year and a half ago. 

Then why do you have the title you chose for your thread? Again it is fine to ask her.  

[Adam123]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Then why do you have the title you chose for your thread? Again it is fine to ask her.  

Literally for the reason you just responded to. I don’t know how many different ways I can say the same thing lol. I’ll just ask. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Leave it alone.

If she ever becomes available, think about it then and do it with extreme caution.

If she did it to the old bf, she can do it to the new one.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Adam123 said:

Literally for the reason you just responded to. I don’t know how many different ways I can say the same thing lol. I’ll just ask. 

Yes you can ask.  I agree with the others that if it turns out she is committed elsewhere and somehow didn't tell you this at the wedding that is - concerning -and she might be someone who would be disloyal in general.

[Adam123]

5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Yes you can ask.  I agree with the others that if it turns out she is committed elsewhere and somehow didn't tell you this at the wedding that is - concerning -and she might be someone who would be disloyal in general.

Update: she is no longer with the boyfriend and has since deleted the photos at some point today. 

[Adam123]

20 hours ago, Adam123 said:

Full Story- I dated this girl on and off for several years during high school/early college days. College got wild and we went on our ways but it was a rocky breakup. It’s been around 7 years now and we recently started talking again on Snapchat. Mostly just pictures of our pets, casual talk, things like that. I went to a wedding and she snapped asking if I’d be there. I told her I was going and she mentioned wondering if she’d run into me since it was a mutual friend of ours from the past. I went along saying yeah maybe we’ll see each other, stop and talk if you see me, whatever. I saw her but felt kind of like I shouldn’t speak, so we passed by and I think she saw me too but also didn’t say anything. Later on in the night, I was walking when I felt someone grab my arm. Turned to find her there with her friends, and we chatted for a bit then went on our ways. After that, we talked pretty much the rest of the night online. It was mentioned that it’s good we can get past all the *** that went down between us. We’re both in agreement there. I don’t know that I ever truly was over the relationship because it ended during a really weird time in my life. Neither really wanted the relationship to end but it made the most sense at the time. I’ve wondered how she’s been from time to time but never really felt like we were to that point of talking again until she reached out again a couple months ago. Anyways, she is in a relationship and has been for what looks like around two years now. I know that not everyone publishes their life story on social platforms but their most recent post or tag was from like a year and a half ago so pretty newly in their relationship. Nothing since. Not even a tagged picture of them. I might just be thinking too much on that but for me I like to post my girl. I like to share our outings or tag her in stupid *** I see. So seems weird. I’m realizing after seeing her again after so long that this is something I’d like to explore again to see if, now that we’re in our professional career phase, it works out. Obviously I don’t feel right about sabotaging a relationship or anything, but I can’t help this feeling and not sure what to do. Maybe nothing. Maybe I just needed to vent this out to strangers. Who knows. Any advice is welcomed. 

Tldr- Dated a girl for several years, we broke up around 7 years ago, she has a new boyfriend of 2 or so years but we’ve been talking again and I want her back. What do I do? 

Update: not in a relationship. The photos have been deleted from social. 

[ShySoul]

On 6/30/2024 at 12:52 AM, Adam123 said:

I’m realizing after seeing her again after so long that this is something I’d like to explore again to see if, now that we’re in our professional career phase, it works out.

If she wasn't in a relationship, have you tried seeing what could happen between you now?

Hoping it works out for you. Always nice to hear when former couples can get back together.