I get absolutely NO play from men. Why, how and what the ***?

[mylolita]

OP,

 

I agree with some of the suggestions above!

 

Maybe step back and take a logical look at how you spend your week, and how likely within that week there are to be lots of single men where you are? And also, will they be in a “dating approachable” environment? Like say, on a night out, in a bar, at a meet up group, in a salsa class etc. are you ever placing yourself in situations that are overtly for singles and meeting up? 
 

Being friendly and warm and inviting will help, it’s true - but in my experience it isn’t impossible that a guy will boldly approach with no real signal of interest. It does and can happen. That’s how I met my husband! I was working as a cocktail waitress and he just came up to me - I gave him no signal, I didn’t even know he was approaching, there were so many people at the bar! 
 

Anyway, it’s not going to harm to maybe look at how you may appear from the outside to others? Maybe ask friends? Probe them honestly! Do I come across as unfriendly or aloof? Unapproachable? It may also give you some insight there that might be helpful! 
 

I’m a big believer in being yourself, embracing your personality and kooks and twists for what they are - you are only young, still just 24. It isn’t insane that you have no romantic experience. I think actually, quite a lot of men would like that! 
 

Maybe if you haven’t, put yourself in those overly “single and looking” situations in real life. Group meet ups, classes, speed dating - out to bars with friends, etc. make sure to keep your eyes and head up like @Batya33 recommended! It’s important! I actually think most likely a lot of men have noticed you in that way but you haven’t noticed back! It might have been quite subtle. 
 

You’ll get there - be yourself, put yourself out there, take a few pointers from friends who will give you honest feedback and just remember sometimes, meeting the right guy takes a bit of time - that’s not necessarily a bad thing! 
 

x

[pineappleafter563]

Some of y'all gave great advice. Thank you @yogacat, @graphicdesigner, @tattoobunnie, @waffle, @rainbowsandroses, @teedee. 

I'll keep trying, then...

[yogacat]

The *** shield is funny. I have been told that I give off the *** shield. I don’t mean to. I don’t find it funny.

When in reality, I’m just guarded. I used to put this façade that someone had to break through to know the real me. Not because the real me is bad, but because I wanted to prove to the world that I am more than what can be simply seen.

I know I’m not alone in this as evidenced by many “All About Me” posts on social media – complete with photos of their children, pets, husband, mom, etc. – showcasing what people want others to see of them. 

[mylolita]

5 minutes ago, yogacat said:

The *** shield is funny. I have been told that I give off the *** shield. I don’t mean to. I don’t find it funny.

When in reality, I’m just guarded. I used to put this façade that someone had to break through to know the real me. Not because the real me is bad, but because I wanted to prove to the world that I am more than what can be simply seen.

I know I’m not alone in this as evidenced by many “All About Me” posts on social media – complete with photos of their children, pets, husband, mom, etc. – showcasing what people want others to see of them. 

This is also testimony to how different people will view you differently - sometimes! 
 

You can’t please everyone - just please yourself! 🍹

 

x

[yogacat]

22 minutes ago, mylolita said:

This is also testimony to how different people will view you differently - sometimes! 
 

You can’t please everyone - just please yourself! 🍹

 

x

😉🤣😅

 

[smackie9]

You have to make yourself approachable. I did an experiment one time at a smaller type neighborhood grocery store. I came in there confident, smiling at everyone, making eye contact and I had guys checking me out, following me and one very shy guy even tried to make contact with me...so TBH that's all it really takes is to have that confident warm friendly vibe. 

[mylolita]

1 minute ago, smackie9 said:

You have to make yourself approachable. I did an experiment one time at a smaller type neighborhood grocery store. I came in there confident, smiling at everyone, making eye contact and I had guys checking me out, following me and one very shy guy even tried to make contact with me...so TBH that's all it really takes is to have that confident warm friendly vibe. 

I agree smackie! 
 

But I will add - if you are comfortable in your own skin, who you are, and very confident, you will attract people regardless; whether that means you’re intense and quiet, rambunctious and playful, clumsy and endearing, gracious and demure, etc. people will be drawn to you because I find people are drawn to confidence in all it’s varieties and different forms! 
 

But of course, a smile and warm nature will always go down well generally, for sure! 
 

x

[rainbowsandroses]

33 minutes ago, mylolita said:

I agree smackie! 
 

