Is this girl trying to get my attention??

[StarOverBoard1492]

I'll try to keep this brief, while giving it context. Been out of the dating scene for a while now, so I need some opinions (especially the ladies)

During my down time from work, I go to the pool at my complex to chill. One day a group of nice looking girls were there. I did my thing, sat by the pool, half in, half out. They all came in and played around. One of them (the one I think is the cutest) did something funny, so I gave her a subtle handclap and a head nod. She smiled and gave a thumbs up. Then I kinda continued my own thing as did they.

The following week, I went on a slow day, they were there again. And same thing, I went in the pool, half in half out. They all came in and were playing with some rings that sank. I laughed and gestured for the girl I clapped at to hand me one of the rings. She smiled and said, "you wanna play." So, cool, I threw while they all retrieved. It was fun, small chit chat, nothing major. Wasn't trying to pick anyone up, just being friendly and fun. Then again, they all went back to their chairs as I did mine. I left before them, said goodbye and thanks for the game.

Following week, had a few hours to kill one day and went. There was just the pair of them there, I walked by and said hello, then went to a table as I had one thing to finish up on my laptop for work. I noticed the girl I like glancing over at me several times and looking away. When I finished, I took a dip. Couple minutes later, the friend leaves, leaving the one I think is cute alone (Setup? I dunno, someone I spoke to said, yes). I figured what the hell and went over, asked if I could nab a free chair near her, she said absolutely, and that it was nice of me to ask. Asked her name, told her mine and we chatted casually for a few before her friend returned. Introduced myself to her and then after a bit, they left.

Following week, work schedule was nuts, but I managed to get there at the end of the week. Again, the pair were there. I found an empty spot and went for a dip right away as it was hot. Not long after I was in, the girl I'm liking strolled around to the other side pretty methodically, we waved hello and she hopped in, tooled around on her phone (Second setup? Again, maybe, I dunno). So, I said what the hell, swam over and we chatted. Pretty decent interaction, lots of questions, a little laughter, a little tension (longest convo, i.e. my work, her schooling, home towns, night life, weekends) She hopped out first, saying she be back in the pool later which I took as a good sign for more interaction. And I said, yeah i've got to get back to work soon anyways, which was true. The pair of them left for lunch, leaving their towels. I hung around as long as I could before I had to leave for work again. Hoped they'd return, but no, and I had to go. And of course, as I got back up, I look down at the pool and there she was, alone, and grabbing her things. Sucked (Bad timing? Or was she avoiding?)

Again, work week was crazy, but went today, she wasn't there, but her friend was. Said hello, quick banter, being friendly, but that was it.

My question; was this girl trying to get my attention based on what she's was doing? Or was she waiting for me to leave to avoid me? If the former, what's a good move to take it further? (I'm gonna be away all next week, so I can't do anything until the following week) Feel like my window of opportunity is getting smaller as the pool will soon close around Labor day.

Thanks in advance for the advice.

[Wiseman2]

Sounds like you opened the door with some friendliness and flirting. Why not ask her out when you're available? 

[StarOverBoard1492]

I'm planning to, just want to make sure I'm picking up these signals correctly. Don't want to be way off here.

[shouldhavelearned]

Go for it

 

[lostandhurt]

I have been guilty of having flirting or signals go way over my head to many times to count.  Usually it is because the woman is very attractive or much  younger than me so I discount it off hand.  Big mistake which I try very hard to avoid now.

 From what you wrote I would say she is very friendly and enjoys your company which is a very good thing so I don't think you are misreading this at all.  BUT the only way to know is to ask the question.

 How do you think you will ask?  When?

I would suggest stopping by the pool when she is there (alone or not) on your way out to work or whatever, say hi and some chit chat and then ask her if she would like to get a drink sometime and get to know each other better.  Since you are on your way to work you have an out either way.  If she says yes then "Great, I am off to work but we can work out a day/time the next time I see you" If she says no thank you then "Well I can't say I am not disappointed but I am glad I asked, I am off to work have a nice evening"  or words to that effect. 

 Lost

[StarOverBoard1492]

41 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

I have been guilty of having flirting or signals go way over my head to many times to count.  Usually it is because the woman is very attractive or much  younger than me so I discount it off hand.  Big mistake which I try very hard to avoid now.

