Alokinga Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 A girl with whom I've been out a couple of times over the last two months and felt very connected to told me she needs space for her final exams so we can't see each other. She told me that she'd like to go out when all of it is over, in a bit less than a month. I completely understand her because she has a ton of responsibilities. So in the meantime, do I stop texting her entirely to let her do her thing and build more tension for our next date, or are occasional texts from time to time to show I care ok? Like sending a beautiful picture or a song, or even a meme to make her happy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tattoobunnie Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 Yes. Just say, you'll reach out in a few weeks, and will go out to celebrate together. Don't bother her before then, or you come off needy and desperate. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 18 minutes ago, tattoobunnie said: Yes. Just say, you'll reach out in a few weeks, and will go out to celebrate together. Don't bother her before then, or you come off needy and desperate. And also because she doesn't need distractions from the intense focus on studying she says she needs. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 I think meme is OK idea. It would cheer her up maybe. Also is it the same girl that put you in "friendzone"? Does she knows its a date or she thinks you will go out as friends? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeDee Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 I wouldn't pester her but when you can't control yourself, send something upbeat no more than once per week saying something like "Hope your exams are going well. Looking forward to seeing you." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 It's not a matter of "should you." If you are out and about and something reminds you of her, and you want to share that with her, then that's totally fine. Just don't bombard her out of eagerness. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 You've known each other for 3 years...she knows where to find you, get a hold of you. Sometimes being absent benefits you more than you think. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 Stop texting so she can concentrate on her final exams. She does not want distractions. Respect and honor her wishes. Wait until you see her in 3 weeks. At that time, she can take a breather, feel relieved that exams are behind her and enjoy socializing with you. Until then, back off. Do as she had requested. This is how you can be considerate. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 Follow her lead. If she reaches out to you, respond. If not, leave her alone. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 It's not about what you "should" do. It's about showing her kindness and respect. She asked for space, so respect her wishes and don't constantly be tryng to contact her to the point where it would be a distraction. On the other hand, not saying anything at all doesn't necessarily build any tension or benefit you. It could very well hurt you - out of sight, out of mind. So don't feel you have to go completely silent, and definitly don't do it because you think you'll benefit from it later. The best course is to let her have her space to take care of what she needs to, but send the occasional reminder to her that you are thinking of her. Don't plan it. Do it when something strikes your fancy and makes you think of her. Do it to make her happy. Send a message of encouragement for her exams. It's the little things like that which show a person how much you care. It will touch her, cheer her up, and make her more excited to see you in a month. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alokinga Posted June 24 Author Share Posted June 24 On 6/21/2024 at 3:23 AM, Cherylyn said: Stop texting so she can concentrate on her final exams. She does not want distractions. Respect and honor her wishes. Wait until you see her in 3 weeks. At that time, she can take a breather, feel relieved that exams are behind her and enjoy socializing with you. Until then, back off. Do as she had requested. This is how you can be considerate. Thanks. She didn't request anything specifically, only said that she can't hang out before things are done. I don't have the "urge" to text her in any way, I just didn't want her to think I don't care about her. But I'm leaving her alone, maybe I'll just wish her good luck the day before her final exam. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alokinga Posted June 24 Author Share Posted June 24 On 6/21/2024 at 5:45 AM, ShySoul said: It's not about what you "should" do. It's about showing her kindness and respect. She asked for space, so respect her wishes and don't constantly be tryng to contact her to the point where it would be a distraction. On the other hand, not saying anything at all doesn't necessarily build any tension or benefit you. It could very well hurt you - out of sight, out of mind. So don't feel you have to go completely silent, and definitly don't do it because you think you'll benefit from it later. The best course is to let her have her space to take care of what she needs to, but send the occasional reminder to her that you are thinking of her. Don't plan it. Do it when something strikes your fancy and makes you think of her. Do it to make her happy. Send a message of encouragement for her exams. It's the little things like that which show a person how much you care. It will touch her, cheer her up, and make her more excited to see you in a month. Thanks, that's exactly what I was thinking about! I wouldn't text her because I need her attention, I would do it to show I care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 24 Share Posted June 24 3 minutes ago, Alokinga said: Thanks, that's exactly what I was thinking about! I wouldn't text her because I need her attention, I would do it to show I care. I think she knows you care about seeing her in person ASAP. If she were your girlfriend I'd check in for sure but she seems to have some interest in seeing you and is prioritizing her studies. She also hasn't been willing to make a plan 3 weeks in advance. So I'd hang back for now and see what's going on after her exams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted June 24 Share Posted June 24 5 hours ago, Alokinga said: Thanks. She didn't request anything specifically, only said that she can't hang out before things are done. I don't have the "urge" to text her in any way, I just didn't want her to think I don't care about her. But I'm leaving her alone, maybe I'll just wish her good luck the day before her final exam. Don't text until after her final exam. In the meantime, exercise discretion and go no contact. The least amount of distractions, the better even if you mean well. She will know you care after her final exam. At that point, resume the friendlies. Usually people don't want to be bothered while they're setting their priorities straight whether it's final exams, a job or some type of task which requires lots of concentration. Show you care by putting yourself aside and getting out of the way. Be considerate in that regard. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyPandy Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 On 6/24/2024 at 5:22 PM, Cherylyn said: Usually people don't want to be bothered while they're setting their priorities straight whether it's final exams, a job or some type of task which requires lots of concentration. Show you care by putting yourself aside and getting out of the way. Be considerate in that regard. So true. When someone is working towards goals that will transform their life, inconsiderate behaviour is the fastest way to turn them off. Within my own life, many a potential relationship never even made it out of the starting blocks because the people concerned had zero regard for my studies - and in effect, zero regard for me. I've lost count of the occasions where fights ensued with thoughtless people who were dismissive or even downright disrespectful about my need to concentrate and they cared more about their selfish, short-term agendas than my future. Obviously they had to go. One of the worst offenders made 15 attempted phone calls within the space of a few days, despite being informed that I had to prioritise my academic work because it was crunch time. Eventually I had to block their number as they refused to accept that I was busy and couldn't spend time with them in person or on the phone. If you show patience and understanding, that'll make a far better impression than pushiness and self-centredness. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 On 6/24/2024 at 3:57 AM, Alokinga said: Thanks, that's exactly what I was thinking about! I wouldn't text her because I need her attention, I would do it to show I care. From all your posts that I've read I've always got the impression you are a considerate person who does care. You generally have the right idea, just prone to overthink. Trust yourself. And a person can't study all the time. I've tried and it tends to end with me hitting a wall where I need to do anything else then look at that book again. Sending something short and sweet might actually be a good little distraction that gives her a short break to catch her breath. If she doesn't have time to look at it that moment, it can be ready for her when she does have the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alokinga Posted July 1 Author Share Posted July 1 On 6/26/2024 at 5:11 AM, ShySoul said: From all your posts that I've read I've always got the impression you are a considerate person who does care. You generally have the right idea, just prone to overthink. Trust yourself. And a person can't study all the time. I've tried and it tends to end with me hitting a wall where I need to do anything else then look at that book again. Sending something short and sweet might actually be a good little distraction that gives her a short break to catch her breath. If she doesn't have time to look at it that moment, it can be ready for her when she does have the time. Thank you 🙂 Yes, I messaged her twice or thrice over the last 15 days for very short focused convos and it seems like she didn't mind. She also sent me a post the other day about something we talked about last time we were out together. I think the balance is good and we'll quickly reconnect once she's free. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 That's positive that she sent you the post -shows she is interested in interacting with you when she is busy. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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