Any input appreciated

[P33]

A few months ago I posted about an intense short term relationship that had led me to be prescribed Valium and anti depressants because of the feelings it triggered. As well as this I ended up ostracising a best friend because he just knew far too much of the intricacies private text content etc as his wife and her are friends. After a huge time I’ve been pretty much in a great place and although I’ve considered meeting someone I’m just in no way emotionally stable for it. Today my friend drove past me and picked me up, I’ve been keeping considerable distance from him for around 7 months. He then told me, as I had asked in the past, that she had met someone. Now our relationship was to be honest mostly physical which wasn’t something I was happy about also she would give mixed signals on intent. Unbelievably I went out afterwards (today) and bumped into her, which never happens. It’s upset me on every level and I’m not great with difficult feelings. I went out for a cycle had had my ‘moment’ then a female friend whom I’m very close with invited me round as I’d rung her since I needed to tell someone. It’s just, I don’t know I don’t of course like the thought of it and it hurts.
And as a side note we’ll almost certainly both be at an intimate Christmas do in a few months which has already been mentioned.

any thoughts would help 

thanks

[Andrina]

I thought antidepressants were for people who suffer from depression even if their lives are running otherwise smoothly.

Are you the type of person who lacks the ability or patience to get over normal upsets in an expected due time? I don't know you, that's why I'm asking. Are you receiving any cognitive behavioral therapy on how to handle difficult feelings, or getting psychiatric care?

I'd tell friends you no longer want to hear of the ex and what she's doing, and I'd also avoid the Christmas event she'll be at. I'd arrange for a separate Christmastime get together with whomever was hosting this event.

Sounds like you've got a circle of friends which is great. What has your past relationship history been like? Do you have a list of must-haves and dealbreakers that you stick to? If not, I'd put one together to have a higher risk of success in future dating. Sounds like you ignored red flags, so I'd suggest not being enamored with someone so much that you ignore red flags and give chance upon chance to someone who was poor dating material from the get-go.

[P33]

8 minutes ago, Andrina said:

I thought antidepressants were for people who suffer from depression even if their lives are running otherwise smoothly.

Are you the type of person who lacks the ability or patience to get over normal upsets in an expected due time? I don't know you, that's why I'm asking. Are you receiving any cognitive behavioral therapy on how to handle difficult feelings, or getting psychiatric care?

I'd tell friends you no longer want to hear of the ex and what she's doing, and I'd also avoid the Christmas event she'll be at. I'd arrange for a separate Christmastime get together with whomever was hosting this event.

Sounds like you've got a circle of friends which is great. What has your past relationship history been like? Do you have a list of must-haves and dealbreakers that you stick to? If not, I'd put one together to have a higher risk of success in future dating. Sounds like you ignored red flags, so I'd suggest not being enamored with someone so much that you ignore red flags and give chance upon chance to someone who was poor dating material from the get-go.

You’re extremely perceptive on all counts, I’ve  had issues in the past and so yes I appreciate that I’ve been putting a time constraint on my feelings about this. I’ll I see how I feel and then think about counselling and take the no information route as maybe I just shouldn’t have had any interest in the first place. And no I didn’t have deal breakers and yes the flags were substantial and also yes you’re absolutely correct on the chances. Thanks 

[Cherylyn]

Whenever I was down in the dumps,  what helped me was to get healthy.  I ate food which was better for me,  exercised daily,  enjoyed my quiet time alone,  did what I enjoyed such as hobbies and surrounded myself with very upstanding,  honorable,  moral people whether friends or family.  If you're faith based,  consider joining your local church.  Positive role models and healthy influences steered me into the right direction.

Also,  I exited social media.  I went permanently no contact,  blocked and deleted certain people EVERYWHERE.  They became out of sight,  out of mind.  It felt very empowering.  My self esteem soared and I regained my dignity,  self worth and self confidence.