Can anybody help me understand my female colleque?

[Munster]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please understand that the workplace is not a laboratory to try out pickup artist techniques.

There's nothing to "re-attract" here because 1.She has a BF and 2.She's a coworker. If you would like to hone your dating skills be confident and secure and do it on your own time. Not on company time. 

. Practicing on female coworkers who are there because they're making a living could give you a bad reputation as the workplace wolf. 

Join some groups and clubs volunteer get involved in sports and fitness take some classes and courses and broaden your social horizons and have fun meeting like-minded people and talking to women in those settings.

Additionally get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women. 

I'm not trying to practise anything on her. I thought I had made it clear that I liked her. My intentions are not superficial or purely sexual. Please don't give me advice about my workplace, you don't know my workplace! I fully respect her decision to reject me and I won't pursue her further unless we develop a healthy communication. I think I made that very clear!

[Munster]

6 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Its not superficial approach to just move on from somebody who told you she got a boyfriend. That is not "Not sure about her feelings", that is straight up "I got somebody else already". And you should honor that and move on. Instead of thinking how she is stil interested. No. She literally told you she is not.

I was speaking generally, not about my personal situation.

[Batya33]

18 minutes ago, Munster said:

Well, I don't know what it's like to be a woman, but I do know a bit about men. She is definitely attractive and when she walks around smiling at people the way she smiled at me, the guys line up behind her and never give her a moment to herself anymore. I can tell you that.

So if a man smiled like that at female coworkers would he be asking for women to ask him out on dates at work ?

[Munster]

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

So if a man smiled like that at female coworkers would he be asking for women to ask him out on dates at work ?

Come on, you know it's different for men than for women. And it's about the kind of smile you give people.

[Munster]

Thanks to all of you! Even though some people misinterpret me and act like I'm overstepping boundaries, which I'm not because I'm a very respectful and considered person, I appreciate any input. It has helped me to calm down after a painful rejection and that's all I was looking for.

[smackie9]

7 hours ago, Munster said:

Thx for your opinion! One question since I'm new here and I don't know you. Is this a female or a male opinion?

female opinion

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Munster said:

. It has helped me to calm down after a painful rejection.

Please try not to view "I have a BF" as a rejection. It's simply a fact she made you aware of. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Move on

Find the honey where you don't make your money 

[NighttimeNightmare]

11 hours ago, Munster said:

My personal opinion is that since she is shy around men she likes

What does this mean? Are there other colleagues you think she has some crush on? She has a boyfriend, presumably. What do you mean by this 

11 hours ago, Munster said:

Maybe it's a male illusion

Or your delusion 

 

this is all quite the narrative you’ve spun here and it has stalker vibes all over it. You don’t know this woman, you’ve no idea whether she even has a bf or not, she says she does and you’ve chosen to not believe her and instead pursue her “at any cost” essentially.  You don’t see how creepy and boundary-crossing that is? 
 

 

[Superstickyone]

Best to test your confidence on a single woman.  Anyone who says they have a boyfriend is sending a clear message to back off.  I would do so or she might complain to management about harassment.  

[rainbowsandroses]

On 12/22/2023 at 7:00 AM, Munster said:

At one point I gave her a sincere compliment which made her blush and smile a lot. She seemed to like it and in the following days we flirted a bit and I told her that I would like to talk to her more often and not just for a moment and that's where I personally think I started to screw up: She came very close to me with an open body language, looked me deep in the eyes and told me that she felt the same way. Looking back, I think she wanted me to ask her out at that moment, or at least make some kind of suggestion for some alone time, but I didn't....

I'm a little late to this party, but OP if you're still reading here's my take. 

Reading what's quoted above, specifically the bolded, it does appear she was attracted to you at one point.   I hardly think she would have responded the way she did, if she wasn't.

Question is, what changed?  And why after never mentioning a 'boyfriend' in your previous interactions, she suddenly mentions one now?

There are women who don't have boyfriends who will tell a man she does, for various reasons.  Not suggesting that's what's happening here but it's possible

Since none of us know her, all we can do is speculate.  

From my perspective (as a woman), it's possible since you didn't strike while the iron was hot (after she told you she felt the same about spending more time getting to know each other), she thought you may have been messing with her, all talk no action and you may  be some sort of "player." 

This would also explain her anger. She felt messed with, played with.  Since your words didn't match your actions.   

Her 'I have a boyfriend' comment, who knows?  She may, she may not.  And simply said it as some sort of game so you would chase harder.  I DO know women who do this type of thing especially if they think a man is playing games. 

OR she wanted you to back off.  Again, at this point it's all speculation.  

Just my read on it.  A different perspective to consider.

Since you posted this before Christmas, I'm wondering what's happening now?  

Can you give us an update?