dollyd Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Out To Sea I hear the rain against my window As the single drops of liquid sorrow fall I stare into an empty space of a life I used to enjoy Nothing of meaning is left without existence A shell of my former life now fades into oblivion The constant feeling of drifting out to sea And being unable to return. Drowning in the abyss we call life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kenneth05 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 well, you should never use the phrase "drop of liquid" in a poem. just can't work. also, be careful using "abyss". it's such a cliche word, it can't help but hurt the poem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JynX Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 I like the way you used the words in this poem. It makes it sound beautiful. Good job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dollyd Posted June 9, 2005 Author Share Posted June 9, 2005 Any comments are welcome. I try to express how i feel, i suffer from depression and rather than scream and shout or get upset with myself i have started to it write down. It may not flow or the words used mite be cliche but its how i feel and the words i've used express that, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JynX Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Personally I think it flows really well, dollyd. There arent any rules ingraved in stone when it comes to writing poems. It's just a way to release feelings. But I'm sure you know that so I'll stop rambling on. Either way, I like what you've written. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts