How do you respond to someone cancelling a date due to insomnia/exhaustion?

[Andrina]

2 hours ago, MrMan1983 said:

Of course I'll just carry on dating till someone I like does want a second/third date but it's wearing rather thin and becoming a bit of a chore. Needs must though, I want to meet someone.

Just know this can be part of the norm of OLD. People are so complex, that even people I've known my whole life can surprise me with things they say or their behavior. I, too, experienced the same when I did OLD.

It does wear thin. I was just thinking of a mistake I made back then that you should be aware of making. I was so tired of these non-starters that when I did meet a man who it was clear he had  the same goal as me of a LTR and was faithful, those ended up being his only good qualities, and I ignored red flags. I allowed myself to be in a toxic relationship for a year. Thankfully, 9 months later, I met my future husband, and I appreciated him all that much more after my past snafu.

Besides, OLD, try Meetup.com groups for singles in your age group. It's less stressful than OLD, and you can gradually get to know women a little longer if they are frequent attendees, before deciding if asking her out is a good idea. Take care.

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, MrMan1983 said:

After a bit of small talk, she then went on to say she really enjoyed our date and spending time with me, however she did not feel a chemistry and did not want to waste our time so lets leave it like that. Also that I'm a wonderful person and hopes I find someone special.

 

I hate when they say that. It implies that you are a wonderful person but not good enough for them. Which is a huge BS excuse. Because if they think you were so wonderful, they would be with you.

3 hours ago, MrMan1983 said:

I just don't understand how I read the chemistry thing so wrong, I get it some women are flirty but this seemed much more than just a light flirt and everything felt like it had gone well.

 

I dont think you read it wrong. Its just that she used "chemistry" as an excuse. Maybe you had it but she got back to ex or found somebody that she thinks its better. 

[MrMan1983]

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

I dont think you read it wrong. Its just that she used "chemistry" as an excuse. Maybe you had it but she got back to ex or found somebody that she thinks its better. 

Entirely possible, so many factors that make it difficult for situations to blossom longer term, particularly in OLD. 

[MrMan1983]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. At least she was straight forward. Maybe there was chemistry, but after one date, you're both still talking to and meeting others so you never know.

Try not to get disheartened. Just keep on keeping on and see what happens.

Thanks Wiseman. Very true, I’ll keep pushing on with the dating. Just smashed a gym session which helped the mood a little bit. 

[MrMan1983]

5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

My best guess -she met someone she liked more and/or reconciled with an ex.  Or as my late cousin RIP used to say when she did online dating sites /blind dates in the late 90s -(met her husband on Match) "you can sneeze wrong and it's all over"  -sometimes it can be some sort of thing you did or didn't do that's totally fine/harmless but to her undid the spark.  Who knows. I'm really sorry you're disappointed!

Very true, just becomes a struggle to maintain motivation but I guess I should see the silver lining that I can at least get dates, just gets a bit boring. Sure I’ll be asking more advice on the next one soon! 

[Batya33]

9 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

Very true, just becomes a struggle to maintain motivation but I guess I should see the silver lining that I can at least get dates, just gets a bit boring. Sure I’ll be asking more advice on the next one soon! 

Yes, for me the sole motivation was my goals of husband and family and never settling.  It kept me going. Otherwise - OMG way too much aggravation/stress/time.  At least for me.

[Sindy_0311]

Don't know if this will help but.... 

I used to go on dates, playing the game of seduction, touching, even kissing at the end and be very open, friendly even if I had no real interest towards the guy. it might be unfair but, I used to kiss them at the end just to access that it wasn't there... sorry. 

Guy would also do that to at least get a one night stand if they don't feel the chemistry... 

She could have found better or getting back with an ex, but at the end I think she just didn't feel the  spark, or at least not enough to want to see you again.

But I cannot understand why she said you were her type and the compliments... I think this is a bit to much. I would never say that to a guy i'm not feeling unless it is to play him... 

[Batya33]

37 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

Entirely possible, so many factors that make it difficult for situations to blossom longer term, particularly in OLD. 

For about 20 years pre-OLD I was set up on many blind dates and met guys out at clubs and parties - where I know it's in person but you know if someone is buzzed (I never was -them I mean) then chemistry one on one if there was a date after also can be entirely different.  It's not just OLD.

[rainbowsandroses]

I think chemistry is such an elusive thing.  It's basically the "energy" generating between the both of you. 

It's not based on looks, status, money although for many people those things matter, at least in part.  But those things alone are not chemistry. 

I have never ever felt chemistry/energy with a man and have HIM not feel it too.  It's mutual.  It's an intangible force that in most cases, cannot be explained. You both just know it when you feel it. 

That said, I have had men claim they felt chemistry with me but I wasn't feeling it. 

Oh they were nice enough, even attractive.  We had easy conversation, laughed, had a good time.  Perhaps even a little flirting.

But that "click" wasn't there, at least for me. 

Imo, when the guy claimed to feel chemistry but I wasn't, then it wasn't true chemistry.  Which again is an "energy" between the both of you. 

I concluded their chemistry was based on the superficial - my looks, my appearance, physical attraction. 

Chemistry is more than that and if you've never felt that type of energy with a person, you won't know what the hell I'm talking about.  😀

@MrMan1983my best guess is she did think you were wonderful, had a good time BUT simply wasn't feeling that "click."

It has nothing to do with her thinking you're not good enough.  You just weren't right for her because she simply didn't feel that intangible elusive "click". 

Try to not take it personally.  I know that's hard, but honestly it's not about you, your attractiveness or your value as a man or human being. Please believe that. 

