My friend left me because ( I made a mistake).

[malapani07]

Hey, I don't know who is reading this, but I need some help or somebody just to listen to me. 

I met a girl on an app where people find friends online and we became friends. we used to chat a lot and I shared a lot of my childhood stories and all the good and bad thing I did throughout my life. she also shared a lot about her but still I used to feel that she didn't share a lot of thing with me. And this chatting and knowing each other phase went for about 1 month and we used to chat daily. and we both are from same city. but we never met each other in real. 
And I started liking her. I don't know about her what she feels. but once she asked to show her a photo of mine and I send my photo to her. and then I asked for her photo and she sends me her photo. she was beautiful and I got more attracted to her. but she deleted her photo after few seconds. I asked her about that she said she didn't feel comfortable in sharing photos of her online. I said no problem. 

After a few week we were chatting on snapchat(which was her idea she made me friend on snapchat). and she shared a photo of her (it was photo of her face) she was trying show her eyebrows that she has done And I don't know why but I took a Screenshot of that photo. And when you took screenshot of the chat or messages on snapchat. The other person get's notified about this. and she asked me what did you screenshot. and I can't lie here she knows I took screenshot of here photo. 
so I said I took screenshot of her photo. But luckily she didn't ask me why?
so I said you didn't like it? she said, she felt strange. 
so I deleted that screenshot and also told her that I deleted it and said sorry.
she said ok no Problem.

that was the last time we chat with each other and now may be she knows that I like her. and after few days she also unfriend me on snapchat. but she didn't unfriend me on the app were we meet first. and it been a month now we haven't chatted but in between I have messaged her what's happen is everything ok? are you angry on me because of that screenshot? but she didn't even seen my messages. 

now I am confused, she only unfriend me on snapchat if she want to go away why she haven't unfriend me on the app were we meet. that is the last way of communication we have. we don't have each others phone numbers or anything and she is not responding me. 

I feel frustrated now. I can't even focus on my work. in my mind I keep thinking that she will respond but it's more that two week that I messaged her last time. I don't know what to do? I can't Even forget her.

[Kwothe28]

28 minutes ago, malapani07 said:

I have messaged her what's happen is everything ok? are you angry on me because of that screenshot? but she didn't even seen my messages. 

Correction: She didnt want to see your messages. Dont message again, this one is done. Move on.

Also, couldnt you asked “May I take the screenshot? Your beauty is divine and want to have a memento of it.” Or something like that? You are probably young so you will learn in time.

Also, will point out that you dodnt even saw each other even though you live in the same city. Dont entertain fantasies like that when it leads to nowhere.

[Batya33]

Sounds like both of you took the safe way out by not meeting -that way you could pine after her photos and not have to deal with real life dating. Quite possible she has a boyfriend and therefore used snapchat and was very concerned about you screenshotting her.

Was this app only for friendship?

[malapani07]

no this app was not only for friendship. and I asked her already that do you have a boyfriend she said i don't have a boyfriend but she once said she is now focusing on herself. and trying to be alone.

[Batya33]

Just now, malapani07 said:

no this app was not only for friendship. and I asked her already that do you have a boyfriend she said i don't have a boyfriend but she once said she is now focusing on herself. and trying to be alone.

Focusing on herself has nothing to do with having friends.  She's not alone just because she's not dating.  If she was so focused on herself she wouldn't have wanted to keep sending you photos -she wanted you to focus on what she looks like.  Perhaps she now has a boyfriend perhaps she always did -thing is you didn't care so much as you kept in contact even though you two had no plans to meet.  Also friends don't share photos and flirt to the extent you chose to. Be honest with yourself and learn from this -that is the way to learn from it.

[Andrina]

19 minutes ago, malapani07 said:

no this app was not only for friendship. and I asked her already that do you have a boyfriend she said i don't have a boyfriend but she once said she is now focusing on herself. and trying to be alone.

You need to learn that when two people have opposite relationship goals, what you want isn't going to happen so it's best to not waste your time and end the connection.

