Was I love bombed ??

[Ally smith]

I’m just wondering how he was so quick to drop me because I said “I slept with someone else” … as a joke ? He basically took all my time talking to me 24/7 then to just easily drop me? 

[Sindy_0311]

19 minutes ago, Ally smith said:

I’m just wondering how he was so quick to drop me because I said “I slept with someone else” … as a joke ? He basically took all my time talking to me 24/7 then to just easily drop me? 

I previously said « oh please » because some women have such a high esteem of themself that they think guys go crazy about them…

Women in general should try to be a little more humble and stop thinking they are so special…

Sure he liked you somehow, but this is not the reason why he lovebombed you. He lovebombed you because he is twisted and that is what he does with all women who show him some interest… 

Hope you blocked him, because someday this narcissist is going to try reach out again for a sweet ego boost… 

good luck to you!!! 

[boltnrun]

35 minutes ago, Ally smith said:

I’m just wondering how he was so quick to drop me because I said “I slept with someone else” … as a joke ? He basically took all my time talking to me 24/7 then to just easily drop me? 

Can you explain what it is you find so attractive about this man and how he treated you?

[rainbowsandroses]

On 11/16/2023 at 5:50 PM, Ally smith said:

I jokingly told him that I went on another date recently.. he got super angry and told me that he didn’t like being played with...

First off from what you described in your initial post, the guy sounds like a complete nutcase and I question how in the world any of his behavior could be attractive to you.... your picker is WAY off.

Secondly, re what's quoted don't ever "joke" with a man telling him you had another date or worse that you had sex with another man, why would you do that, with any man?   

Especially a man as intense and possibly sociopathic as he is!  

As toxic as he sounds, I don't blame him for dropping you, you don't joke about going out and having sex with other men, their egos can't handle it (understandably) and well for you, it was a mean thing to say, even as a "joke."  And yes no doubt he felt played with....

[Wiseman2]

On 11/16/2023 at 8:50 PM, Ally smith said:

Keep in mind we’ve only had two dates… I jokingly told him that I went on another date recently.. He then canceled our date. 

He seems like a weirdo. For the future your jokes and games and TMI would be off-putting to a lot of people. 

The 24/7 monitoring is also something to avoid next time. Why not let people know you're busy living life, working, studying, pursuing interests and hobbies and friends and family?

Hopefully you are busy with those things rather than attaching yourself to some random weirdos you barely know. 

So unfortunately even though it was 2 dates, it was going sideways from the beginning. Your sexual and dating history (joking, trying to be coy, whatever) is your business, so keep it that way.

Overall this seems like a lack of boundaries situation. You spent too much time chatting and shared too much information. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Ally smith said:

I’m just wondering how he was so quick to drop me because I said “I slept with someone else” … as a joke ? He basically took all my time talking to me 24/7 then to just easily drop me? 

He didn’t drop you. He never properly picked you up. So nothing to drop. From the beginning he showed you who he was. An unstable, rude disrespectful person. You chose to interact with him. He was always going to get upset with whatever you said or did 

[Ally smith]

36 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

He didn’t drop you. He never properly picked you up. So nothing to drop. From the beginning he showed you who he was. An unstable, rude disrespectful person. You chose to interact with him. He was always going to get upset with whatever you said or did 

He wanted to be exclusive with me and then I agreed… then I told him that joke and then he said he’s done. 

[Ally smith]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

First off from what you described in your initial post, the guy sounds like a complete nutcase and I question how in the world any of his behavior could be attractive to you.... your picker is WAY off.

Secondly, re what's quoted don't ever "joke" with a man telling him you had another date or worse that you had sex with another man, why would you do that, with any man?   

Especially a man as intense and possibly sociopathic as he is!  

As toxic as he sounds, I don't blame him for dropping you, you don't joke about going out and having sex with other men, their egos can't handle it (understandably) and well for you, it was a mean thing to say, even as a "joke."  And yes no doubt he felt played with....

Well he sent me a picture of another woman “on accident” and kept asking me if I was mad, and if I needed an explanation? It’s like he was getting mad that I wasn’t mad about it. Telling me he chose me over her etc 

[boltnrun]

3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Can you explain what it is you find so attractive about this man and how he treated you?

 

[Sindy_0311]

20 minutes ago, Ally smith said:

He wanted to be exclusive with me and then I agreed… then I told him that joke and then he said he’s done. 

After two dates?? This didn’t seem weird to you? 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Ally smith said:

Well he sent me a picture of another woman “on accident” and kept asking me if I was mad, and if I needed an explanation? It’s like he was getting mad that I wasn’t mad about it. Telling me he chose me over her etc 

I don't know if I believe this all the way but I read an article awhile back from Psychology Today that stated when a man (or woman, it's not gender specific) provokes you for the purpose of eliciting anger, such man/woman has not emotionally detached from their mother and childhood and literally needs you to get mad at them because that's how, in their mind, mommy showed her love, by getting mad.

IOW, when you get mad, it shows you care which is true in a way.  

But some people when they become adults really take this to the extreme in their relationships and it can be extremely detrimental.

It's insecurity mostly, imo. 

But does it even matter at this point?  I mean read back your initial post, the guy was off his rocker with all that, don't you think?  

Can you explain what you found appealing about it?  Were you simply flattered by all the attention?  

I'm seeking understanding because it seemed like even you acknowledged he was bad news. 

 

[boltnrun]

32 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Can you explain what you found appealing about it?  Were you simply flattered by all the attention?  

I've asked this twice and haven't been able to get a response.  Ally, can you please explain why you like this guy so much?

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Ally smith said:

He wanted to be exclusive with me and then I agreed… then I told him that joke and then he said he’s done. 

Why in the world would you agree to be exclusive -or to be around a person who acted as he did -did you somehow think his controlling behaviors showed interest in you as a person??

[Cherylyn]

Love bombing is ingratiating yourself to someone with flattery,  compliments,  charm and pretentiousness in order to get what you want out of them whether it's favors,  labor,  help or anything which will benefit you in any capacity.  Love bombing is temporary.  Once the perpetrator (or narcissist / malignant narcissist) gets what they want from you,   love bombing stops until their next quest to get what they want out of you.  You're merely their utility and the only purpose of love bombing is to exploit you.  Love bombing is fake and insincere so beware.  Never fall for those old tricks otherwise you're being played for a fool. 

[Ally smith]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Why in the world would you agree to be exclusive -or to be around a person who acted as he did -did you somehow think his controlling behaviors showed interest in you as a person??

He also kept Turing his steering wheel and driving crazy while I was in his car. I told him to stop and that I was going to get out and walk and he said “no you’re not”’. I started ignoring him while he was driving and he kept looking at me while we were on the bridge not paying attention to the road.

[Ally smith]

5 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I don't know if I believe this all the way but I read an article awhile back from Psychology Today that stated when a man (or woman, it's not gender specific) provokes you for the purpose of eliciting anger, such man/woman has not emotionally detached from their mother and childhood and literally needs you to get mad at them because that's how, in their mind, mommy showed her love, by getting mad.

IOW, when you get mad, it shows you care which is true in a way.  

But some people when they become adults really take this to the extreme in their relationships and it can be extremely detrimental.

It's insecurity mostly, imo. 

But does it even matter at this point?  I mean read back your initial post, the guy was off his rocker with all that, don't you think?  

Can you explain what you found appealing about it?  Were you simply flattered by all the attention?  

I'm seeking understanding because it seemed like even you acknowledged he was bad news. 

 

He also tried to take videos of me on the date. 

[Ally smith]

4 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I've asked this twice and haven't been able to get a response.  Ally, can you please explain why you like this guy so much?

I’m not sure I’m also going through a breakup so I think I liked the attention to get my ex out of my mind . 

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Ally smith said:

I’m not sure I’m also going through a breakup so I think I liked the attention to get my ex out of my mind . 

He's not an improvement.

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Ally smith said:

Was I love bombed ??

No, just bombed. By a complete clown. There's nothing to do with love about this 

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, Ally smith said:

He also tried to take videos of me on the date. 

Hopefully nothing you don't mind the whole world seeing.  Do you know your worth?  Do you act consistently with what your values and your standards and your boundaries are? You seemed from the beginning to tolerate being treated badly and even in an unsafe way by this near stranger.  Even agreed to be "exclusive" - that's extremely concerning.  Do you know your worth?

[Andrina]

Your self-worth is in the gutter. To prevent endangerment, seek professional help ASAP because toxic predators can sniff out weak prey from great distances.

[Batya33]

11 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Your self-worth is in the gutter. To prevent endangerment, seek professional help ASAP because toxic predators can sniff out weak prey from great distances.

Funny how memories stick out. In the mid 80s I was a teenager and just learned my BFF and my sister each got engaged and my high school sweetheart had recently ended our LTR.
I tried to be happy and went out and bought a bridal magazine to look at maid of honor dresses for my sister’s upcoming wedding.

I felt needy for a man. Pity party. I was walking alone in my big city and staring at couples and at cute guys. I got on the train to go home and was flipping through my magazine.

An older man sitting next to me starts chatting me up about the magazine and I overshared as far as the wedding plans. I had tons of street smarts as I’d grown up in a major city in an urban area.

But that day I felt desperate and alone. And jealous of my sister and BFF. All of a sudden I realize this stranger has put his arm behind me on the seat and likely was about to touch me. I never ever would have let a person like this near me let alone about to touch me had I not been in that desperate and sad frame of mind. It was a wake up call.

I quickly closed the magazine and stood up and couldn’t believe how close I’d come to a bad situation. I made some unsafe choices in the years of meeting men that followed but that close call shows me how if we don’t know our worth and if we’re desperate and so “scared” of being “alone” we’re such easy targets. Especially as women. I ageee with Andrina.