Please help me with this girl.

[HeartGoesOn]

 Mentioning her body would definitely send the wrong message.  There's a good chance shy may lose interest if there's any to begin with.

Take it slowly, be polite and I'm sure you'll do fine.

[Octo1757]

1 minute ago, HeartGoesOn said:

 Mentioning her body would definitely send the wrong message.  There's a good chance shy may lose interest if there's any to begin with.

Take it slowly, be polite and I'm sure you'll do fine.

Of course, I never wanted to do that. I never implied that either, as far as I know. I promise I wouldn’t do that. I completely agree with you.

[Batya33]

Would it be possible to have your parents/her parents drive you to a pool where you can meet up and go swimming?

[AndyPandy]

2 hours ago, HeartGoesOn said:

 Mentioning her body would definitely send the wrong message.  There's a good chance shy may lose interest if there's any to begin with.

Take it slowly, be polite and I'm sure you'll do fine.

There's safe territory such as complimenting her hair, eyes, attire etc.

5 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Dont build friendship, that will surely get you into infamous "friendzone".

This is a fair warning and something that I've learned the hard way. It's important to signal early on that there is a level of interest otherwise you can end up shifting into just being a pal and I think that can be done with some of the safe gestures that I mentioned above.

5 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

...for example how you like her figure, and see how she reacts to it.

Does this work for you personally during initial interactions with women? It's a sincere question as I'm quite intrigued as to the success rate with that approach. 

[Batya33]

11 hours ago, AndyPandy said:

There's safe territory such as complimenting her hair, eyes, attire etc.

I would not since they are doing a sport that involves wearing fewer clothes -too risky.  If she's wearing a team sports cap, fine.  They are  teenagers and if she gets uncomfortable and reports him this could jeopardize his sport and he loves his sport and for good reason.  

I was 15 when I met my high school sweetheart. He was 16. We met at a sweet 16 party and then met again at a dance event at our place of worship.  Therefore it was totally appropriate for me to ask him to dance (or maybe he asked me). Totally appropriate to be flirty in that particular environment.  Then he asked me out on a date - he got my number and called and asked (this was in the early 80s).

[Octo1757]

28 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would not since they are doing a sport that involves wearing fewer clothes -too risky.  If she's wearing a team sports cap, fine.  They are  teenagers and if she gets uncomfortable and reports him this could jeopardize his sport and he loves his sport and for good reason.  

I was 15 when I met my high school sweetheart. He was 16. We met at a sweet 16 party and then met again at a dance event at our place of worship.  Therefore it was totally appropriate for me to ask him to dance (or maybe he asked me). Totally appropriate to be flirty in that particular environment.  Then he asked me out on a date - he got my number and called and asked (this was in the early 80s).

Yes I completely agree. I’m not going to compliment her on her appearance until I have a solid foundation, it’s completely appropriate, and we’re in an acceptable environment for it.

[AndyPandy]

5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I would not since they are doing a sport that involves wearing fewer clothes -too risky.  If she's wearing a team sports cap, fine.  They are  teenagers and if she gets uncomfortable and reports him this could jeopardize his sport and he loves his sport and for good reason. 

For goodness sake. I can understand being cautious but this is taking things to the extreme. If a teenage girl becomes uncomfortable at someone within her age group saying something as harmless as "I like your sneakers" or "that's a nice jacket" then I weep for the future of human interaction. 🤦‍♂️

Good luck with it all.

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, AndyPandy said:

For goodness sake. I can understand being cautious but this is taking things to the extreme. If a teenage girl becomes uncomfortable at someone within her age group saying something as harmless as "I like your sneakers" or "that's a nice jacket" then I weep for the future of human interaction. 🤦‍♂️

Good luck with it all.

I didn't write that at all.  I meant in this context given the sport, how they are dressed, how important the sport is to him, how his coach might react if it's reported it's wayyyy too risky.  I weep for no one when I give that opinion about this specific situation.  It's like how one behaves at work.  Yes I might say nice jacket to one of my colleagues but yes I think these days men who meet with women in their private offices should err on the side of leaving the office door open.  I also wrote that it was perfectly appropriate for my high school boyfriend and I to dance and flirt with each other when we first met.  I took nothing to the extreme.  But, you did.

