Sharon99 Posted June 23 Share Posted June 23 Hi Everyone, I could use some advice. I dated a guy for six years, engaged the last three years. He was 10 years older than me when we met. Our relationship was seamless or so I thought. Behind my back he disengaged our engagement to his family and friends, while he led myself, my friends and family to believe we were engaged. He had me beaten up. He made a scene at an event I was holding. Obviously I broke up with him. I learned he had done similar things with other women and just about ruined their lives. He is now 70 and has met a 70 year old widow whose son has died. I KNOW he will destroy her life. Is there anything I can do? I wish someone would have helped me. Help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted June 23 Share Posted June 23 38 minutes ago, Sharon99 said: He is now 70 and has met a 70 year old widow whose son has died. How do you know this? How long ago were you together with him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted June 23 Share Posted June 23 That sounds horrible. I'm sorry this happened to you. I would not interfere. Why? Because it will keep you entangled and involved in his life when what you need to do is stay as far away from him as possible. He's dangerous. But, if you're truly worried about this woman's safety, I would tip her off anonymously. He had you beaten up after all. Did you report the incident to local law enforcement? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted June 23 Share Posted June 23 1 hour ago, Sharon99 said: Is there anything I can do? What do you want to do? Cancel him? Time for doing something was when he had you beaten. Reporting it to the police, suing, getting restraining order etc. Now you will just be seen as a bitter ex who is trying to sabotage his new relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted June 23 Share Posted June 23 If he was too shrewd and dangerous for you to get him locked up for having you beaten, then he’s too dangerous for you to involve yourself with him now. Would you want to live the rest of your life worried about retaliation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCh0c0 Posted June 23 Share Posted June 23 How old are both of you? Since how long was the break up? 1 hour ago, yogacat said: But, if you're truly worried about this woman's safety, I would tip her off anonymously. Ditto. I would ONLY consider warning her anonymously. Be brief and short to sound the alarm. And then stop there and never look back. You don't want to stay entangled and muddy your present and future. You already wasted enough past with him. Please focus on YOUR healing and moving on. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted June 23 Share Posted June 23 No, don't do anything. The widow is responsible for her own decisions and life. Your ex's relationship is his business. It's best for you to move on and feel grateful and relieved it's not you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted June 23 Share Posted June 23 7 hours ago, yogacat said: But, if you're truly worried about this woman's safety, I would tip her off anonymously. Agreed. You know how dangerous he is. You know it's happened to multiple people and will certainly happen to more. To say nothing is washing your hands of it and freeing him to continue using and abusing the next person. The moral thing to do is at least try to warn a person of possible dangers. What they do with it from there is out of your control. There is a chance he will play it off as a crazy/jealous ex. There is a chance she won't believe it. But there is also a chance that she will think twice and watch herself or do her own homework on him. And in my mind, any chance is better then no chance. If he has had you beaten up and ruined people's lives, he shouldn't be free to continue doing this. Did you or any of the other women go to the police? Was anything done about him? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted June 23 Share Posted June 23 8 hours ago, Sharon99 said: I KNOW he will destroy her life. Is there anything I can do? I wish someone would have helped me. Other than leaving him in the dust, you have no obligation to enter into his life in any way again. After all, he's an adult whose true colors came to light when he beat you up. If he assaulted you once, he'll do it again. In short it's time for you to raise the bar, and move forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted June 24 Share Posted June 24 15 hours ago, Sharon99 said: He is now 70 and has met a 70 year old widow whose son has died. I KNOW he will destroy her life. Is there anything I can do? I wish someone would have helped me. As someone whose mother is in her late 70s and was just scammed out of nearly everything she had by a guy, I certainly wish someone would have warned her as soon as they started talking. You also wouldn't just be helping her. You'd be potentially helping all the people who might have to help her clean up the mess he leaves once he is done with her. People like that don't just hurt one victim, they leave a trail of tears for anyone who is a loved one of that victim. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted June 24 Share Posted June 24 The thing is....before the bad started to happen in your relationship....would you have believed it then? Probably not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LotusBlack Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 5 hours ago, smackie9 said: The thing is....before the bad started to happen in your relationship....would you have believed it then? Probably not. Maybe not, but the new girlfriend would at least have the information then and could do what she wants with it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shouldhavelearned Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 Do something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeDee Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 You can tell her but understand she won't believe you. It will look like sour grapes. You also need to be fairly certain that he won't try to retaliate against you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 Two grown adults are responsible for their decisions and choices. You are not part of this equation. This is a duo, not a trio. Your ex was in your past life. Move on with your own life without your ex and the widow. At age 70, she should be able to discern her own trajectory whomever she is with. This relationship of theirs has nothing to do with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 Comes down to a choice on what the individual thinks is the higher priority: 1. Protect yourself and try to forget what happened. 2. Try to protect someone else from experiencing what happened to you. Each person will have their own answer and reason. Personally, I'll always take the option to try to help someone else. Doesn't matter if I succeed, the act of trying is what matters. Don't try, you'll never succeed. And the chance, no matter how slim, to help another is always worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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