Personally speaking, I have rejected very attractive male models (when I lived in NYC), doctors, lawyers, successful businessman because I didn't feel that click. 

 

 

[MrMan1983]

42 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I think chemistry is such an elusive thing.  It's basically the "energy" generating between the both of you. 

It's not based on looks, status, money although for many people those things matter, at least in part.  But those things alone are not chemistry. 

I have never ever felt chemistry/energy with a man and have HIM not feel it too.  It's mutual.  It's an intangible force that in most cases, cannot be explained. You both just know it when you feel it. 

That said, I have had men claim they felt chemistry with me but I wasn't feeling it. 

Oh they were nice enough, even attractive.  We had easy conversation, laughed, had a good time.  Perhaps even a little flirting.

But that "click" wasn't there, at least for me. 

Imo, when the guy claimed to feel chemistry but I wasn't, then it wasn't true chemistry.  Which again is an "energy" between the both of you. 

I concluded their chemistry was based on the superficial - my looks, my appearance, physical attraction. 

Chemistry is more than that and if you've never felt that type of energy with a person, you won't know what the hell I'm talking about.  😀

@MrMan1983my best guess is she did think you were wonderful, had a good time BUT simply wasn't feeling that "click."

It has nothing to do with her thinking you're not good enough.  You just weren't right for her because she simply didn't feel that intangible elusive "click". 

Try to not take it personally.  I know that's hard, but honestly it's not about you, your attractiveness or your value as a man or human being. Please believe that. 

Personally speaking, I have rejected very attractive male models (when I lived in NYC), doctors, lawyers, successful businessman because I didn't feel that click. 

 

 

Thanks for that, all good points… I try to not take it too personally after the initial disappointment (if I liked them). Her actions and words didn’t really correlate with what I usually see as a lack of chemistry, that was more the confusing thing for me. But it is what it is, we move forwards…again. 

[rainbowsandroses]

39 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

Thanks for that, all good points… I try to not take it too personally after the initial disappointment (if I liked them). Her actions and words didn’t really correlate with what I usually see as a lack of chemistry, that was more the confusing thing for me. But it is what it is, we move forwards…again. 

Also, in many instances, people can be "in the moment" and in that moment, they're having a good time, and may even believe, again in that moment, they feel a 'spark'.

Then they go home and let the date marinate in their heads a bit.  They are no longer "in the moment" and upon reflection, realize they didn't feel that click or spark after all. 

This can be super confusing for their date and typically they (their date) is left wondering what they did wrong or how the person could change their minds so fast. 

It's not about that at all.  Their date simply thought about the date and the person while no longer in the moment and for whatever reason realized there wasn't a spark. 

All you can do is be aware this happens, it's the risk you take when dating and try to not take personally. 

I'm sorry it didn't work out.  😞

[MrMan1983]

15 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Also, in many instances, people can be "in the moment" and in that moment, they're having a good time, and may even believe, again in that moment, they feel a 'spark'.

Then they go home and let the date marinate in their heads a bit.  They are no longer "in the moment" and upon reflection, realize they didn't feel that click or spark after all. 

This can be super confusing for their date and typically they (their date) is left wondering what they did wrong or how the person could change their minds so fast. 

It's not about that at all.  Their date simply thought about the date and the person while no longer in the moment and for whatever reason realized there wasn't a spark. 

All you can do is be aware this happens, it's the risk you take when dating and try to not take personally. 

I'm sorry it didn't work out.  😞

All very good points, and admittedly this has happened the other way round for me granted I didn’t kiss/compliment lots etc but my feelings after weren’t the same as they felt during especially if a couple of drinks are involved…that’s another slippery slope! 
 

Got another date planned for Sunday eve with another lady, my enthusiasm levels for going on another date right now are approximately 3 out of 10 so perhaps I should of had a couple of weeks off but guess I should keep the momentum going.  

[Batya33]

Yes- get right back into it I agree!! Have fun!

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

 Got another date planned for Sunday eve with another lady, 

What kind of date do you have planned? Does it involve travel or drinks? Hopefully you can go with an open mind despite the last disappointment.

Please don't cancel last minute because of insomnia or nerves. Either go and see what's what or call it off now if you're not that into it.

[MrMan1983]

27 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What kind of date do you have planned? Does it involve travel or drinks? Hopefully you can go with an open mind despite the last disappointment.

Please don't cancel last minute because of insomnia or nerves. Either go and see what's what or call it off now if you're not that into it.

I’ll be driving 45 mins and it’ll involve one drink (maybe non alcoholic) in a country pub so probably just an hour or two long date, nerves I’m alright with nowadays due to frequency of dates/lack of expectation but will try and plow on again if I’ve had a bad sleep again. She has two children (7-10 age group) so unfair to bail after she’s found someone to have them too. 

[MrMan1983]

Just back from that date, really nice girl but for some reason our convo seemed quite forced and awkward, seemed to be lacking that ‘spark’. I did find her attractive but it’s weird how it goes sometimes when you can’t quite put a finger on why it’s not there, although I could sense she might of had work or stress on her mind or some sort of distraction. Oh well, I’ll have a dating break this coming weekend as got a football tournament, probably a good thing. 

[boltnrun]

3 hours ago, AlvinoMartins said:

I think it's important to consider that canceling a date last minute might give the significant other the impression that you're not putting in enough effort. Dates are an opportunity to show that you genuinely care, especially when you mention that she's excited about it. Instead of canceling abruptly, it might be better to go on the date and mention that you're having a busy day or clarify your current situation if you haven't done so already. This way, you can communicate your circumstances while still making an effort to spend time together.

I guess you haven't been reading any of the replies.  He explained what happened on the date a couple of pages ago.