Ex still reaches out consistently

[ATM]

I haven't posted in some time, but if you read my last posts, I went through a difficult breakup back in the spring and figured I'd just post one last update. After three months of absolute silence, she texted me in July wanting to know "had I heard from the people who would be working on her place?" My name was on her lease. This conversation turned into "So where have you been?" (which felt like a bold question of her to ask), showing me pictures of her pets, asking about my life, etc. About three weeks after this I get a random text out of nowhere stating simply "I hope you're doing good!!" which again, spawned a quick chat.. Then another few weeks later, I get a text asking if I could foster one of her pets because he is damaging things at the house. I am a big time animal lover, but politely declined. 

Based on the amount of time between her circle backs or whatever this is called, I am soon due for another text. I will be transparent here and say a part of me is oddly glad to hear from her.. I genuinely loved her. But I feel pretty sad every time she texts me. It's like my mind drifts back to old times and how foolish I was.. I guess this is part of the slow recovery?

What's worst, is that she bounced right into a relationship within days/ weeks of dumping me and is still with the person. Guess this is why she was silent for those first three months. I wonder if her current person even knows she is reaching out to me, having these quick chats.. When I date someone, I will not ask an ex anything, I won't text or call them, even if the world was on fire.. Any business I had with them was cleared up before I invite another person into my life and if I'm honest, I would not be okay with my current girlfriend asking a recent ex, where/how they've been or to foster their pet until they can move.. It makes me think she's just keeping her finger on the pulse, gauging the temperature of the situation, in case her current relationship doesn't provide her with all the favors and finances I once did.

However, I have come to grips with the reality that if she did this once, she will be quicker a second time to use me for financial gains and dump me again, even quicker. My sister summed it up best maybe when she heard of her asking to foster her pets: "Don't be surprised if she asks you for a second chance in the coming weeks or months, but be CERTAIN of the fact that the request won't be out of love, but out of her assurance that you will just step back in line and keep her propped up with favors, once again. She's a user" Anyway, thanks for all the help.

[boltnrun]

Any reason why you won't just block her from contacting you and delete her number? 

I find that when people decline to do this (because it's "harsh" or "unnecessary" or "immature" or because they NEED to stay in contact for nebulous "reasons" or they say "I don't block") it's almost always because they still harbor hope for reconciliation. They think their ex will have a Eureka moment when they realize they really DO love them after all and will send an emotional text begging for forgiveness and another chance. 

I admit to doing this until I finally realized I was the one holding myself back from moving forward and blocked the guy already (or changed my number which was even more effective!)

[Andrina]

If you have no further business dealings with her about the lease, it's time to block. As you allude to, every time you hear from her, it sets you back to square one in closure and opens a can of worms of difficult emotions. You also don't want to be in a new relationship and have your phone pinging from the ex and making your new partner question your faithfulness.

When you meet a far better partner, you'll look back and think, "The ex actually did me a favor by breaking up with me." Work on your self-worth so in the future you'll only accept someone into your life who knows how to be decent partner. Take care.

[Coily]

The biggest question, is your name still on the lease? Can you take steps to remove it ASAP? From a CYA standpoint until you extract yourself form the lease, she could trash the place in a fit of revenge and you get stuck with the penalties.

With that in mind, until you get that resolved, ask her to correspond with you via email only about the lease. No more texts, calls or anything that isn't business of the property. Beyond the lease, you will have to go no contact. Don't let her mercurial nature hold you back from living your life and find better ways.

[lostandhurt]

If there is no reason (legal or otherwise) to communicate with her and she doesn't add value to your life then why allow her to contact you?  In fact her contact brings you down.

 If I were you I would send a preemptive text to her.  "Hi ___________, I appreciate you checking in on me from time to time but for my sake I think it best we do not stay in contact any longer.  I hope you understand this is what is best for me.  Best wishes ___________"

 This puts you in control and allows you to stick a pin in it and make the statement instead of having to dread her next reaching out or decline a request or simply messing up a good day you are having.

Lost

[Lambert]

I would get my name off the lease through the lease holder.  let them communicate with her. You could send her aheads up text- thanks for reminding me about my name on your lease.  I am contacting x to have it updated.  they may contact you.  

then block her.  do it for yourself.  save yourself the aggravation. because no matter how you feel that's all it is... a blip that does not add any value.  

and your sister could not be more right.  your ex is a user. free yourself. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, ATM said:

 she bounced right into a relationship within days/ weeks of dumping me and is still with the person. 

Please sever all ties and delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. There's no point orbiting in the friend zone just to do her favors. Is this the same woman?:

 

[SooSad33]

Yup, there's such thing as Ignore.. or Block.

But, as you said, in some way you kinda like that she's reaching out to you.  Then this is what you're gonna get!

So, YOU need to make the choice and act.  But, in order for YOU to work on healing & moving on is for this to stop.  So, this is up to you.

For me, it's all or nothing.  I am not 'friends' with my ex's and when it's done, it's done!  I am not there for them anymore.  They cannot & will not contact me and if they try, they get NO response, that tells them plenty.  😉 

For your own good, you need to be stronger than this and stop replying to her. She dumped you, then she chose to end all with you.  Her contacting you etc, is selfishness, imo.

 

 

[Kwothe28]

You dont have a kid with her. Nore any kind of business you run together. Most you have is a lease which is easily solvable. Point is, you can easily block her. As there is no reason to have a communication with her. Exes contact from various of reasons. Yes, yours contacts you because she pressumably misses her "SugarDaddy". And you shouldnt fall for that. Block her on everything and be peaceful about it. Nothing good will ever came from her contacting you.

[shouldhavelearned]

Changing your number is better than blocking 

[boltnrun]

58 minutes ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Changing your number is better than blocking 

I agree. Much easier.

I changed my number when I had finally had enough of my toxic ex. It only took me about 20 minutes to text my new number to the people I wanted to have it. Easy.