But I will add - if you are comfortable in your own skin, who you are, and very confident, you will attract people regardless; whether that means you’re intense and quiet, rambunctious and playful, clumsy and endearing, gracious and demure, etc. people will be drawn to you because I find people are drawn to confidence in all it’s varieties and different forms! 
 

But of course, a smile and warm nature will always go down well generally, for sure! 
 

x

I agree with this^.  Like I posted earlier, it's your energy, your essence.  How you carry yourself, how you present yourself, if it's genuine and authentic or comes off contrived or your trying to hide something or playing a game.

I have said and done some of the dumbest things known to man!  And men were still drawn to me, they found it cute and endearing, they've told me this assuming we went on to actually date.

I suppose it was because it was genuine and real and that is sometimes more appealing than what you look like or words spoken.  Lord knows I certainly do NOT look glamorous by any stretch when I head off to the market; no makeup, hair in pony or wearing a baseball cap, tee, jeans and sneaks, but I still get approached.  I am always clean though, lol.

Again this is in a relatively large city so perhaps it's different in smaller populated areas.  I would imagine it would be.

I will admit there was a time I felt (and was) extremely guarded due to shyness but still somehow attracted men's attention I am assuming because it came from a place of authenticity versus some sort of game or intentionally trying to avoid being approached.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

but taken literally as defined talking "stage" is the period before you're actually dating wherein you're "talking," flirting etc.  Whether in real life or online. 

Yes I think it's a bad idea to define it as any sort of "stage" of dating -because it leads to expectations and rules and who should initiate - some people like to talk to talk, some people like to flirt to flirt, some people ask out right away some don't -there's no stage IMO.  And it also leads people to feel bad about themselves like the OP -a man talking to a woman means nothing as far as interest in dating.  A person is interested in dating another person when that person either asks the person for a date or accepts a date invitation enthusiastically.  The OP is  even bemoaning that other women she knows are "talking" to men.  To me the downsides of defining even more pre-dating activity as some sort of stage is obvious.

When I contacted or was contacted by men through dating sites the only reason for the contact was to see if we should meet in person to see if we should go on a date.  I had no "talking stage" even then nor would I have been up for any "talking stage" with a stranger.  The reason for talking before meeting was to see if we had enough in common to meet in person for hopefully a pleasant, fun convo for about an hour or so then see if we should  go on a real date.  Optimally that meant exchanging one or two messages, one phone call, meeting within the week.  

I met men everywhere -at work, at the gym, at volunteer work, at singles events in my apartment building. I talked to many men and flirted with many men.  Some wanted to date me and some didn't -I wanted to date some of them and some I didn't.  Sometimes it was one and done convo, sometimes there were more conversations, sometimes flirting sometimes not.  I never let myself have expectations that a man I wanted to date wanted to date me because he was flirting with me -had I told myself oh cool this is the talking stage -he's flirting -he's going to ask me out or he'll of course agree if I ask him -that would be setting myself up for unrealistic expectations as if it was a done deal. 

To me there's no sign to read that is interest in dating other than the person asks you out/agrees with enthusiasm to go out with you.  Much better IMO for developing the thick skin that is so often needed in the front lines of dating.

[rainbowsandroses]

I do respect your opinion Bat and appreciate that you don't agree with it.  

However I have heard single people refer to this period as the "talking stage," when they both acknowledge there is a mutual attraction but for one reason or another, they haven't gone on a date yet.  Like I said, it's a pretty common expression and it didn't surprise me when @pineappleafter563referred to it as such.

It's a relatively new expression among singles and I do agree it can be confusing! 

Because you're right some people simply like to talk and flirt with NO intention of dating and there are some people who talk and flirt with the intention of dating but for one reason or another haven't gotten around to asking the other out just yet.  They're just "talking."  

Heck even on this forum a poster may post that she/he is "talking" to someone and they ARE actually dating.

And some posters have asked "are you actually dating or just talking"?  And they'll respond, we are dating.  So again agree, it can be very confusing sometimes.

In @pineappleafter563case IMO she meant a man and woman talking/flirting as a way to demonstrate romantic interest.

As defined and I am quoting:

"The talking stage is the earliest point in a relationship when you've both expressed a mutual romantic interest and are willing to get to know each other on a deeper level."

I don't hold the phrase to that one particular definition though because it's nuanced and be defined in different ways.