My friend was reported at work because a new employee who was non-binary used "they" as their pronoun. She inadvertently and mistakenly referred to the employee in a gendered way -probably "she" and she was reported and had to meet with HR.

So if he is at a swim practice or swim meet and comments on a female swimmer wearing a bathing suit and compliments her hair or how she looks -he is "at work" at that moment as is she -she is entitled to focus on her sport and to feel comfortable being in a bathing suit of course and not have attention drawn to her appearance where he it will appear that he complimented based on her gender.  It's a non-issue -the OP is very serious about his sport, he loves it and he's going to err on the side of sportsmanship and decorum.

 

[Octo1757]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

It's a non-issue -the OP is very serious about his sport, he loves it and he's going to err on the side of sportsmanship and decorum.

 

Thank you for that. You are completely right.

[LotusBlack]

On 6/22/2024 at 6:05 AM, Kwothe28 said:

Oh noes, he would pay her a compliment, what horror in the eyes of the local feminist squad. He should be in jail after that, right?

This has nothing to do with being feminist or her being a female. I would say the same is if were a girl posting this thread about being interested in a boy.

He barely knows her and if I were in her shoes and one of the first things someone said to me was regarding my body, it would not send the message that this guy was interested in me as a person and in potentially dating but is just after something physical. It would make me uncomfortable, especially at a young age when I am likely very inexperienced romantically, etc. This also doesn’t mean he can’t compliment her in other ways.

Also, I didn’t mention anything about being friends first, however, there is nothing wrong with being friends with someone before entering a relationship; at least then, you actually know you like the person as a human being. This “friend zone” thing is a bit mythical and misleading; If someone “friend zones” you then you were likely always going to be friend zoned no matter how you approached the acquaintance from the beginning.

[shouldhavelearned]

Exchange phone numbers

Talk and get to know each other 

You're putting the cart before the horse here

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, LotusBlack said:

This has nothing to do with being feminist or her being a female. I would say the same is if were a girl posting this thread about being interested in a boy.

He barely knows her and if I were in her shoes and one of the first things someone said to me was regarding my body, it would not send the message that this guy was interested in me as a person and in potentially dating but is just after something physical. It would make me uncomfortable, especially at a young age when I am likely very inexperienced romantically, etc. This also doesn’t mean he can’t compliment her in other ways.

Also, I didn’t mention anything about being friends first, however, there is nothing wrong with being friends with someone before entering a relationship; at least then, you actually know you like the person as a human being. This “friend zone” thing is a bit mythical and misleading; If someone “friend zones” you then you were likely always going to be friend zoned no matter how you approached the acquaintance from the beginning.

I too would say the same thing about any gender in this situation especially.  

[Bertram]

You could try some oblique approaches. Think of some other problem you have that she might be able to help with. People love to help, and it doesn't necessarily signal you want a relationship with her, so it's low embarrassment risk (hopefully!). Then say "I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I'm not sure how to deal with [insert problem about swimming, or whatever]. what do you think I should do?" If she says "Whatever man your problem not mine" then that's the end of that! But if she tries to help, you might be able to gauge how she feels. If the conversation grows legs, you can say "Thanks, that's really helpful, can we continue in the cafe? I'll get you a coffee and a large pork pie." Or something more appropriate, I don't know what kids eat these days. Just an idea

 

Good luck with it! 

 

EDIT: asking for someone's help or advice is a compliment that isn't too obvious. It shows that you think she is capable and has a range of virtues beyond being attractive. You can always write poems about how lovely she is later on.

EDIT2: Look out for eye contact. Take her lead with it and return it if you can without collapsing in a heap. Unless she is autistic or extremely shy, in which case no eye contact doesn't mean she doesn't like you. 

EDIT 3: You could ask her opinion on something. Is there a bit of weird art on display in the building for example? "What do you make of that? Makes me feel a mixture of hope and horror." It's a little bit of intimacy - sharing an experience unique to the two of you. There are probably better examples.