Guidance Required

[Openreach]

So my GF recently pulled away, she said she needed space which i gave before she did the discard. There were no problems in the relationship and no arguments or dramas from me following the break up and still on friendly terms. But the only thing that made sense was someone else had come onto the scene.

Recently a new guy appeared on her social media liking. I'm not sure if she knows but he's only just out of the penitentiary for beating his previous gf and has a long protective order against contacting her. A violent psycho with drink & drugs problems. My ex gf still has ptsd from being attacked by a former partner years ago who was also jailed. I'm in NC but I'm worried for her safety and I don't know if i should tell her?

What would you advise please?

[Kwothe28]

57 minutes ago, Openreach said:

I'm in NC but I'm worried for her safety and I don't know if i should tell her?

Nah. It would just make you appear jealous and that you want her back. And she wont listen to you about him. 

Besides, she is not your girlfriend anymore. Its not your job to take care of her and who she hangs out with. If she stumbles its because of her and her only. Again, not your worries anymore.

[Coily]

If she ended the relationship with you for this clown, it's up to her to find out.  You have no duty to her after being dumped.

It reflects well on your character to be concerned, but the moment you say anything she'll get into the "but I can fix him" mode. Wash your hands and be done.

[MissCanuck]

You don't actually know what her connection is to this man. You have no idea if they are personally involved in any way, and she is a big girl, she will do her due dilligence when dating someone new. 

Don't interfere, and also, block her from your social media so you aren't tempted to track her like this. 

[TeeDee]

Are you broken up with her?  

You would do well to disconnect on social media but before you do, I would send a final message with a link to this guy's criminal history.  Just say FYI & nothing else.  Let her make her own decisions

[catfeeder]

If you opt to impart such information, which is readily available to the public and your ex, the signal you will send is that you are stalking her social media and overstepping into her privacy. That would speak of you, not the guy, and it would gain you absolutely zero in terms of credibility and trust.

I'd hide her feeds from myself and move my focus onto building up my own interests, self development, social life and a fabulous future. Head high.

[Cherylyn]

Your ex-girlfriend is a grown woman and she is responsible for her own life however way the trajectory leads her. 

You're not in charge of babysitting anyone even though there's a part of you who feels protective.  I was you back in the day.  I took people under my wing,  felt very protective of them and truly cared only for the relationship to end up in disaster.  I'm telling you it's not worth it.  You'll only get burned in the end.  Let people live their own lives however way they choose.  It's not your domain.

The best thing for you to do is to truly move on and concentrate on your own life.  People in the past don't matter.  Think about it.  If they don't care about you or I should say if they don't give a _______ about you, return the favor and do likewise.  Be fair to yourself.  Treat yourself better.  Take good care of yourself.

Since she's your ex-girlfriend,  it's better to block and delete her everywhere.  She'll become out of sight,  out of mind for you which is mentally healthy so you can focus on yourself instead of others.

[smackie9]

None of your business. You two are no longer so what she does, decides on, or what life choices she makes is all on her. She's an adult, she can do whatever she wants. Just move on with your life, not your problem.

[ShySoul]

On 6/11/2024 at 11:25 PM, Openreach said:

just out of the penitentiary for beating his previous gf and has a long protective order against contacting her. A violent psycho with drink & drugs problems. My ex gf still has ptsd from being attacked by a former partner years ago who was also jailed.

If she is in potential danger from this guy, you say something. It doesn't matter if you aren't in a relationship. It doesn't matter what she would think of you saying it. It doesn't matter if she listens. You have the chance to prevent a potentially dangerous situation, to prevent her from getting mixed up in the same kind of mess that has already harmed her before. Safety comes first and if you could say something to ensure that safety, or at least warn her of the risks, do it.

What she does with that warning is up to her. You can't control who she sees or what there relationship is. That is up to her. But letting her know your concerns and telling her that no matter what is going with the two of you, you don't want anything bad to happen to her, isn't wrong or something you should avoid. It's simply being a good friend and a good person.

Think of it this way: What if he did do something to her? How would you feel knowing you chose to keep silent? Is that risk something you want to take? And if the roles were reversed and you were the one walking into something that may cause you physical and emotional turmoil, wouldn't you at least like a warning?