JMO.

 

 

 

 

[Batya33]

21 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I do respect your opinion Bat and appreciate that you don't agree with it.  

However I have heard single people refer to this period as the "talking stage," when they both acknowledge there is a mutual attraction but for one reason or another, they haven't gone on a date yet.  Like I said, it's a pretty common expression and it didn't surprise me when @pineappleafter563referred to it as such.

It's a relatively new expression among singles and I do agree it can be confusing! 

Because you're right some people simply like to talk and flirt with NO intention of dating and there are some people who talk and flirt with the intention of dating but for one reason or another haven't gotten around to asking the other out just yet.  They're just "talking."  

Heck even on this forum a poster may post that she/he is "talking" to someone and they ARE actually dating.

And some posters have asked "are you actually dating or just talking"?  And they'll respond, we are dating.  So again agree, it can be very confusing sometimes.

In @pineappleafter563case IMO she meant a man and woman talking/flirting as a way to demonstrate romantic interest.

As defined and I am quoting:

"The talking stage is the earliest point in a relationship when you've both expressed a mutual romantic interest and are willing to get to know each other on a deeper level."

I don't hold the phrase to that one particular definition though because it's nuanced and be defined in different ways.

JMO.

 

 

 

 

Yes we can agree to disagree that it should be a stage.  I've heard "talking" for years and I have felt the same about it from the beginning -way too many downsides especially for someone in the OPs situation.  I've been in talking stages apparently many times over when I was exclusively dating and married to my wonderful husband and I'm sure he has too lol.  I'm sure the definition you quoted is one of many. 

To me if two people want to date they go on a date.  If they want to express romantic interest in each other without going on a date and take it to a deeper level then that's fine but it's not dating, it's not a relationship and if either has a goal of dating people to see if there's a potential relationship they either should avoid this "talk" (talk is cheap after all) or hope that this expression of romantic interest doesn't get in the way of actually going on dates with people who want to date them. 

Mostly I've heard women say "so I'm talking to this guy" and typically it ends with somehow that guy loved to talk but didn't walk the walk. 

If a man talked to me and expressed romantic interest in me to see if we should take it to a deeper level -when I was single I would have said "that sounds good -thanks for letting me know."  I then would have seen if he planned a proper date in advance and would have minimized "talking" further unless he followed up by asking me out on a date.  I knew a man had romantic interest that translated to dating interest when he --- asked me out on a date.  That was the action and effort that told me he wanted to get to know me better.  The preamble stuff is sweet I guess in certain situations but I never counted it as any stage or let it give me pause as far as pursuing men who were asking me out on dates. 

I think people who want this stage very often are not in a headspace to actually date or are not that into the other person other than fun flirting talk and perhaps some sexting thrown in.  

In the late 90s my friend met his future wife through a dating site.  She once said to me- that in her opinion the first two months of dating were irrelevant as to whether there was potential for the long term. I loved that attitude and with rare exception she was right. She was in her late 20s at the time as was my male friend.  This way she managed her expectations and didn't get caught up early on.  

[rainbowsandroses]

8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes we can agree to disagree that it should be a stage.  I'm sure the definition you quoted is one of many. 

Bolded, yes it IS one of many.  I just copied and pasted one definition.  It can mean different things to different people and often times it's not even a "stage," it's just two people talking and perhaps flirting with no intention to date that person or a mutual attraction.

In that case, it's NOT stage, it's just two people talking, nothing more nothing less

And of course we can agree to disagree, it's just semantics after all.  I am not the person defining these terms, as in this case, I am simply the messenger.

I convey what I've read, heard and experienced.

IMO it's irrelevant whether I agree with it or not. 

 

[yogacat]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes we can agree to disagree that it should be a stage.  I've heard "talking" for years and I have felt the same about it from the beginning -way too many downsides especially for someone in the OPs situation.  I've been in talking stages apparently many times over when I was exclusively dating and married to my wonderful husband and I'm sure he has too lol.  I'm sure the definition you quoted is one of many. 

To me if two people want to date they go on a date.  If they want to express romantic interest in each other without going on a date and take it to a deeper level then that's fine but it's not dating, it's not a relationship and if either has a goal of dating people to see if there's a potential relationship they either should avoid this "talk" (talk is cheap after all) or hope that this expression of romantic interest doesn't get in the way of actually going on dates with people who want to date them. 

