My daughter has not talked to me in 2 months and I don't know why...

[kalikat]

Hi all - this might get a little long so please forgive me. Just want to give the whole picture...

My daughter is 33 and I am 60. She is happily married with a beautiful little girl (2 1/2).

Back in February, I had purchased very expensive tix for her & her husband to see one of their favorite comedians. About a month before the show, she contacted me to say that would no longer be able to attend because hubby had been called to a business trip in China. I suggested that she and I use the tickets and get a babysitter for the baby. And she agreed. It would give us some time to bond since her job has been very demanding this past year as well.

3 Days before the show, She texts me to say that she can't go with me to the show. I tell her to sell the tix on stubhub so that the $$ wouldn't all be a loss (almost $400!). I was disappointed because I had really been looking forward to spending some time with her. But it is what it is. I texted her back & asked if we could make arrangements to spend Mothers day together(which was a couple of weeks away). She tells me that she actually was going to a wedding on Mothers day, and that she was going to be stressed because her husband would still not be back from his business trip by then, and she was working & dealing with the baby on her own, and then asked me if we could maybe get together sometime in June instead.

Okay - so I stayed out of her way (didn't want to add to her stress). Meanwhile, I had shoulder surgery (which she knew about). Plus a few other things happening. She didn't contact me on Mothers Day. She has not even texted me to find out how my surgery went. I have reached out to her a couple of times but she has not responded.

A couple of days ago, my sis calls to tell me that she talked to my daughter, who informed her that "she was taking a break from her mom" (me).

I am at an absolute loss for words. I have no idea why she feels that she needs a break from me. I don't know what to think or what to do. The only thing I know at the moment is that I am so unbearably sad.  I have done nothing to deserve this from her. Tomorrow I will reach out yet again to see if she will tell me why this is happening. will keep you posted. Thanks for letting me vent...

 

 

[Lambert]

@kalikat ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I'm so sorry this is happening. I hope she explains herself and her feelings because its very unfair for you not to know.

Then add in she's telling your sis? 

This is not cool on her part and you're right to be hurt. 

I hope you work out it.  Try to stay patient. People go through things and we don't always know or understand in the moment. 

 

[Kwothe28]

From what its worth I dont believe its about the ticket.

I do believe its something that is probably pent up from before. How was your relationship before? Did you had any big arguments?

Also, I think it is rude from her to cut you off like that especially when you had a surgery. Though you are her mother so that also reflects on how you raised her to be. Sorry.

[Jaunty]

I'm sorry.  You are going to have to bring this up with her.

[catfeeder]

My heart goes out to you. I once read that age 32 often begins a stage of life cycle in people where they regress into something like a second adolescence, where they rebel against their parents and families. They might do a deep dive into a childhood issues thing. Maybe consider doing some research on this?

I'm so sorry she snubbed you on Mother's Day and your surgery, that's really rude, and it's natural that you would feel sad.

[ShySoul]

Sorry you're going through this. She's being rude and inconsiderate. My own mother can drive me crazy. But no matter what's going on I make a point to call every week just to check in. If we actually lived anywhere near each other, I'd make a point to see her in person as well. To not be in contact, especially given what you've been through, is horrible of her.

If you want to be generous, she sounds like she might be having a stressful time. Maybe something is going on in her life that she hasn't told you about and she needs to deal with that. Dealing with parents, even good ones, can be stressful and not always something you want to add to your plate. It may not be about you.

I can go ages without talking to my other family members. My brothers rarely stay in touch with any of us. But eventually we always come back. Family is family. When she is ready, she will contact you again. If you need to, talk about it with her then. You'll work through this eventually. In the meantime, just try to focus on keeping busy with postive things that uplift you.

And I hope the shoulder is doing better.

[tattoobunnie]

I hate to ask this...but if she were to explain why herself why she needed a break, what would her reasons be?

Not saying you at all, but my hubs hasn't seen/spoken to his mom in years, but that's cuz she's a full-blown toxic narcissist. 

I find if she needs a break, and you do not let her have one, her resentment toward you will get worse and worse, and will reinforce whatever negative thing she is thinking.  So whatever you do, stop. Do not reach out. Do not force getting an explanation from her or through a mutual party.  Don't drop by, send more texts, or emails, or leave vague messages.  Just take a breather, and when she is ready, she will come to you.  

Again, do not force or manipulate a response.  It will never work in your favor.