Why are you seeking friendship online? If you're having a dry spell in your local life, that's up to you to make things happen. Meetup.com groups. Taking up a sport/hobby/interest. Join a club. 

[smackie9]

It's possible this was a secret friendship...she has a BF. 

[catfeeder]

Whenever someone won't meet you in person, it's a waste of your time, and possibly a scam. She may have figured you'd run the photo on Google images and learn that it wasn't even a photo of who she claimed to be.

Also, what kind of app matches people without posting photos?

[TeeDee]

6 hours ago, malapani07 said:

I feel frustrated now. I can't even focus on my work. in my mind I keep thinking that she will respond but it's more that two week that I messaged her last time. I don't know what to do? I can't Even forget her.

You can forget her.  You have to try.  

Unfortunately you got caught up in this, far too much for how brief & virtual it was.   You have to learn restraint.  Don't give your heart away until you meet in person & spend weeks if not months together.   Never overly invest in a stranger on the internet.  Chatting & getting to know someone is lovely but you have to be more cautious in who you trust.  Somebody has to earn that.  You can't just dive in. 

Change the way you talk to yourself & think about her.  You have to see the reality that she was not a safe reliable person.  She was weird about photos.  She was too secretive.  You were too caught up in the newness to recognize the red flags.  

[Cherylyn]

You've never met her in person.  Online friends are not the same and anything goes.

In the future,  cultivate,  nurture and maintain friendships in real life and in person and don't over do it with electronic communication and social media. 

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

You've never met her in person.  Online friends are not the same and anything goes.

In the future,  cultivate,  nurture and maintain friendships in real life and in person and don't over do it with electronic communication and social media. 

I have very close penpals and online friends for many years and it's not true that anything goes. However this is not an online friend -this is a person where there is flirting and sharing of photos for purposes of physical attraction (to a photo) -it's not a platonic friend.  Once that boundary is crossed then either you meet in real life to see if you should date in real life or you most likely stop contact -because there can't be a platonic friendship.

I've met a number of my online platonic friends in person and with a number of them it was not anything goes -we were reliably in touch and shared personal stuff - and the same rules as a real life friendship applied

[Cherylyn]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I have very close penpals and online friends for many years and it's not true that anything goes. However this is not an online friend -this is a person where there is flirting and sharing of photos for purposes of physical attraction (to a photo) -it's not a platonic friend.  Once that boundary is crossed then either you meet in real life to see if you should date in real life or you most likely stop contact -because there can't be a platonic friendship.

I've met a number of my online platonic friends in person and with a number of them it was not anything goes -we were reliably in touch and shared personal stuff - and the same rules as a real life friendship applied

What I meant by anything goes was there's more leeway such as doing as one will (block,  delete,  unfriend,  bash, etc)  at the flick of one's finger on a cell phone whereas in person,  it's not as impulsive and abrupt.  There's more hesitation or reservation before acting upon it. 

With in person communication,  there's pause to reflect,  think longer,  contemplate deeply and conscientious efforts put forth.  There's an opportunity to speak,  explain,  observe facial expressions and engage in a verbal conversation.  Or,  a phone chat is second best.  People tend to behave better.  They're more forgiving because there's a better understanding regarding emotions,  reasons and situations.  Often times,  there's more fairness.  Verbal dialogue exchange is softer vs. in writing. 

Online friends are great but it doesn't compare to in person;  preferably local friends or family whom you see regularly throughout the year. 

I've done emails and social media with long distance friends and relatives and while it's nice to receive and mutually correspond,  there's also a higher risk for the relationship to go awry vs. a more peaceful,  smoother in person rapport.   

[Batya33]

11 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

What I meant by anything goes was there's more leeway such as doing as one will (block,  delete,  unfriend,  bash, etc)  at the flick of one's finger on a cell phone whereas in person,  it's not as impulsive and abrupt.  There's more hesitation or reservation before acting upon it. 