Mostly I've heard women say "so I'm talking to this guy" and typically it ends with somehow that guy loved to talk but didn't walk the walk. 

If a man talked to me and expressed romantic interest in me to see if we should take it to a deeper level -when I was single I would have said "that sounds good -thanks for letting me know."  I then would have seen if he planned a proper date in advance and would have minimized "talking" further unless he followed up by asking me out on a date.  I knew a man had romantic interest that translated to dating interest when he --- asked me out on a date.  That was the action and effort that told me he wanted to get to know me better.  The preamble stuff is sweet I guess in certain situations but I never counted it as any stage or let it give me pause as far as pursuing men who were asking me out on dates. 

I think people who want this stage very often are not in a headspace to actually date or are not that into the other person other than fun flirting talk and perhaps some sexting thrown in.  

In the late 90s my friend met his future wife through a dating site.  She once said to me- that in her opinion the first two months of dating were irrelevant as to whether there was potential for the long term. I loved that attitude and with rare exception she was right. She was in her late 20s at the time as was my male friend.  This way she managed her expectations and didn't get caught up early on.  

Yes but sometimes the guy does want to and asks said lady on a date but she isn’t sure yet if she's that into the guy yet. That’s the point where women claim “talking” because she’s not sure yet and needs to feel it out before she can confidently say yes to a potential first date.

You can be unsure of a lass and feel it out for a bit before committing to a proper date too. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Bolded, yes it IS one of many.  I just copied and pasted one definition.  It can mean different things to different people and often times it's not even a "stage," it's just two people talking and perhaps flirting with no intention to date that person or a mutual attraction.

In that case, it's NOT stage, it's just two people talking, nothing more nothing less

And of course we can agree to disagree, it's just semantics after all.  I am not the person defining these terms, as in this case, I am simply the messenger.

I convey what I've read, heard and experienced.

IMO it's irrelevant whether I agree with it or not. 

 

I was referring to the non-semantic part -the part that  to me will negatively affect a 27 year old who is just getting started with dating and wanting to meet suitable men.  If I were the OP I'd not try to define anything at all in an interaction with a man until he asks her on a date or accepts her invitation for a date.  If she's not interested in dating but simply wants male attention, to flirt, to be hit on, perhaps to hook up then that's something I can't really comment on - and anyway that sort of interaction has no structure akin to going on dates -then it's just two people interacting in a flirty or sexual way and it's all individual.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, yogacat said:

Yes but sometimes the guy does want to and asks said lady on a date but she isn’t sure yet if she's that into the guy yet. That’s the point where women claim “talking” because she’s not sure yet and needs to feel it out before she can confidently say yes to a potential first date.

You can be unsure of a lass and feel it out for a bit before committing to a proper date too. 

Of course and it's not a stage-simply one person feeling insecure about whether she's interested.  To define it -to give it such emphasis -to me is a bad idea for someone who is interested in dating in general.  I certainly talked to men where I wouldn't have said yes on the spot to a date because we were strangers. 

If a man started flirting with me or talking to me and I thought he might be interested in asking me out he was completely off my radar until he did.  And if he did and I wasn't ready to say yes for whatever reason I might say - how about we meet up with our group of friends or I'd invite him to a group event.  I'd have no dating connection to him at all -because we weren't yet dating and might never go on a date.  "Nothing to see here!"

I once asked a man I was interested in dating to meet up for lunch during the work day and he said yes -it was not meant as a date.  A quick lunch.  Where I learned that he had a dealbreaker fact about himself such that I would never date him.  He told me later he realized I likely wouldn't date him and we had never been anything but friendly so we stayed friends for about 4 years and now we're just FB connected.  To me he was a guy I met at a high school reunion (not my school), we had the same career so we stayed in touch, I thought he was kinda cute and figured lunch would be a good neutral way to get to know him.  

OP - there are many ways as people wrote to attract interest from men and what I wrote above is one way -if you meet a man you might be interested in suggest a casual lunch so you're not full on asking him out but it's a good way to get to know him -or a walk in the park etc.  

[catfeeder]

21 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

...I have heard single people refer to this period as the "talking stage," when they both acknowledge there is a mutual attraction but for one reason or another, they haven't gone on a date yet.  Like I said, it's a pretty common expression...

