Am I being abused?

[Zoeyyyz]

To start off, my boyfriend and I are both 20 years old and have been together on and off for 2 years. Below, I will list all the things he did to me:

 

• Told me if I don’t get birth control i can’t come to see him 
• Cussing every day if I don’t follow his obey him
• Yelling almost every day
• Cheated by sending nudes to others and begged for nudes 
• Snapped underage teenagers and lied about his age telling them he was around their age 
• Forcing anal sex with words and making me feel bad if i don’t want to do or if we stop while doing it and he didn’t finish 
• Didn’t let me play my music in car because it was bad
• Told me why cry no one died i saw people struggling with worse issues and they don’t complain like you
• Forcing me to fix things by changing my mind for example if i say I’m depressed he would say fix yourself and expect me to say I’m not depressed if i don’t do it his way
• Stopped caring when i was suicidal before he used to write nice words now just ignores it
• Said if i don’t send him nudes he will watch porn
• Called me *** 
• Hiding things like scamming girls for nudes selling and buying car and porn addiction saying it’s not my business
• Didn’t allow me to talk to anyone about our problems because it’s our business
• Said i was stalking him when i asked what he does on snap when he was cheating
• Called me pick me when i asked for compliments
• I said can we pls talk i feel bad i can’t sleep if i don’t know that we good he said i can sleep and just slept
• Forced me to delete my friends because they cussed him once when they found out he cheated
• Wants me to argue with my parents for him even tho they said they will kick me out if I continue with him and he then says God has place for me and i shouldn’t worry if they kick me out
• Doesn’t allow me to post pics of myself on profile picture but he does
• Never posts me on social media but wants me to do it
• Doesn’t allow me to follow no men on social media even if they are cooking or anything even young boys
• Saying it’s my fault he acts like that
• Gave me cpr cause i wanted to sleep and he didnt let me because he wanted me to apologize and fix what i did
• Held me down in car because we argued and i cried because I didn’t eat in day and i was so hungry I wanted to go eat and he held my hands and didn’t let me until i fixed things and then i passed out because I felt dizzy and nauseous 
• I need to ask for permission to go out always 
• I need to answer him immediately if I’m online
• Complained if i liked posts on instagram with men in them or pregnancy or cheating 
• need to tell him immediately as soon as i come home if i don’t he cusses and stresses me
• Saying to my fav song that it’s depressing and bad
• Kept nudes of himself in phone but i couldn’t keep even 1 pic of my body
• My friend texted him and he flirted saying short girls are best etc and then saying it was his friend who did it as prank
• Wanting to know everything in detail what i talk to family like to translate every single word
• I asked for passwords after he cheated he didn’t wanna give saying he didn’t share before why should he now
• I asked him to delete snap because he cheated on that and I just overthink that he will text someone again and he didn’t saying he doesnt want to delete friends
• Saying he would die for me and he loves me more than he loves himself then saying don’t hurt urself when i ask if he meant it
• Doesn’t allow me to go my home country to see my family saying it’s dangeours but there is no other way to see my aunt since her husband doesn’t let her go out of country 
• Doesn’t allow me to talk to my aunts son and wanted me to block him because he is man and i shouldn’t be talking to no man other than my brother and dad
• Saying girl on his phone was his step sis but when i asked him after few months he said her name wrong 
• Wouldn’t wanna do it on period to help me ease pain saying it is disgusting but wanted in ass because it’s tight

[Kwothe28]

5 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Told me if I don’t get birth control i can’t come to see him 

Bit overboard but he just doesnt want to knock you up and wants it raw dog. Kinda sleezy, not abuse.l

 

6 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Cussing every day if I don’t follow his obey him

Yes, abuse

6 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Yelling almost every day

Violent, even abusive if he yells at you

7 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Cheated by sending nudes to others and begged for nudes 

Not loyal, but not abusive

7 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Snapped underage teenagers and lied about his age telling them he was around their age 

Creepy and even maybe against the law depending where you at, but not abusive.

8 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Forcing anal sex with words and making me feel bad if i don’t want to do or if we stop while doing it and he didn’t finish 

Manipulative and abusive

8 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Didn’t let me play my music in car because it was bad

Not abusive. Abusive to him if you wanted to play Taylor Swift.