With in person communication,  there's pause to reflect,  think longer,  contemplate deeply and conscientious efforts put forth.  There's an opportunity to speak,  explain,  observe facial expressions and engage in a verbal conversation.  Or,  a phone chat is second best.  People tend to behave better.  They're more forgiving because there's a better understanding regarding emotions,  reasons and situations.  Often times,  there's more fairness.  Verbal dialogue exchange is softer vs. in writing. 

Online friends are great but it doesn't compare to in person;  preferably local friends or family whom you see regularly throughout the year. 

I've done emails and social media with long distance friends and relatives and while it's nice to receive and mutually correspond,  there's also a higher risk for the relationship to go awry vs. a more peaceful,  smoother in person rapport.   

I don't agree based on my experiences.  I agree re written vs. verbal -with most of my online friends -with one unusual exception -we've had many phone calls too. And when my friends and I went away to different colleges in the mid 1980s much of our communication was phone/writing letters and we never thought of it differently just because we were long distance. I do agree that with those online friends I ended up meeting in person -even once -it makes a difference to the commitment to the friendship in certain circumstances.

Also just because I know I can click -send/delete doesn't mean I do it based on the relationship.  For example many many times in work situations where I have to deliver criticism of any kind I read and reread and maybe I don't send at all/delay till we can talk by phone -even if it is remote.  It depends how much the person values a friendship -like a work relationship too - if you place enough value on maintaining/developing the fact that technology is a tool that makes it "easier" to hide/delete/click is -irrelevant.

[Cherylyn]

9 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I don't agree based on my experiences.  I agree re written vs. verbal -with most of my online friends -with one unusual exception -we've had many phone calls too. And when my friends and I went away to different colleges in the mid 1980s much of our communication was phone/writing letters and we never thought of it differently just because we were long distance. I do agree that with those online friends I ended up meeting in person -even once -it makes a difference to the commitment to the friendship in certain circumstances.

Also just because I know I can click -send/delete doesn't mean I do it based on the relationship.  For example many many times in work situations where I have to deliver criticism of any kind I read and reread and maybe I don't send at all/delay till we can talk by phone -even if it is remote.  It depends how much the person values a friendship -like a work relationship too - if you place enough value on maintaining/developing the fact that technology is a tool that makes it "easier" to hide/delete/click is -irrelevant.

I don't think it's irrelevant.  Nuances can be tricky and dicey when typing.  It has to be carefully worded otherwise the message is easily misconstrued which doesn't always make for a smooth friendship.  Many times,  when there's initial enthusiasm,  it is possible for the communication to evolve into lukewarm correspondence,  comments,  etc. 

Yes,  I agree,  if communication is done right with a lot of consideration in mind,  it is successful and enduring.  However,  if communication or correspondence gets sloppy,  it will be perceived as frosty behavior which doesn't bode well.

I've noticed that people tend to be more careful in person vs. online.  With a lot of people whom I know in real life,  they're so much better, sincerely joyous and refreshingly pleasant in person.  Then,  online,  whoa!   🤔Because they can hide behind their screens,  all bets are off.  Granted,  not everyone is this way but I've noticed this phenomenon.  Yes indeed. 

[Batya33]

On 6/8/2024 at 5:36 PM, Cherylyn said:

I don't think it's irrelevant.  Nuances can be tricky and dicey when typing.  It has to be carefully worded otherwise the message is easily misconstrued which doesn't always make for a smooth friendship.  Many times,  when there's initial enthusiasm,  it is possible for the communication to evolve into lukewarm correspondence,  comments,  etc. 

Yes,  I agree,  if communication is done right with a lot of consideration in mind,  it is successful and enduring.  However,  if communication or correspondence gets sloppy,  it will be perceived as frosty behavior which doesn't bode well.

I've noticed that people tend to be more careful in person vs. online.  With a lot of people whom I know in real life,  they're so much better, sincerely joyous and refreshingly pleasant in person.  Then,  online,  whoa!   🤔Because they can hide behind their screens,  all bets are off.  Granted,  not everyone is this way but I've noticed this phenomenon.  Yes indeed. 

