I’m feeling ugly and like I’ll never find love

[lilyofdavalley]

Hi I’m 13 and I’m feeling really awful lately, when 8th grade started I felt so good about myself but idk anymore. I think I look ok in the mirror and selfies and stuff, but then me and my friend were laughing over pictures of people and she showed me some pictures of me that she had and I laughed but inside I felt so ugly looking at those pictures. I feel like my entire sense of my appearance is ruined. I also have a crush on a guy, and he’s nice to me, but seeing my looks, I’m pretty sure nobody would ever like me romantically. Also, my crush’s friend already thinks I’m weird, so I think even if we got together my crush’s friend would tell my crush I’m weird and he wouldn’t like me. I think I’ll be alone forever and never find love, especially since 2 of my friends are already dating/have dated. I hate myself compared to other people. And I really need some help or advice or anything please I’d really appreciate it.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, lilyofdavalley said:

Hi I’m 13 and I’m feeling really awful lately, 

Please ask your parents to take your for an evaluation of your physical and mental health.

Puberty is a tough time, but you'll get through it especially if you talk to trusted adults about what you're going through.

Ask your parents if you can see a qualified psychologist. Please don't compare yourself to mean girls. Just stay away from them. There's no reason to "hate yourself". You can get help for that feeling.

[Capricorn3]

11 minutes ago, lilyofdavalley said:

Hi I’m 13 and I’m feeling really awful lately,

You're 13 and experiencing everything that the vast majority of teens will/have experienced.  Also, way too young to be worrying about finding love (imo).  You've got your entire life ahead of you to find love 10, 20, 30, 40 years - plenty of time for love.  Never compare yourself to others.

[Coily]

At 13 you are going through a lot of changes. Do you have older sisters or a mother who can help you with your fashion and those sorts of things to make you feel a bit better about yourself?

Also about your crush, well let him decide if he likes you or not, don't worry about his friend. At that age people are often mean as they are trying to process their massive changes in life. Now it's easy for me as an old man to say, but things will get easier; and the even better part you will have time to grow more confident in yourself.

Jerks will try to bully you, so it won't be easy to just stay away from them. I learned that I had to stand up for myself, I found it was best to use humor and deflection. Shifting the focus away from you and to something else.

When you start to feel bad about yourself, we all go through that to some extent. Even the prettiest girl in your class will have those doubts. It's not going to be easy, but pick one good thing that you do well and try to focus on that.

I will also say that if you can limit your exposure to social media. It's all fake to some extent, so many filters on pictures, so many stories about how great life is, all of that. It's about telling the best story of their life, not how they struggle day to day.

 

[Batya33]

13 can be such a tough age -I felt ugly too at that age and of course there were mean kids who would call me names (this was in 1979!!)  - you know  what gave me confidence -learning how to dance -I mean just free style dance.  I met a boy when I was 15 and he was 16 who loved to dance and didn't care how he looked dancing (although he looked great) and he got me out of my shell and up dancing at parties and events sponsored by our place of worship, etc. It helped me feel so much better about myself.  In general I think making sure you get some really fun exercise daily -whether it's dancing (even by yourself in your living room!) or running or hiking on a path or nature trail -it gets you out of your head and feeling better about yourself.  I hope you feel better! Our son is 14 and feels that way sometimes too! 

[Andrina]

I know when I was your age, my highs were really high, and my lows were really low. Please know the intensity of that will level off to more manageable levels as you mature.

I'm sure you don't limit who your friends are, or whom you talk to in classes, by how attractive they are, do you? So stop being so hard on yourself. People who are attractive with a nasty attitude appear uglier than they actually are, and a person who wouldn't have a chance at being a model, but has a friendly personality, will appear more attractive to everyone she shines her light upon.

When you want to get your mind off what's bothering you, volunteering is a good way to focus on others who will be thrilled you took your time to help. Hard to feel bad about yourself when you're doing good in the world. Ask your teachers and parents if they a good place to volunteer. Sometimes the elderly like to be read to in nursing homes, or they just welcome an ear to listen to the stories of their lives, and to hear about yours.

