I’m 26 and had a mental breakdown that lasted a long time. Now I’m years behind

[John Ridges]

Years behind on life experience, particularly with dating.  I lost a family member to suicide and it literally drove me insane.  And I mean literally, like I couldn’t finish college and I had to move back in with my mother.  I am going back to college to improve myself after being unable to out of high school, but now I fear women will think of me as a loser.

I’ll be honest I am still a virgin, so I’m thinking of lying and saying I’m not to someone.  I know women are not usually attracted to guys my age who haven’t lost their virginity, so I see no choice other than to lie.  Could my plan work?

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, John Ridges said:

  I know women are not usually attracted to guys my age who haven’t lost their virginity.

It's great you're going back to college. Continue taking care of yourself and your physical and mental health.

As far as dating, never discuss your sexual past or ask about theirs. Be approachable, friendly smile say hi to people.

If you like someone, eventually introduce yourself, make small talk then asked them to get coffee or something. 

[Batya33]

I’d be honest. Yes it’s fine. Not an issue. I’m sorry about your loss and struggles. 

[Andrina]

I'm sorry for the hardships you've faced. As for telling a woman you're a virgin or lying about it, I see no need to bring it up at all. I would've been annoyed if, when I was first dating, if a guy asked me if I was a virgin or if he expected me to bring this up in conversation.

I actually don't think you should start dating until you lose the assumption women will think of you as a loser.

You're not the only person who has experienced hardships in this world. My cousin developed a rare form of tuberculosis right after her marriage and had to give up her teaching career to rest at home, and put her plans of motherhood on hold for a solid decade. 

I got my first college degree when young but found that the career it led me to didn't earn much, so I went back to college in my late 20s to earn another degree, and I accomplished this while I already had two young children. In college, I actually found a group of older students like myself and we created our own study groups.

You're going to have to gradually work on developing a more positive mindset that you're a good person with a lot to offer to some lucky woman. Read books and articles on how to redirect negative thoughts into more positive ones. Beating yourself up will do nothing more than attract toxic bullies into your orbit. They'll smell your low self-esteem from miles away and target you as prey. Whereas mentally healthy people are more self-aware to recognize and reject toxic people, and will attract other people who have their crap together.

When asked about your relationship history, just be truthful, that a family member's death affected you greatly and you couldn't concentrate on education or dating. But now you're ready to get on with your life and you're taking steps to meet your goals. Nothing to be ashamed of, so don't act like it. Take care.

[LotusBlack]

I started my first degree at 24/25 years old because I had a debilitating anxiety disorder that had me trapped inside my own house for 3 years - I couldn’t even look outside the window without either becoming catatonic or having a massive panic attack. The anxiety disorder began when I was very young though, 8. That 3-year period lasted from the age of 17-19/20 years old. I couldn’t finish high school. 

At 20/21 I forced myself out of my house and forced myself overseers and remained living in various countries abroad in order to tackle my anxiety disorder in an extreme way, because I had life goals, hopes and dreams to become an archaeologist and Egyptologist.

I eventually overcame my anxiety just enough to function in society and undertook an entrance examination and got into uni at 24/25. I was a lot older than a large percentage of students in my field, which made dating hard, but I was also younger than a large percentage too. There was no judgement at all and I didn’t feel like I needed to explain or justify myself.

I had also very limited experience with physical intimacy - a little more than you but that was a couple of years earlier and just one relationship; however, I didn’t feel strange about it or the need to announce that to anyone I might have potentially dated. I did, in fact, end up meeting someone at 25 and he was a few months older than me and doing his Masters degree in a different field to what I was doing my Bachelor in. So, there is a lot of diversity in the student population at university and women your age are not likely to be judgemental at all, at least not the ones worth dating.

I went on to study my Masters at 32, met and married my [now ex-] husband - who is a few months younger and was doing his post-doc at uni - and had a baby who is now 3 and a half years old. I’m now about to turn 37 and looking into pursuing my PhD. So, good things can happen at any age and stage!

So sorry for your loss and struggles, but also very excited for your future. You have your life ahead of you with so much opportunity still. Enjoy it and make the most of it!

[Capricorn3]

I'm sorry for your loss.

No need to lie.  You don't have to report to anyone about your sexual experience.  Don't say anything. Besides, lies always come back to bite you in the a$$, and then it's a hundred times worse.  The truth, or say nothing.