boltnrun Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 30 minutes ago, Jaunty said: It's exhibited by people with various personality disorders and also by various individuals who have problems with relationships. No way am I getting into diagnosing anyone or joining into the ridiculous overuse of the pop psychology labels du jour, which evidently, today, focus on calling people "avoidants." I do not agree that "avoidant" is even a noun. I feel the same way about "attachment styles". People do what they do because that's what they do. Until they're diagnosed by a medical professional who attributes their behaviors to an actual medical condition I am loathe to find pop psychology scapegoats or labels for how adults choose to interact. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaunty Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 1 minute ago, boltnrun said: I feel the same way about "attachment styles". People do what they do because that's what they do. Until they're diagnosed by a medical professional who attributes their behaviors to an actual medical condition I am loathe to find pop psychology scapegoats or labels for how adults choose to interact. I think that's why there are dozens of posts here where people are describing themselves and a boatload of other people as "avoidants." And then posting videos about said "avoidants" and all the different methods there are of achieving the label of "avoidant." It's been "love languages," the "16 MBTI types," "men are from mars women from venus," "alpha theory" "PUA," and I can't even remember the rest, since I've been participating in this board and others similar. It's really funny and sometimes very annoying. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post boltnrun Posted July 21, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 21, 2023 13 minutes ago, Jaunty said: It's really funny and sometimes very annoying. "I act the way I act and do the things I do and say the things I say because I'm AVOIDANT! I have zero control over my behavior or the words I say. It's not my fault, it's all because of my attachment style." I just don't buy it. Someone wrote a book or recorded a video or a podcast and people jumped on the "it's not my fault!" bandwagon. I believe if I say something or do something it's because I chose to say it or do it. Period. (Unless I have a DIAGNOSED medical condition, diagnosed by an actual medical professional.) Annnddd...I will step off my soapbox and go back to Lurksville. 3 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 In truth, and although I've talked about it too, I think "attachment styles" are a hoax to get people into therapy, in some cases on meds, all to make the doctors and therapists rich! 😆 If they're a real thing, then I must be one of the most screwed up people on the planet 🙄 as I've been accused of being at various times depending on the man and relationship - avoidant, commitmentphobe, insecure, too secure, too attached, too detached, the list goes on. And jmo but when it comes attachment styles, I think everyone can flip from one style to another depending on who they're dating/in a relationship with. Or what's happening in their lives at that time. That's not to take away from a genuine spectrum or personality disorder or mental illness and yes one would need to be diagnosed by a medical professional to determine that. I'm just not buying this "attachment style" stuff anymore and think it's a load of huey. JMO 😂 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 15 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: In truth, and although I've talked about it too, I think "attachment styles" are a hoax to get people into therapy, in some cases on meds, all to make the doctors and therapists rich! 😆 If they're a real thing, then I must be one of the most screwed up people on the planet 🙄 as I've been accused of being at various times depending on the man and relationship - avoidant, commitmentphobe, insecure, too secure, too attached, too detached, the list goes on. And jmo but when it comes attachment styles, I think everyone can flip from one style to another depending on who they're dating/in a relationship with. Or what's happening in their lives at that time. That's not to take away from a genuine spectrum or personality disorder or mental illness and yes one would need to be diagnosed by a medical professional to determine that. I'm just not buying this "attachment style" stuff anymore and think it's a load of huey. JMO 😂 To add, even the books I've read AND recommended say it - that people can flip from one "style" to another depending, so what does THAT tell ya? That it's a load of huey and therapists know it!! I'm calling myself out on that for recommending such books, I'm ashamed for doing so and falling for the BS. All done to pad their pockets and they're probably laughing all the way to the bank too. Rant over guys. Nite. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kehratha Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 Just came back from holiday and wow...same old same old. I read all 25 pages, have no opinion about the situation, not anymore (already gave my 50s cents many times in Whirl's sagas ) , but I'm thinking , maybe Whirl "punishes"us by not showing us the next "episode", because we are also a disappointing mirror? Whirl? 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMan1983 Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 37 minutes ago, kehratha said: Just came back from holiday and wow...same old same old. I read all 25 pages, have no opinion about the situation, not anymore (already gave my 50s cents many times in Whirl's sagas ) , but I'm thinking , maybe Whirl "punishes"us by not showing us the next "episode", because we are also a disappointing mirror? Whirl? 😂 I think a few of us have become addicted to this thread, even though it infuriates us at times we're all waiting for the next episode. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TacticalLinguine Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 40 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said: 😂 I think a few of us have become addicted to this thread, even though it infuriates us at times we're all waiting for the next episode. This thread is the reason I open the site multiple times a day! Come on Whirl, where’s the update? :c 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NighttimeNightmare Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 There’s no way someone with his intensity isn’t off ruminating about what happened. He’s just not doing it on this particular board at the moment 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waffle Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 The number of people waiting for an update from him on this situation should raise his self-esteem all on its own. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KittenLittle Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 We do miss you, Whirling D. I have read every post and sincerely wish you well and hope you get the love you seek in your relationship with the doctor lady. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kampuniform3 Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 20 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said: To add, even the books I've read AND recommended say it - that people can flip from one "style" to another depending, so what does THAT tell ya? That it's a load of huey and therapists know it!! I'm calling myself out on that for recommending such books, I'm ashamed for doing so and falling for the BS. All done to pad their pockets and they're probably laughing all the way to the bank too. Rant over guys. Nite. (Sighs) Attachment Theory “Following considerable empirical and research validation, it has become a pivotal consideration in the field of child protection and in care and protection proceedings in courts. Under the theory, the earliest bonds formed by children with their primary caregiver/s (particularly before 4 years of age) have a tremendous impact (affecting neurological, physical, cognitive, emotional and social development), which continues throughout life. The theory’s most important tenet is that an infant needs to establish a positive relationship with at least one primary caregiver for social and emotional development to occur normally, and that further relationships build on the patterns developed in these early experiences.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted July 22, 2023 Share Posted July 22, 2023 I'm not saying "attachment styles" don't exist. I just don't agree with the concept that someone's "attachment style" eliminates the ability to CHOOSE one's actions. We can always "help it" unless a diagnosed (or sometimes UNdiagnosed but legitimate) medical condition renders us incapable of choosing our own actions, such as schizophrenia. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 22, 2023 Share Posted July 22, 2023 19 minutes ago, Kampuniform3 said: (Sighs) Attachment Theory “Following considerable empirical and research validation, it has become a pivotal consideration in the field of child protection and in care and protection proceedings in courts. Under the theory, the earliest bonds formed by children with their primary caregiver/s (particularly before 4 years of age) have a tremendous impact (affecting neurological, physical, cognitive, emotional and social development), which continues throughout life. The theory’s most important tenet is that an infant needs to establish a positive relationship with at least one primary caregiver for social and emotional development to occur normally, and that further relationships build on the patterns developed in these early experiences.” Yes and thankfully a positive loving relationship with my dad was established from a very early age but yet as said previously... 20 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said: I've been accused of being at various times depending on the man and relationship - avoidant, commitmentphobe, insecure, too secure, too attached, too detached, the list goes on. And those accusations would be correct! How do you explain? Even our dear OP admitted in another thread that he was "avoidant" with a woman back in February but yet with Dr Lady, he's NOT avoidant, SHE is! We are all one big huge mix of everything and depending on the relationship we can exhibit different 'styles' at different times. My opinion of course, but a strong one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LootieTootie Posted July 22, 2023 Share Posted July 22, 2023 WD's silence reminds me of NorthDallas' silence. When it looks like they might have found the one, they disappear... Well WD, I hope you come back and provide an update. I am pulling for you and drlady. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMan1983 Posted July 22, 2023 Share Posted July 22, 2023 7 hours ago, LootieTootie said: WD's silence reminds me of NorthDallas' silence. When it looks like they might have found the one, they disappear... Well WD, I hope you come back and provide an update. I am pulling for you and drlady. I reckon he’s probably at the beach house with her, hopefully they’re having easy going fun enjoying each others company and not a ton of needlessly intense or drama filled convos 🤞 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMan1983 Posted July 24, 2023 Share Posted July 24, 2023 Where you at @Whirling D ? Did the beach house weekender go well? I'm hoping by the silence that it did and you both had a great time. We're rooting for you. Plus I think I can speak for a few but we selfishly want another chapter of 'The Chronicles of Whirling' (my new name for this thread). 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KittenLittle Posted July 24, 2023 Share Posted July 24, 2023 We do miss you, Whirling D. I have read every post and sincerely wish you well and hope you get the love you seek in your relationship with the doctor lady. Please update us when you have a moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 On 7/19/2023 at 4:27 PM, Whirling D said: . I don’t have a lot of tools in my environment to be good at that, I don’t think. How was the weekend at the beach house? There must be something to report? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMan1983 Posted August 7, 2023 Share Posted August 7, 2023 @Whirling D how's it all going? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whirling D Posted August 8, 2023 Author Share Posted August 8, 2023 8 hours ago, naomijameson said: Maybe its a kind of sort of depression?! Nope… Just have nothing to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sindy_0311 Posted August 9, 2023 Share Posted August 9, 2023 17 hours ago, Whirling D said: Nope… Just have nothing to say. Really?... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whirling D Posted August 9, 2023 Author Share Posted August 9, 2023 1 minute ago, Sindy_0311 said: Really?... Yep. Really. Surprised? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 9, 2023 Share Posted August 9, 2023 Just now, Whirling D said: Yep. Really. Surprised? Well I am - and respect if you do not want to provide or share any update. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sindy_0311 Posted August 9, 2023 Share Posted August 9, 2023 2 minutes ago, Whirling D said: Yep. Really. Surprised? Just wanted to know if everything is ok... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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