My ex boyfriend wants to get back together, but I found out he is a felon now?

[Gogobear13]

So I(25 f) broke up with my ex (28m) 5 years ago after he lost his job, his car and was going into the army. I was only 20 and I was scared. He had gotten me pregnant and I lost the child in a car wreck very early in. I hadn’t even told my parents yet. I really cared about him, I loved him, but also he was a separate race and I was afraid of what my parents would say.  I haven’t spoken to him in 5 years or kept up with anything about him. He has just come back into my life, and I was really excited because I have grown more and I thought it would be a good opportunity to get to know him again and maybe forge a great relationship. We had amazing history. He told me that he wanted to marry me back then, raise a family together and that he has been in love with me all this time, but I rejected him and moved on so he was giving me my space. 
I just googled him a few days ago and found out he is now a felon convicted of domestic violence, burglary, AND he’s a registered sex offender, he was in a military prison for 2 years. He told me the only thing he did was the burglary and he’s trying to go through the appeal process to clear his name on the other 2 because he has proof he didn’t do it. He is really sweet and never seemed like he would do ANY of that. BUT he has told me he’s stolen so many things for me. I have stolen items and didn’t even know. I really like him, my old feelings are resurfacing, and he says he’s changed and doesn’t do ANY of that anymore. But he has been so sexual (speaking wise) with me and it’s only been a week since he’s come back and I don’t know if I should even consider this anymore? I am a Christian girl from a good background and I’m so scared of what my family would say? Not only that but I keep thinking about how this could affect me in the future if he didn’t get this appealed.. Plus I’m worried about if he’s telling the truth.. he never cheated on me or lied to me before (that I know of) but now I’m not so sure. I’m terrified. Internet strangers help?

[DarkCh0c0]

18 minutes ago, Gogobear13 said:

I’m terrified. Internet strangers help?

Stick to your knowledge of him and gut feelings.

You're an adult now. You have all this info about how much of a bad person he is. He's a criminal who is used to using his sweet talk to get people to help him and give him what he wants. He's trying that with you now.

What I'm questioning now is why is your self-worth so low that you would consider a man like that?

Cause honestly, you sound like a sweet lady who wants to find and marry a good man. He's not it. The least you could do is find a man with no criminal background. The least.

Honey, you are worth more. He is a walking red flag bigger than china. I suggest you confidently run the other way and don't even entertain him nor his lies.

[Batya33]

This is easy. Please stop justifying his criminal behavior and he didn’t care if you’d get in trouble for having stolen items. My friend gave another chance to a man who embezzled money and forged her name on his business documents. They were married. She even ended our friendship because she’d ask me for my advice then not like it. From all I know they eventually divorced and she had a baby on her own. She’s in her late 50s now and wasted many years of her life on him. I met him. He could be “sweet” but he’s a shady character and a liar and a criminal. She visited him in prison when she could have been living her life. 

You can do better. I’d cut ties with him because in case he’s capable of violence you don’t want him to know more about you than is needed. Good luck. If you truly believe in helping innocent convicts then volunteer with an established innocence project. 
 

[Andrina]

Why would you enter into such a stressful and dangerous situation because a man whispers sweet things in your ear? You don't even have the sense to block to him after he admitted he's been giving you stolen items?

My advice: Block him. Book yourself into therapy because you're a danger to yourself. Do not consider dating anyone until you've achieved self-love and can make wiser decisions in the dating world.

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, Gogobear13 said:

He told me the only thing he did was the burglary

Have you ever seen "The Shawshank Redemption"? Everybody who has ever been in jail have the same story how they are not guilty even for most heinous crimes around. "Lawyer Fed me. Everybody is innocent in here dont you know that?". Also, he didnt tell you a thing. You had to google him to find out. He is in his 20s and already convicted felon for various crimes including putting him in sex offenders registry. Which only happens if you sleep with minor. So you would be wise if you would just get away from him. Because who knows what he can do to you too.

[Gogobear13]

53 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Why would you enter into such a stressful and dangerous situation because a man whispers sweet things in your ear? You don't even have the sense to block to him after he admitted he's been giving you stolen items?

My advice: Block him. Book yourself into therapy because you're a danger to yourself. Do not consider dating anyone until you've achieved self-love and can make wiser decisions in the dating world.

That was honestly kind of ***ty to say to someone you don’t even know. You don’t have the full story nor do you have mine. I understand what you’re saying. I’m already in therapy due to being emotionally abused by another person. I just wanted some opinions to back up my gut feelings on the matter. To back myself up even though he’s telling me not to. What you said is quite rude. Maybe you need some therapy on learning how to speak to people you don’t know. Ew. 

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, Gogobear13 said:

That was honestly kind of ***ty to say to someone you don’t even know. You don’t have the full story nor do you have mine. I understand what you’re saying. I’m already in therapy due to being emotionally abused by another person. I just wanted some opinions to back up my gut feelings on the matter. To back myself up even though he’s telling me not to. What you said is quite rude. Maybe you need some therapy on learning how to speak to people you don’t know. Ew. 

If you ask for the reactions of strangers, it makes no sense to call them rude for answering--unless you're really just here to argue.