 From what you wrote I would say she is very friendly and enjoys your company which is a very good thing so I don't think you are misreading this at all.  BUT the only way to know is to ask the question.

 How do you think you will ask?  When?

I would suggest stopping by the pool when she is there (alone or not) on your way out to work or whatever, say hi and some chit chat and then ask her if she would like to get a drink sometime and get to know each other better.  Since you are on your way to work you have an out either way.  If she says yes then "Great, I am off to work but we can work out a day/time the next time I see you" If she says no thank you then "Well I can't say I am not disappointed but I am glad I asked, I am off to work have a nice evening"  or words to that effect. 

 Lost

This is reassuring, I like what you said here.

I'm gonna have to do it sometime in the last week of August. Hopefully work is slow and gives me time to go there and chill. Ideally she'll be alone, less pressure lol. Gonna be straight forward, not one to beat around the bush anymore as I'm getting older, just a waste of time. Just hope me being gone for a week doesn't make her forget about me.

[Kwothe28]

I discovered that it never usually goes how you want it to go with those kind of things. So its futile to plan them. And you should have at least take her number by now or even called on a date.

[SherrySher]

7 hours ago, StarOverBoard1492 said:

I'll try to keep this brief, while giving it context. Been out of the dating scene for a while now, so I need some opinions (especially the ladies)

During my down time from work, I go to the pool at my complex to chill. One day a group of nice looking girls were there. I did my thing, sat by the pool, half in, half out. They all came in and played around. One of them (the one I think is the cutest) did something funny, so I gave her a subtle handclap and a head nod. She smiled and gave a thumbs up. Then I kinda continued my own thing as did they.

The following week, I went on a slow day, they were there again. And same thing, I went in the pool, half in half out. They all came in and were playing with some rings that sank. I laughed and gestured for the girl I clapped at to hand me one of the rings. She smiled and said, "you wanna play." So, cool, I threw while they all retrieved. It was fun, small chit chat, nothing major. Wasn't trying to pick anyone up, just being friendly and fun. Then again, they all went back to their chairs as I did mine. I left before them, said goodbye and thanks for the game.

Following week, had a few hours to kill one day and went. There was just the pair of them there, I walked by and said hello, then went to a table as I had one thing to finish up on my laptop for work. I noticed the girl I like glancing over at me several times and looking away. When I finished, I took a dip. Couple minutes later, the friend leaves, leaving the one I think is cute alone (Setup? I dunno, someone I spoke to said, yes). I figured what the hell and went over, asked if I could nab a free chair near her, she said absolutely, and that it was nice of me to ask. Asked her name, told her mine and we chatted casually for a few before her friend returned. Introduced myself to her and then after a bit, they left.

Following week, work schedule was nuts, but I managed to get there at the end of the week. Again, the pair were there. I found an empty spot and went for a dip right away as it was hot. Not long after I was in, the girl I'm liking strolled around to the other side pretty methodically, we waved hello and she hopped in, tooled around on her phone (Second setup? Again, maybe, I dunno). So, I said what the hell, swam over and we chatted. Pretty decent interaction, lots of questions, a little laughter, a little tension (longest convo, i.e. my work, her schooling, home towns, night life, weekends) She hopped out first, saying she be back in the pool later which I took as a good sign for more interaction. And I said, yeah i've got to get back to work soon anyways, which was true. The pair of them left for lunch, leaving their towels. I hung around as long as I could before I had to leave for work again. Hoped they'd return, but no, and I had to go. And of course, as I got back up, I look down at the pool and there she was, alone, and grabbing her things. Sucked (Bad timing? Or was she avoiding?)

Again, work week was crazy, but went today, she wasn't there, but her friend was. Said hello, quick banter, being friendly, but that was it.

My question; was this girl trying to get my attention based on what she's was doing? Or was she waiting for me to leave to avoid me? If the former, what's a good move to take it further? (I'm gonna be away all next week, so I can't do anything until the following week) Feel like my window of opportunity is getting smaller as the pool will soon close around Labor day.

Thanks in advance for the advice.

I do feel the door was opened for you to ask her out.

How come you didn't? 

Hesitating, and doing nothing over and over, probably made her lose interest.

[StarOverBoard1492]

I don't typically take my phone into the pool with me, otherwise, yes that would've have been the opportunity. And, honestly I wasn't looking to pick anyone up, but the more I've interacted with her, the more I've come to enjoy her company. And like, I said, I've been out of the game for a while, so this is fresh for me 

[lostandhurt]

10 hours ago, StarOverBoard1492 said:

Just hope me being gone for a week doesn't make her forget about me.

If she is interested she won't. 

You got this no matter what happens.  It actually feels better to put yourself out there even if you get rejected than to regret not asking at all.

Let us know how it goes and good luck

Lost

[smackie9]

Doesn't matter, what matters is that you are attracted to this girl so you simply ask her for her number. Women like guys that have confidence, so stop frittering around and ask her out. 

[SooSad33]

Got a Q . . Is there a big age diff?  YOu work and you mentioned how she was talkin about her schooling?

You two have only been chatting it up last couple of weeks or something?  Am thinking, if she's still schooling, that maybe she has to leave soon for school.  That's challenge.

You got her name, did you find her on FB?

At this time, I don't see anything really going in the ways of a 'true interest' on her part, more just kind interactions. ( and no, I don't see all that happened at the pool any type of 'setup').  So, tread carefully and try not to jump the gun on this.

It's only been a few times and you have not idea who she is, if she's already got a bf, etc.  Not until you ask! 😉 

So yeah, is best you ask her IF she wants to join for a drink sometime.  It's somewhere to start.

[StarOverBoard1492]

I am older than her, but she is done with her undergrad and not leaving for school. Her studies are nearby. This I do know.  
 

Facebook, I have one, but I try to stay off of it. Not one to friend people. 
 

I see your point though. No, I do not know her all that well. But, I’d like to. Maybe another interaction when I see her will communicate that more. Definitely don’t want to come off as “some guy that keeps talking to her.” 
 

I’m pretty good with picking up on subtle behaviors. Just seems that whenever I’m there, she puts herself in or near my orbit. I mean, that’s what I would do if I was trying to get a girls attention. 

 

[Andrina]

Better to take a risk than not to try at all. It's actually good you can avoid her after labor day if the answer is no, but if it's yes, it could change your entire world, and hopefully for the better. 

[StarOverBoard1492]

4 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Doesn't matter, what matters is that you are attracted to this girl so you simply ask her for her number. Women like guys that have confidence, so stop frittering around and ask her out. 

This is kinda where my head is at. Either do it or don't, not really looking to play the long game here to make a friend, I have enough of those lol

[StarOverBoard1492]

4 hours ago, Andrina said:

Better to take a risk than not to try at all. It's actually good you can avoid her after labor day if the answer is no, but if it's yes, it could change your entire world, and hopefully for the better. 

I agree. It's not like anything will have been invested in if she says no

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, StarOverBoard1492 said:

  that’s what I would do if I was trying to get a girls attention. 

Next time you see her in person,ask her out. Don't collect phone numbers. It pointless and redundant if you're standing right in front of her.  If she says yes then ask for her number to set things up. 

[StarOverBoard1492]

Well, this kinda sucks. Back from being away. It's the week of August, work is slow, I've been to the pool a few days, granted, weather has been so-so, and no sign of her. Now, it's really starting to feel like the opportunity might be gone. Not losing sleep about it, but, it's a bit disappointing. I have just a few days till Labor Day, and then the pool will be closed. Whats a guy to do?

[StarOverBoard1492]

So, I’m contemplating doing something a little bold, unless someone here will talk me out of it. 
 

Thinking about just going up to the concierge, who I’m friendly with, and just asking if he would call her down from her apartment, telling her she has a visitor. She comes down, boom, I see her, we talk, and I ask. 
 

What do we think? Bold? Crazy? Assertive? Or just plain, no? How would you react?

[boltnrun]

Why not give the concierge a note with your phone number and apartment number, asking if she would like to have a drink with you? I find that much less invasive than asking the concierge to lure her down for you. Also, I would not come downstairs without knowing who it is. I don't know if you realize how much fear women live with, but generally we won't just agree to see someone if we don't know who it is. 

