Please help,am I being taken for a fool?

[Tunagirl]

Sorry if this is in the wrong section as I'm new to this .
So got a bit of a thing going off and just need some unbiased advice.
I met a guy in ticktok (tacky I know) spoke to him and he told me he lives in leeds (40 minute drive from where I live in Nottingham) after a few days we arranged to meet,he drove down and we spent a few hours in town before driving somewhere quite and having sex in his car , during this time he slipped up and told me he's actually from Liverpool .
Anyway he went back the same evening and that was about a week ago,this is where I don't know if I'm being paranoid or if there is someone else.
So he video calls me almost every day but it's the exact same time ( late evening) on his way back from work ,he only calls me when he's going or coming back from work,not once when he's been home.
He says he works 2 jobs as a career and has no time hence why he can only talk to me at night in his car ,he does send me the off msg on social media,but most of the time it's a phone call or video msg on his way back from work and almost always his phone goes dead and he's saying it's the connection that's bad .
He tells me he wants to see me but don't know when as he's always working .

He said he's not on Facebook only Instagram and ticktok so I managed to set him up an account so I can put my relationship status up with him but now he's locked it down to everybody but me ,he's also told someone I know over one of his vid calls that he works in a warehouse and even told him the company name,we googled it and it is a warehouse in Liverpool but told me he was a career ...on these video calls he's always got a hoodie on so IV never seen his uniform,it's been two weeks but after the first week he told me he lives me and I love him,he tells me everything I want to know and it makes me feel great ,just have this niggling feeling as iv always been terrible at picking out men

Am I being taken for a fool or is it just my paranoia?

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Tunagirl said:

,he drove down and we spent a few hours in town before driving somewhere quite and having sex in his car.

How long have you been talking? Was this the only date you've had?  Are you dating or just hooking up? How old is he? Do you know his real name? Unfortunately you're not exclusive after one meeting. If you trust this person, ask to meet in his town for a date. 

[Tunagirl]

Hi Wiseman2

Thank you for your reply 

So I'm 36 he's same age ,we was talking for a day or two ,he has told me a name but got friends doubting it as it's a legendary player from his favorite football team ,I just have this thought that because he doesn't video call me or ring me from his home that he might have a woman and a family there ,he told me he lives me and will do anything to make this work ,it's been such a fast week I can't think straight.

[Tunagirl]

Also yes, it was the only date,first time I met him

[Batya33]

I think focus on your physical health first -get checked out for all STDs and I would stop all contact -isn't it obvious to you that he only wanted to meet up to have sex? And that he is keeping you at a distance-a secret -so others don't find out and you don't find out more about him?  If you want casual sex arrangements go out in person -not hard to find -and take all safety precautions -don't go in a stranger's car like you did this time and know enough about the person as far as name/details and make sure someone else knows where you are.  If  you want to potentially date for purposes of a relationship don't meet shady strangers and have sex in a car.

[Kwothe28]

Yeah, no social networks and secrecy means wife anda family or a gilfriend. And that he just wanted to hook up. Dont fall for his lovebombing, if he loves secrecy and even outright lies from where he is, its probably just somebody who wants to hook up without his family knowing.

[Andrina]

Probably because you had sex, making you want to bond with a man because of the hormones released when you have sex with him, you're more invested in this than you should be. If you'd met for the two hours without sex, you'd probably have blocked him after finding out his lies and that he has no plans to regularly meet up with you as someone available and interested would be.

You're not dating safely nor wisely. Read some books on achieving a better self-worth. Keep the first meet at no longer than 2 hours without intimacy. Think of dating as a marathon versus a sprint. If you're goal is to have a serious, longterm relationship, keep at minimum the first 3 or 4 dates in public without intimacy. Have a wait and see attitude, and if you see any dealbreakers or the guy isn't putting in the expected effort, bail.

The right guy will be patient about being intimate, and he will be wanting to get to know all about you. The gift of your body should be a precious thing, not tossed like a bone to any dog.

[MissCanuck]

On 12/4/2023 at 2:59 PM, Tunagirl said:

,it's been two weeks but after the first week he told me he lives me and I love him,

Girl, no. Just no. 