Take care.

[lilyofdavalley]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please ask your parents to take your for an evaluation of your physical and mental health.

Puberty is a tough time, but you'll get through it especially if you talk to trusted adults about what you're going through.

Ask your parents if you can see a qualified psychologist. Please don't compare yourself to mean girls. Just stay away from them. There's no reason to "hate yourself". You can get help for that feeling.

Thank you for your advice, but seeing a psychologist really isn’t an option right now and I can’t ask my parents about it because they’re stressed enough as it is.

[lilyofdavalley]

28 minutes ago, Andrina said:

I know when I was your age, my highs were really high, and my lows were really low. Please know the intensity of that will level off to more manageable levels as you mature.

I'm sure you don't limit who your friends are, or whom you talk to in classes, by how attractive they are, do you? So stop being so hard on yourself. People who are attractive with a nasty attitude appear uglier than they actually are, and a person who wouldn't have a chance at being a model, but has a friendly personality, will appear more attractive to everyone she shines her light upon.

When you want to get your mind off what's bothering you, volunteering is a good way to focus on others who will be thrilled you took your time to help. Hard to feel bad about yourself when you're doing good in the world. Ask your teachers and parents if they a good place to volunteer. Sometimes the elderly like to be read to in nursing homes, or they just welcome an ear to listen to the stories of their lives, and to hear about yours.

Take care.

Yeah, I probably should sign up for volunteering or something, and I agree maybe I’m being hard on myself. Thank you so much for your advice, it was really nice of you

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, lilyofdavalley said:

 I can’t ask my parents about it because they’re stressed enough as it is.

Sorry to hear that. If there's trouble at home, please talk to a trusted older relative, teacher, guidance counselor or some other adult who can help you. At 13 you have every right to ask to see a doctor for a checkup. 

[lostandhurt]

We are all our own worst critics and it doesn't matter what age you are.

 Please don't be in  a hurry for anything other than enjoying your life right now and let the future be what it will be.  You sound smart and reflective which is really good.  You are not who you will be when you turn 14, 15, 16 and on and on.  We all grow and change and we all have felt like you are feeling, even adults feel like you all the time (just read some threads on here) so don't think everyone else has it all together because they don't.

 As far as your crush goes ignore his friend and focus on making it easier for your crush to get to know you or hang out with you.  Guys can be idiots when it comes to stuff like this so laugh at his jokes (as long as he is not being hurtful to others) smile when you catch his eye and ask him stuff about himself.  Guys that age are trying to look cool or important or smart so remember that. Here is a little secret to always remember: Boys or men can be just as scared and unsure as girls or women and most of the time way more so.  I am a pretty confident man and I second guess myself or chicken out talking to women still to this day sometimes.  Don't decide for him if he likes likes you or not, let him decide. 

   Surround yourself with friends that care about you, build you up and support you like you do for them and these rough days will not feel so tragic I promise.

 Lost

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, lilyofdavalley said:

Thank you for your advice, but seeing a psychologist really isn’t an option right now and I can’t ask my parents about it because they’re stressed enough as it is.

It's their job and role - their stress is their adult issues. I'm a parent- we are parents of a 14 year old boy. Their stress is not to be taken on by you.  Please do go to them or one of them.  Or talk to your school counselor or psychologist.

[Cherylyn]

At 13,  it is a very transitional stage in life.  Don't feel like an outcast.  Your day in the sun will come.  🙂Remember Aesop's tale about "The Ugly Duckling?"  One day you will blossom into a swan. 🦢  In the meantime,  take good care of your mental and physical health.  Before you know it,  you will fend off those coming out of the woodwork.  There is truth to the "Cinderella" story for some as well.  Be independent minded,  get ahead in life in all areas and know there is nothing more attractive than self confidence.  Do what you can control and you will turn heads and become a looker!  Based upon my experience,  it does happen.  🤗 Good things happen to those who wait.  Patience is key.  Also,  instead of being preoccupied with others be good to yourself by taking outstanding care of yourself and do what you enjoy.  Be your own person.