Argued with boyfriend because of best friend

[MissCanuck]

You need to get rid of the bad friend, and even more importantly, get rid of the bad boyfriend.

Your relationship is not worth saving, and you would be wise to stay single for a while and ask yourself why you have set your standards so low. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Move on

After nine years

[mia5]

3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

You need to get rid of the bad friend, and even more importantly, get rid of the bad boyfriend.

Your relationship is not worth saving, and you would be wise to stay single for a while and ask yourself why you have set your standards so low. 

I don't think so.

[mia5]

In most of the examples of boyfriend and husbands of women that i know, I've seen much less effort and respect towards their women, and funny  ,they're all still together. 

If anyone else would just write me "get rid of your boyfriend " , please don't spend your time on this topic.

That's the easiest thing to say when it's not affecting you.

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, mia5 said:

In most of the examples of boyfriend and husbands of women that i know, I've seen much less effort and respect towards their women, and funny  ,they're all still together. 

That explains a lot about why your own standards are so low, sadly. You don't have good examples of healthy relationships around you.

I would never let a man treat me like this. It might be hard after 9 years, but you are that deep in the fog that you can't see how dysfunctional it all is. You figure it must be okay because apparently your loved ones accept even poorer treatment than you do. 

I don't know where you are in the world, but where I come from, the men are much better and more respectful towards women. It's too bad you don't demand the same for yourself. 

 

[mia5]

3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

That explains a lot about why your own standards are so low, sadly. You don't have good examples of healthy relationships around you.

I would never let a man treat me like this. It might be hard after 9 years, but you are that deep in the fog that you can't see how dysfunctional it all is. You figure it must be okay because apparently your loved ones accept even poorer treatment than you do. 

I don't know where you are in the world, but where I come from, the men are much better and more respectful towards women. It's too bad you don't demand the same for yourself. 

 

Can you please tell me what exactly you think about when you say he's been treating me poorly. 

This last idea of his, can be considered like that, and that is the reason I'm not talking to him anymore and i canceled my plans.

Otherwise, i don't think you've read all my posts. So it can be the reason that you came to conclusion that i have low standards.

[MissCanuck]

6 minutes ago, mia5 said:

Can you please tell me what exactly you think about when you say he's been treating me poorly. 

Sure. All right here: 

14 hours ago, mia5 said:

As he was arguing about why she will come and have to leave in 3 days, i felt as if I'm talking to her boyfriend and not mine. 

I then wrote him a message that he made me feel as if my friend's desire for fun and travel is more a priority to him

he was paying attention to her, and made me feel like a third wheel. 

He did the same on a date with my best friend and her new boyfriend one month ago, almost all night talking to her, and each time first making "cheers" with her.

I blamed him for putting me after my friend with his plan, and that I'm not gonna go to him. 

His response was that I'm crazy, silly.

And now 3 days he hasn't  contacted me. 

I feel taken for granted. 

He's now giving me the silent treatment because he doesn't want to accept the fault. 

13 hours ago, mia5 said:

Thank you on your response. That is his way, many times in the past he gave me the silent treatment.

trying to fix what he broke?

13 hours ago, mia5 said:

blaming me that i am crazy.

12 hours ago, mia5 said:

 he probably wanted to talk to her to get phone number from the guy she's dating,

 I read all your posts.

You're back-pedalling now, when your words lay out very clearly that he doesn't treat you well. Maybe you are surprised that people here are encouraging you to leave. But don't forget, you are the one who came here asking if you're over-reacting. 

Nope, sis, you're not. You're under-reacting. It is sad to see you defend him when it's plain as day that you deserve much more than this man will ever give you. 

[mia5]

28 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Sure. All right here: 

 I read all your posts.

You're back-pedalling now, when your words lay out very clearly that he doesn't treat you well. Maybe you are surprised that people here are encouraging you to leave. But don't forget, you are the one who came here asking if you're over-reacting. 

Nope, sis, you're not. You're under-reacting. It is sad to see you defend him when it's plain as day that you deserve much more than this man will ever give you. 

I understand your point of view. 

If i look from that perspective, i would say so too.

But, this is the same man who

Is making delicious food for me every day and leaving the kitchen clean after him

Being so clean and taking care of the place he lives, that living with him is so pleasant 

Gives me foot, back massage when i watch tv

Bought me a brand new car that i can't forget about him if he piss me off cause not only that, but everything around me from smallest to biggest, all i have is from him , and it's all high class, from the pen I'm using, to garment, to suitcases, bags, shoes, jewelry, wherever i look, he gave it to me.

He always looks in my eyes to see what i want and he acts on it right away. 

We're driving in the car, and i want fresh orange, he doesn't stop until he finds it.

Whatever i say was always his priority. 

It's partly my fault, that i was saying to him not to do, some acts that he was going to do for us.

He's romantic in so many ways. 

He took me to join him on his partner's weeding, i came without having a dress. He took me to the best shop, bought a dress,  shoes and fur coat , took me to hairdresser and makeup , for me to feel good on the weeding. 

Opening my door, making my seat in the restaurant. 

When we walk anywhere hand in hand, if there's any obstacles or hole on the road , he holds me tight and looks for me not to fall.

When i was sick, he was making me soups, and looked after me.

When i had some symptoms without explanation few years ago, he took me to the best private hospital and made me all possible checks.

I'm boring him with my problems and he patiently listens and always gives me good advice, hope, support. 

He writes me poems.

I can write till tomorrow about all that he's doing for me.

I have always number of quality men around me, waiting for a chance. 

It's not without a reason that I'm still with him.

So it is the reason that I'm shocked from him comment now.

 

[Tinydance]

14 hours ago, mia5 said:

I mean, the last message came from him and no contacting afterwards. But the message was him shortly blaming me that i am crazy. So i think that doesn't deserve response. 

I already wrote him how he made me feel. 

If it was up to him, in 10 days i would have been driving 850km back by myself, to risk my life, and to then work like crazy while my friend is having fun there, and him accommodating her. She used to talk to me how she would live in my place. That she would sleep with him and wouldn't care what he does because she would use him for the house, to stay there for free and go all day in the high class places around to meet other men. So it's normal for me to not want to let her stay without me. Even married people don't do this, right?

Why are you friends with her if she's like this? She doesn't sound very nice.

[mia5]

4 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Why are you friends with her if she's like this? She doesn't sound very nice.

Cause my friends who got married stopped finding time for me when i became divorced woman.

But i get your point. I used to spend less time with her, lately I've got more time, and i hang out with her. We have other mutual topics and interests, but i am aware that she's not a sincere friend. 

[mia5]

After all that i wrote i kind of came to my conclusion. He made it all because he's in financial difficulties now, and I gave him the idea to work with the guy my friend is dating, so he probably wanted to conclude that conversation cause my friend is not giving me any info. 

If a man does all that he does for me, he surely has feelings for me.

I probably needed to remind myself of that. 

I texted him now, and he called back. Sounded emotional. He told me that he went to his relatives. I could hear them in the background. 

He told me he'll call me tonight to talk to me. 

I will never again listen to this friend of mine for how i should present her, and i will spend more time with my other friends. 

Thank you all for helping me open my eyes. 

I can't wait to see him. 

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, mia5 said:

I can write till tomorrow about all that he's doing for me.

Yes, but you'd be (again) re-stating these relatively minor benefits:

• Makes food
• Cleans his own home
• Gives you massages
• Writes poems
• Buys you fancy things/ gets you what you want (this seems to count a lot for you).
• Demonstrates chivalry (opens doors, squires you around, does romantic things)
• Cares for you when you are sick

It is nice that he cares for you when you are sick, I'll give you that. But even so, I don't think that all of these things combined make up for minimizing your concerns or making you feel crazy when you talk to him about a problem that you are having.