Boyfriend still has photos with his ex all over his social media

[MissButterfly]

2 hours ago, tattoobunnie said:

After only dating for only less than half a year, why in the world would you be eachother's persons?  I think your expectations of him erasing all the photos of the mother of his child while you are only dating to be immature and unkind.

Again, I will admit I am a jealous person, but I know that a person's past makes them who they are, and to really love someone is to love their warts and all (meaning, you take the good with the bad and the inbetween).

A person is your person when you can count on them for the big things and the little things, and they make you feel like home.  Parents who can happily coparent, only benefit the child. And the child and her are a package.  If you cannot accept he wants a harmonious relationship with her, that's your answer.  He thinks big picture, where his kid's well being is prioritized.  You cannot get passed pictures on social media from years ago.  I think you are no where near this to be eachother's persons.

@tattoobunnie thank you so much for sharing the other’s side point of view!

[yogacat]

6 minutes ago, MissButterfly said:

he stuffed animal on the bed was “not from an ex but from an ex’s child whom he had gotten very attached to”. I still find it very odd and bothered me a lot. When I break up with someone I return to them everything they’ve ever given me that is of sentimental value. Stuffed animals included. 

Once again, you're not compatible.

So what if he has a stuff animal from an interesting experience.  

You're obsessing again on LITTLE things.

You are making him feel like he also cannot be himself, everything is being taken out of context and thrown into these projections.

Seriously, just break up with him so he can actually find someone that he can feel comfortable around If every little thing he does is going to become a source of panic for you. 

 

[MissButterfly]

2 hours ago, yogacat said:

 

BUT a more appropriate answer when you asked him that question, IMO I guess might be- "the moment he met his child" - or "you!"

But you can't force him to feel one way, or to feel another. 

Ultimately, the decision to keep or remove these past articles are his own. But it’s important for him to understand how they make you feel and for you to understand his perspective as well. If you can’t move past this, then it may be time to reevaluate the relationship and your compatibility. 

Which, you're doing. You're getting honest with yourself and that is 100% commendable. You don’t want to be in a relationship where you feel like you have to constantly compete with someone from the past.

@yogacat he did list also when his child was born as one of his favorite memories. 

[yogacat]

1 minute ago, MissButterfly said:

@yogacat he did list also when his child was born as one of his favorite memories. 

It being for an ex's kid adaptations I can see why he kept it. From another's perspective it would be a "dude, throw that sh*t out."

But I can see why he might think it being from the kid makes it special. I also can see where you are coming from, but you are obsessing over every tiny thing.
 

[smackie9]

4 hours ago, smackie9 said:

This is why we date...to see what they are like, personality, how they behave, what their friends and family are like, how they treat you, communicate you, values, perspectives POV, Fulfill expectations, etc. Tip: you should have to tell or teach a man how to love you or be with you. All these things you mentioned are deal breakers. You see him as he is. Put your feelings aside and see he's not the one for you. What you need to learn for next time is to not stick around if this is what they are like/ put up with it, or stew over what to do about it. 

I mean you "shouldn't" have to tell a man how to love you. You find someone that fits you, not make them fit you. 

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, MissButterfly said:

She is tagged in all of the photos so she would find out if he was to delete them.

Okay, so he’s finally on good terms with her as a co- parent and doesn’t want to rock the boat with her receiving all those deletion notices.

[rainbowsandroses]

25 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Okay, so he’s finally on good terms with her as a co- parent and doesn’t want to rock the boat with her receiving all those deletion notices.

Agree but after she voiced her concern, why not just tell her that?  Assuming that's the reason.

Explain to her why he needs to keep them?  It does make sense again assuming that's the reason. 

With everything else posted and all the additional context, including OP's own obsession (imo), this is way too much drama for five months in.

Even if she came to understand this issue, they're generally incompatible re SM activity, she no longer desires him sexually and it appears they both have lousy communication. 

This is a five month relationship not five years.

I dunno, I'd leave but you do you OP as they say. 

 

 

[MissButterfly]

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone that took the time to share their opinions about my post. Not even sure how I stumbled upon this website but I found the entire process very therapeutic and constructive. Thank you for helping me understand the other person’s point of view, keeping it real, and also helping me see things about myself that can be worked on. 
If anyone else stumbles upon this thread and has anything else to share, I’ll keep reading.