Have I been with a narcissist? How can I cope with this and move on?

[rainbowsandroses]

13 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

It's a sign they're immautre, impulsive and living in Fairy Tale Land in their head. I know it felt good to hear those words, but man, you can't take this crap seriously when you have not laid eyes on them in real life.

Cut and paste this to your fridge....

I'm serious.

 

[Mitkoo0]

Just had a 1 hour talk with her over the phone with the cameras on WhatsApp.

She opened again, explained everything. So she met a new guy in the begining of January, even went on date with him, but didn't tell me. There was a few days in the begining of January where she didn't texted me in the nights (now I know why) and I have been wondering..

So, yeah. She didn't tell me about him to not hurt me, but the point is that her distancing from me, cancelling our plans to see each other hurt me most. She told me she needs time for herself and space from me, but I guess it was time to be with him.. It could have been way better if she told me, explain me and that's it.

She told me that she also had feelings for me, that what we have, the feelings, emotions were real and it means more for her than some man. That she can't see herself with that guy after 5 months or a year, but she want me to be in her life if she thinks 10 years of time in the future, but as a friend of course.

[Batya33]

Sure I mean continue to be penpals if you want to hear about her personal dating and sex life -also please know her new boyfriend -if she's not fabricating him - likely will have access to you online.  Be careful.

[Andrina]

58 minutes ago, Mitkoo0 said:

That she can't see herself with that guy after 5 months or a year, but she want me to be in her life if she thinks 10 years of time in the future, but as a friend of course.

Besides her not caring that she's hurting you by keeping you connected to her, under her terms, she's not good gf material because she's dating a man and continues to communicate with a man who is crazy about her. That's not how ethically responsible and caring people act.

You cannot bond with a single lady locally when you're ready to date, nor is it a nice thing to do like this toxic woman is doing herself, to stay in contact.

If you do learn from this and see the situation as the toxic mess it is, you're bound to repeat the same pattern over and over. Get off the hamster wheel and block her.

[kim42]

I'm not a fan of blocking people but in this case I think it would be good for you to block her. She will keep contacting and it will be even harder for you to move on from this situation. 

[rainbowsandroses]

2 hours ago, Mitkoo0 said:

She opened again, explained everything. So she met a new guy in the begining of January, even went on date with him, but didn't tell me..

 

2 hours ago, Mitkoo0 said:

She told me that she also had feelings for me, that what we have, the feelings, emotions were real and it means more for her than some man. That she can't see herself with that guy after 5 months or a year.

^^I am not buying any of this quite frankly, not sure how you can believe anything this woman tells you at this point. 

IMHO there are two types of people.  (1) Those who can (and do) become thoroughly entrenched in online "situationships" expressing undying love, lovebombing up the kazoo, saying things like:

On 2/14/2024 at 3:15 AM, Mitkoo0 said:

She told me that I am her soulmate, her whole world, her most important person. That she loves me soo much. That she can't wait to see me, hug me, kiss me.. We talked everyday for 8 months, we exchanged gifts for Christmas...

And (2) people who have real life relationships.  

They can't do both because one (online to THAT degree) involves a BIG element of fantasy and the other (real life) does not, it's REAL.  And they can't do real, they prefer and can actually only develop "feelings" when it's a fantasy. 

I mean take yourself?  Can you say with all honesty that you could develop the same level of intensity of emotion with a woman you met in real life as you did with this online woman?

Be honest with yourself about that.

People who are fantasy-driven to this extent have a lot of difficulty with real life relationships imo.

Sure, chat, interact online, this happens alot.  I've had a few online interactions myself!

But not to this degree where I'm expressing undying love, they're my "soulmate" and talking every single day and otherwise believing and behaving like it's a serious relationship

Thats an entirely different thing.

Seriously man, you simply cannot take any of that seriously.

Just move on.  I can see this is beginning to turn into a very unhealthy obsession for you, NOT good and actually quite detrimental.

I also recommend some sort of therapy to determine how you allowed yourself to become so entrenched in this interaction and are unable to accept that she simply didn't want to meet in person and most likely never did.

I'm sorry and good luck. 

 

[catfeeder]

You’re living in your head, and she’s manipulating you. I would block her and do what it takes to make real friends in the real world.