How can I overcome being rejected by a woman?

[Mitkoo0]

I have had my shares of being left out, rejected by women.. I even had a fiance, with who I lived for 3 years, but she left me for another man.

For the last 6 years I haven’t felt anything towards anyone.

I am 31 years old now. 8 months ago I met a woman online. She is from my country (Bulgaria), but I don't live there now. We started texting, she was going through hard times with depression, feeling alone and etc. She is older than me with 4 years. We started texting and in the future talking everyday like friends. I helped her through these bad times and she helped me too. We both were so happy that we found each other and we basically make ours both lives better. 

With the time tho, she started telling me how I make her days brighter, nicer, good and etc. How I am her happines and everything to her. I felt the same way and I started telling her the same thing. We started talking on camera and etc. We used to talk about everything that is happening in our lives everyday. She was my support and my strenght and I was hers. We exchanged gifs for Christmass too. Everything was amazing. 

She has a birthday in the end of this month and on 22 december I told her that I plann on vising her for her birthday if she is okay with it and if she wants us to see each other. She was so happy. We talked and understand each other that she will take me from the aiport, that I will stay with her for a week and then get back to where I am now. I brought plain tickets, gifts and everything.

But on 27 december I told her that I have romantic feelings towards her too. I explained that talking with her, spending our days together (although through the phone), getting to know her, I just fell in love. She reacted really good. She said she doesn't want relationships, but she also likes me as a man. That me being in love with her will not change anything and everything is fine.
So it was. In the next days all was great. On 31 december she told me that she is so happy and grateful that I am in her life. That I am her most important person, that she loves me so much and that we will be together for many years to come.

But since the begining of the new year she became a little distant to me, even tho we still talked on camera and she was excited seeing me as I was myself seeing her. We talked about my trip to her, about the details on 10 of january. Everything was really good, so I thought to myself that I am imagining things and she is not distant to me. But then from 13 january till 17, she didn't texted me at all - anything. We talked on 17 january and she said that she is not feeling well, that's why she isn't texting me and telling me what is going on. I told her I understand that there are times like that - when you don't wanna talk to anyone and it's ok. I understand her. We talked a little about my trip too and she didn't said anything like she doesn't want me to visit her.

Then last night I recieved a big message from here where she told me that she doesn't feel the same towards me anymore, because of my romantic feelings. And now she doesn't want to see me, she doesn't want me to come. And she doesn't want to speak with me anymore. She is saying that she needs space and she doesn't want to talk to me at all now.

We always talked so easy with each other. We understood each other so good, we both said that we are like soulmates and everything like that and now... :(
I understand and I will not bother her, but I am so heartbroken.. I feel so sad, the pain is unbearable. I feel like I don't wanna live anymore.. I don't know how I can overcome yet another rejection from a woman..
Sorry for bothering you with this, but I don't have anyone that I could talk to right now and I really feel like I wish I was dead. Going to drink my sorrow now, but I know I will feel even worse after.
 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Mitkoo0 said:

 8 months ago I met a woman online. She is from my country (Bulgaria), but I don't live there now. From 13 january till 17, she didn't texted me at all - anything. Then last night I recieved a big message from here where she told me that she doesn't feel the same towards me anymore, because of my romantic feelings. And now she doesn't want to see me, she doesn't want me to come. 

Sorry this happened. It seems like all she wanted was a cyber pal and she never intended to meet because she's hiding something. Inviting yourself to stay with her was a bit too forward, but it seems she wasn't serious about anything anyway. 

[boltnrun]

She doesn't want to meet in person. She wants an online fantasy.

Why don't you want to date women who live nearby? 

[Mitkoo0]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. It seems like all she wanted was a cyber pal and she never intended to meet because she's hiding something. Inviting yourself to stay with her was a bit too forward, but it seems she wasn't serious about anything anyway. 

Thank you for your answer!

You have a point, of course. But believe me - our talking and relationship was so amazing. I felt her so close to me and I thought it was the same for her.  And I know inviting myself to stay with her was a little bit off for example, but I wanted to see her and when I told her she showed pure joy, happines about it and everything, but I don't know what went wrong..

[Mitkoo0]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

She doesn't want to meet in person. She wants an online fantasy.

Why don't you want to date women who live nearby? 

Thank you for your answer.

I don't know what to think or do anymore, honestly.. I just know I feel really bad and I don't know how I can get up from this.

 

As for women nearby.. I don't know. Since my ex fiance left me and before this woman - I stayed away from everything and didn't feel anything towards anyone..

[Coily]

Unfortunately she just wanted to use you as a cure for her loneliness. When you visited, she had to face reality of you, and that you were a man willing to do the relationship hard work. Hard work that she was unwilling to reciprocate.

Perhaps it was a mistake making the visit happen, but then again you won't have her waste more of your time. I think you really welcomed the idea of someone from a similar cultural background to you, which made it easy for you to fall for her, especially as you are not in Bulgaria now.

As for steps going forward, don't beat yourself up. Plenty of people have become infatuated with someone they meet digitally, it can be very easy when you have a connection and are lonely. You should consider yourself freed of being her emotional tampon. While the rejection is fresh it's normal to be mad, upset, and empty, but how you go forwrd is what matters.

Best of luck to you, and do something good for yourself.

[Andrina]

If a person doesn't feel like living anymore because of a relationship's end, it means the person's whole life revolves around that particular love interest, and has nothing else fulfilling in life. You're not in a good place to be a good partner because of this, and you will only attract and be attracted to toxic/unrealistic situations like this.

First find joy in your life solo. If you have no friends, attempt to gain some through a shared hobby/interest. Learn resilience, so that even if a partnership doesn't work out with a lady, that you will have the normal upset for a while, but then be able to move on and try again.

Stick to local dating, so that you can vette people far quicker. As you can see, long distance has too many cons and you're basically living in a fantasy world.  Behavioral cognitive therapy might help you be more resilitent and give you skills to handle the emotional ups and downs of life. Women will expect you to expand their worlds where you bring your own friends into fun group or couples activities, and she can either be introduced to your hobby, or at least she will find it enjoyable to hear about your passion about your hobby. If you don't have those things in your life, a woman will feel too much pressure that she's your all in life, and for you, if she leaves, you will melt into the floor and feel absolute devastation and no will to live. 

Your life needs an overhaul and you can make that happen. It's in your best interest to no longer communicate with this woman. A new woman in your life will walk away when you're in close contact with someone you wanted more with. Take care.

[SooSad33]

Sadly, this is a prime example of why men & women can't be 'friends'.  Often feelings happen and a mess like this happens 😞 .

You caught feelings... but this woman is in no way 'able' or wanting to be involved with anyone. She deals with depression, so this is a real challenge for her.

With depression, one may not be able to 'give' as necessary in a relationship.  A relationship takes one's energy. mental, physical expectations, etc.  She just can't give you that.

Sorry you are hurting now, but this is also how we learn.  It was an experience for you both....  YOU got too close but she isn't able to give to you.

Try not to see this as simple 'rejection from a woman', but it's more than that.  It's a troubled woman.  In ways, I feel you were lucky.  You didn't get in too deep with her, but things have come to an end, and I say, for the better!  

You'll see this in time as well, I think.

If you have friends or family, consider leaning on them more at this time.  Keep busy, get out for some air or walks, get lost in your music, etc.

 

[MissCanuck]

I am sorry you're hurting so much, OP. 

It seems she was fine having you keep her company digitally, but when the reality of meeting you in person set it, she realized she needed to be honest that she didn't have those same feelings for you. She should not have let you go ahead and plan and book a trip. 

Perhaps she has met someone and is dating him or something. Or maybe she really just does not feel right with you making all this effort when she sees you as a friend. Whatever the case, it's a good example of why you shouldn't get too carried away with someone you have never met in person. There is just no telling which way things will go when real life enters the chat. 

By the way, I visited Bulgaria last summer and enjoyed your country very much. I hope to visit again soon! 

[BeaTlesFan77]

For what it's worth.  As someone who has been turned down a lot, I just keep reminding myself that it's her loss and that a bullet was most likely dodged.