I am not sure how to pursue her

[THE NEW GUY]

Hi all, I am pleased to meet the Enot Alone family

So I have not been in a serious relationship in a year basically because I came out of a really serious relationship that ended in a heartbreaking way. In between though, I went on a lot of dates and had a lot of flings but 2 months ago I decided that I am now ready for someone serious. I stopped entertaining the women that I didnt see as a long term potentials anymore and I was willing to wait months even a year to find a serious person, someone I can marry.

A month ago I started getting attention from a certain woman on social media. I was sending her DMs and trying to get her attention on social media for about 2 months but she would reply here and here and ignore most of my messages, but I was convinced that I needed to get to know her especially based on the type of content she would post, the type of woman she portrayed herself to be and of course her beauty. 

Eventually, she gave me her number from social media and she was even my Valentine. I suprised her with gifts at work and she was so happy, she told me she felt special. The first time I saw her she couldnt stop smiling. We had an amazing date on Valentine's day and she was more than I expected on. We connected so easily. She was laughing the whole date, we shared our past relationship experiences and what we would like going forward in a relationship. We discussed childhood traumas as well and it became evident that she may have a bit of daddy issues after her parent's divorce but she said she is aware of that and is self-aware. She was vulnerable to me and tole me about some mistakes she made in the past. She even introduced me to her best friend after the date as I dropped her off at her friend's place. First, she suggested I come into the flat to meet her friend and then decided it might be too late to just enter her friend's place, However, she ended up fetching the friend from inside the flat and introduced me and I even made her friend laugh a bit. 

Last time I felt like this for a woman was my ex-girlfriend from a year ago. I had forgotten this feeling. 

She didnt text me when she got home that night and I had to initiate a text to which she replied to. A big issue I am having is even after the great first date she barely replies to my text messages and when she does the conversations end quickly, She does however pick up my calls , of which each call requires a large amount of courage (and letting go of my anxiety) to make. The anxiety is not about not knowing what to say to her but rather the fear of her not picking up and how down I would feel. 

She picks up most times and sometimes she sounds happy to speak but sometimes not but I suspect (well she mentions it lot) that work stresses her out a lot and I always encourage her to take it easy. 

Because I really want her, my mindset has been to give her the benefit of doubt all the time and to keep initiating and calling because she did share that she does have some anxiety after being hurt alot before and she said that once she is serious in the relationship she loves hard. The absence of her dad might also play a part here. So I have tried to be courageous and really pursue her as much as I can. 

On our first date, I didn't open the car door for her when we left the restaurant and she said going forward I should know that she would like a guy to open the door for her.  On one of the calls I pointed out a habit she has when I am driving with her (nothing hectic, mostly a joke) and she said I would get used to that, indicating to me that she does maybe see us spending more time together.

However, last night , my fear happened, she didnt answer my call. And the sad part is I was going to ask her on a second date over this call. Granted I did call her late and she was probably sleeping and tired, but she did not get back to me regarding the missed call and I am sure she's expecting me to initiate again. 

I am now doubting how much she likes me and wondering if I should be making the first move all the time. Maybe because its still the early stages ? I am not sure. I have a feeling that if I keep quiet she wont get back to me but I am not sure if it would be because she doesnt like me or her anxiety. 

How should I pursue her?

 

 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, THE NEW GUY said:

 I dropped her off at her friend's place.   She picks up most times and sometimes she sounds happy to speak but sometimes not but I suspect.  last night , my fear happened, she didnt answer my call. 

You mentioned several times that she doesn't reply to texts or calls regularly so give it some time.  It seems more like there's someone else in the picture, not "daddy issues". 

Why did you send gifts to her workplace and pick her up at a friend's house? Is she in another relationship or living with someone or hiding you from parents?

[Batya33]

I would ask her out on one more date you plan in advance.  If she is not enthusiastic about seeing you again, move on.  I find it really odd that you had to pursue her through social media for 2 months -sounds like it was mostly looks-focused for  you -the thrill of sitting behind a computer screen and "chasing" an individual who you found attractive looking. She "portrayed" herself a certain way and she is also a person who met a complete stranger and showed him where she worked, got in his car etc.  She even was going to have you -who she just met -enter her friend's apartment? What kind of work does she do? How did you locate her on social media?

What do you do in person to meet people -including women -you might have things in common with?

[THE NEW GUY]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

You mentioned several times that she doesn't reply to texts or calls regularly so give it some time.  It seems more like there's someone else in the picture, not "daddy issues". 

Why did you send gifts to her workplace and pick her up at a friend's house? Is she in another relationship or living with someone or hiding you from parents?

You sure are quite experienced in this relationship stuff . Impressive on picking that up 

however i am quite confident that there is no one else because I first asked her if she had a Valentine and she said no.
 

She stays far from her workplace and from me . I stay close to her workplace . She waited for me to pick her up at her friends place as she stays far and her friend is nearer. She actually gave me her home address but I suprised her by sending the gifts to the office. 

[THE NEW GUY]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I would ask her out on one more date you plan in advance.  If she is not enthusiastic about seeing you again, move on.  I find it really odd that you had to pursue her through social media for 2 months -sounds like it was mostly looks-focused for  you -the thrill of sitting behind a computer screen and "chasing" an individual who you found attractive looking. She "portrayed" herself a certain way and she is also a person who met a complete stranger and showed him where she worked, got in his car etc.  She even was going to have you -who she just met -enter her friend's apartment? What kind of work does she do? How did you locate her on social media?

What do you do in person to meet people -including women -you might have things in common with?

I meet a lot of women in person. I am a music producer and have many dj friends who always invite me out and I go to church and meet people there. 
 

I omitted alot of details . Me pursuing her over the 2 months was actually a few conversations that stretched over a long time because she would take long to reply or she would stop replying. I was fixated on her because I could see from her social media that alot of people around her really like her . She’s a people’s person like me.  And she did tell me on the date that alot of people do come to her for comfort / advice. I could tell. 
 

I think I’m a trust worthy guy . I won her trust over the date that she felt that she could let me in the friends house , even so , she did change her mind . She knew some things about me before the date so she did do her research about me before meeting . 
 

im not saying she’s perfect , heck she even told me some things that showed that she’s not perfect . But her key traits are very attractive to me and I’m really not just talking about her beauty because I have been with many beautiful girls . I am even rejecting beautiful girls because I’m looking for something serious now 

she is in aviation. 
 

how did i locate her on social media ?Ahhh yet another story . I found her on tik tok . Tik tok kept showing me her profile. Why ?? We later found out that I had had her number all this time . Got her number 5 years back at a music event . But we both didn’t remember each other 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, THE NEW GUY said:

im not saying she’s perfect , heck she even told me some things that showed that she’s not perfect . But her key traits are very attractive to me and I’m really not just talking about her beauty because I have been with many beautiful girls . I am even rejecting beautiful girls because I’m looking for something serious now 

What does perfection have to do with it?  I think you should look for someone perfect for you, not perfect.  She is not perfect for you if she's not enthusiastic about seeing her again.  Maybe she felt overwhelmed receiving gifts at her office before you even met in person - and felt you were too full on.

[THE NEW GUY]

12 hours ago, Batya33 said:

What does perfection have to do with it?  I think you should look for someone perfect for you, not perfect.  She is not perfect for you if she's not enthusiastic about seeing her again.  Maybe she felt overwhelmed receiving gifts at her office before you even met in person - and felt you were too full on.

I mentioned that shes not perfect because it seemed from your response that you had an impression that I thought she was perfect when you said "She "portrayed herself a certain way and she is also a person who met a complete stranger and showed him where she worked, got in his car etc.  She even was going to have you -who she just met -enter her friend's apartment?" 

[THE NEW GUY]

6 minutes ago, THE NEW GUY said:

She is not perfect for you if she's not enthusiastic about seeing her again

At least I have the memories of when I was over the moon. I even have videos of her response when she got the gifts (she sent me the videos). I encourage myself by saying I got somewhere at least, even though it wasn't all the way. 

I called her again and no answer. I guess we will never know what went wrong all we know is that it went wrong lool 

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, THE NEW GUY said:

. I encourage myself by saying I got somewhere at least, even though it wasn't all the way. I called her again and no answer. 

Sorry this is happening. She was honest about not being ready for a relationship.

What do you mean by "I got somewhere at least, even though it wasn't all the way'?

It's unclear how that's encouraging if you seem to have just turned out to be another fan. 

Please strive for more realistic relationships with more enthused women who want what you want. 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, THE NEW GUY said:

At least I have the memories of when I was over the moon. I even have videos of her response when she got the gifts (she sent me the videos). I encourage myself by saying I got somewhere at least, even though it wasn't all the way. 

I called her again and no answer. I guess we will never know what went wrong all we know is that it went wrong lool 

Yes many people feel that way in the beginning especially if they are the type to enjoy receiving gifts from a person who is interested in them.  Watch the feet not the lips -what the person does not says and over a long period of time -months. Nothing went wrong. It was never right in that sense of future potential -too early to tell -it was a person you met once who you were attracted to to see if you should date in the future -very common in dating.  

[tattoobunnie]

On 2/21/2024 at 2:28 AM, THE NEW GUY said:

I did call her late and she was probably sleeping and tired

You subconsciously wait till it was late, so you can make her out to be the coy, uncommitted girl, when really, she could have just been sleeping.  You've only been out once, but you expect constant contact already (EEK, needy).  Stop playing games. Just ask her out already.  If she says "no," she says "no."  If she says "yes," she "says yes."