kim42 Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 I personaly don't like being approached by random men in public, it makes me uncomfortable if a man I don't know asks for my number. Then again, I'm from a country where you rarely get approached just walking down the street so I'm not used to it. It has happened to me several times and I never gave my number. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 1 hour ago, mylolita said: Sometimes it is creepy and uncalled for and unnerving but most of the time, cut the poor guys a break girls! I agree again @mylolita, I don't find being complimented "creepy" necessarily but compliments do nothing for me as far as being approached goes and wanting to give him my phone number. Just me, I know orher women love compliments, a good friend of mine eats them up! In any event, it's very difficult for a man to cold approach, so give him some credit for having that confidence and being pro-active versus sitting on his arse behind a computer screen sending "boilerplate" messages to random women on the internet all day. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 6 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: I agree again @mylolita, I don't find being complimented "creepy" necessarily but they do nothing for me as far as being approached goes and wanting to give him my phone number. Just me, I know orher women love compliments, a good friend of mine eats them up! In any event, it's very difficult for a man to cold approach, so give him some credit for having that confidence and being pro-active versus sitting on his arse behind a computer screen sending "boilerplate" messages to random women on the internet all day. I agree rainbow! Again; I would also put myself in the category of not living for compliments either. I get embarrassed if I receive one secretly inside! But!!! I like to our myself in someone else’s shoes. Imagine being born tomorrow a 32 year old guy, and single, and wanting to meet women. See how we all fair having to approach women and go dating! I would call myself a confident thing but truthfully? Of course I prefer being the woman when it comes to this stuff!!! I don’t have to often stick my neck out do I! I just think, why be rude? It’s a compliment at the end of the day, even if someone would only like to bed you. It could be worse? 🤣 x 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coily Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 Glad the OP didn't let the comments hung up on the "hotness" side track his thinking or inquiry here. As for the calling card idea, I'll still promote it, doesn't work for everyone though. Granted I'm a history nerd and will introduce the idea as "back in the day this was used for courting." I use it as a way to guide the conversation a bit, and to show off some layers of complexity in myself. Also to hades with John-Ralphio. 🤣 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 Funny clip from the movie "Tootsie" with Jessica Lange and Dustin Hoffman (circa 1980s), the second half is priceless!! Things haven't changed much in 30 years! 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 2 hours ago, mylolita said: One of my male cousins is much older than me by about 12 years, but he’s very funny and we burst into a family event late to exclaim, “I just met the woman of my dreams; MY DREAMS, at Tesco check out” LMAO. Then he was half joking and lamenting to my Uncles, “She was perfect!!! PERFECTION! I can’t believe I let her go!” We were all laughing. He’s a farmer type, but who has his own construction company that hires our farm equipment and has made myself a really wealthy guy but, to look at him, you just see rough around the edges and rosy cheeks! Anyway, he met his now wife two years later. It wasn’t the fresh faced girl packing her shopping. Absolutely fascinating. On the contrary, women with lower self-esteem tend to reject compliments since it contradicts their own negative self-perception. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 2 minutes ago, yogacat said: Absolutely fascinating. On the contrary, women with lower self-esteem tend to reject compliments since it contradicts their own negative self-perception. It was my reasonable self esteem where I knew I was far more than my looks and men who were so uber focused on looks that they'd think I'd enjoy that sort of "compliment" weren't going to have much in common with me. In third grade on my first day of school the boy sitting behind me (who I am friends with on FB) said "you seem really nice!" We crushed on each other. I loved how he tried to compliment me internally. I've always valued that above looks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 6 minutes ago, yogacat said: Absolutely fascinating. On the contrary, women with lower self-esteem tend to reject compliments since it contradicts their own negative self-perception. To the contrary, compliments can get very 'old' for very attractive women, they hear them all the time, day in and day out. Yawn. If a man wants to stand out to a beautiful women and grab her attention, be a bit more creative, less contrived which random compliments often are. For me anyway, which is why they do nothing for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coily Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 34 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: Funny clip from the movie "Tootsie" with Jessica Lange and Dustin Hoffman (circa 1980s), the second half is priceless!! Things haven't changed much in 