My boyfriend never try to have a call or video call while LDR

[Berlin Roman]

I’ve been in relationship for almost 2 years now, but from the first we talk and found each other on dating app, we never ever have a call or even video call. But he send some photos or videos to me, and I did the same. He always angry if I call him or just a missed call. But I know some moments that he is calling with his friends and his sister.

One day I had bad feelings of him, and keep overthinking, so I decided to text his friend through instagram without my boyfriend know it. But it turns out the friend of my boyfriend didn’t know that he has a girlfriend aka me. I was so upset at that time, I was speechless, I was thinking like what’s going on? So I told him about it and my boyfriend really really really angry to me until he stopped talking to me for 2 days, and keep ignoring my messages when he knows I was anxious and panick.

I feel bad about myself. I feel bad for being the virtual girlfriend that he don’t tell about it to his friend. I feel like I’m just his online buddies. The day we had that big argument, is the day I said to my boyfriend that if he didnt love me anymore, he can simply direct say it to me. But let me celebrate his birthday for the last time.

In 3rd June 2024, is his birthday. I know that I ordered the cake is late because I was too confused and picky about the design. Then my boyfriend said that he likes simple strawberry cake, and it comes 2 days after his birthday. I sent him some photos of it, and my video that light the candle and wishing. I was waiting for hours and hours since Indonesia and Belgium has 5 hours difference time zone. I waiting til midnight, but he still didnt text me yet, while I’m here waiting a whole day. And then I go to sleep at 1am, and 1 hour later his responses just “Omg you did record it wow 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 You are very romantic babe but you dont need to be. I dont know what to say now sorry. I love you” What does it mean he says “You dont need to be” ? I know that we both can’t celebrate together in the same place and physically, I know that I will eat the cake on my own, but can’t he just appreciate my efforts? I thought we would have a time to celebrate together; wishing together. I can’t even see the difference between busy and can not make time for me. I even texted him a lot of paragraph but I’m not sure he read my texts. I feel unseen, I feel unheard, I feel unappreciated. If I saying such a thing to express how sad I am, he will feel bad as a boyfriend. I dont know what to do. Sometimes I feel so tired just being his girlfriend. I somewhat mentally checkout emotionally.

[Kwothe28]

I am guessing you are from Indonesia and he is from Belgium. Well, LDR are exhausting. Because in a way they are a fantasy. For example, you bust your but for a man who cant even see you in person, wont even call you to see you and who didnt even told his friends he has a girlfriend. For 2 years you are busting your but just because you think he would maybe marry you. While he didnt even told anybody about you. You will burn out like that. Because you choose a fantasy over a reality.

Also, why not just send him a cake? Pretty sure you could have just orderer a cake from the bakery in his city to be delivered on the day.

[DarkCh0c0]

That's not a boyfriend. He's your chat buddy from across the world. 

For someone to be your bf, you have to meet irl, hold hands, kiss, go on dates, meet each others' families and so forth.

For all you know, he might have a gf irl, or he just uses you as a time fill and takes advantage of some steamy pictures sent to him.

35 minutes ago, Berlin Roman said:

I said to my boyfriend that if he didnt love me anymore, he can simply direct say it to me

Well, there's no love really here. You're not a couple. 

35 minutes ago, Berlin Roman said:

But it turns out the friend of my boyfriend didn’t know that he has a girlfriend aka me

And here's your proof.

Do you have problems dating local men?

At least with local men, you can screen them for red flags more quickly, you can check if you two have chemistry, and the men would be more available to spend time with you and take you out. You would also be able to better detect lies and truths irl. Sorry to say that what you have not is not near what a real relationship could be. But if you like a virtual chat buddy, then lower your expectations.

[LINDA]

My heart goes out to you... There are so many red flags here. I've been in a similar situation; I dated a man for almost three years, and it was all long-distance. He used to text me less due to the time difference (6 hours), but he called me every day. However, he often went on hiatus during weekends, claiming he was busy with work or studies. I wasted a lot of time waiting for him, staying up late at night and losing sleep. In the end, I found out he was dating other women; they were official, and he even put a ring on her. My advice is, if he doesn't have any immediate plans to meet you SOON in person, don't waste any more time on him

[MissCanuck]

This man is not your boyfriend, OP. 

Please do not waste time on these purely-online situations, and especially with someone you have never spoken to live. They are just not real relationships, and as you can see, they are totally unfulfilling. 

It is time to stop communicating with this person. 

 

[TeeDee]

If you have never met him in person,  this has never been real.  

If your needs aren't being met there is no good reason to stay in this empty relationship.  End it & date somebody local.  An in person SO who is right there with you will alleviate so many of the issues you have here.  

[smackie9]

You are wasting your time girl. You go out and meet someone irl...someone you can actually see, touch, be with. 

[catfeeder]

You've been wasting 2 years on a fantasy. What's in that for you beyond isolation and living inside your own head?

What steps can you take to explore interests outside the screen and start making friends and building a social life with real people in real life?