9 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Told me why cry no one died i saw people struggling with worse issues and they don’t complain like you

Dismissive of feelings, but not abusive

9 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Forcing me to fix things by changing my mind for example if i say I’m depressed he would say fix yourself and expect me to say I’m not depressed if i don’t do it his way

Bit raw, but not necessarily abusive

10 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Stopped caring when i was suicidal before he used to write nice words now just ignores it

Dismissive, but your mental health is your issue first.

11 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Said if i don’t send him nudes he will watch porn

Jerky, not abusive

11 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Called me *** 

Probably curse word so abusive

12 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Hiding things like scamming girls for nudes selling and buying car and porn addiction saying it’s not my business

Against the law and porn addiction is an issue, but not abusive

13 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Didn’t allow me to talk to anyone about our problems because it’s our business

Isolation is a form of abuse so abusive

13 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Said i was stalking him when i asked what he does on snap when he was cheating

Deflection is not an abuse.

14 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Called me pick me when i asked for compliments

Dont think "pick me girl" is an insult, its mostly dismissive of your feelings.

14 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• I said can we pls talk i feel bad i can’t sleep if i don’t know that we good he said i can sleep and just slept

Dismissive, not abusive.

15 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Forced me to delete my friends because they cussed him once when they found out he cheated

Isolative, so abusive.

15 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Wants me to argue with my parents for him even tho they said they will kick me out if I continue with him and he then says God has place for me and i shouldn’t worry if they kick me out

Relationship issue, but not abusive.

16 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Doesn’t allow me to post pics of myself on profile picture but he does

Jealousy and possibly abusive

17 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Never posts me on social media but wants me to do it

Possessive, possibly abusive

17 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Doesn’t allow me to follow no men on social media even if they are cooking or anything even young boys

Same as above

18 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Saying it’s my fault he acts like that

Abusive

18 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Gave me cpr cause i wanted to sleep and he didnt let me because he wanted me to apologize and fix what i did

Depending on what you did it can be not abusive or abusive

19 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Held me down in car because we argued and i cried because I didn’t eat in day and i was so hungry I wanted to go eat and he held my hands and didn’t let me until i fixed things and then i passed out because I felt dizzy and nauseous 

Moe toxic but can be said its abusive

20 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• I need to ask for permission to go out always 

Possessive and abusive

20 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• I need to answer him immediately if I’m online

Same as above

20 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Complained if i liked posts on instagram with men in them or pregnancy or cheating 

Same as two above

21 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• need to tell him immediately as soon as i come home if i don’t he cusses and stresses me

Same as three above

21 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Saying to my fav song that it’s depressing and bad

His opinion, again, I am with him if its a Taylor Swift one

22 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Kept nudes of himself in phone but i couldn’t keep even 1 pic of my body

Also possessive and hypocritical

23 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• My friend texted him and he flirted saying short girls are best etc and then saying it was his friend who did it as prank

Not loyal, and he is a cheater and liar, but not abusive

24 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Wanting to know everything in detail what i talk to family like to translate every single word

Again possessive and controlling

24 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• I asked for passwords after he cheated he didn’t wanna give saying he didn’t share before why should he now

Again, liar and cheater

25 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• I asked him to delete snap because he cheated on that and I just overthink that he will text someone again and he didn’t saying he doesnt want to delete friends

Same as above

25 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Saying he would die for me and he loves me more than he loves himself then saying don’t hurt urself when i ask if he meant it

"Love bombing" but not abusive

25 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Doesn’t allow me to go my home country to see my family saying it’s dangeours but there is no other way to see my aunt since her husband doesn’t let her go out of country 

Controlling and abusive

26 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Doesn’t allow me to talk to my aunts son and wanted me to block him because he is man and i shouldn’t be talking to no man other than my brother and dad

Isolation and abuse

26 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Saying girl on his phone was his step sis but when i asked him after few months he said her name wrong 

Again, being a cheater is not abuse

27 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

• Wouldn’t wanna do it on period to help me ease pain saying it is disgusting but wanted in ass because it’s tight

Personal preferences but not abusive unless he forced an anal

Had some time so gone bit by bit. Also if you have a list of things about bad stuff he did to you, you should have left that relationship years ago.

[yogacat]

Yes, 1000% you are being abused. I feel terrible for you. There isn’t much anyone can do until you decide you deserve better.

His behavior isn’t ok.

Where do you see this going, realistically?

Please contact a domestic violence helpline. There are many national and local helplines that provide information, support, and resources for those experiencing abuse. They can help you develop a safety plan and connect you with local support services.