Yeah, it's common slang. Sort of like when kids use 'first base,' 'second base,' to describe the degree of their sexual activity. Sure, there can be a 'first base' without ever progressing to a 'home run...' but that doesn't take away from the fact that they all know what these terms mean to them.

I think its superfluous to launch a language debate with people who use common slang. It's a wasted fingerwag to an entire generation over a term they've adopted for lack of a better one. In this case, if the OP views talking with guys as a 'stage,' that's significant to her given that she's never done it before. Plenty of people never make it to a 'dating stage', just as plenty of dates never make it to 'first base'. Let's credit them with the resilience to handle that.

[rainbowsandroses]

35 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Yeah, it's common slang. Sort of like when kids use 'first base,' 'second base,' to describe the degree of their sexual activity. Sure, there can be a 'first base' without ever progressing to a 'home run...' but that doesn't take away from the fact that they all know what these terms mean to them.

I think its superfluous to launch a language debate with people who use common slang. It's a wasted fingerwag to an entire generation over a term they've adopted for lack of a better one. In this case, if the OP views talking with guys as a 'stage,' that's significant to her given that she's never done it before. Plenty of people never make it to a 'dating stage', just as plenty of dates never make it to 'first base'. Let's credit them with the resilience to handle that.

100% agree and own that I should not have participated in the debate about its meaning.  My bad and apologies to the OP.

All @pineappleafter563said was:

19 hours ago, pineappleafter563 said:

They get flirted with, they're in talking stages with guys, etc. They get confirmation that one guy, at least once in their lives, has romantic interest in them.

It was a passing comment, and as you said a form of slang that is relatively new and used among many young single people in today's dating culture.

Nothing more nothing less....

 

 

[pineappleafter563]

15 hours ago, Batya33 said:

What do you bring to the table except thinking you are a 7? Do you do any volunteer work? Do you belong to any activities where people meet -any professional networking groups, a book club, a gym, a hiking or biking group?

Lol, all of these things. I'm into a lot of social progressive groups. I ran a mini community center for a year, lots of activism-related events––book clubs, protests, 101 classes. I go to co-ed hiking clubs––mostly older people or couples. I'm trying to look for a co-ed frisbee group, but there are no active ones in my area...none! Which is flabbergasting to me. I go out to bars and lounges with my friends. I volunteer at farms and gardens.

[pineappleafter563]

14 hours ago, yogacat said:

Maybe not enough guys around you. Focus on finding places where plenty of guys are most likely to go to, or on doing activities where chances are higher to find good men. You can try approaching yourself, at least to say hi; most guys don't really react negatively to it, some may often be flattered.

What kind of activities are those? As I mentioned to @Batya33: I'm into a lot of social progressive groups. I ran a mini community center for a year, lots of activism-related events––book clubs, protests, 101 classes. I go to co-ed hiking clubs––mostly older people or couples. I'm trying to look for a co-ed frisbee group (none in my area), but I could explore others. I go out to bars and lounges with my friends. I volunteer at farms and gardens.
 

[pineappleafter563]

12 hours ago, graphicdesigner said:

My daughter has the same problem. She is 24 and has never had a boyfriend, and she is gorgeous, trust me! We went to dinner this weekend and she told me she signed up for a few dating apps, went on her first date a week ago, and she didn't like it. She said the guy kissed her after the first date and it turned her off. My daughter is very very outgoing and has lots of friends—we raised her to have a lot of friends because she was an only child. I sometimes wonder if because she's so focused on her friends—who by the way, are mostly married and one is now pregnant—that maybe it turns the guys off from approaching her? I simply have no idea, because I've had boyfriends since I was 15. She's different from me though, she's always been very self-confident and comfortable in her own skin. She's always told me that she doesn't need a guy in her life to make her happy. I appreciate that she's so independent, but I also wonder if she's feeling lonely deep down which prompted her to sign up for these dating apps to begin with? I love that about her, because I was always the opposite—very insecure and not comfortable in my own skin. 

I say join a few dating apps and give it a shot. You literally have nothing to lose.

I loathe dating apps, I'm sorry. They're not a good experience for me. 

[pineappleafter563]

9 hours ago, tattoobunnie said:

Looks do not matter.  It's opportunity and a numbers game.  Have all your friends set you up with people.  My buddy did all the apps! All the apps.  But found a great man through Facebook dating.  He's great.  Just met him.  They've been going steady for months now. 