Yes some do for sure -tend to be more careful in person.  Some people use onlne to hide behind screens but when I've made and developed online platonic friendships where there is little chance of being able to meet the motive is to develop a close friendship -just like the old fashioned penpals.  I had a close friend through the show Big Blue Marble (it was on public television in the 1970s) where they matched you with a child your age.  She lived in the midwest and was also 12.  We were in touch for years and she invited me to visit her but we decided against it.  Neither of us was hiding behind letter writing.  Penpals were a known form of making friends back then.

I'm not a fan of online with local people.  I made a good friend during the pandemic through a FB group who lives 20-30 minutes away and meeting was not going to happen during the pandemic but we met after and plan to meet again.

Also depends if the OP requires a "smooth" friendship as you put it. I don't.  If it's too smooth then the people likely aren't that close.  Obviously no drama/toxic but to be close you have to weather the bumps that come with that level of closeness/vulnerability.  

[Cherylyn]

8 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Yes some do for sure -tend to be more careful in person.  Some people use onlne to hide behind screens but when I've made and developed online platonic friendships where there is little chance of being able to meet the motive is to develop a close friendship -just like the old fashioned penpals.  I had a close friend through the show Big Blue Marble (it was on public television in the 1970s) where they matched you with a child your age.  She lived in the midwest and was also 12.  We were in touch for years and she invited me to visit her but we decided against it.  Neither of us was hiding behind letter writing.  Penpals were a known form of making friends back then.

I'm not a fan of online with local people.  I made a good friend during the pandemic through a FB group who lives 20-30 minutes away and meeting was not going to happen during the pandemic but we met after and plan to meet again.

Also depends if the OP requires a "smooth" friendship as you put it. I don't.  If it's too smooth then the people likely aren't that close.  Obviously no drama/toxic but to be close you have to weather the bumps that come with that level of closeness/vulnerability.  

Yes,  I agree.  I too have noticed that many people behave differently behind their screens vs. exercising more caution in person. 

I too had pen pals via postal mail back in the day.  I actually miss it. 

With immediate electronic communication whether it's texts or emails,  it's a double edged sword.  It can be a carefully worded dialogue in writing or correspondence without facial expressions and reservations (as you would have in person) or it can sorely backfire.  Some people have consistent,  predictable finesse and extreme empathy whereas others can become acidic dependent on their mood at the moment.  🤨

When I referred to a "smooth" friendship,  I was referring to a harmonious, "we're on the same page" type very courteous mutual rapport or friendship whether feeling close or not. 

I agree,  in order to be close,  you have to weather the bumps due to closeness and vulnerability.  It is definitely a slippery slope to tackle and can get very dicey.  It's not for everyone. 

You and I differ.   I require a close friendship and it has its merits.  I have enough superficial friendships and acquaintances and certainly do not need to add more to my list. 

I agree,  it is risky to have close friendships because it's intimate (not physical) when getting to know a person,  their inner life,  all of their very personal woes,  trials and tribulations.  It's also taxing to be a moral support system,  very time consuming and saps one's energy to take someone under your wing and care to the core;  often times putting your money where your mouth is.  It's not easy. 

I'm actually leaning towards superficial friendships nowadays. 

Yes,  it depends if OP wants it or not.  With superficial friendships,  it's not close but it's definitely much safer to be sure.  Then again,  remaining superficial can feel shallow and I can have that with my next door neighbor which I do. 

Confiding on a very personal level and helping in all capacities with your time,  energy,  labor,  money,  travel,  hassle,  inconveniences and sincere sacrifices feels like true love like no other.  There's more difficult effort put forth with intimate friendships vs. taking the convenient superficial route which is ubiquitous.    There are pros and cons going in either direction. 

If I had my druthers and in hindsight,  not  being close feels like freedom,  there is no stress,  it saves time,  energy and money and it's absolutely risk adverse.  Knowing what I know now,  no stress and peace is priceless.  There is a cost to everything though. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

You and I differ.   I require a close friendship and it has its merits.  I have enough superficial friendships and acquaintances and certainly do not need to add more to my list. 

No difference.  I was referring to close friends.  I only add acquaintances for networking purposes or because our kids are friends etc.

