First Move

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

SS, have you considered the possibility that you may have been let go precisely because you lacked loyalty to your employer?

That lack of loyalty can display itself in numerous ways and I speak from experience when saying loyalty is extremely important to employers often times more so than actual knowledge or even ability. 

If an employee displays an ability to learn and conform to company policies and displays a certain loyalty, that employee is valued and will not be let go so dismissively.

Just a thought; I agree with @Batya33and I'm the same. 

I wanted to add I haven't had just a job since the very early 90s.  I still would be loyal at "just a job" but if I had a normal hour job, plus it wasn't part of my career, or professional - I'd be loyal while on the clock.  That would include not dating people who worked for me or who I worked for or clients.  Until I left.  But my sense of persona/work lines would differ.  I have employer related policies that affect my personal SM activity.  I follow that to the hilt.  I am not working at that time, and it has nothing to do with people I work with but we are required to behave and conduct ourselves on SM appropriately as per employer policies.  If I wasn't willing to do that it's simple -I wouldn't have taken the job.  I personally would be behaving inappropriately if I asked a client or vendor or outside consultant for a date or similar.  Former client/vendor/consultant? Probably fine. 

I've had friends come to work at my company. One because of my suggestion one -coincidence! I feel good that I never ever said anything negative about anything about my job or who I work with - I mean sure the typical "ugh another deadline this weekend I have to work all weekend" - but nothing I would want kept secret by my friend turned coworker.  That is how I conduct myself and it helps me sleep at night. 

[yogacat]

11 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

That's good of you to not respond to a married man's inappropriate messages.  What I have done in a work situation at least once recently was Facebook friend the female spouse of the male employee.  Example - a male employee who I had a lot in common with joined my office.  A few years ago.  He also was new to the area.  I quickly learned he had a wife and a son.  So we had a really good conversation -mix of work and personal -meaning about where they'd chosen to live, schools, like that.  I  then asked him if his wife had FB and could I friend her.  So from then on I communicated with the wife -who I still have not met - about personal stuff - mom stuff, what's going on where we live, offers of local FB groups she might like, etc. And when I see her husband at work -when I go into the office -or when we talk by phone it's 90% work and 10% friendly conversation.  But I feel 100% comfortable since I involved his wife from the get go. Also I am linkedin with the husband -I think?- but not Facebook.  Again showing boundaries. 

Indeed.

I have never been hit on at work (well, the exception of an employer, and I shortly resigned thereafter). And I have never approached a man that I may or may not have had a crush on at work. 

But, I also would want to sit with it IF the situation presented itself, and it never really did, but I think if I were in this situation I would first say to myself, "is this just a crush? Or do I think that this man would make a good boyfriend/date/marriage partner/etc.?" Is there something there that is worth the risk? 

For most people at my work, they are usually in relationships or happily married. With using my quote above, it's worth it to me to first explore the possibility and where it could go. Does he seem like someone with the capacity to be in a solid relationship? Or does he seem like someone that you've built up in your head?

That being said, if the answer to the first question is, "he seems like a good match for me," I would slowly approach this. Maybe by trying to get to know him more at work, not by just jumping straight to asking him to hang out outside of work. It would be a good idea to feel this out and get a sense of whether or not he seems like he's enjoying chatting with you.

I say try to get to know him first, and then if you feel like he is receptive and if you gather that he is also available, then ask him out for a drink or a coffee. 

[inmyeyes]

I never mentioned anywhere in my original post that I'm going to tell him that I have a crush on him, and will never approach it that way. I give it much more importance than a "hit or miss" thing; that's the reason I waited for almost an year too, to give it time to get better familiar or acquainted. I respect whatever feelings I have, and respect him as a person very much, rather than being selfish about my feelings. I once complimented about the authenticity I felt in his demeanour, and he smiled. But that being said, I would love to have his presence in my life and like to be in touch at least for now, and maybe when I feel it's the right time and there's a mutual connection, I will reveal my feelings.

[rainbowsandroses]

44 minutes ago, inmyeyes said:

I never mentioned anywhere in my original post that I'm going to tell him that I have a crush on him and will never approach it that way. 

Yeah you kinda did but were too nervous to tell him.  That was the implication anyway.  See below quote from your initial post. 

But okay, appreciate the clarification and good luck. 

On 6/28/2024 at 3:50 PM, inmyeyes said:

I had a crush on him for more than a year, but had been so nervous to tell him about it.