Relationship over? Gutted - she still has feelings for ex - what now?

[Inlove]

So, just thought I would update this thread... and waiting for the "told you so" 😀

Since the above it carried on like that, after a couple of weeks all confused again and he came down again. 

Various forms of silence between us to give us both space,  normally lasting less than 24hrs, both at fault for it. Met up a number of times in the week and she was really struggling without me. It carried on like this into July with a weird weekend when she went to see her sister AND stopped at his (when I thought things were going well). A few more dates (and intimacy was better than ever) then she said about us trying again.

Ex was 100% in the picture but I felt good this was over and she chose me, quickly booked a couple of trips together and it felt fine. No more contact between them.

Went away last weekend and had a great time, but she was a bit off with me last week. Had my parents round so we didn't see each other much and I 'annoyed her' by keep offering cake and bread I had made (she is trying to lose weight, but it wasn't meant in a bad way). She did make a bit of a fuss about not tagging her in stuff on FB that trip which alarmed me a bit (but to be fair she has hardly posted on there herself in last 6m).

So, Sat I bumped into an old friend at the pub, we had a beer and he was telling me about his rubbish date that night. In front of me he started looking at his dating app and guess what, as he was swiping I saw her picture. it said new here, and I was shocked by seeing that. So I popped round the next morning to confront. Some of her comments in no particular order:

• I was going to tell you after you parents left, I was bored Sat night (probably believe her on this)
• I think I just see you as a really good friend (but she is very touchy feely and all over me sometimes)
• There isnt the spark (sorry but I totally don't believe that based on some of the times we had together)
• When I see you its amazing but I don't miss you so much when you go (compared to her ex when she did, but he lived 3 hours away, I live 5 mins)
• Feel I had more of a spark with him (different relationship, but if it was that good why not go back with him)
• The height thing bothers me (I am an inch shorter) and I can't get over that - but if everything else is so good does that matter and why did we keep going for so long
• I want to have more male friends (reason for the app rather than finding a bf). She does have male friends
• Not looking to shag around, just go out and do stuff
• Don't like the bf/gf label or being in a relationship
• Spent the last 8 years in a long distance relationship so used to being on my own more

So all these things, many of which I find contradictory and she seems to just be throwing stuff out there. I do agree that we are best friends and if she doesn't see past that I get it, but why book trips (even last Wed she was saying about booking something for Dec).

She disagreed when I suggested that it could be something with menopause (sorry for throwing that in but my ex wife went through a tough time with it, especially not knowing what she wanted) but she denied it was a factor.

But, the good thing for me is unlike before, I now feel anger. She has crossed the line in 2 ways - one with the app, and secondly by making plans and wanting to make more but seemingly on a friend basis, but not telling me that part. When she suggests a trip in Dec I stupidly think things must be ok.

I feel a mug, embarrassed... It almost sounds like the perfect FWB situation, we do stuff together and have the occasional moment but I am not wanting that. I do want that conventional relationship.

So there, she is stopping by later to give me key back and me to give her a few bits back. I will tell her we will not be doing the trip as 'friends' and so will have to write off the money on that. 

As for being friends, no. Our paths will cross due to kids, mutual friends and being so close to each other but aside from maybe a Happy Xmas message, don't plan on any other contact. 

Sorry for long post, but a lot of people gave advice here and yes, you were all right. FWIW I still don't think there is an ego trip or she is trying to hurt and play games. I genuinely think she is confused and really doesn't know what she wants, hence being all over the place, but this is the final straw!

[SophiaG]

Didn't see the thread before but sounds like you dodged a bullet. On a dating app to look for male friends? Can't get over the fact you are an inch shorter than the ex?? OMG... checked the OP that she's in her 50s, not 15. Don't look back, she's not relationship or friendship material.

Hope you meet a better person in future!

[MissCanuck]

Let all of this be your final confirmation that there is just no future with her. 

You tried - a few times and in a few different ways - to make this work. But it's not going to, as you're now realizing. 

It's time to cut all contact and find your peace.