Have I been a fool in love?

[blissfully perplexed]

I've been with my boyfriend for 13 years (in September). We are not engaged but have discussed marriage for years and plan on making that next step....at some point, I'm waiting on him. 

His comments as of late in regards to why we aren't there yet is because "I need you to contribute". Now...I did just leave a job that was sending me into a nervous breakdown or worse, but have worked our entire relationship bringing an income even when he wasn't. Now that we live together,  I handle EVERYTHING in the home (laundry; all the steps, shopping,  cooking, planning meals, keeping a tidy home,  etc). He literally only has to put his clothes in the hamper and open the fridge and choose a prepared meal. That is a large contribution,  on top of having worked all day. So the statement of me not contributing really bothered me because no I can't contribute in the same financial way you can mid 6 figures, but my contribution is still very valid and helps you in your day to day. Is it time for me to stop playing wife and move on?

[Jaunty]

Sounds like it.

[MissCanuck]

25 minutes ago, blissfully perplexed said:

Is it time for me to stop playing wife and move on?

After 13 years,, do you really need to ask? 

[Cherylyn]

Yes move on.  You're just wasting your time.  13 years?  I would've left over a decade ago. 

[Kwothe28]

If he is still inventing excuses not to get married after 13 years, I believe that he just doesnt want to get married. Otherwise you would have already "tied the knot".

[SooSad33]

4 hours ago, blissfully perplexed said:

His comments as of late in regards to why we aren't there yet is because "I need you to contribute".

Did you ask him what he means by this?  And explain all you DO do?

If it's just this statement and things are fine otherwise, why even bother discussing marriage after so many years?  You're legally 'common law' and you've done fine for this long- why change now?

Or is it that you've brought it up to him recently, which caused such a response?

And why is it only YOU who does anything for the both of you?  Can he not shop?  Do you have a yard? Does he cut grass? Are you okay with this, that it's ALL on you?

 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, blissfully perplexed said:

I've been with my boyfriend for 13 years  . Is it time for me to stop playing wife and move on?

Yes. Please update you resume and LinkedIn profile and start browsing for improved employment. Instead of acting like the unpaid household help, start planning an appropriate financial future for yourself. 

Please do not combine finances. Sever all accounts. Start looking for affordable housing.  There's no future in this situation. 

[Lambert]

It sounds like this relationship hasn't really progressed over the years and you have not grown as an individual either. 

When he makes those statements, which btw sound (without context) horrible, why can't you say what you told us about all you do?

Does he expect financial contributions in addition of this? Does he know how much it would cost to pay a person to do this? 

And he makes $500k+? Does he use this against you? 

[shouldhavelearned]

Take it for what it is and move on