30 years! Did she go on to say "how creepy" he was later? LOL 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 33 minutes ago, Batya33 said: It was my reasonable self esteem where I knew I was far more than my looks and men who were so uber focused on looks that they'd think I'd enjoy that sort of "compliment" weren't going to have much in common with me. In third grade on my first day of school the boy sitting behind me (who I am friends with on FB) said "you seem really nice!" We crushed on each other. I loved how he tried to compliment me internally. I've always valued that above looks. There seems to be an unspoken expectation for women to be modest so that when she receives a compliment – for example, about her appearance – she is expected to downplay it or deflect it. Some women may feel uncomfortable when receiving compliments about their looks because they may feel objectified or reduced to just their physical appearance. That's totally valid. Society has placed a huge emphasis on women's appearance and has often reduced them to mere objects of beauty. So, when a woman is constantly complimented on her looks, it can reinforce this objectification and make her feel like she is only valued for her physical appearance. It's worth noting that there's a difference between me mentioning my first skydive today, and someone responding with a request for more details about my feat by saying, “I’d like to dive you.” It is a highly contextual and subjective matter. It's not about needing compliments, but rather the nature of the compliment and the context in which it is given. It's hard for men to understand this because they are not subjected to the same kind of attention and scrutiny for their looks. Men are often valued for their achievements and accomplishments rather than their appearance. It's also hard for men to recognize that their compliments may make women feel uncomfortable because they may genuinely have good intentions and just want to make the woman feel good. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 On 1/10/2024 at 7:38 PM, psycho magnet said: What about giving a woman my number in cases like these?. what would you think if a guy did that to you? It's fine to give them your number after a bit of small talk indicates some interest. If you ask for hers after saying "you're hot", they'll just type the number for Domino's pizza in your phone. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 12 minutes ago, Coily said: Did she go on to say "how creepy" he was later? LOL Lol, doubtful and unnecessary, I think throwing the drink in his face pretty much said it all! 🤣 Great flick by the way! Great performances by Hoffman and Lange. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coily Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 Let's be frank here. How enough women take a compliment is very dependent on the man giving it. You could have the same identical compliment given from 4 different guys and the reaction would be wildly different. Suave Hunky Dude-Bro's compliment could turn some women into jello. Plain well put together man's compliment could get water in his face (see above lol) or a date. Meh looking guy's compliment gets him branded with "creepy" then social tarring and feathering. Old grandfather's compliment "Oh how sweet, now eat your oatmeal." The hypothetical compliment: "You look really cute in that dress." All hyperbolic, of course. The salient point here is that sometimes a compliment is just a throwaway way to be polite. Social media has kind of ruined it, where you do get some men panting after women (just as some women drooling all over themselves will burst through walls like the kool-aid man to get Mr Hotty). 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coily Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: Lol, doubtful and unnecessary, I think throwing the drink in his face pretty much said it all! 🤣 Great flick by the way! Great performances by Hoffman and Lange. Ah, 1982... when a glass of water did all the work. LOL Been ages since I saw that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 43 minutes ago, yogacat said: Absolutely fascinating. On the contrary, women with lower self-esteem tend to reject compliments since it contradicts their own negative self-perception. This is, I think, and what I have observed myself, a strange but true phenomenon!! The hubby who, has had two very long term relationships, his ex girlfriend and then me - but in between that had plenty casual things, said to me, whenever he went out to a bar, no one would hardly approach the really beautiful girls. But when he did, they hardly ever rejected him, or were rude. He said the rude remarks and laughing came from very average girls who objectively weren’t much to look at. Isn’t that as well, a bit of a weird observation? He always said, he used to go straight up to the girl he thought was way out of his league and it never went wrong!!! He’s dated some fantastic women. His last long term girlfriend was in commercials, she was so gorgeous. I’m his scraping the barrel 🤣😜 I get the “hard to take a compliment” thing but I always give genuine thanks when one comes my way and I appreciate it to the hills! We Brits are self depreciating by default - so the natural response is to give back a joke or something or shrug it off! x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 51 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: To the contrary, compliments can get very 'old' for very attractive women, they hear them all