pineappleafter563 Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 My friend has been dating this guy for 4 years. At some point, they open their relationship. I just met them, so I don't know if they've been in poly relationships before. My friend is bi, so technically, she could date women now, but after their breakup, she said she didn't really date anyone else while he did. But, one of the reasons for their breakup? He wants a monogamous relationship while she doesn't. Usually, when a guy wants to end an open relationship, he's jealous that his girlfriend is getting more partners than him, but that wasn't the case. Sounds like he genuinely just wanted a normal monogamous relationship. I'm always surprised when I hear cases like this, because I would think the average man would jump at the opportunity to have extra ***. But, before I give him any props, do you think there's another real reason like maybe, he found a girl he liked more than my friend and felt the need the dump my friend for her? I like to analyze others' relationships to better mine. What's your thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 4 minutes ago, pineappleafter563 said: I'm always surprised when I hear cases like this, because I would think the average man would jump at the opportunity to have extra ***. I think a person who enjoys multiple partners and casual sex would jump at this. Nothing to do with gender. If he first broke up then gave that reason that makes little sense to me -why not give her the chance to say -yes, me too. Maybe he simply changed his mind and realized he wanted to be exclusive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 49 minutes ago, pineappleafter563 said: My friend has been dating this guy for 4 years. At some point, they open their relationship. I just met them, so I don't know if they've been in poly relationships before. My friend is bi, so technically, she could date women now, but after their breakup, she said she didn't really date anyone else while he did. But, one of the reasons for their breakup? He wants a monogamous relationship while she doesn't. Usually, when a guy wants to end an open relationship, he's jealous that his girlfriend is getting more partners than him, but that wasn't the case. Sounds like he genuinely just wanted a normal monogamous relationship. I'm always surprised when I hear cases like this, because I would think the average man would jump at the opportunity to have extra ***. But, before I give him any props, do you think there's another real reason like maybe, he found a girl he liked more than my friend and felt the need the dump my friend for her? I like to analyze others' relationships to better mine. What's your thoughts? You're wrong. I know of a couple where the wife wanted to open up the relationship and he divorced her. Of course, you think naturally for men that he would be in 7th heaven to having their relationship open, but it isn't always the case. People enter polyamorous or open relationships for different reasons, and not all men are wired to want multiple sexual partners. In this case, it seems like the guy genuinely wanted a monogamous relationship and it didn't work out with your friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlight925 Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 My thoughts are, why is it so important for you to analyze a relationship of a person you just met? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 1 hour ago, pineappleafter563 said: I like to analyze others' relationships to better mine. Are you also in a polyamorous relationship? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pineappleafter563 Posted May 27 Author Share Posted May 27 48 minutes ago, Starlight925 said: My thoughts are, why is it so important for you to analyze a relationship of a person you just met? Why not? People are interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 Guessing you have a curious nature and like to analyze things that you might not have thought of? You're right, people are interesting and it can be fun figuring out human nature and seeing what you can take from it. As I don't know him, I have to take him at his word. I think multiple relationships sound great in theory and when you are living in fantasyland. But reality is a different story. Most people seem to have a natural inclination to want to settle down with one person. They crave that intimate, personal connection with one person who knows, understands, and loves them like no one else. That goes for male or female. At some point a person, even if they have enjoyed experiences with lots of people, will tire of the grind and constant issues that seeing multiple people bring about. My personal view is that I don't want multiple partners. Being there for one woman and supporting her is enough, I don't think I'd have the energy to do that with several. 