You don't love this man. You barely know him at all. He doesn't love you either, for the same reason. You need to run fast and far from men like this. Mature and emotionally-healthy adults don't go around declaring love for some stranger they just met on the internet. 

On 12/4/2023 at 2:59 PM, Tunagirl said:

Am I being taken for a fool

Yep. There is almost no chance he's being totally honest with you. 

But OP, my main concern isn't him. It's you. What are you doing meeting strange internet men for car sex? 

[Jaunty]

Why wouldn’t he have someone else, or several?   You aren’t even dating.  

[Tinydance]

Wow sorry but I was really surprised when you commented you're 36. I thought maybe you were a teenager. You basically don't know this person at all but you say you love him and you want to put on social media that you're in a relationship with him? You had sex with him straight away in a car so that seems more like a hookup rather than actual dating or relationship. I'm not shaming you for doing it but even if there is someone else, he's basically a stranger to you. You aren't really together so he could be seeing whoever he wants and so could you. That's not really normal that you both said you love each other because it's very unlikely you can love someone you pretty much don't know.

It does sound suspicious that he's always calling from his car or claims he has no Facebook. There are actually some people who don't have any social media but he does have Tik Tok and Instagram. So seems weird he'd have them but not Facebook. But in any case it seems like he only wanted sex and didn't even want to get an actual hotel but just wanted to do it in his car. That's not really the behaviour of someone who wants to start a relationship with you.

 

[HeartGoesOn]

On 12/4/2023 at 8:59 AM, Tunagirl said:

Am I being taken for a fool or is it just my paranoia?

You were taken for a fool because you accepted his invitation to having sex in his car, despite knowing he was a stranger, and a terrible risk of many things going wrong.

You need to "up" your value while showing respect for yourself. You can do this.

[LotusBlack]

I just wanted to make sure you know that all the comments above, based on my experience with the posters over an long period of time, are not intended to shame casual sex and hookups, though it may come across that way if you are reading them for the first time. Most of us here think that each person has the right to participate in activities like this without judgment from others. What most are concerned about is your lack is responsible decision making and how you went about engaging in intimate activity. You put yourself at unnecessary and great risk based on an assumption that this man was on the level and decent. Not a single thing he has done demonstrated any level of decency or good judgment and the both of you declaring feelings of love so prematurely suggests a lack of emotional maturity. If you want to have casual encounters, develop your emotional maturity more so that you can make informed, responsible choices.

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, LotusBlack said:

o shame casual sex and hookups, though it may come across that way if you are reading them for the first time. Most of us here think that each person has the right to participate in activities like this without judgment from others. What most are concerned about is your lack is responsible decision making and how you went about engaging in intimate activity. You put yourself at unnecessary and great risk based on an assumption that this man was on the level and decent.

It's fine to hook up and have sex casually as long as both people are single, and it's two consenting adults.  In the OP's case I think she lied to herself that somehow a person who met up with her to have sex in a car the very first time had intentions of dating her properly much less being in a relationship.  Certainly a one night stand can be the beginning of a dating relationship but typically not when there's all this online messaging and the sex is in a car after the stranger reveals he's lying about basic facts.

[LotusBlack]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

It's fine to hook up and have sex casually as long as both people are single, and it's two consenting adults.  In the OP's case I think she lied to herself that somehow a person who met up with her to have sex in a car the very first time had intentions of dating her properly much less being in a relationship.  Certainly a one night stand can be the beginning of a dating relationship but typically not when there's all this online messaging and the sex is in a car after the stranger reveals he's lying about basic facts.

Yes, exactly.

[smackie9]

Oh girl this dude is married.

[Coily]

As a guy who has worked some really long weird hours, had limited time to contact someone i was interested in dating and had two simultaneous addresses; this clown is full of it.

Sex on the first Date
Pushing the romantic feelings of love
Covering his tracks as to what he does
And where he lives

All signs of him living an lie. I traveled for work almost on a weekly basis, but i was always upfront with it. Only when I couldn't talk about where I was going, customer security protocols, did I not keep who i was seeing up to date. I avoided sex early, just to see how things would develop without biology sneaking in.

This dude is just trying to get what he can through manipulation and deceit.