I need help

[Bora]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No I would do that only after you two are talking again in person.

That won't be impossible for now.Cuz he'll talk to me first,if he wanna be friends with me.But he didn't so I don't know what to do!!!!

[yogacat]

On 6/21/2024 at 1:17 PM, Bora said:

I stopped being friend with my crush.But we're in the same school and class and he sit behind me.We don't talk anymore each other.But I think I still have feelings for him and I really wanna be friends with him so bad again.But I can't cuz I'm the one who said to end our friendship and I didn't even listen him and blocked him in text app.So what can I do?I'm regretting a lot.

I am sure it must be hard for you but remember ---> you made the decision for a reason.

SELF-PRESERVATION.

You could explain why you made the decision to end the friendship next time you run into him. But don't apologize for putting yourself first.

Just tell him the reason you needed to end the friendship. But do not expect any reaction.

It's up to him if he wants to become friends again or not.

I would try to let it go though, you ended the friendship because it was difficult for you if I'm correct, and you have to stick to that reason especially when you're still crushing on this guy. Because once you start talking to him and see him laughing and joking and you start laughing and joking too - it could become confusing and hurtful for you again.

Remember that self-preservation is key and that there is always a good reason for your actions, even if you don't see them yet. 

[Bora]

18 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I am sure it must be hard for you but remember ---> you made the decision for a reason.

SELF-PRESERVATION.

You could explain why you made the decision to end the friendship next time you run into him. But don't apologize for putting yourself first.

Just tell him the reason you needed to end the friendship. But do not expect any reaction.

It's up to him if he wants to become friends again or not.

I would try to let it go though, you ended the friendship because it was difficult for you if I'm correct, and you have to stick to that reason especially when you're still crushing on this guy. Because once you start talking to him and see him laughing and joking and you start laughing and joking too - it could become confusing and hurtful for you again.

Remember that self-preservation is key and that there is always a good reason for your actions, even if you don't see them yet. 

Yeah I think I don't have no more chances with him

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Bora said:

Yeah I think I don't have no more chances with him

That's possible. I think you'll have to initiate conversation.

[yogacat]

5 hours ago, Bora said:

Yeah I think I don't have no more chances with him

Not romantically.

He's not interested. 

[ShySoul]

If you send the request you'll just end up driving yourself crazy wondering when or if he will accept. Sometimes it's just better to do things in person.

Only talk if you feel you are ready for it. Top priority is being okay with yourself and healing. If you aren't ready or you feel it would hurt you more, you don't have to say anything. He'll still be around down the road whenever you decide the time is right to talk to him again. There's no rush, so take as much time as you need.

[Bora]

Then why didn't he talk to me first and avoid me as well?Could it be cuz he 's so uncomfortable with me cuz I even confessed my feelings to him???????

 

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, Bora said:

Then why didn't he talk to me first and avoid me as well?Could it be cuz he 's so uncomfortable with me cuz I even confessed my feelings to him???????

 

I think you're creating too much drama in your head. In general -people move towards pleasure and away from pain.  Assume he is not talking to you because ---- he does not wish to.  For whatever reason. In general feelings don't need to be confessed -two people who enjoy each other's company don't need to talk about feelings much at all -it's obvious in how they hang out and laugh and share stuff.  People who want to date each other show romantic feelings by asking the person out on a date and going on a date or by flirting first, making good eye contact then planning one on one time together. It's really that basic.  It doesn't matter who speaks first.

[Elite Romancer]

On 6/22/2024 at 6:59 PM, Bora said:

Then should I keep avoiding and no talking with him?

Life is more peaceful and easier if you don't have friends of the opposite gender. If i were you i'd not be friends with him, but it's your life. Keep opposite genders as aqquaintances

[ShySoul]

On 6/23/2024 at 11:32 PM, Bora said:

Then why didn't he talk to me first and avoid me as well?Could it be cuz he 's so uncomfortable with me cuz I even confessed my feelings to him???????

Don't over think it. There could be any number of reasons he didn't speak to you and it doesn't have to be something huge or bad. Sometimes people just spend time apart focused on their own things. Doesn't mean they are mad at each other or hate each other. 

You've built up this huge scenario in your head and its causing you to worry and panic over everything. Most things work best when you follow the KISS philosophy - Keep It Simple and Stupid. The simplest explanation is often the right one so no need to complicate things. It also helps to manage your stress and anxiety. He didn't have the same feelings you did, you spent some time apart. That's all. He doesn't dislike you. He would probably be fine talking and being friends with you. Instead of replying this over and over in your mind and getting stuck with the same feelings and fears, set it aside and focus on something else, something that makes you feel good. Time will do its job and you'll one day be okay with him and can talk without all these worries messing with you.

