She suddenly seems distant after initiating

[Alokinga]

(This is a follow up to my last post about our concert hangout, in short it was great and she seemed very interested)

One week has passed and her responses started to be more and more sparse. I asked if she'd like to go to an exhibition, she said she doesn't really like exhibitions and she doesn't have a lot of time, so not right now. When I asked if she'd like to just go for a walk with me and grab ice cream again when she has time she said "yeah sure", whatever that means. I invited her to my performance this evening (I play guitar) as she invited me to hers, she said she had some obligations and she couldn't come unfortunately, I said that's ok becaude I'll be playing again next week, to which she didn't even respond. Yesterday I sent her a post about a concert tomorrow saying it could be interesting, she just liked the message. 

This distance feels very weird after all our very warm close friendly interactions over the last two years. I'm waiting for an opportunity to tell her in person that I like her just to make it clear, but that opportunity may not even come. She really opened up to me recently, talking about her feelings and her life in general. Now almost complete silence. I don't know how to feel. I know she has a lot going on with her reasearch paper for graduation and her entrance exam to the Music academy coming soon, but again... she could show a little interest if there was any.

 

[Batya33]

I wrote in your other thread how I think you should proceed. Good luck!

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Alokinga said:

One week has passed and her responses started to be more and more sparse. I asked if she'd like to go to an exhibition, she said she doesn't really like exhibitions and she doesn't have a lot of time, so not right now. When I asked if she'd like to just go for a walk with me and grab ice cream again when she has time she said "yeah sure", whatever that means. I invited her to my performance this evening (I play guitar) as she invited me to hers, she said she had some obligations and she couldn't come unfortunately, I said that's ok becaude I'll be playing again next week, to which she didn't even respond. Yesterday I sent her a post about a concert tomorrow saying it could be interesting, she just liked the message. 

 

Yeah, sorry buddy, that one seems to be a dud. I wouldnt hope for something there and would withold feelings for yourself. She clearly doesnt feel the same otherwise she would be in a first row of that concert. Probably felt that you have a feelings there and now after the date she is putting the distance there. Dont take it personally, it happens. Just try to get over it and move on.

[catfeeder]

5 hours ago, Alokinga said:

She really opened up to me recently, talking about her feelings and her life in general.

What did she say?

[Andrina]

You suggested getting together 4 times without any definitive answer from her. I am a woman and even if I didn't like exhibitions nor had a lot of time because of school, if I were into a guy, I'd make a suggestion of my own and fit something in with my busy schedule. Everybody has to eat meals, and even if I only had 30 minutes in a week to spare, I would make sure a guy knew my interest is equal to his. 

In the future, learn to let the other person put in effort without double, triple, or more asks. Let the reciprocity or lack of it be your signal of her interest or lack of it.

I'd leave the ball in her court now. If she lets the connection fade, you can emotionally move on. 

[smackie9]

Dude, I think you misinterpreted her warm and chumminess as romantic when she was just being friendly. If she isn't clamouring to go out with you by now, she ain't interested. I bet if you stopped, she wouldn't question it.

[MissCanuck]

18 hours ago, Alokinga said:

I'm waiting for an opportunity to tell her in person that I like her just to make it clear

Believe me when I say she already knows you like her. You have asked her out several times, so there is no need to tell her directly. 

18 hours ago, Alokinga said:

she could show a little interest if there was any.

Unfortunately, she seems to have a had a change of heart. I would stop asking her out and work on finding a woman who reciprocates your interest. There is just nothing here to work with. 

[ShySoul]

On 5/25/2024 at 3:40 AM, Alokinga said:

She really opened up to me recently, talking about her feelings and her life in general.

What did she  tell you? What were the circumstances that lead to it? Is it possible she thinks she overshared or gave you the wrong impression and has pulled back to avoid dealing with the fall out?

Or maybe she is honestly to busy and doesn't want to add something else to the plate. 

Some people are poor communicators. They disappear without warning and aren't always good at giving out reasons or letting someone know. It may have nothing to do with you and simply be a lack of social graces on her end. 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. You have asked multiple times and not gotten an answer. So don't ask again if you don't want the same thing to happen. As I said in the previous post, she is the busy one, so she needs to say when she is free. At most, leave a message saying she should let you know when she's available and wish her well with her schooling. That's being polite, showing you care, and leaving the door open. Then focus on you own things. Worrying about it won't make anything better and will just stress and depress you. So go on with your life and let this take whatever course it's going to take. You took your turn. Now the balls in her court.