Please help me with this girl.

[Octo1757]

This is my first time posting on this platform, but I’ve read a ton of y’all’s posts, and I hope you can help me with my problem. So for background, I am a young teenage competitive swimmer who is really into the sport. I’m constantly at swim meets and I practice every day. I met this girl named Dana at a swim meet about a year ago. I had seen her around but I’d never talked to her before. We ended up warming up together in the same lane (for context the pool is separated by lane lines creating lanes that we swim in). I started talking to her, and something about her just made me instantly attracted to her. I don’t know what it was, but she was super nice and really pretty too. She is also an extremely fast swimmer. I consider myself to be pretty high up, and she was right there with me, keeping up. Sometimes even going in front of me. Since then, I’ve seen her at a lot of meets and we talk to each other about what races we are doing and other small talk. She is always extremely nice, and sometimes she even makes an effort to walk over to me when she sees me just to talk. She is technically on my swim team, but she practices at another pool. This is important because every once in a while, she will end up at the pool I swim at. And she always seems to make a conscious effort to end up in my lane for practice. I don’t know if it’s a sign she just sees me as a nice person or if it means anything deeper. I want to get a feel for wether we’re friends or if we’re just acquaintances. And if we are, how do I take it up to a friendship. I want to get to know her better and possibly get her number. I need advice on how I should do this or if it is even worth it.

[Batya33]

When you are chatting next time ask if she'd like to get together outside of practice. In other words, "take the plunge"

[Octo1757]

I am young and can’t drive so a date wouldn’t really work out. I have “dating” experience, but I’ve never actually been on a date.

[Batya33]

Just now, Octo1757 said:

I am young and can’t drive so a date wouldn’t really work out.

I started dating at age 12 and have never driven.  Arrange to meet at a location convenient for both of you where you can walk around, maybe go get ice cream or to a museum.  Or go out after practice in that area and ask parents to pick you up later.

[Octo1757]

How do I approach her? Every girl I’ve been with has approached me. I’ve never really just walked up to a girl and talked to her about something like that.

[tattoobunnie]

Just now, Octo1757 said:

I am young and can’t drive so a date wouldn’t really work out.

is there a coffee shop near by you can both get hot chocolates or tea or cookies something after a swim meet or practice?

[tattoobunnie]

Just now, Octo1757 said:

How do I approach her? Every girl I’ve been with has approached me. I’ve never really just walked up to a girl and talked to her.

Um...I thought you both were already talking.  You mean, ask on a date? Just ask her to grab some coffee.

[Octo1757]

I feel like I’m overthinking this. I don’t know if we’re even considered friends, so I’m unsure if that would be weird or not.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Octo1757 said:

I feel like I’m overthinking this. I don’t know if we’re even considered friends, so I’m unsure if that would be weird or not.

But that is how people become friends.  Does the pool have a snack bar or a place to get a beverage?

[Octo1757]

5 minutes ago, tattoobunnie said:

Um...I thought you both were already talking.  You mean, ask on a date? 

I do. Talking to anyone about something like that is new to me.

 

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

But that is how people become friends.  Does the pool have a snack bar or a place to get a beverage?

Yes, it does actually. I like that idea, thank you.

[tattoobunnie]

Coffee isn't a date.  It's hanging out with food or a nice warm beverage after swimming in a cold pool where you have more time to get to know eachother.

[Octo1757]

@Batya33 I’ve seen you on a lot of these.

[Octo1757]

1 minute ago, tattoobunnie said:

Coffee isn't a date.  It's hanging out with food or a nice warm beverage after swimming in a cold pool where you have more time to get to know eachother.

Yeah I guess so. Swim meets are busy places, I’d have to time it right. The last thing I’d want is for her to miss her race :).

[tattoobunnie]

Just now, Octo1757 said:

@Batya33 I’ve seen you on a lot of these.

Me and her seasoned enotaloners whom have got out so much from this forum.   And, we are both happily married with kids, and have been around the block to be able to share some solid dating advice!

Get to know her.  That's the best next step.  Don't sweat over it...just be yourself, but with more time, and something to eat.  Hold the door for her, and pay for her tea or whatever, so she knows it's a "could into something more" thing.

[Cherylyn]

Don't fear.  Just go right up to her and ask her if she'd like to perhaps go out for hamburgers after swim practice or a swim meet.  Fast food,  yogurt,  ice cream or something like that.  I'm sure you're both starving after swimming.  Get her phone number then. 

Build friendship after getting acquainted more and see where it goes. 

[Octo1757]

Just now, tattoobunnie said:

Me and her seasoned enotaloners whom have got out so much from this forum.   And, we are both happily married with kids, and have been around the block to be able to share some solid dating advice!

Get to know her.  That's the best next step.  Don't sweat over it...just be yourself, but with more time, and something to eat.  Hold the door for her, and pay for her tea or whatever.

Thank you so much! You really have helped me, and I’m going to try to find the courage to ask her to have a drink with me. And of course, I’ll buy.

[Octo1757]

Just now, Cherylyn said:

I'm sure you're both starving after swimming.  Get her phone number then. 

Build friendship after getting acquainted more and see where it goes. 