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, Elite Romancer said:

Life is more peaceful and easier if you don't have friends of the opposite gender. If i were you i'd not be friends with him, but it's your life. Keep opposite genders as acquaintances

Peaceful and easier, but a lot more lonely and a lot less fun.

My closest friends have almost entirely been the opposite gender. We have related better with each other and understood each other better. For the most part there have been no romantic issues to mess things up either. They were able to see the best in me and were there for me, and I did the same for them. I've always felt more at peace and comfortable with females. Multiple of them have said they are more comfortable with men. The idea that men and women can't or shouldn't be close friends is nonsense that should have gone away long ago.

Be friends with whoever you want. Be friends with those who get you and make your life better. If you are lucky enough to find a true friend, why should it matter their gender?

 

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, Elite Romancer said:

Life is more peaceful and easier if you don't have friends of the opposite gender. If i were you i'd not be friends with him, but it's your life. Keep opposite genders as aqquaintances

My life would have been and would be affected in a very negative way professionally and especially  emotionally if I had not had and have the close male platonic friends I've had for about the last 42 years give or take. I wouldn't have had the amazing experiences I've had and I wouldn't have been able to build my career.  My husband's life -the same with his platonic female friends over the last 30 plus years.  But it's not a close or true friendship if one person is very attracted to the other and has ulterior motives, and friendship takes two and this person doesn't seem to want to be friends with the OP.  Gender is irrelevant.

[Bora]

14 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Don't over think it. There could be any number of reasons he didn't speak to you and it doesn't have to be something huge or bad. Sometimes people just spend time apart focused on their own things. Doesn't mean they are mad at each other or hate each other. 

You've built up this huge scenario in your head and its causing you to worry and panic over everything. Most things work best when you follow the KISS philosophy - Keep It Simple and Stupid. The simplest explanation is often the right one so no need to complicate things. It also helps to manage your stress and anxiety. He didn't have the same feelings you did, you spent some time apart. That's all. He doesn't dislike you. He would probably be fine talking and being friends with you. Instead of replying this over and over in your mind and getting stuck with the same feelings and fears, set it aside and focus on something else, something that makes you feel good. Time will do its job and you'll one day be okay with him and can talk without all these worries messing with you.

Then should I not be friends and keep avoiding him forever?????????????

 

[Bora]

15 hours ago, Elite Romancer said:

 If i were you i'd not be friends with him, but it's your life. 

Why? Cuz I seems like I don't have any chances with him and even if I friends with him,it's useless anyways?

[Batya33]

41 minutes ago, Bora said:

Then should I not be friends and keep avoiding him forever?????????????

 

You can be friends with him if you’re no longer attracted to him to an extent where you wouldn’t want to hear about who he is dating. I have a platonic male friend since 1994. In fact he just called me today. When we first me he asked me for a date and I said no. It was in grad school. He doesn’t even remember asking but I do lol. He chose to be my friend and he never made a move again or asked me out again. We have been close friends now for 30 years. But we wouldn’t be if he’d had been that into me that my saying no to a date would have been very upsetting or if he couldn’t listen to dating stories of mine and later relationship stories. 
The truth is it wouldn’t be impossible that if we both were - heaven forbid - widowed - who knows in old age maybe we would date lol. Or have a relationship. I mean anything is possible. But we’ve never ever crossed lines once we became friends. When he asked me out we were newly acquainted - we would run into each other on campus and chat a bit. 

[Batya33]

45 minutes ago, Bora said:

Why? Cuz I seems like I don't have any chances with him and even if I friends with him,it's useless anyways?

You won’t be a true friend if you’re hoping to have a chance for dating. 

[Bora]

17 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

You can be friends with him if you’re no longer attracted to him to an extent where you wouldn’t want to hear about who he is dating. I have a platonic male friend since 1994. In fact he just called me today. When we first me he asked me for a date and I said no. It was in grad school. He doesn’t even remember asking but I do lol. He chose to be my friend and he never made a move again or asked me out again. We have been close friends now for 30 years. But we wouldn’t be if he’d had been that into me that my saying no to a date would have been very upsetting or if he couldn’t listen to dating stories of mine and later relationship stories. 
The truth is it wouldn’t be impossible that if we both were - heaven forbid - widowed - who knows in old age maybe we would date lol. Or have a relationship. I mean anything is possible. But we’ve never ever crossed lines once we became friends. When he asked me out we were newly acquainted - we would run into each other on campus and chat a bit. 

Should I start talking to him in class from tomorrow???But how can I  face him and talk to him cuz I'm the one who stopped being friends?

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Bora said:

Should I start talking to him in class from tomorrow???But how can I  face him and talk to him cuz I'm the one who stopped being friends?