[Cherylyn]

15 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No difference.  I was referring to close friends.  I only add acquaintances for networking purposes or because our kids are friends etc.

I only have several local friends whom I see regularly throughout the year.  Sometimes it's several times a month and other times it's once a month schedules permitting.  Aside from these local friends,  my husband and I also have couple friends.  Everyone else is considered an acquaintance or friends but not close ones.  It's enough though.  I doubt I could handle anymore friendships whether close or not. 

OP will discover that having friends requires a good fit.  Some were meant to be for the long haul whereas others were merely passing through your life and ended up only temporary. 

There are other factors to weigh in.  I can't speak for everyone but for me,  I prefer mutual empathy.  I can't tell you how many times when I was the empathetic type while others were either only 'Good Time Charlies' or didn't care to put in the same effort for a close,  high quality friendship.  Or, personality and character differences were so stark you couldn't ignore it. 

If I want superficial friendships,  I can go anywhere. 

Close friendships are very precious and priceless if anyone is lucky enough to have them.  I've known my local close friends for a long time.  ☺️  Some were from childhood,  previous neighbors,  friends of the family and former colleagues. 

[AndyPandy]

On 6/7/2024 at 11:04 AM, malapani07 said:

And I don't know why but I took a Screenshot of that photo.

You know why you took a screenshot of the photo. 😉

On 6/7/2024 at 11:04 AM, malapani07 said:

And this chatting and knowing each other phase went for about 1 month and we used to chat daily. and we both are from same city. but we never met each other in real.

Virtual friends. If someone lives in the same city as me and communicates with me everyday but doesn't have any interest in truly becoming friends who at least hang out here and there, it's really not a friendship and as @Kwothe28 mentioned, it's just a fantasy.

I've been through this. Often the other person is bored/lonely/wants validation and going online is an easy way to obtain it. There was a woman that I came into contact with online and she called me regularly and we'd talk for an hour or so. We appeared to get on, so eventually I suggested that we meet up and talk in person over coffee as we live in the same city. I wasn't proposing a date or propositioning her to come over to mine etc. Just coffee.

The tone of her voice shifted to one of fear and she never called back.

On 6/7/2024 at 11:04 AM, malapani07 said:

and I can't lie here she knows I took screenshot of here photo. 

so I said I took screenshot of her photo. But luckily she didn't ask me why?
so I said you didn't like it? she said, she felt strange. 
so I deleted that screenshot and also told her that I deleted it and said sorry.
she said ok no Problem.

Taking the screenshot came across as creepy. In future just ask whoever it is if you can have a photo rather than doing that. It's not much of a friendship if they can't share even a photo with you but yet they can have yours. I have to wonder if there wasn't a catfish going on. 

On 6/7/2024 at 11:04 AM, malapani07 said:

now I am confused, she only unfriend me on snapchat if she want to go away why she haven't unfriend me on the app were we meet. that is the last way of communication we have. we don't have each others phone numbers or anything and she is not responding me.

She unfriended you at one place and is ignoring your messages at another place. The situation is quite clear. In no way is this meant to be insensitive. She no longer has any interest in communicating with you. It doesn't matter that she hasn't unfriended you on the first app - she's ignoring your messages on there - which amounts to the same thing. Even if you had her phone number, it wouldn't make a difference because she wouldn't answer as she no longer wants to engage with you.

On 6/7/2024 at 11:04 AM, malapani07 said:

I feel frustrated now. I can't even focus on my work. in my mind I keep thinking that she will respond but it's more that two week that I messaged her last time.

This girl has moved on and you'll have to do the same.

On 6/7/2024 at 11:04 AM, malapani07 said:

 I can't Even forget her.

You will.

[Cherylyn]

On 6/7/2024 at 8:55 AM, catfeeder said:

Whenever someone won't meet you in person, it's a waste of your time, and possibly a scam. She may have figured you'd run the photo on Google images and learn that it wasn't even a photo of who she claimed to be.

Also, what kind of app matches people without posting photos?

Or, it could be catfishing.