Before they met, he was ready to give up on dating.

My friends don't know any single straight men. My female friends (bi or straight)...they date via dating apps, and if they know any single guys IRL, I'm sure they save them for themselves. And then my gay male friend...well, he sure hasn't told me about any single straight guys he knows.

[pineappleafter563]

9 hours ago, Batya33 said:

She seems to want a specific kind of male attention from specific males.  

How did you come to that? When it comes to finding a quality partner that matches, I get you need to be picky, at least somewhat. But I'm talking before all that...just being noticed by men, any man. It literally doesn't happen for me.

[pineappleafter563]

9 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Not sure why the confusion about this, but taken literally as defined talking "stage" is the period before you're actually dating wherein you're "talking," flirting etc.  Whether in real life or online. 

It can last a short while or a longer while depending on the environment you're in (an office environment for example) and/or how comfortable you are asking that person out on a date.  But it's quite common in my experience.

@pineappleafter563 I'm sorry for what you're feeling and experiencing.

I agree with others to get out there and begin making effort.  You don't have to approach however you can make it easier for men to approach you through the energy you project.

For example, smiling when you see an attractive man, giving him an IOI (indication of interest), something subtle not aggressive or overt if that's not your style. 

But something.  IOW become "approachable."

I've talked to men about this on men's forums, in my support group, my brothers and even the men I've dated and had relationships with, and one common complaint I hear is that women often possess what is referred to as a "b*tch shield."

They're either walking around wearing ear plugs listening to music or otherwise appear to be very closed and guarded with a "don't bother me" look.

I don't think many women are even aware of this (some are), but that's the energy they project and as such never get approached and then complain about it!  

Not saying this is you but something to consider? 

Give a man a "window, " a "green light" help him out!  

Gone are the days when men boldly approach random women, there are many reasons for this which I won't get into.

Also have you considered attending meet ups?  A friend of mine met her husband that way. 

Anyway JMO, good luck!! 

I go to meetups. I can go to more, I guess?

Sometimes I wear a *** shield on purpose. Going outside and getting catcalled and objectified is...I hate it. I took a short walk the other day and got honked at, leered at by a creepy old man, then followed by another guy. But that's a whole another discussion about men and misogyny and what women have to do to stay safe and sane in this world...

Otherwise, I can definitely try to be more open!

[pineappleafter563]

8 hours ago, TeeDee said:

Based upon your history that I gleaned from other posts, the problem is you have no experience. 

In your early teens when most kids were learning how to flirt you didn't do that.  Now as an adult you have no idea how you should act & you probably can't recognize the signs when somebody is flirting with you. 

You don't have to be on the apps but you do have to make eye contact, laugh at jokes & be approachable.  It's a skill

 

This is a little different but in my 20s I gorgeous guy I worked with complained all the time that woman just didn't notice him.  That made no sense to me, so I agreed to go to a nightclub with him as friends.  My BF came along so it wasn't that this guy was interested in me.  On the short walk from the front door to the bar I clocked no fewer than 7 women checking him out.  He did not notice a one.  I had to point out these woman out to him.  As the night wore on, my BF assured him that at least 2 women that he talked to could probably be persuaded to have a ONS if he played his cards right.  The guy, my buddy, had no idea.  

We did this again the following weekend.  About 2 months later on his own he met the woman who is now his wife.  They have been married for 20+ years.  

So I'm getting attention but can't recognize it? Sure, maybe.

[pineappleafter563]

7 hours ago, smackie9 said:

You say your friends are bewildered....why are they not helping you with this? We can only advice on here with typing to which isn't going to give you much of anything but you will get better results if you consult with those around you who know you best. 

That's another problem. I've been friendless since my teen years. (Isolated homeschooling + living with COVID paranoid parents in early 20s and being financially dependent to not move out + hard AF to make friends in late 20s). Well, I made friends in college, but I didn't really connect to those people too deeply or liked them much (it was a competitive art school), so they all faded away after graduation. Past 1.5 years has been moving out and healing and doing lots of things to meet people, but it's hard to meet people who click with you and are consistent and genuine, etc. I've just met those people (group of 5 people, including me) the past few months, consistently hanging out with them (parties, drinks, playing sports together, hanging out at each other's places). So, finally, it's happened, but it's still new in the relationships.