[Wiseman2]

On 8/30/2023 at 2:06 PM, StarOverBoard1492 said:

. I have just a few days till Labor Day, and then the pool will be closed. Whats a guy to do?

Get some sunscreen and spend the whole holiday weekend at the pool. Really. But seriously, if that doesn't work find a way to contact her that's a bit more straight forward. It's not as if the pool closes and she falls off the planet. Is she on any of the dating apps you're using? Does she shop near your apartment complex? 

[rainbowsandroses]

On 8/30/2023 at 11:06 AM, StarOverBoard1492 said:

Well, this kinda sucks. Back from being away. It's the week of August, work is slow, I've been to the pool a few days, granted, weather has been so-so, and no sign of her. Now, it's really starting to feel like the opportunity might be gone. Not losing sleep about it, but, it's a bit disappointing. I have just a few days till Labor Day, and then the pool will be closed. Whats a guy to do?

There is a saying "you snooze, you lose."  Or "strike while the iron is hot." 

I agree you lost your opportunity and I'm baffled why you waited or hesitated to indicate your interest.  Even if you weren't actually available to take her out at that point in time, you could have asked her out, expressed interest.  Set it up for when you returned.

Why did you wait?  Some sort of anxiety or fear on your part?  That's the sense I'm getting.  I'm also sensing relief that she's not around at least on some level.

Now you can blame her for not being around instead of yourself for being too afraid to make a move and waiting.  

Again, just a sense, I could be wrong.  

No please be don't be giving any notes to the concierge, that's just creepy imo.  And contrived.  

Continue hanging at the pool, if she's interested, she'll show up at some point, she knows where to find you. . 

If she shows, ask her out then.  Nothing formal, keep it light and spontaneous.   A bite to eat, listen to some music someplace with a cool vibe. 

Good luck.

 

 

[StarOverBoard1492]

3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Why not give the concierge a note with your phone number and apartment number, asking if she would like to have a drink with you? I find that much less invasive than asking the concierge to lure her down for you. Also, I would not come downstairs without knowing who it is. I don't know if you realize how much fear women live with, but generally we won't just agree to see someone if we don't know who it is. 

I suppose that is a safer route to go for her. It also puts the ball completely in her court, which is something I'd rather not to do, but I guess if my options are limited, maybe I'll have no other choice.

[StarOverBoard1492]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Get some sunscreen and spend the whole holiday weekend at the pool. Really. But seriously, if that doesn't work find a way to contact her that's a bit more straight forward. It's not as if the pool closes and she falls off the planet. Is she on any of the dating apps you're using? Does she shop near your apartment complex? 

In all honesty, I very much wish I could do just that (sit by the pool all weekend long) But, I've got oblations on both Saturday and Sunday. Monday, I can possibly make happen, but, I would not be able to sit there all damn day.

I'm not on any dating apps, not at that point yet, so, I couldn't tell you if she's on them or not. 

[StarOverBoard1492]

3 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

There is a saying "you snooze, you lose."  Or "strike while the iron is hot." 

I agree you lost your opportunity and I'm baffled why you waited or hesitated to indicate your interest.  Even if you weren't actually available to take her out at that point in time, you could have asked her out, expressed interest.  Set it up for when you returned.

Why did you wait?  Some sort of anxiety or fear on your part?  That's the sense I'm getting.  I'm also sensing relief that she's not around at least on some level.

Now you can blame her for not being around instead of yourself for being too afraid to make a move and waiting.  

Again, just a sense, I could be wrong.  

No please be don't be giving any notes to the concierge, that's just creepy imo.  And contrived.  

Continue hanging at the pool, if she's interested, she'll show up at some point, she knows where to find you. . 

If she shows, ask her out then.  Nothing formal, keep it light and spontaneous.   A bite to eat, listen to some music someplace with a cool vibe. 

Good luck.

I'm beginning to think this way as well, maybe I missed out. Honestly, I was trying to feel her out with our interactions. Wasn't looking to jump the gun, figured I'd most definitely run into her again. Plus, don't want to blame bad timing, but, I had limited time to hang out as I had to return to work during those interactions.

So, you're saying definitely no on the note/concierge idea. 

I know she's a med student, so, her free time is probably very limited as well.

Just kinda sucks.