😉 Just kidding. Seriously, I'm a one woman man. If find someone I connect with, then that is who I want to be with. I wouldn't even date multiple women to see if I wanted a relationship. My heart is geared to attach to one woman at a time. I only have one heart to give and I want to be able to give all of it to her. Likewise, I would hope she would give all of herself to me. I can't fathom dividing my attention and giving someone less then 100% of myself. No matter how pretty or nice the other girls are, no matter the attention I would get from them, it wouldn't be able to compare to the one I actually loved and wanted to be with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pineappleafter563 Posted May 27 Author Share Posted May 27 15 minutes ago, ShySoul said: Guessing you have a curious nature and like to analyze things that you might not have thought of? You're right, people are interesting and it can be fun figuring out human nature and seeing what you can take from it. As I don't know him, I have to take him at his word. I think multiple relationships sound great in theory and when you are living in fantasyland. But reality is a different story. Most people seem to have a natural inclination to want to settle down with one person. They crave that intimate, personal connection with one person who knows, understands, and loves them like no one else. That goes for male or female. At some point a person, even if they have enjoyed experiences with lots of people, will tire of the grind and constant issues that seeing multiple people bring about. My personal view is that I don't want multiple partners. Being there for one woman and supporting her is enough, I don't think I'd have the energy to do that with several. 😉 Just kidding. Seriously, I'm a one woman man. If find someone I connect with, then that is who I want to be with. I wouldn't even date multiple women to see if I wanted a relationship. My heart is geared to attach to one woman at a time. I only have one heart to give and I want to be able to give all of it to her. Likewise, I would hope she would give all of herself to me. I can't fathom dividing my attention and giving someone less then 100% of myself. No matter how pretty or nice the other girls are, no matter the attention I would get from them, it wouldn't be able to compare to the one I actually loved and wanted to be with. Really? You would take the option of having casual sex on the side if given, no? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 10 minutes ago, pineappleafter563 said: Really? You would take the option of having casual sex on the side if given, no? No, I wouldn't. I'm an old fashioned romantic. I've never seen sex as something physical or something that I need to be getting a lot of. I've never understood why you would want to have multiple partners. For me sex is a bonding of two people - body, heart, and soul. It's opening up myself to somebody, letting them into my world in a private, intimate way. That's not something you do with just anyone. Sex isn't causal. For most there will be a whirlwind of emotions involved. Most FWB or casual sex situations either end with someone developing deeper feelings or with the parties not being fulfilled and needing to seek out more sex or something else entirely to give them what they were looking for. I mean, I'm sure it has worked out okay for some people. But in general, I don't think it turns out nearly as good as people would like to believe. Having sex is a personal decision and people are free to do so as they see fit (as long as both parties consent). I just think in the long term, most will find monogamy more rewarding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 3 hours ago, pineappleafter563 said: I'm always surprised when I hear cases like this, because I would think the average man would jump at the opportunity to have extra ***. Not everyone would be happy to fool around. In fact, lots of people agrees to "open relationship" just to please the other side. Meaning that they are fine that other side cheats as long as they are with them. And not that they have an opportunity to cheat. Also it does sounds that he just wanted a monogamous relationship. If he had the other woman he could just date the other woman. He wouldnt had to play "3D chess" where he would say to your friend how he wants a relationship with her so they would break up. Its too convoluted for something where he could just date somebody else without any fear of her because they are both "open" to that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 4 hours ago, pineappleafter563 said: But, before I give him any props, do you think there's another real reason like maybe, he found a girl he liked more than my friend and felt the need the dump my friend for her? I like to analyze others' relationships to better mine. What's your thoughts? No-one can possibly know the answer to that as none of us know him. Only he has the answer to that one. Also, it's never wise to analyze other peoples' relationships as you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Best to stay in your lane and focus on your own relationship. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 4 hours ago, pineappleafter563 said: At some point, they open their relationship. 4 hours ago, pineappleafter563 said: One one of the reasons for their breakup? He wants a monogamous relationship while she doesn't. My read on both these^^ comments is.. First comment - he wasn't that into or truly in love with your friend and wanted to play around on the side under the guise of "open relationship" or " polygamous relationship." Second comment - he has fallen in love with another woman and as such wants to be monogamous with her and broke up with your friend. JMO but it makes the most sense with the little context you have provided. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pineappleafter563 Posted May 27 Author Share Posted May 27 23 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: Second comment - he has fallen in love with another woman and as such wants to be monogamous with her and broke up with your friend. That's what I think too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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