Callia Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 Oh gosh, what can I do??? I am still hung up and crazy about this guy (the one I have posted about before, my doctor who flirted with me for some years but it never went anywhere and now he's gone a bit cold on me)...I am interested in him but too shy. He made some innuendos but I just wasn't sure how to respond. Maybe he thinks I'm not interested? Or maybe he knows that I am and it's getting too risky/real? I don't know! When I like someone a lot, rather than flirting, I get really, really serious. It's such a bad habit to react this way... Anyway, the last time I saw him he was really pretty unfriendly. He's gone super cold, almost gruff. This is a big contrast from touching my feet with his, hugging me, complimenting me, flirting, etc...I just don't know what to do. These feelings I have for him just don't go away. I just don't know how to express them because it feels like the timing is never right and it's hard to bring someone closer when they are acting more distant... I thought about moving but I just am not able to move right now (maybe in a few years). I miss this guy so much and wonder if he's not okay, or if he's angry with me for some reason??? I don't get to see him that regularly. Why did he go so cold? I believe he might be having family problems and/or work problems. He has changed his work schedule drastically and is only seeing patients once a week now. What if he just up and disappears one day and I never see him again??? Please, can you advise me about what to do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callia Posted November 4, 2023 Author Share Posted November 4, 2023 P.S. Before you get too mad at me (because he is married, I mean), I have never DONE anything about my crush.. Also, I wonder if they might be separating because he said he was having personal problems and he seems pretty down and just not himself lately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 Please change doctors. You must know trying to lure a married man into an affair is a really bad idea, not to mention pretty cruel to his wife and family. And you're hoping he's getting a divorce, which is a pretty NOT nice thing to hope for someone you claim to care about. Please try thinking about it from his and his wife's point of view instead of thinking him getting a divorce would be a wonderful opportunity for you. Why aren't you making an effort to meet people and date? Are you isolated for some reason and this doctor is your only means of socialization? 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlight925 Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 In your last thread, you said you live with your boyfriend. Still true? You started writing about this guy in March. 6 months now of extreme over analysis of every single tiny little thing he says, does, even where his eyes focus. This is the 3rd thread topic you've opened, and each time, you get sage advice from well-meaning posters, which you choose to ignore, only to ask again....does he like me? does he like me? does he like me? You're obsessing to the point that it's become very concerning. Please seek therapy. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaunty Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 What are you looking for here? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 56 minutes ago, Callia said: , can you advise me about what to do? Unfortunately there's nothing to do except go to work and be professional. Is this the same man? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 Here's what I would do. One switch doctors. Two believe that if he is interested in dating you he will call you once his divorce is final for at least a year and ask you out on a proper date he plans in advance. Until that time -if it ever happens -he is 100% off limits to you just like if you decided you wanted to date a married celebrity you'd never met. It's just like that -until that time he calls you if it ever happens (remote chance but you never know) -live your life and avoid interacting with this person ever again unless he calls you when he is legally single for at least a year -but also accept that he flirts with patients inappropriately -so be forewarned. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 Change doctors . Maybe he got a warning from his regulatory body for sexual harassment. Or maybe his wife clued in that he is a cheat. This is someone else’s SPOUSE, and not up for grabs. So move on. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyford23 Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 Here’s what you do: nothing. You don’t do anything. If he is married, leave him alone. You say he is your doctor; does this mean he is treating you for medical conditions? It is highly unethical for a physician to engage in a romantic relationship with a patient. Are you perhaps misinterpreting what he perceives as bedside manner for flirting? (Granted, I would not want a doctor who hugs me or touches my feet with his.) If he is your doctor, leave him alone. If he is a married doctor, leave him alone. It is not up to you to worry about his relationship, or potential lack thereof, with his wife. How old are you, if I may ask? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaunty Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 I believe, if I've followed, that the OP works with this doctor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 Just now, Jaunty said: I believe, if I've followed, that the OP works with this doctor. She referred to him as "my doctor", which is usually how someone refers to their medical provider rather than a coworker or boss. But I could be wrong about that inference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaunty Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 3 minutes ago, boltnrun said: She referred to him as "my doctor", which is usually how someone refers to their medical provider rather than a coworker or boss. Yes she did. I was reacting to the OP saying that they are "not allowed" to date due to workplace policies. I guess that could mean that doctors who work there are not allowed to date their patients, which is part of the AMA code of ethics - though anyone who is prepared to go ahead and date someone despite being married is probably okay with defying workplace policies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Andrina Posted November 4, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted November 4, 2023 If you think two people with mental issues and poor ethics would end up happily ever after, you need to stop believing in fairy tales. 5 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 6 hours ago, Jaunty said: What are you looking for here? I ask the same question. You have had good constructive advice in all your previous threads about the married man - all of which you ignore. OP, you're an adult. You surely know right from wrong. You mind your own business. You have no place there. You show respect for other peoples' relationships. And how about some self-respect. That said, at this point I would say it's maybe time to seek professional help/therapy to help you come to grips with your obsession. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callia Posted November 4, 2023 Author Share Posted November 4, 2023 7 hours ago, Jaunty said: What are you looking for here? I want support as though from a trusted friend. It's not an easy situation at all for me to be in this situation. I know people sometimes give advice 1x and then just expect you to follow it immediately, but life is complicated and things aren't always that easy! I am in a small town, it's not easy for me to make these changes or to find someone else (I have tried). Also, I am very lonely because it is so dull here and there is very little social life so I'd love it if I could get advice and encouragement about this whole situation that is keeping me stuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 4 minutes ago, Callia said: Also, I am very lonely because it is so dull here and there is very little social life I understand one can be lonely etc, but that doesn't make it right going after a married man. You have no place there. He's taken. Have you ever thought about volunteering somewhere? It's a very good way of meeting people and making friends - far better than any married man. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 16 minutes ago, Callia said: I want support as though from a trusted friend. It's not an easy situation at all for me to be in this situation. I know people sometimes give advice 1x and then just expect you to follow it immediately, but life is complicated and things aren't always that easy! I am in a small town, it's not easy for me to make these changes or to find someone else (I have tried). Also, I am very lonely because it is so dull here and there is very little social life so I'd love it if I could get advice and encouragement about this whole situation that is keeping me stuck. My advice is. Don’t give yourself a pass because it’s “hard” or because of where you live or because you aren’t dating anyone else right now etc. You might have to shift from passive attitude/cop out mode to active mode. Find activities in a different town. Nothing is keeping you stuck and anyway it’s no justification for pursuing a married man. My encouragement- each even tiny thing you do that is positive for you or for someone else - whether it’s looking into volunteer work, going for a really fast walk or run outside for at least 5 minutes (then add a minute each day), looking into activities outside your small town - all of those tiny things reaffirm what it’s like to do the right thing. Reaffirm that you are a person who has grit and resilience even when it’s hard. You do not need a romantic partner. You might want one and that’s fine but first get busy so that each day you’re taking a small or medium or large positive step. Yes you can. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 27 minutes ago, Callia said: I want support as though from a trusted friend. It's not an easy situation at all for me to be in this situation. I know people sometimes give advice 1x and then just expect you to follow it immediately, but life is complicated and things aren't always that easy! I am in a small town, it's not easy for me to make these changes or to find someone else (I have tried). Also, I am very lonely because it is so dull here and there is very little social life so I'd love it if I could get advice and encouragement about this whole situation that is keeping me stuck. You're not stuck. You're a fully grown adult with the capacity to make decisions about where you want to be, even while you have the Internet at your fingertips to explore options and take steps to make 'better' happen. If out of all the options in the world you choose to stay planted in a small town and waste your focus and energy on micro-obsessing over a married man instead of more productive pursuits, then that's on you. You're exactly where you choose to be, and so there you are. You can either change that, or not, but if not, then there you are. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 30 minutes ago, Callia said: , I am very lonely because it is so dull here and there is very little social life so I'd love it if I could get advice and encouragement about this whole situation that is keeping me stuck. Could you clarify whether you work together or he is your healthcare provider? Either way there needs to be professional boundaries as well as staying away from married men. Get a good profile and pics on quality paid relationship focused dating apps and start talking to and meeting single men. Also consider broadening your social horizons. Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses, get a fun part-time job, etc. If the obsession persists, please find a qualified therapist to unpack and sort out the situation. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 42 minutes ago, Callia said: I want support as though from a trusted friend. It's not an easy situation at all for me to be in this situation. I know people sometimes give advice 1x and then just expect you to follow it immediately, but life is complicated and things aren't always that easy! I am in a small town, it's not easy for me to make these changes or to find someone else (I have tried). Also, I am very lonely because it is so dull here and there is very little social life so I'd love it if I could get advice and encouragement about this whole situation that is keeping me stuck. I asked you before, if you were married would it be ok if some woman was wanting to snag your husband? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 47 minutes ago, Callia said: I am in a small town, it's not easy for me to make these changes or to find someone else (I have tried). Also, I am very lonely because it is so dull here and there is very little social life so I'd love it if I could get advice and encouragement about this whole situation that is keeping me stuck. You once stated that: - ........ "I have the opportunity to move somewhere else where I have heard people are VERY friendly, the weather is even better than where I live currently, and there are TONS of things to do." If you have that opportunity, why don't you take it? Sounds like a much better and happier life with a lot of friendly people and chance to meet and make new friends etc. You are only "stuck" because you choose to stay stuck. That's on you. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaunty Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 2 hours ago, Callia said: I want support as though from a trusted friend. "Support" as in, agreeing with you and helping you figure out how to get involved with this man? A person who will provide that for you is not to be trusted, whether they're someone you know or strangers here. 2 hours ago, Callia said: I know people sometimes give advice 1x and then just expect you to follow it immediately, but life is complicated and things aren't always that easy! Sorry but there is nothing complicated about your situation. You have an obsession for a married drunk man who either is your doctor, or you work together - which is it? And are you living with your boyfriend, or not? 2 hours ago, Callia said: I am in a small town, it's not easy for me to make these changes or to find someone else (I have tried). Also, I am very lonely because it is so dull here and there is very little social life so I'd love it if I could get advice and encouragement about this whole situation that is keeping me stuck. Hm. I'm not getting what you feel is "keeping" you stuck. You are a grown woman. Move away to a better town if there is no one else in your vicinity that you could date that is not a drunk married man who is your doctor, boss or co-worker. If you want to change the situation, YOU have to make the changes. No one said it's easy. But most of us have done some pretty hard things to either get out of a negative situation or to gain some things that are positive for ourselves in our lives. Nope, not easy. But you can do it too, like others have. Are you willing to do anything to change your situation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 On 8/20/2023 at 8:42 AM, Callia said: He asked who I am living with at the time it was my boyfriend so maybe he didn't like the answer? What happened to your BF? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callia Posted November 5, 2023 Author Share Posted November 5, 2023 4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Could you clarify whether you work together or he is your healthcare provider? Either way there needs to be professional boundaries as well as staying away from married men. He is my healthcare provider but I do occasionally touch up against him in my work. It's a small (not tiny) town so there is a bit of overlap in my profession. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callia Posted November 5, 2023 Author Share Posted November 5, 2023 4 hours ago, Seraphim said: I asked you before, if you were married would it be ok if some woman was wanting to snag your husband? I definitely wouldn't want that, but I do think he is the one who pursued me and not the other way around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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