He didn't ask if I made it home safely. Let him fade out or bring it up?

[poorlittlefish]

9 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I was very turned off by a man who wanted me to meet him on a Manhattan street corner at night to then choose where to go to dinner -he'd had over a week to plan the date. I told him I did not feel comfortable waiting for him on a street corner at night so he then chose a restaurant and mocked me about my declining to meet him on a street corner.  Next.

By contrast my friend is married to a man who on the first or second date didn't walk her to her car at night in the restaurant parking lot even though there were ice patches and it was dark out.  She didn't like it -but kept dating him.

I had one who wanted to meet me in a car park after dark.  I knew that this car park was both isolated and generally unused, ie dangerous for me.  I told the guy I'd prefer to meet outside the pub.  He literally told me that the car park would be better because he could check me out and leave if necessary, rather than potentially having to buy a drink and waste an hour of his time.  I told him I no longer wanted to meet him - I don't think I'll ever forget that!

[rainbowsandroses]

On 6/11/2024 at 9:21 PM, surferchic said:

When I thanked him for the nice evening, he was responsive and kind and asked what I was doing. He called the next day generally asking how I was doing, but he never asked "did you make it home safely?"

OP, assuming you're still reading...

^^Bolded, but he did ask though.  He may not have used the exact verbiage you required but by calling the next day and asking how you were doing, he was essentially checking that you made it home okay.  

Same intention, different words.

As I and others have said, if you didn’t/don't like him then stop seeing him. 

Your excuse that he didn't use the exact words you required when wanting to know that you made it home okay is a bit far-fetched and frankly silly imo.

Best to own your own feelings versus blaming a man for not passing whatever * test you're giving him. 

That's not fair and if you continue that game, you're gonna struggle connecting with any man imo.

Good luck. 

 

 

[surferchic]

It's all good y'all. I didn't act on my thought... The guy has been a true gentleman so far, so that's why I told myself...I said, "self...just chill". So I did. We've seen each other again already and our conversation seems to get better and better each time. 

I'm sure if I made a big issue out of it, things may have gone left real easy. I joked about it and he listened though. He has some expectations as well and we are learning each other more and more after each conversation.

Nevertheless, thanks for the feedback.

[rainbowsandroses]

4 minutes ago, surferchic said:

"self...just chill".

I love this^!   Gotta remember that sometimes myself!

Anyway, thanks for the update, it's nice to hear, and hope it continues!

All the best. 💛

[surferchic]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I love this^!   Gotta remember that sometimes myself!

Anyway, thanks for the update, it's nice to hear, and hope it continues!

All the best. 💛

I know right.... thanks again.

[surferchic]

21 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Don't create unnecessary drama.  It was only a first date.  If both of you continue dating and the relationship becomes closer after you get to know each other better,  perhaps that is the time when you can broach the subject regarding that you would appreciate if he were to text or call and ask if you arrived home safely.  Until then,  cut him some slack and go easy on him.  Not everyone thinks of all minutiae so early in the dating phase. 

It's also wise not to drive together nor visit each other's condos until you build trust.  He's still a stranger in many ways. 

Not that it happens all the time but there is such a thing called date rape.  Or, putting something in your drink or food and then rape.  Not that this will happen but you can't prove it after it happens which is the problem.  ☹️

 

Thanks. Yep, I did cut him slack... I posted a reply about my non-action on the matter and that I do like this guy, a lot. Plus, he's such a gentleman in every other way. And we both seem really happy to hear each other's voice and see each other's face when we have reconnected. I came here to vent and get feedback. So yeah, I'm straight for now and so is he.

I appreciate it though. Peace

[tattoobunnie]

I hate when my friends ask me to text them when I get home so they know I'm safe.  And, I sure never cared to be treated like I'm a child by my date.  I find it disingenuous, because a person's way to put the ball in your court to contact them again.  Instead, HE CALLED YOU, which requires way more effort and actual concern and interest.

Either way, I don't need a man I just met knowing my whereabouts, or presume he should have the privilege of knowing my whereabouts.

I don't even text my husband after he's rode on a helicopter to get to work. 

I definitely don't miss dating; too many new etiquettes 

[Debsterism]

Oh good grief!!! You talked to the man so obviously your silly behind made it home safely. You are just looking for something to complain about. This is ridiculous. Just because someone mouths those words to you doesn't mean they give even one iota of a care about you! Yet here you are holding that social garbage against him.

Personally I think you are doing the absolute most and obviously don't have any REAL problems to sit around conjuring up drama to be upset about. SMH

[ShySoul]

13 hours ago, surferchic said:

The guy has been a true gentleman so far...

He has some expectations as well and we are learning each other more and more after each conversation.

Think that's the best thing for any potential relationship. Be a gentleman (or woman) and treat the other with respect. Then be patient with the other person while learning each others expectations and quirks. Figure out what works for the two of you and be reasonable with each other.

Suferchic, hope things stay well.

20 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

He literally told me that the car park would be better because he could check me out and leave if necessary, rather than potentially having to buy a drink and waste an hour of his time.  I told him I no longer wanted to meet him - I don't think I'll ever forget that!

And that's an example of what not to do. I'm clearing a spot for him in the Jerk Hall of Shame. He clearly didn't deserve a second more of your time.