Not sure about whether or not to pursue a friendship

[Looktothesky]

To make a long story short, I received inpatient services at a hospital this summer due to suicidal ideation.

While in the hospital I found that I got along well with some other patients. There was one person in particular who I thought was very cool and interesting. I thought we got along pretty well. She offered her phone number saying we should try to hang out sometime, so we exchanged numbers. 

A week or so after I was discharged I texted her to see how she was doing and to let her know I was enjoying a show she recommended. She let me know she was not doing so well after leaving the hospital. I wished her well and left it at that.

A couple of weeks later I received a text from her. She asked how I was doing and said that she had an additional stay at the hospital and is feeling much better. She is doing outpatient therapy and asked how I was liking it, since that was something we had talked about in the hospital.

Unfortunately I decided not to continue with outpatient therapy. I found it hard to get back into the swing of things while also finding time to drive 30 mins immediately after work 3x a week (in addition to weekly therapy). I let her know I was glad she was doing better and that I was not continuing with outpatient therapy due to the reasons above. I never heard back from her.

I have to admit that I really would like to get to know this person. I also have to admit that part of that is due to my attraction to her. I feel like I am so interested in her as a person that I would be ok with being friends. But a part of me is also interested romantically. I am trying to keep that part in check for several reasons.
 

First, we met in what I can assume was a very vulnerable spot for both of us. Second, she is over a decade older than me. Third, I didn’t necessarily pick up on a mutual attraction. But going back to the first point, it’s not as if either of us were in a situation to be more open about those things.

So I’d really like to get to know this person outside of the context of inpatient care for mental health. I did not receive a response from my last text. If I really want to get to know this person, should I take a chance and reach out again?

 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Looktothesky said:

. She let me know she was not doing so well after leaving the hospital.  I’d really like to get to know this person outside of the context of inpatient care for mental health. I did not receive a response from my last text. 

Unfortunately she seems to have too much going on for a relationship at this time.  It also seems like she was just a friend during your treatment. Try to reestablish your life apart from the mental health situation and people .

[Andrina]

It's not a good time to seek romance right now. You won't be fully ready to be an ideal partner until you've come to a good place mentally, and ensuring it's long lasting.

And your attraction towards her muddles what a thoroughly platonic friendship would entail. This friendship would eventually become a deterrent for any budding relationship you might be trying to form with another lady.

I hope you reconsider rejoining the outpatient therapy. The extra effort you have to make during the week is worth it. Take care.

[Batya33]

Can you do virtual outpatient therapy ?

[Looktothesky]

Thank you for the feedbac. Deep down I know it is not a good idea, but high is why I posted cus I was verging on texting her.
 

It’s just frustrating because she is such an interesting person and I just want to know it all. And I’ve always longed to meet someone in a more organic way. I guess a mental hospital is not quite that, but it’s not quite an app either. It just feels bad when that feeling is not necessarily reciprocated 

They did offer virtual outpatient care but I opted for in-person. Idk if it’s too late to try again

[boltnrun]

Could you perhaps be looking to this woman as a distraction from whatever it was that led to your stay in the facility?  It seems like you are avoiding treatment, finding excuses not to attend. But your life is worth some minor inconveniences.

I recommend focusing on getting healthy first.  This woman is probably doing the same.

[Looktothesky]

That is possible. And I’ve almost certainly let my imagination build this up and I am now projecting a lot on to a person I don’t really know. In fairness I am doing other things for my mental health. Moving was a big burden lifted, new and increased meds seem to be working, I’m cooking my own food, I’m in regular therapy which is helping.

I guess part of getting better for me means being more social. I just felt like we have stuff in common. And I’ve had a strong desire to travel more and she has done a ton of that. I feel like talking to her did inspire me to want to live life a little more fully, so I’d like to get to know her more because of that

[shouldhavelearned]

You saying you weren't doing the extra therapy might have been a sign to her you weren't as serious as she was

[catfeeder]

9 hours ago, Looktothesky said:

They did offer virtual outpatient care but I opted for in-person. Idk if it’s too late to try again

I'd contact them to find out. You know that recovery isn't like a car wash where you come out all healed and whole, it's an ongoing process. I'd move my focus there, and once you reach a healthy enough place to look back in hindsight and revisit this question, you'll not only be able to answer it, but you'll be clear that you're not using it as a distraction from more important things to address first

Big congrAts for completing the first part of recovery. Head high!