Haha yes!!! I could easily eat a whole cow after a meet. I’m sure she could too. Thank you.

[Kwothe28]

Dont build friendship, that will surely get you into infamous "friendzone". Just ask her after swimming for a coffee or a meal. Throw her a few compliments, how she is a great swimmer and how you are impressed, something else about her, for example how you like her figure, and see how she reacts to it. If it goes well, take number and call on a date. It doesnt matter that you dont drive, you can go out in town to see each other.

[LotusBlack]

OP, I would not be telling a girl who is still young enough that they don’t drive yet that she has a nice figure, especially when you barely know her. I think that is a sure fire way to make her feel uncomfortable even if she is into you, and perhaps give her the wrong idea about what you’re looking for.

As others have said, compliment her on her swimming skills; I think that will flatter her more than commenting on her body at this stage, because swimming is something she obviously really cares about. You can compliment her in others ways once you have built a little more rapport with her.

In your shoes, after a meet or practice, I’d ask her - as Batya said - if she wants to grab something to eat at the food stand at the pool. If she says yes and you have a good connection, ask her before you part ways if you could have her number.

 

[catfeeder]

44 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

…for example how you like her figure, and see how she reacts to it. If it goes well, take number and call on a date. It doesnt matter that you dont drive, you can go out in town to see each other.

Ghaaad, no. Don’t say a word about her figure. It’s not okay for even grown men to comment on a woman’s body. That’s intimate territory for familiar couples. At your age, making friends is the best way to get to know her. You’ll learn over time whether she’s interested in spending even more time together.

[Kwothe28]

26 minutes ago, LotusBlack said:

OP, I would not be telling a girl who is still young enough that they don’t drive yet that she has a nice figure, especially when you barely know her. I think that is a sure fire way to make her feel uncomfortable even if she is into you, and perhaps give her the wrong idea about what you’re looking for.

 

1 minute ago, catfeeder said:

Ghaaad, no. Don’t say a word about her figure. It’s not okay for even grown men to comment on a woman’s body.

Oh noes, he would pay her a compliment, what horror in the eyes of the local feminist squad. He should be in jail after that, right?

Also, they are both young, he is not some 30 year old paying compliment to a 16 year old, they are probably the same age. Also, also, he is looking to date her, not to be friends with her. And he should from the start make a distinction of that. This is the one way to do it. There is nothing wrong with him "rattling a cage" a bit. Sorry that you think he should just buy her ice cream and be friends until something miraculously happens. I dont think he would do something like that except make a friend. Which is not bad, but not what he wants.

[Octo1757]

17 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Oh noes, he would pay her a compliment, what horror in the eyes of the local feminist squad. He should be in jail after that, right?

Also, they are both young, he is not some 30 year old paying compliment to a 16 year old, they are probably the same age. Also, also, he is looking to date her, not to be friends with her. And he should from the start make a distinction of that. This is the one way to do it. There is nothing wrong with him "rattling a cage" a bit. Sorry that you think he should just buy her ice cream and be friends until something miraculously happens. I dont think he would do something like that except make a friend. Which is not bad, but not what he wants.

It feels a little off to give her a compliment about something so intimate when I barely know her. I appreciate the advice, but I don’t know about that. I understand what you are saying, but I think she would just think I was a creep.

[Octo1757]

1 hour ago, LotusBlack said:

As others have said, compliment her on her swimming skills; I think that will flatter her more than commenting on her body at this stage, because swimming is something she obviously really cares about. You can compliment her in others ways once you have built a little more rapport with her.

 

Thank you, I agree that swimming is something she cares about a lot. I think it would be better to compliment her on her athletic ability.

[Bora]

4 hours ago, Octo1757 said:

This is my first time posting on this platform, but I’ve read a ton of y’all’s posts, and I hope you can help me with my problem. So for background, I am a young teenage competitive swimmer who is really into the sport. I’m constantly at swim meets and I practice every day. I met this girl named Dana at a swim meet about a year ago. I had seen her around but I’d never talked to her before. We ended up warming up together in the same lane (for context the pool is separated by lane lines creating lanes that we swim in). I started talking to her, and something about her just made me instantly attracted to her. I don’t know what it was, but she was super nice and really pretty too. She is also an extremely fast swimmer. I consider myself to be pretty high up, and she was right there with me, keeping up. Sometimes even going in front of me. Since then, I’ve seen her at a lot of meets and we talk to each other about what races we are doing and other small talk. She is always extremely nice, and sometimes she even makes an effort to walk over to me when she sees me just to talk. She is technically on my swim team, but she practices at another pool. This is important because every once in a while, she will end up at the pool I swim at. And she always seems to make a conscious effort to end up in my lane for practice. I don’t know if it’s a sign she just sees me as a nice person or if it means anything deeper. I want to get a feel for wether we’re friends or if we’re just acquaintances. And if we are, how do I take it up to a friendship. I want to get to know her better and possibly get her number. I need advice on how I should do this or if it is even worth it.

How about giving it a try at least for once? Like u said,get her number and know her better

[Octo1757]

Just now, Bora said:

How about giving it a try at least for once? Like u said,get her number and know her better

I will. I’m working up the courage thanks to everyone here. I’m really grateful to this community.