the time, day in and day out. Yawn. If a man wants to stand out to a beautiful women and grab her attention, be a bit more creative, less contrived which random compliments often are. For me anyway, which is why they do nothing for me. This is interesting rainbows because I get the impression it’s the opposite! I think up to a certain point, very attractive people get complimented all the time; and then exceptionally attractive people intimidate others, and hardly get told at all! I find it interesting to hear how many beautiful actresses were bullied at school and no one ever told them they were beautiful! Winona Ryder was rejected and told she wasn’t pretty enough a few times at the start. Anyway; maybe this observation is wrong, just something that popped into my head!! x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 16 minutes ago, Coily said: Let's be frank here. How enough women take a compliment is very dependent on the man giving it. You could have the same identical compliment given from 4 different guys and the reaction would be wildly different. Very very true! And thank you for challenging me a bit on that. 😀 Same for any other such "contrived" gestures. For example, a man bringing me flowers. Typically I dislike as it comes off as a man trying too hard to impress and disingenuous HOWEVER.... When the "right" man brings me flowers, I melt!! Great point @Coily! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 13 minutes ago, mylolita said: This is interesting rainbows because I get the impression it’s the opposite! I think up to a certain point, very attractive people get complimented all the time; and then exceptionally attractive people intimidate others, and hardly get told at all! I find it interesting to hear how many beautiful actresses were bullied at school and no one ever told them they were beautiful! Winona Ryder was rejected and told she wasn’t pretty enough a few times at the start. Anyway; maybe this observation is wrong, just something that popped into my head!! x @mylolitaI think every woman will have a different reason for liking or not liking something a man does, including compliments given upon initial approach or later in the relationship when given too often. I was speaking for myself and other attractive women I know. Why I don't like. I get complimented often wherever I go, from both men and women! Sometimes it's subtle, sometimes more overt. And it gets old, for ME. When in a relationship, I DO appreciate compliments very much so! When they're given genuinely from the heart. Hope that clarifies! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 13 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: I was speaking for myself and other attractive women I know. Why I don't like. I get complimented often wherever I go, from both men and women! It's contrived for you because you're probably used to hearing generic compliments and pick-up lines from men who only see your looks as a means to get your attention. They don't actually appreciate you for who you are and what you have to offer beyond your physical appearance. It can become tiresome and insincere. But for other women that are beautiful and rarely get compliments, it's nice to be genuinely complimented on something that they have naturally and can't change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 17 minutes ago, yogacat said: It's contrived for you because you're probably used to hearing generic compliments and pick-up lines from men who only see your looks as a means to get your attention. They don't actually appreciate you for who you are and what you have to offer beyond your physical appearance. It can become tiresome and insincere. But for other women that are beautiful and rarely get compliments, it's nice to be genuinely complimented on something that they have naturally and can't change. I'm not understanding your point. To the bolded, yes very true! But they just met me, so they have nothing else to go on but my physical appearance. But yes I dislike the pick up lines etc However just like women in the second half of your post, I am also very natural and have physical characteristics that can't change. I don't wear much makeup, my style is very low key, low maintenance. Perhaps it's demographics. I live in a city where everyone is out and about, talking to each other, making conversation, etc. If I lived in a remote area where people were more reclusive, rarely if ever struck up conversations with each other and I was never complimented, I might and probably would feel much differently. As it stands now, random compliments from strangers get old for me and don't move me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 50 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: @mylolitaI think every woman will have a different reason for liking or not liking something a man does, including compliments given upon initial approach or later in the relationship when given too often. I was speaking for myself and other attractive women I know. Why I don't like. I get complimented often wherever I go, from both men and women! Sometimes it's subtle, sometimes more overt. And it gets old, for ME. When in a relationship, I DO appreciate compliments very much so! When they're given genuinely from the heart. Hope that clarifies! Hey rainbows! I’m not sure how long you’ve ever been in a relationship for to get tired of hearing compliments! I’ve been with my husband 15 years and he is a typical “bloke”! But I would say he compliments me massively in his own way