Why not tell your 'full story' to someone you trust, like your therapist?

 

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

If you ask for the reactions of strangers, it makes no sense to call them rude for answering--unless you're really just here to argue.

Why not tell your 'full story' to someone you trust, like your therapist?

 

Also the facts of his criminal background are-facts.  I don't see anything wrong with advising a woman in her 20s to avoid dating convicted felons.  I hope OP you feel better and I'm very sorry you were emotionally abused in the past. All the more reason not to date someone who has made these choices to commit crimes.

[MissCanuck]

It would be incredibly foolish to let this man back into your life. 

4 hours ago, Gogobear13 said:

Maybe you need some therapy on learning how to speak to people you don’t know. Ew. 

What's really "ew" is this:

7 hours ago, Gogobear13 said:

AND he’s a registered sex offender

Your ew-metre is off. The above should send you running for the hills. The fact that it's not is deeply concerning. 

[Kaytonie]

You are right that none of us know you or your situation - we can only make assumptions based on the information you give us. Even with a long life story of both of you, my advise would be the same - you do not want to be with a man with a criminal background.

While most criminals will claim innocence, false imprisonment is actually quite rare - real criminals go free all the time due to lack of evidence. Our justice system is made that way, and has had many overhauls, to avoid false convictions. If he was convicted, he did the crime. 

If you decide to pursue a relationship with this man, you are signing on for a lot of risks for yourself and your possible future children. You are probably only be considering this man because you have some history - and the familiar is easier. However, someone you've known for 5 minutes can have better intentions than someone you've know for 10+ years. 

I would encourage you to try some dating sites or apps. Just have some conversation and maybe go on a few dates. Seeing other options may make this guy less appealing. 

[Capricorn3]

9 hours ago, Gogobear13 said:

 and found out he is now a felon convicted of domestic violence, burglary, AND he’s a registered sex offender, 

^ That's all you need to know and it's your cue to head for the hills, FAST, and never look back.  He should remain an EX forever and it would be extremely foolish to get involved with anyone who has that record.  No amount of sweet talk and sweet words change the fact of what he did, which btw, shows his true character.

Continue with your therapy and share this information with him/her.

[Cherylyn]

Pay attention to your instincts and intuition.  Anytime you have doubts about a person no matter who they are,  is a warning sign to beware and stay away.  Far away.  Some people will give you endless stress,  grief,  worries,  misery, distrust and angst. 

I made the horrible mistake of taking some people back into my life just for them to deceive and betray me all over again.  They caused me great,  immeasurable pain.  Live and learn the hard way.  ☹️ 

Never allow history to repeat itself.  If you want to be normal and happy,  be like other normal,  happy people meaning surround yourself with normal, happy, secure people.  Never give yourself unnecessary,  preventable stress.  It took me many years to arrive to this conclusion.  It was trial and error in the making.  I wish I had known back then what I know now.  I'm sure most people share the same sentiment. 

[TeeDee]

On 6/1/2024 at 9:09 AM, Gogobear13 said:

I just googled him a few days ago and found out he is now a felon convicted of domestic violence, burglary, AND he’s a registered sex offender, he was in a military prison for 2 years. 

Sorry but those are deal breakers. 

Seriously what are you going to do, marry him, let him slap you around & endanger any pregnancy then stand by while he diddles your child or the babysitter?  

Tell him straight up you are not the same people you were back then & you no longer think the two of you are compatible.  

[smackie9]

As soon as you hear "domestic violence" you disengage yourself from him forever. He was a $%^& show back then and is now. You did the right thing by ending it...a very wise choice at 20 years old. Now that you are older, you should know better than to being involved in someone with such a history of violence and a disregard for the law. He's dangerous. 

[tattoobunnie]

On 6/1/2024 at 11:32 AM, Gogobear13 said:

That was honestly kind of ***ty to say to someone you don’t even know. You don’t have the full story nor do you have mine. I understand what you’re saying. I’m already in therapy due to being emotionally abused by another person. I just wanted some opinions to back up my gut feelings on the matter. To back myself up even though he’s telling me not to. What you said is quite rude. Maybe you need some therapy on learning how to speak to people you don’t know. Ew. 

I am not sure what was nasty in the advice the one commenter gave you.  You pick bad dudes, and do not trust your gut.  You find out a man was a ex-felon on your own with sexual abuse charges, and you still aren't sure if you should date this person.  Some people, like you, need tough love.

No one here is going to tell you to just overlook it.  He is an adult who makes criminal choices, and takes no accountability for it, and didn't even disclose it to you so he can get you in the sack.

[smackie9]

You have been preyed upon already...guys like him prey upon the vulnerable, emotionally weakened by abusive relationships. He's taking advantage of your emotional situation...that's what they seek out....that's what he is doing. You are a danger to yourself because you are considering being with this guy. We are telling you to protect yourself and stay away from him. You need to heal with therapy, and time...and to gain the knowledge to know when you are being lied to/taken advantage of. If you don't the cycle continues and maybe to the point you are trapped, hurt or even murdered. Please take care of yourself.