Simply say something friendly and open ended and see how he responds.

[Bora]

20 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Simply say something friendly and open ended and see how he responds.

Will he talk to me back??What should I do if he won't talk me back?????????????

 

[Andrina]

1 hour ago, Bora said:

Will he talk to me back??What should I do if he won't talk me back?????????????

Why are you overly focused on this one person? Just that in itself will scare him away, even as you claim to just wish to resume a friendship. Most school friendships end anyway, not lasting a lifetime. I only have two friends I'm still in contact with from high school. One who is merely a Facebook friend. The other was first a neighborhood friend, first and foremost. 

Aren't there like 25 other kids in each of your classes? Look for someone who looks friendly and fun and start talking to them. Free yourself from all this angst about one guy that's already twisted your gut into knots.

[Bora]

49 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Why are you overly focused on this one person? Just that in itself will scare him away, even as you claim to just wish to resume a friendship. Most school friendships end anyway, not lasting a lifetime. I only have two friends I'm still in contact with from high school. One who is merely a Facebook friend. The other was first a neighborhood friend, first and foremost. 

Aren't there like 25 other kids in each of your classes? Look for someone who looks friendly and fun and start talking to them. Free yourself from all this angst about one guy that's already twisted your gut into knots.

Why am I overly focused on this one person? I tried hard not to  do it,but he kept popping up in my mind.I really can't help it.He's so sweet,gentle and reliable.But I'm getting far away from him.And also today,I tried to talk to him in class again but I didn't have the courage to face u.Cuz I know I still like him and  wanna be friends again with him but it will hurt me more if I friends with him cuz I already know that he doesn't like me back.What should I do?????

[ShySoul]

First thing to do is relax. As strongly as you feel for this person, it's not this huge, life defining thing you have turned it into. You are driving yourself crazy everyday, agonizing day after day on talking to him. No one person is worth that, and even if someone was, they wouldn't let you or want you to go through it. The more you stress yourself over what could happen, the worse you will feel and less you will be able to move on and find something that will actually make you happy. And even if you can't see it now, you can and will be happy.

If you couldn't face him, then you are probably aren't ready yet. It's okay. It takes time. It could take a really long time. It's different for everyone and different everytime. If you feel it will hurt more being friends, then don't try to be friends. You are already tearing your up over him, Don't put yourself in the position to be even more hurt. Love, or even friendship, should make us feel better. If being around him makes you feel worse, it's not worth it.

Focus on healing and finding happiness with yourself. Do things that puts a smile on your face, Have fun. That will benefit you far more worrying about the reactions of one guy.

Don't worry about forever. Theres no way to tell what will happen in the future and you can't control it. What you do control is what you do in the present. And letting one person have this much power over how you feel isn't good for you. So focus on what feels right for you. Focus on what will make you happy.

I've been there. It's hard having feelings for someone who doesn't have those feelings for you. It hurts to hang on but you just cant let go. That's okay. It will get better in time. I wish I could make it better now for you. But you will feel better eventually.

[Capricorn3]

1 hour ago, Bora said:

I already know that he doesn't like me back.What should I do?????

^ There's your answer.  That surely should be enough reason to stop this mad obsession and driving yourself crazy all day long.

What should you do?  Focus on your studies and get good grades - way more important than going after a guy who shows no interest in you and "doesn't like you back".  Also, interact with the rest of all your classmates, play sports, find new interests etc etc etc.  There are a million ways to find other things to do.  Spending all day/night agonizing over things you can't change really is a massive waste of your time and energy.  Let it go already.

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

^ There's your answer.  That surely should be enough reason to stop this mad obsession and driving yourself crazy all day long.

What should you do?  Focus on your studies and get good grades - way more important than going after a guy who shows no interest in you and "doesn't like you back".  Also, interact with the rest of all your classmates, play sports, find new interests etc etc etc.  There are a million ways to find other things to do.  Spending all day/night agonizing over things you can't change really is a massive waste of your time and energy.  Let it go already.

This.  Almost all personal relationships involve the risks of being vulnerable and of the other person not wanting to be your friend.  Therefore sometimes we have to consider the risks/benefits.  In this particular situation I agree with Capricorn.

[ShySoul]

19 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Spending all day/night agonizing over things you can't change really is a massive waste of your time and energy.  Let it go already

If only it was that easy. The mind can tell you that's the answer, but the heart doesn't always agree. And when you're young and going through it for the first time, everything is just that little bit more intense.

Bora, we've all gone through what you're going through. We survived and so will you. Feel what you feel and move on when you are ready. But don't let these feelings control you. Find ways to let other things occupy your thoughts, things that can uplift you and make you feel better. You'll get through this.