nearly everyday. I’ve never, ever grown tired of it and don’t think I will till my dying day! When he says “you look nice” or chases me up the stairs still most nights to get me into bed, I take it all just pleased the man I love still pays me compliments! He gets me flowers most weeks, but that’s not my request either. I genuinely appreciate it all. I think, even when casual or off handed, if it is a genuine compliment, it’s a piece of someone, and they are giving you a little gift, really! Recently I was walking from my car to the shop and an old lady was arm in arm with her husband (I’m presuming!) and she said, “You are beautiful! Walking down like that, seeing you; you look like a film star!” Now, what a reach! But I joked back and said, “Behave!!” But the gave her arm a squeeze and said, “Thank you. Not looking too bad yourself!” And waved her as we went our separate ways. This was an old lady. I feel embarrassed, I really do. I thought, how am I supposed to take that lovely thing she’s just said! But anyway, for me personally, I can’t see that getting tiresome 🤣 But it does depend on the woman I suppose, or more so, your personality probably. I massively appreciate compliments and delight whenever they come, but it’s not to say I’m not a little embarrassed when I get them. But grateful all the same. I think it’s a lovely thing! I’m coming at this from a different perspective as well because, without thinking, I often give even strangers compliments myself - if we strike up a micro conversation or, in passing. It’s not that I want affairs with everyone, but I’m a bit like that. So maybe because I am often the giver of compliments too; I see it from that side and think well, I think what I said just there made that person perk up a little some! Anyway, sorry, I’ve de-railed the OP’s thread! APPROACH THE WOMEN 🕺🤣 x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 3 hours ago, kim42 said: I personaly don't like being approached by random men in public, it makes me uncomfortable if a man I don't know asks for my number. Then again, I'm from a country where you rarely get approached just walking down the street so I'm not used to it. It has happened to me several times and I never gave my number. Everyone’s a stranger until you get to know ‘em! x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 1 hour ago, mylolita said: I'm not sure how long you’ve ever been in a relationship for to get tired of hearing compliments! To clarify @mylolitaI don't get tired of hearing compliments when in a relationship as long as when given, they're genuine and from the heart! What gets "old" for me is when they're given as some sort of contrived strategy to "pull" me or 'pick me up' or otherwise get my attention upon first approach or meet. It's not that I don't think I'm attractive or deserving, I find them phony when given in that context. I dunno, you'd have to be me on any given day and I'm not even some great beauty! A little above average maybe but very low key. In fact I get approached more often and told I'm beautiful when wearing jeans and tee, hair back in pony with a baseball cap! As I said, I'm always very gracious regardless. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 Just now, rainbowsandroses said: To clarify @mylolitaI don't get tired of hearing compliments when in a relationship as long as when given, they're genuine and from the heart! What gets "old" for me is when they're given as some sort of contrived strategy to "pull" me or 'pick me up' or otherwise get my attention upon first approach or meet. It's not that I don't think I'm attractive or deserving, I find them phony when given in that context. I dunno, you'd have to be me on any given day and I'm not even some great beauty! A little above average maybe but very low key. In fact I get approached more often and told I'm beautiful when wearing jeans and tee, hair back in pony with a baseball cap! I love compliments depending on what is complimented, context, timing who it is. I'm not a fan of focusing intently on someone's looks - I much prefer when strangers complimented my son on other than his looks and I do the same with babies/young children or a combo like "what a beautiful smile" (meaning showing her internal joy -and I'd comment on that as part of it). I get tired of hearing too much of a focus on physical features. I compliment my husband and my son's looks regularly but I also compliment them internally regularly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMan1983 Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 4 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said: However, why do people (not just you) insist on comparing the everyday working joe with famous celebrities? Brad Pitt and other good looking celebrities like are in a completely different category and even if a woman wasn't attracted to them or busy running errands etc, many women would happily take his or give their number simply because he's famous and rich! Just a vent, I see this comparison made all the time, on every forum, even men's forums and I never understood it. 😂 Yes I jokingly used them as an exaggerated example, point being I’m sure it depends who’s doing the number dropping (eg. let’s say ‘Higher than average Joe’ 😂) more than the etiquette of it apparently being wrong for the guy to give her his number, poster I was replying to said she’d automatically chuck a guys number out if it was that way round. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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