[AndyPandy]

33 minutes ago, Zoeyyyz said:

 

• Forcing anal sex with words and making me feel bad if i don’t want to do or if we stop while doing it and he didn’t finish 

That is rape, basically.

I think that you already know that you're being (horrifically) abused but you wanted other people to confirm this. @yogacat is right - if you love yourself then you have to run like hell from this monster.

Do it before he decides that he has the right to cause even worse suffering to your life...

[Cherylyn]

Yes.  You need to dump him. 

[catfeeder]

You don't mention why you stick around for this mistreatment.

What's your answer for that?

[TeeDee]

He's a horrible BF.  You need to get away from him.  It seems like your parents are on your side & they want you away from him.  Ask for their help breaking up with him.  

Then get some counseling because your self esteem is so non-existent that you don't recognize how poorly he treated you or why you let him. 

You have always had the power to say no & walk away.  Do it!

[HeartGoesOn]

What about him are you attracted to?  If I had to guess, this will eventually turn to physical abuse.

How does that sound?

[AndyPandy]

58 minutes ago, HeartGoesOn said:

If I had to guess, this will eventually turn to physical abuse.

Physical abuse is already happening.

[yogacat]

5 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Not abusive. Abusive to him if you wanted to play Taylor Swift.

😇😂

[Capricorn3]

OP, with a list like that it's surprising you still have to ask the question. You KNOW.  The bigger question you should be asking is, why are you putting up with a jerk like this and allowing him to treat you this way in the first place? Serious question.

[Zoeyyyz]

7 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

OP, with a list like that it's surprising you still have to ask the question. You KNOW.  The bigger question you should be asking is, why are you putting up with a jerk like this and allowing him to treat you this way in the first place? Serious question.

I have no self respect and self esteem since every woman in my family is abused  so it became normal and I just wanted to know what others think about my situation and that I get a bit of advice so I don’t come back to him

[AndyPandy]

16 hours ago, Zoeyyyz said:

 

• Doesn’t allow me to go my home country to see my family saying it’s dangeours but there is no other way to see my aunt since her husband doesn’t let her go out of country 

What's your home country or if you don't want to disclose that, which region is it located in? Are you living in the West currently?

3 hours ago, Zoeyyyz said:

I have no self respect and self esteem since every woman in my family is abused  so it became normal and I just wanted to know what others think about my situation and that I get a bit of advice so I don’t come back to him

You're going to need professional support to help you build up your self-esteem and your self-respect. Wherever you're living right now, are there services available to you? In the meanwhile, block him from contacting you via phone calls, texts, email, social media etc and stick to it. No matter how persistent he is, refuse all contact and communication with him. Keep that list of abusive somewhere that you can access it and every time you feel tempted to reconcile with him, look at that list and remember how terribly he has treated you and tell yourself that you deserve better.

Somewhere out there is a man who will not cause you pain and suffering.

[Zoeyyyz]

1 hour ago, AndyPandy said:

What's your home country or if you don't want to disclose that, which region is it located in? Are you living in the West currently?

You're going to need professional support to help you build up your self-esteem and your self-respect. Wherever you're living right now, are there services available to you? In the meanwhile, block him from contacting you via phone calls, texts, email, social media etc and stick to it. No matter how persistent he is, refuse all contact and communication with him. Keep that list of abusive somewhere that you can access it and every time you feel tempted to reconcile with him, look at that list and remember how terribly he has treated you and tell yourself that you deserve better.

Somewhere out there is a man who will not cause you pain and suffering.

Yes I am living in West and my home country is in Eastern Europe, thank you for advice I will try my best to do what you said and try to find professional support also do you think he can be helped too and that he could change? 

[Coily]

You need to distance yourself from this creature. I think you need to consider just ending things and completely cutting him off in all forms. Completely cutting him off, no responses, no acknowledgement of him.

From some of his behaviors he seems to be of a very different culture. As such you need to be very aware of your safety.

[AndyPandy]

3 hours ago, Zoeyyyz said:

Yes I am living in West and my home country is in Eastern Europe, thank you for advice I will try my best to do what you said and try to find professional support also do you think he can be helped too and that he could change? 

Forget about whether he could be helped or not and if he could change. Abusers seldom change or recognise that they have a problem and need to get help. The priority here is to concentrate on yourself and ensuring that you are safe, happy and receive support from groups and organisations that provide assistance to people who want to escape from abusive situations.